Simpsons quotations

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Is there any real life situation they can't respond to?

― Leee (Leee), Wednesday, 9 October 2002 22:26 (twenty-three years ago)

does whisky count as beer?

― blueski, Wednesday, 9 October 2002 22:34 (twenty-three years ago)

don't we have one of these threads already?

― maura (maura), Thursday, 10 October 2002 01:50 (twenty-three years ago)

It's like one of those clip-shows

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Thursday, 10 October 2002 02:36 (twenty-three years ago)

maura do you like fun?

― Josh (Josh), Thursday, 10 October 2002 02:47 (twenty-three years ago)

why am i experiencing deja vu

― maura (maura), Thursday, 10 October 2002 02:51 (twenty-three years ago)

is it deja vu of something fun?

― Josh (Josh), Thursday, 10 October 2002 03:10 (twenty-three years ago)

this is the worst pain ever!!

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Thursday, 10 October 2002 03:35 (twenty-three years ago)

"Me fail English? That's unpossible!"
Ralf Wiggum, bless 'im

― Android (Android Elvis), Tuesday, 15 October 2002 22:24 (twenty-three years ago)

one year passes...

"I saw you trying to cram one more salty treat into America's already bloated mouth-hole, and I did what I could. I did what any loving husband would have done. I reached out to some violent mobsters."

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 19:54 (twenty-two years ago)

"If only God were still alive to see this."

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 20:00 (twenty-two years ago)

~ i've learnt that life is just one crushing defeat after another until you just wish flanders was dead ~

― dyson (dyson), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 20:10 (twenty-two years ago)

(Abe Simpson as the love-o-meter in Moe's)

"i invented kissing. it was during world war one when they were trying to figure out new ways to spread germs."

― me!, Wednesday, 22 October 2003 20:27 (twenty-two years ago)

"Or, to put it another way, he DOES exist"

― oops (Oops), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 20:43 (twenty-two years ago)

"But Maura, Knightboat! The crime-solving boat!"

― Leee (Leee), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 21:20 (twenty-two years ago)

"Since the beginning of time, man has yearned to destroy the sun!"

― Sengai, Wednesday, 22 October 2003 21:26 (twenty-two years ago)

"man has always loved his buildings, but what happens when the buildings say 'no more!'"

― stevem (blueski), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 21:44 (twenty-two years ago)

Wiggum, throwing a Johnny Depp chocolate statue on the fire:
"You made us melt, and now we're gonna do the same to YOU!"

Saw that last night, it cracked me up.

― Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 21:59 (twenty-two years ago)

"A crazy guy shot a bunch of people, and then the subway ran over my hat..."

― Ally C (Ally C), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 22:38 (twenty-two years ago)

"Six simple words: I'm not gay, but I'll learn."

― Justyn Dillingham (Justyn Dillingham), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 22:41 (twenty-two years ago)

"Jesus must be rolling over in his grave!"

― Justyn Dillingham (Justyn Dillingham), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 22:42 (twenty-two years ago)

"Although we can't reach the boy, we can freeze him with liquid nitrogen so that future generations can rescue him!"

― Justyn Dillingham (Justyn Dillingham), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 22:43 (twenty-two years ago)

"Six simple words: I'm not gay, but I'll learn."

Not said by Moe, I betcha

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 23:02 (twenty-two years ago)

From the same episode Justyn just quoted:

"It's an old fashioned hole-diggin'. By gum it's been a while."

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 23:36 (twenty-two years ago)

two weeks pass...

Homer: "Yvan Eht Nioj! You've gotta love that crazy chorus!"
Lisa: "What does it mean?"
Homer: "Eh, it doesn't mean anything. Like 'rama lama ding dong' or 'give peace a chance'."

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Thursday, 6 November 2003 22:04 (twenty-two years ago)

three months pass...

"I love my wife very much. The only thing I'm gonna use this bed for is sleeping, eating, and maybe building a little fort."

― oops (Oops), Friday, 20 February 2004 00:23 (twenty-two years ago)

Willie (singing) "I'm gonnae puke in some hay!"
From one of the new eps, I wish I could remember the rest of his drunken tractor-driving song, it was hilarious.

― Trayce (trayce), Friday, 20 February 2004 00:36 (twenty-two years ago)

My favorite Willie quote: "Grease me up, woman!"

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Friday, 20 February 2004 00:41 (twenty-two years ago)

yeah that new one with the singing is my fave newie in aaaaaages

(xp)

― the surface noise (electricsound), Friday, 20 February 2004 00:41 (twenty-two years ago)

"Nibbles, chew through my ball sack!"
- Principal Skinner, totally out of context. Honestly.

