cutting people completely out of your life

You'd be far from alone.

It's funny this topic came up because there are two people who have really been plaguing my thoughts lately. One is someone I had a serious falling out with last year, and the other is someone that I need to cut out of my life STAT. Interesting times, these.

I had a policy of deliberately cutting exes out of my life. And every time I went against that policy, such horrible things would happen as to only remind me why I had the policy in the first place.

For the first time in my life, I went against my instincts and decided to maintain contact with an ex. And it was the best decision I had made all year, he's proved to be a source of support and strength and has done a lot to restore my faith in humanity and the male of the species. Then again, that says a great deal more about him than it does about me, perhaps.

So pick your cutting out decisions wisely, and not on the spur of an immediate emotional reaction.

Way I see it, there's a couple of people who were in my life who could stand to learn from this and stop using excuses and half-truths to escape this.

(More thoughts/experiences later)

yeah, my life would be so much easier were it not for people. i should do this!

I had someone stand me up for a date and apparently do this out of the blue.

she hate you

I don't understaaaaand

Not that I need to, but have you ever cut off old friends / exes completely with the expectation of never, never, ever seeing or speaking to them again?

If so, do you regret it or was it a good thing? do they prey on your thoughts or have you mostly forgotten them?

-- Alasdair, Wednesday, November 7, 2001 8:00 PM (6 years ago) Bookmark Link

i do this a lot to people who didnt really do anything wrong to me and i dont really regret it

i think its a lot creepier when ppl want to stay in touch all the time with every ex and friend from high school and family member and like keep old photos and shit.... life is boring if you dont move on

i dont wanna be ppl i know who are really old like 30 and still have pics of them from when they were 22 or something on a road trip

when i do this it usually just happens and i don't even realize i did it until two years later and i'm like, "wait i haven't talked to them in forever. eh who cares."

that happens too but im talking more like when your ex is calling again at 2am and youre just like uggh i am never picking up that phone no matter how shitty my life gets

ive never understand the point of ppl staying in touch endlessly with the same old ppl if you dont like A+++++ love them - why not take a shot with new ppl and see what happens?

good job

of course im saying that as i POST TO ILX :-[

posting to ILX = yelling out of a car window

ppl i know who are really old like 30

ppl i know who are really old like 30 ppl i know who are really old like 30 ppl i know who are really old like 30 ppl i know who are really old like 30 ppl i know who are really old like 30 ppl i know who are really old like 30 ppl i know who are really old like 30 ppl i know who are really old like 30 ppl i know who are really old like 30 ppl i know who are really old like 30 ppl i know who are really old like 30 ppl i know who are really old like 30 ppl i know who are really old like 30 ppl i know who are really old like 30 ppl i know who are really old like 30 ppl i know who are really old like 30 ppl i know who are really old like 30 ppl i know who are really old like 30 ppl i know who are really old like 30 ppl i know who are really old like 30 ppl i know who are really old like 30 ppl i know who are really old like 30 ppl i know who are really old like 30 ppl i know who are really old like 30 ppl i know who are really old like 30 ppl i know who are really old like 30 ppl i know who are really old like 30 ppl i know who are really old like 30 ppl i know who are really old like 30 ppl i know who are really old like 30 ppl i know who are really old like 30 ppl i know who are really old like 30 ppl i know who are really old like 30 ppl i know who are really old like 30 ppl i know who are really old like 30 ppl i know who are really old like 30 ppl i know who are really old like 30 ppl i know who are really old like 30 ppl i know who are really old like 30 ppl i know who are really old like 30 ppl i know who are really old like 30 ppl i know who are really old like 30 ppl i know who are really old like 30 ppl i know who are really old like 30 ppl i know who are really old like 30 ppl i know who are really old like 30 ppl i know who are really old like 30 ppl i know who are really old like 30 ppl i know who are really old like 30 ppl i know who are really old like 30 ppl i know who are really old like 30 ppl i know who are really old like 30 ppl i know who are really old like 30 ppl i know who are really old like 30 ppl i know who are really old like 30 ppl i know who are really old like 30 ppl i know who are really old like 30 ppl i know who are really old like 30 ppl i know who are really old like 30 ppl i know who are really old like 30 ppl i know who are really old like 30 ppl i know who are really old like 30 ppl i know who are really old like 30 ppl i know who are really old like 30 ppl i know who are really old like 30 ppl i know who are really old like 30 ppl i know who are really old like 30 ppl i know who are really old like 30

i still have love letters from 12 years ago! it's not like i pour over them every weekend all teary eyed and shit - i'm just not about chucking them out i guess.
also when you're "really old" it's hard to meet new people and the only decent ones you will meet usually have their own friends.

once you get out of high school having a new bff every other week is not quite as easy.

& i still have roadtrip pics too, ya fuckor!

I have a friend I've pretty much cut out of my life, for the crime of never being the one to make contact. If I don't call or email him, we don't talk. I don't think he dislikes me -- he always seems really happy to hear from me when I call him, and we catch up on months or years worth of news. But he acts like phones and email are one-way devices. It's always pissed me off, and I'm fed up with doing the heavy lifting.

fuck - one of my best friends is turning into that.

