Taking Sides: Liverpool vs Everton

"I'm having the worst summer of my life because I don't know at what club I will be at in two weeks time," he had said.

"Since losing the Champions League final the only good thing that has happened has been my wedding."

I am trying to think of a suitable response to the INXS revelation.

"This won't be happening again next summer or ever again."

Right. So them agreeing to what you wanted, which happened prior to you saying "I don't want to be here" isn't a strong enough indication then? Prick.

I'm worried about his future, after he hangs his boots up.

Ode to "Stevie G"
(to the tune of "Should I stay or should I go" by the Clash)

Agent you gotta let me know
Should I stay or should I go?
If they'll pay 100K
I'll tell Real to go away
But don't treat me like a fool
They pay me less than Harry Kewell

We won the champions league
I kissed the badge down on my knees
Can I resist the lure of Chelski?
Have they a shirt that'll even fit me?
Hope my agent let's me know
Should I quit or should I blow

This indecision's bugging me
They burned my shirt on Sky TV
First it's white and next it's black
And I've made Parry look a right pratt
I've made my mind up and that's that
oh wait I think I'll change it back

Should I stay or should I go now
Should I stay or should I go now
If I go blue I'm paid in roubles
If I stay they'll pay me double
But we'll sign Peter Crouch oh no!
Should I stay or should I go?

Ooh!

"He never said 'I wanted to go'. In the language he used to us, he never said he wanted to go."

"In the language he used to us, he never said he wanted to go. He never said 'I wanted to go'."

"He never said 'I wanted to go'. In the language he used to us, he never said he wanted to go."

"In the language he used to us, he never said he wanted to go. He never said 'I wanted to go'."

"He never said 'I wanted to go'. In the language he used to us, he never said he wanted to go."

Liverpool begin their defence of their European crown tonight at home to lowly Total Control Racing of Wales.

The match is a sell-out!

Most of Total Control Racing's players are Scousers!

One of them has a Liverpool tattoo, unlike Cabbage.

Will the buzz remain unharshed?

Is anyone excited?

I haven't even been on me summer holidays yet!

(I'm not going.)

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/teams/l/liverpool/4677639.stm

http://www.jordanstallard.com/images/lunchboxes/southpark_timmy.jpg

When the 9th goal went in, I suppose it was Goodnight Vienna. Or, Goodnight Gamlitz.

It's true, Stevie G seems to have played out of his SKIN, these two weeks!

They weren't dancing on the streets of Total Network Solutions by the time he'd finished with them!

When I heard that Crouch had at last made his move, I was going to revive this thread and say something like, 'Cor, with Crouch on board, they could become unstoppable'. I wasn't going to mean it. But then I realized that technically they already are. Unstoppable.

(I call that a) Bargain!

It would've been so much easier to stick with my current job and just supplement my income down Deptford market with me dodgy discs.

Everton lost on penalties to Thailand, I see. I think it was a strategic defeat to boost Chang beer sales.

Liam Ridgewell and Lee Hendrie managed one goal each.

Moore was only a half-time replacement for Phillips but needed 14 minutes to get on the scoresheet.

Weir and McFadden made no mistakes with the first two for the Blues, but then Yobo stepped up, took one step and, to quote a friend, kicked the ball as if he was returning it to a small child. Seriously, suspect packages get toeyed harder.

Not as interesting as my dreams either side of the match - the first in which the Blues were drawn with Linfield, Fazakerley and En Cho Ryu (of Austria, natch) in their Champs Lge group (the most dream-like aspect of it being that we qualify for the group stage), the second in which we faced Aston Villa away in a Premiership opener and either won 3-2 or lost 3-2 depending on which newspaper you read. Everyone seemed in agreement that Luke Moore got the last goal of the game but no one was sure in which net. The Observer said the press box were gripped by "a mental fog". The goal times were bizarre too - Cahill opening the scoring in the 177th minute.

I think the season may be looming.

Milan Baros to Villa? "My boy don't want any fucking silverware," said his agent, "the Brasso costs a bomb and it's all rub, rub, rub, like my old mum with the washing". His agent is a cockney.

It is understood the 25-year-old Australian is seeking almost double his current wage, which would make him one of the club's top earners.

"I'm very disappointed that we have not been able to agree terms," said Cahill, who finished his first season as Everton's leading goalscorer with 12 goals. "I was very keen to commit my long-term future to the club, but it looks as though that won't be possible."

Yes - I guess it looks that way. Pity, as you were so keen.

The bone-dry surface at the St Dariaus and St Gireno Stadium could prove problematic, the standard of the pitch not helped by the fact that the European junior athletics championships took place in this arena over the weekend. Javelin divot marks are visible on the turf and as the players trotted through their training routines last night the prospect of one of his key men turning an ankle sent shivers down Benítez's spine.

Javelin divot marks!

I guess we'll have to find a way to the SKY1, but we could get some tips by listening to the old Primitives track "(We've) Found A Way (To The Sun)" (which despite its brilliantly precise use of parentheses was to my knowledge never also known as "Found A Way").

As for Cahill, make him clean the toilets for three years!

Liverpool seem to be hoovering up players for "undisclosed" sums. Are three-digit squad numbers allowed? Hey, why not enter two or three teams in the FA Cup?