― Trayce (trayce), Friday, 20 February 2004 00:45 (twenty-two years ago)

God we're behind though - "The President Wore Pearls" showed in the US in Nov last year! We only got it this week! And theyre showing this season all out of order, as per usual grr.

― Trayce (trayce), Friday, 20 February 2004 00:48 (twenty-two years ago)

"oh my god!
an illegal counterfeit jeans smuggling operation running out of my own car hole"

― robin (robin), Friday, 20 February 2004 01:32 (twenty-two years ago)

Maude Flanders: "This isn't about love, it's about s-e-x in front of the c-h-i-l-d-r-e-n"
Krusty: "Sex Cauldren?! I thought they shut that place down!"

― BrianB (BrianB), Friday, 20 February 2004 04:50 (twenty-two years ago)

Bart: "You killed the zombie flanders!"
Homer: "He was a zombie?"

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Friday, 20 February 2004 05:15 (twenty-two years ago)

Otto: I don't need drugs to enjoy this, just to enhance it.

― Aja (aja), Friday, 20 February 2004 21:29 (twenty-two years ago)

"i don't even know anymore"

― Felonious Drunk (Felcher), Friday, 20 February 2004 21:39 (twenty-two years ago)

Bart: Otto man? You're living in a dumpster?

Otto: Oh,I wish. Dumpster brand trash bins are top of the line. This is just a Trash Co. waste disposal unit.

― Aja (aja), Friday, 20 February 2004 21:41 (twenty-two years ago)

And theyre showing this season all out of order, as per usual grr.

Oh yeah, that famous Simpsons continuity. ;p

― Leee Majors (Leee), Friday, 20 February 2004 21:49 (twenty-two years ago)

Marge: This is the worst thing you've ever done!

Homer: You say that so much it's lost all meaning.

― Aja (aja), Friday, 20 February 2004 21:51 (twenty-two years ago)

Aja: What?
Homer: You say that so much it's lost all meaning.

I jibe because I love. =)

― Leee Majors (Leee), Friday, 20 February 2004 21:57 (twenty-two years ago)

Haha!

That is funny.

What if it was

Aja: I want to meet Dave Grohl.

Homer: You say that every day! Why don't you just give up and forget about it. You'll never meet him. And don't even try because trying is the first step to failure.

― Aja (aja), Friday, 20 February 2004 22:00 (twenty-two years ago)

Frinky: "Brace yourselves, gentlemen. According to the gas chromatograph, the secret ingredient is... Love!? Who's been screwing with this thing?"

― stevem (blueski), Friday, 20 February 2004 22:55 (twenty-two years ago)

Maybe I should have spelled this out way back when, but this thread where we were supposed to converse solely in Simpsonian dialogue and then marry our attractive cousins.

― Leee Majors (Leee), Friday, 20 February 2004 22:58 (twenty-two years ago)

Frank "Grimey" Grimes: "wow, this is a palace. i live in a studio above a bowling alley and below another bowling alley."

― metfigga (metfigga), Friday, 20 February 2004 23:13 (twenty-two years ago)

Homer: Frank Grimes wasn't married. How could he have a son?!

Jr (Frank Grimes' son): He happened to like hookers, ok?

― Aja (aja), Friday, 20 February 2004 23:17 (twenty-two years ago)

ten months pass...

I'm coo-coo for contraband!

― Jimmy Mod always makes friends with women before bedding them down (ModJ), Monday, 17 January 2005 01:29 (twenty-one years ago)

Lisa: I think we're gonna die, Bart.
Bart: We're all gonna die, Lisa.
Lisa: I meant soon.
Bart (forlorn): So did I.

― ryan (ryan), Monday, 17 January 2005 01:45 (twenty-one years ago)

Marge: You have the right to remain silent!
Homer: I choose to waive that right. BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! BLARRGHAARGHH AARGHHR.

― Trayce (trayce), Monday, 17 January 2005 01:49 (twenty-one years ago)

"It was the best of times, it was the BLURST of times!"

― ryan (ryan), Monday, 17 January 2005 01:50 (twenty-one years ago)

"I've been to vietnam, afghanistan, and iraq. And I can truthfully say without hyperbole that this is a million times worse then all of them put together."

― ryan (ryan), Monday, 17 January 2005 01:51 (twenty-one years ago)

Skipping 84 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

Hommer: bart! go to your room!

bart: eat my shorts!

― cool music buff (missingNO), Tuesday, 16 September 2014 14:18 (eleven years ago)

ned flanders: hidely-ho, neighborino!

homer: shut up, flanders

― bryan danielson (missingNO), Thursday, 25 September 2014 17:38 (eleven years ago)

(Skinner, in Bart's daydream:) "Class, instead of going to the box factory, we'll be going to the.....box factory"

― Maggie killed Quagmire (collest baby ever) (frogbs), Thursday, 25 September 2014 17:56 (eleven years ago)

In the spirit of why Leee started this thread, last night my bf was telling me how he'd said to another (cranky junkie just-got-dumped) friend of ours that his relaysh with me was going really well, and that the guys face fell, like he was really bummed/jealous.