I've been friends with this guy for 22+ years and he's never called me up out of the blue, only to return my calls left on his machine.

i'm not really happy unless i feel like i'm making new friends. and i do kind of do this... if there's no reason to stay in touch i don't really.

however if i do totes love the person of course i do keep 'em close.

i would say maybe it's not that he's, you know, just not that into you, but that he's embarrassed that he's not better at contact-making (tho it could be some of both), but if that's not an exaggeration that's like srsly bizarre.

I moved a lot as a kid and learned how to let people go, and it's a pattern that has continued (unnecessarily) into my adult life to some degree. Good example is a big crew of drinking buddies from work who I just completely stopped talking to when I decided to chill out on drinking. Maybe it's just me, not letting people get close, but usually the common thread for friendship for me is activities - so once I lose interest in those activities, what's left?

That "ppl i know who are really old like 30" text banner actually looks really cool. It's a rippling flag.

I have never done this.

I am one of those people like Rock Hardy's friend. Sorry, everyone.

I don't like to ring people up or email them etc because generally I feel like... if they wanted to know me, then they'd get in touch, which seems clearly hypocritical, but I rationalise it as being fair because they're cooler than me or more social or whatever, so if they phoned me then obviously they'd be doing me a favour, but if I phoned them I'd be a boring imposition butting into their day and making demands of them.

Also, I like seeing people, but I am very bad at committing to plans. I get nervous, oh no, WHAT IF. What if what? I don't know. "What if I need to be somewhere else, or I can't find transport?", but I fear also "what if I'm kind of tired that day and would prefer to sit around doing fuck all and then regret doing fuck all yet again?", probably.

Plus I feel like if I'm going to get in touch then I should have NEWS or EXCITING IDEAS FOR ACTIVITIES or at least be charming and hilarious and entertaining, and I never have the first two and can't live up to the last part, so I think "eh, I'd like to, but I'm tired now and don't have anything to say, but maybe tomorrow I will be sparklingly witty and able to think of some fun and non-awkward hanging-out proposition other than 'hey, we should meet up some time... but i don't know where or when or what we could do except stare nervously at each other a bit, so... whatever'."

So, basically, I am a lazy antisocial shut-in aspie flake. But that is an "insight" into the mind of an antisocial shut-in aspie flake, anyway.

Yeah, tldr. So you see it isn't entirely unfounded that I'd expect to be the unwanted bore droning away while the other party cursed their luck at somehow giving me the impression I was welcome.

I did this a few years ago. It was helpful that I moved from one city to another when I did it. They were great people that I went through some tough shit with, but they were also the key reason I needed to move in the first place (peer group ready to throw illegal substances @you is great until you try to quit). I haven't seen any of these people in 2.5 years, and I miss them a lot. But I don't miss being broke all the time, I don't miss skipping class to sleep off benders, etc.

Glad I broke the ties, even if I miss the shit out of em.

If the people are enabler-types then it's probably a good idea to lose them. ESPECIALLY if you know deep down that they are only drug buddies.

I'm an enabler type. I'm probably a drug buddy too

I never cut people out of my life...but I understand if they cut me out. It might hurt sometimes, doesn't mean it is bad

And What says "why not take a shot with new ppl and see what happens?" - this is as true as it gets.

Don't think about cutting old poeple out or not, always focus on the new - keep the old, sure, but always add to your life. If you lose things along the way, its ok

Live your own life and people will always want to be part of that

It's sad when you make friends with people you have a ton in common with (personality wise, etc.), but they decide to keep no contact since they they probably have enough friends in their life.

you can probably make new friends on this thread

I'm relating a bit to spacecadet's post, and I really think it may have something to do with having minor chemical imbalance or something. There is no way I can predict what kind of mood I'll be in when it's time for the scheduled social event, so it's almost like buying tickets to baseball games during rainy seasons. Making plans used to stress me out more when I was younger, but I've gotten better at just rolling with my mood and trying to make the best of it.

^^^haha ditto

It is surprisingly difficult to cut people out of your life entirely, thanks to...THE INTERNET. Thanks, people I was glad to never hear from again, for finding me on....THE INTERNET. ;_;

http://www.langantiques.com/images/silver_group.jpg

http://loudsign.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/gold.jpg

a friend of mine, who i sort of slept with a few times, told me a lesson i've never forgotten - you think people just vanish but they don't. you'll always see them again somehow - so don't burn your bridges. unsurprisingly, this is also the person who told me she slept with one of my friends, and said, with evident satisfaction, that she was the last to make contact. "there's no way i'd let him be the last one to make a call. fuck that!"

"sort of"

your friend is both hott and mental

One of my best friends cut me out of her life in January - by email. She asked that I never contact her in any way and that if I do, she'll consider it harassment. It was one of the biggest wtf things to eve happen to me because I have absolutely no idea what prompted it and neither do any mutual friends. Haven't had any contact at all since the email. So damn weird. She kinda crazy though.

...i guess!