Conservapedia - An encyclopedia you can trust

http://conservapedia.com/index.php?title=Conservative_Bible_Project&diff=707916&oldid=707914

lololol

"Special message to the Colbert show watchers: do yourselves a favor and watch less television. Colbert and his advertisers want to make money off you, but you can accomplish some good instead by unplugging the TV. You could even pick up a Bible. "

the trolling is less funny than the real shit tbh

They're replacing "Holy Spirit" and "Holy Ghost" with "Divine Guide" in their Bible translation - which seems a bit soft from what you'd expect to be a bunch of fire and brimstone Old Testament stans.

Ghosts and spirits = Halloween.

it's not a 'divine guide' the thing nailed mary for chrissake

^^ clever eh

hurrah

When John saw how many Pharisees and Sadducees came to be baptized by him, he said to them, "You jerks! Who has warned you to flee from the divine sentence that's coming to you?

But I tell you that any person who is angry with his brother shall be liable for trial, and anyone who says to his brother, "Airhead!" shall be liable to be brought before the council, but whoever says, "Moron!" shall be liable for the fire of hell.

so that the crowd were bug-eye amazed, when they saw mute people speak, maimed people made whole, lame people walk, and blind people see. And they gave glory to the God of Israel.

They're making a new -- conservative -- version of the Bible.

it's been covered (read thread) - but I just wanted to reprint this marvelous sentence:

You may think Dwyane Wade is the best there is, and I may prefer Kobe Bryant, but if we can't agree they both play a game called basketball, if you say it's basketball but my conservative dictionary tells me it's actually checkers, then we can't even have the debate

This is so great. Emphasis on the part that brought the biggest lols bolded, from the Conservapedia entry on "Dinosaurs."

Dinosaur-like creatures in history and modern sightings

Creationists cite a number of reasons to believe that dinosaurs have existed until relatively recent times, and perhaps still survive.
Charles W. Gilmore, Curator of Vertebrate Paleontology with the United States National Museum, examined an ancient pictograph which he claimed portrays dinosaurs and man coexisting

* There have been a number of claimed sightings of dinosaur-like creatures.
o A thousand people reported seeing a dinosaur-like monster in two sightings around Sayram Lake in Xinjiang according to the Chinese publication, China Today.[9]
o Locals in the Congo have reported a creature they name Mokele-mbembe[9][14], and from its description it appears to be a small plant-eating dinosaur. The reports have been taken seriously enough that a biologist from the University of Chicago has made several expeditions to find the creature. Another biologist has reported seeing the creature.[9]
o Dinosaur-like creatures have been seen by several people in two different parts of Papua New Guinea since 1990.[15]
* There are drawings of creatures resembling dinosaurs.

I have a devout Mormon friend, and one time we were talking about dinosaurs and I asked how it worked into her view of history...she proposed that maybe dinosaur fossils were actually taken from other planets that had alien dinosaur creatures...like, God made this planet out of those dinosaur planets.

lotta creationist types think dinosaurs are a form of temptation, god put all these wicked awesome skeletons in the ground to dare people to question him. kind of a dick move if it turns out to be true.

my aunt believed they were too big to fit on the Ark.

Creationists cite a number of reasons to believe that dinosaurs have existed until relatively recent times, and perhaps still survive.

the construction of this sentence is amazing

gods pull dick moves all the time if holy books are to be believed -- "why are you hitting yourself? why are you hitting yourself?" --"that dude over there said your mom's a hooker" -- "does this halo make my ass look fat? ... HOW DARE YOU SAY I'M FAT, I WILL SMITE THEE WITH GREAT ANGER" etc.

gods pull dick moves all the time if holy books are to be believed -

LOL Exodus 4:24-26

More of a proverbs 1:26 gal myself.

on principle, would fully hit on somebody who said that to me at a bar

conservapedia should really put dinosaurs in the conservative bible to clear up any ambiguities.

And how blessed are the dinosaurs, for they shall be called some cool-ass names like "T Rex"

Egypt getting a plague of oviraptors would be pretty fucking bitchin'.

http://thedinosaurpark.com/images/S970505.jpg

I mean how awesome would Heston v these guys be?

was going to do a "best dinosaur" poll but holy hell are there a lot of them

Deuteronomy 14:4 These are the beasts which ye shall eat: the stegosaurus, the sheep, and the rhamphoryncus.

This revisionist bible is delicious.

And God sent His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth on Him should have life everlasting, and not be eaten by dinosaurs.

gods pull dick moves all the time if holy books are to be believed -- "why are you hitting yourself? why are you hitting yourself?"

haha this is otm.

"hey guess what...you have to kill your only child to make me happy!! ....lol jk"

You just summed up Kierkegaard.

GIS for "rhamphoryncus" not what expected

PSALM 67 (original)

God be merciful unto us and bless us
And cause his face to shine upon us
That thy way may be known upon Earth
They saving health among all nations
Let the people praise thee, o God
Let all the people praise thee
O let the nations be glad and sing for joy
For thou shalt judge the people righteously
And govern the nations upon the Earth
Let the people praise thee, o God
Let all the people praise thee
Than shall the Earth yield her increase
And God, even our own God, shall bless us
God shall bless us
And all the ends of the Earth shall fear the coming dinosaur horde

Hahaha blonde longhair IS rhamphoryncus.

yeesss... that might not have been the right spelling.
anyway, http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Raptor%20Jesus

Dinosaur bible is like my favorite thing of all time today

And the earth was void, and without form, except for all the dinosaurs running around fucking shit up

TS: dinosaur Bible vs dinosaur Shakespeare

Serious question spurred by a silly thread: is there a common explanation that explains the prehistoric-to-classical era drawings of humans with dinosaur-like creatures? It seems unlikely that people would stumble upon a full fossil set ... but I don't know anything about anything.

Or, maybe Dinotopia is/was real?

Jesus leaves the ninety-and-nine anklyodons to go after the one.

Serious question spurred by a silly thread: is there a common explanation that explains the prehistoric-to-classical era drawings of humans with dinosaur-like creatures?

do you mean cave paintings?

http://i36.tinypic.com/a0lc2r.jpg

I will take any excuse to post this picture. The dinosaur just seems so content in the loving arms of the Lord. (Or else he is lulling Jesus in before making his attack.)

PSALM 23 of the Dinosaur Bible:

The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.
He maketh me to rend flesh in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.
He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of savagery for his name's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
Thou preparest a table before me of mine enemies: thou anointest my hide with oil; my fangs runneth red.
Surely wailing and screams shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will munch on the servants of the LORD for ever.

I think I'm gonna make that my fb pic xp

do you mean cave paintings?

Well ... I have seen a few. The two that are clearest in my memory are a pot or vase with a brontosaurus-like creature from Mesopotamian and a statue of a small t-rex-like creature from the Inca empire. I believe I saw both in National Geographic.

I found the statue:

http://www.genesispark.com/genpark/ancient/graphic/twanakusm.jpg

I want one.

My hypothesis is: humans have imaginations.

that's a burro

They were dragons, not dinosaurs. Dragons didn't go extinct till the 18th C.