All I could think to say was "so basically, you told him you sleep in a big bed with your wife?".

― Gumbercules? I love that guy! (Trayce), Friday, 26 September 2014 04:23 (eleven years ago)

were they the big man at the crack factory

― a cheese has occurred (electricsound), Friday, 26 September 2014 04:44 (eleven years ago)

OMG lol

― Gumbercules? I love that guy! (Trayce), Friday, 26 September 2014 05:43 (eleven years ago)

homer: mmm, donuts

― bryan danielson (missingNO), Friday, 26 September 2014 07:09 (eleven years ago)

bart: don't have a cow man

― fuhgeddaboudit! (missingNO), Wednesday, 8 October 2014 10:57 (eleven years ago)

four weeks pass...

nelson: ha ha!

― fuhgeddaboudit! (missingNO), Thursday, 6 November 2014 12:19 (eleven years ago)

everytime i've started a new job or moved to a new office and i find the new bathroom i'll regularly be using i say "ahhh my new watering hole"

― marcos, Thursday, 6 November 2014 15:19 (eleven years ago)

that's not what a watering hole is

― Number None, Thursday, 6 November 2014 16:17 (eleven years ago)

some watering holes smell like bathrooms tbf

― $0.00 Butter sauce only. No marinara. (Sufjan Grafton), Thursday, 6 November 2014 16:46 (eleven years ago)

"Daddy, this place smells like tinkle!"

"Yes, yes it does."

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BaTNV5pCMAES2VO.jpg

― Οὖτις Δαυ & τηε Κνιγητσ (Phil D.), Thursday, 6 November 2014 16:49 (eleven years ago)

xp yea number none I know what a watering hole is

― marcos, Thursday, 6 November 2014 21:50 (eleven years ago)

I mean i took the phrase from a scene where homer is in a fuckin bar and not a bathrom

― marcos, Thursday, 6 November 2014 21:51 (eleven years ago)

two months pass...

Well it says here we're Ratt

― paolo, Saturday, 10 January 2015 20:39 (eleven years ago)

Now whar's me toothpick?

― Montgomery Burns' Jazz (Tarfumes The Escape Goat), Saturday, 10 January 2015 22:20 (eleven years ago)

bf has taken to putting beercaps on my head and calling me queen of the harpies, recently.

― I checked Snoops , and it is for real (Trayce), Sunday, 11 January 2015 05:38 (eleven years ago)

three months pass...

Where's my spy camera?

― paolo, Wednesday, 6 May 2015 17:28 (eleven years ago)

that ep is def. top ten all time. easily best of the season

― Mr. Snrub, Wednesday, 6 May 2015 17:33 (eleven years ago)

three months pass...

A co-worker of mine was talking to his mother on the phone just now, and mentioned his wife and kids going to the county fair with some friends and said, "They're Albanians," and before I could stop myself I interjected, "You mean all white with pink eyes?"

― I might like you better if we Yelped together (Phil D.), Thursday, 13 August 2015 19:52 (ten years ago)

I hope he got the reference.

― a poetic ODE to FORNICATION (GOTT PUNCH II HAWKWINDZ), Thursday, 13 August 2015 20:01 (ten years ago)

He did!

― I might like you better if we Yelped together (Phil D.), Thursday, 13 August 2015 20:03 (ten years ago)

stuck in my head since I came across it again last weekend.

"If something's hard to do, then it's not worth doing. You just stick that guitar in the closet next to your shortwave radio your karate outfit, and your unicycle and we'll go inside and watch TV." "What's on?" "It doesn't matter."

― xyzzzz__, Thursday, 13 August 2015 20:20 (ten years ago)

and:

"I was a fool to help that horrible old man!" "I hope you learned your lesson Lisa. Never help anyone."

― xyzzzz__, Thursday, 13 August 2015 20:29 (ten years ago)

Someone at work was asking of a training aid designed by one of our other sites "What's inside the electrical cabinet?"

I couldn't help saying "a family of possums. The big one is called Bitey."

ONE OTHER PERSON got it.

― suffeeciant attreebution (aldo), Friday, 14 August 2015 19:15 (ten years ago)

Mission accomplished, man. Also get a job at a better company.

― a poetic ODE to FORNICATION (GOTT PUNCH II HAWKWINDZ), Friday, 14 August 2015 23:19 (ten years ago)

Has the show got better again? I remember several people saying it had gone seriously downhill a bit over a decade ago so I haven't really sat through new ones since. Noticed the drop in quality and move toward formula at the time. It involved things including the treatment of the characterisation of Homer where he just became mindlessly stupid.
It also moved away from the visual quotations of films which I liked from earlier seasons.
I noticed it went from sidesplittingly funny to just about humourous and largely formulaic.
So has it got good again?

― Stevolende, Saturday, 15 August 2015 06:56 (ten years ago)

Not that I've noticed. The recent flurry of posts here is for old episodes.

― nickn, Saturday, 15 August 2015 07:00 (ten years ago)

yup - if I ever see anything that I think is new I switch off.

― xyzzzz__, Saturday, 15 August 2015 07:31 (ten years ago)

four months pass...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7trn91xkJ0w

― AdamVania (Adam Bruneau), Tuesday, 15 December 2015 04:03 (ten years ago)

"What was her problem?"

― albvivertine, Tuesday, 15 December 2015 06:37 (ten years ago)

one month passes...

https://langui.sh/2016/02/02/frinkiac-the-simpsons-screenshot-search-engine/

― 𝔠𝔞𝔢𝔨 (caek), Wednesday, 3 February 2016 19:25 (ten years ago)

e.g. https://frinkiac.com/?p=search&q=i%27m+a+white+male&e=S04E09&t=614863

― 𝔠𝔞𝔢𝔨 (caek), Wednesday, 3 February 2016 19:25 (ten years ago)

https://frinkiac.com/?p=search&q=ever+been+to+a+dentist

― 𝔠𝔞𝔢𝔨 (caek), Wednesday, 3 February 2016 19:26 (ten years ago)

https://frinkiac.com/?p=caption&q=The+tar+fumes+are+making+me+dizzy&e=S04E15&t=641256

― Montgomery Burns' Jazz (Tarfumes The Escape Goat), Wednesday, 3 February 2016 20:21 (ten years ago)

two months pass...

"Malibu Stacy: America's favorite eight-and-a-half incher..."

― a spate of non-fatal hammer attacks (GOTT PUNCH II HAWKWINDZ), Saturday, 23 April 2016 10:07 (ten years ago)

eight months pass...

I can never resist saying, after completing almost any domestic task from washing the dishes to making the bed, "And that's the end of that chapter"

― Wimmels, Saturday, 7 January 2017 17:08 (nine years ago)

one year passes...

Skinner: "excuse me is there an orange Julius stand on this floor?"

Lionel Hutz: "I'll sell you this one, its almost full!"

Skinner: "well why don't I drink out of a toilet bowl?" *walks away*

Lionel Hutz: "he'll be back"

― well bissogled trotters (Michael B), Saturday, 17 March 2018 12:14 (eight years ago)

six months pass...

https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-20aTBCmpzEw/VzjUbYCssBI/AAAAAAAAYMI/mBYLYxLOJHI4Jl4xv3UHKuTkl4M2ayoxQCLcB/s1600/allyoucaneat.jpg

https://www.washingtonpost.com/world/2018/09/18/man-who-ate-plates-sushi-banned-all-you-can-eat-buffet/?utm_term=.20d48c9c9b30

― Οὖτις, Wednesday, 19 September 2018 15:48 (seven years ago)

one year passes...

[Aging congressman has heart attack]

Marge: Quick! Somebody perform CPR!

Homer: [Thinks for a moment, starts singing] I see a bad moon rising

― Dunty Reggae party 🎉 (Noodle Vague), Sunday, 1 March 2020 13:39 (six years ago)

Are you mad, Frink! Put down that science pole!

― Hideous Lump, Sunday, 1 March 2020 14:43 (six years ago)

Speaking of Frink: "Ivan Reitman!"

― Hideous Lump, Sunday, 1 March 2020 14:44 (six years ago)

Not sure what prompted the below exchange to pop into my head this morning but it made me happy:

Grimey: But it's a contest for children!
Lenny: Yeah! And Homer beat their brains out!

― cwkiii, Sunday, 1 March 2020 23:16 (six years ago)

It's not the mayor's fault that the stadium collapsed

― Wuhan!! Got You All in Check (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Sunday, 1 March 2020 23:25 (six years ago)

But what about daddy daughter day?

― paolo, Monday, 2 March 2020 20:02 (six years ago)

five months pass...

You've got a date with the Xerox machine

― paolo, Wednesday, 5 August 2020 17:43 (five years ago)

one year passes...

It's a regional dialect

― paolo, Wednesday, 30 March 2022 07:33 (four years ago)

five months pass...

Let's see if they wore underwear back then

― paolo, Monday, 19 September 2022 08:15 (three years ago)

I am sad to report that I have reached the age where classic-era Simpsons is way more fun to quote than to watch

That said...

no one who speaks German could be an evil man!

― Paul Ponzi, Monday, 19 September 2022 23:52 (three years ago)

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