This is the thread where we judge other people's parenting

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you gave your kid a BAG OF OREOS and a juicebox for her fucking lunch

PLATYPUS OF DOOM (Shakey Mo Collier), Tuesday, 29 April 2014 19:52 (eight years ago) link

child protection is a good pretend rationale for another thread of prissy moralistic veiled bigotry

Little Saint Hugh of Lincoln (nakhchivan), Tuesday, 29 April 2014 19:58 (eight years ago) link

how dare they let that horrible man hack into their baby monitor!!!!

sarahell, Tuesday, 29 April 2014 19:59 (eight years ago) link

that whole story is lol

PLATYPUS OF DOOM (Shakey Mo Collier), Tuesday, 29 April 2014 20:06 (eight years ago) link

prissy moralistic veiled bigotry

(considers the source of this inspirational quote. moves on.)

Aimless, Tuesday, 29 April 2014 20:10 (eight years ago) link

“All that junk she’s buying is just loaded with sugar, too,” said Gaither, identifying with uncanny speed another critical flaw in her fellow shopper’s grocery selection. “No wonder her kids are acting out like that.”

http://www.theonion.com/articles/woman-a-leading-authority-on-what-shouldnt-be-in-p,35922/

Little Saint Hugh of Lincoln (nakhchivan), Thursday, 1 May 2014 17:09 (eight years ago) link

looooove being gay just so I can judge other people's parenting.

guess that bundt gettin eaten (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Thursday, 1 May 2014 17:15 (eight years ago) link

loooooove being human just so I can judge other people's parenting.

Euler, Thursday, 1 May 2014 17:16 (eight years ago) link

nah when you're gay the difference is couples wanna hang with you because you don't have kids stories to share

guess that bundt gettin eaten (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Thursday, 1 May 2014 17:17 (eight years ago) link

do you want some context for my tongue-in-cheek thread nakh or do you just wanna play superior

PLATYPUS OF DOOM (Shakey Mo Collier), Thursday, 1 May 2014 17:30 (eight years ago) link

irl I don't talk to anyone about my kids, & I shun people who want to talk about those sorts of things, so I'm just treating others as I want to be treated.

my own kids are obviously the best but no one else irl needs to hear about that. online it's a different story of course, it's easy to ignore, but irl convos demand too much attention for anyone to be bored

Euler, Thursday, 1 May 2014 17:31 (eight years ago) link

or do you just wanna play superior

does he ever play anything else?

it definitely wasn't designed to be a pants pocket player (stevie), Thursday, 1 May 2014 18:44 (eight years ago) link

I have no idea, never paid attention to him

PLATYPUS OF DOOM (Shakey Mo Collier), Thursday, 1 May 2014 18:48 (eight years ago) link

lol somehow through the onion article I got to this:
https://shine.yahoo.com/parenting/the-parenting-move-i-couldn-t-help-but-judge-192911788.html

Doritos Loco Parentis (Hurting 2), Thursday, 1 May 2014 20:04 (eight years ago) link

The trend of judging chocolate milk should fucking die.

how's life, Thursday, 1 May 2014 20:09 (eight years ago) link

I love that *that* is the parenting move she *couldn't help but judge.* "I've held my tongue for years, but chocolate flavored drink?! I can stand it no more!"

Doritos Loco Parentis (Hurting 2), Thursday, 1 May 2014 20:12 (eight years ago) link

my 7yo niece has atrocious table manners, interrupts conversation constantly, and is granted nearly every whim by by my sister. I judge in silence.

images of war violence and historical smoking (Dr Morbius), Thursday, 1 May 2014 20:17 (eight years ago) link

is the lego movie thread about judging people's parenting for paying to have their children marketed to or is it worse than that?

sarahell, Friday, 2 May 2014 21:35 (eight years ago) link

not really altho there's some of that. I don't really see how its any different from any other blockbuster in terms of marketing tbh - apart from the fact that it was pretty fun to watch and was cleverly constructed. which is not something I ever say about Hollywood blockbusters, ftr.

PLATYPUS OF DOOM (Shakey Mo Collier), Friday, 2 May 2014 22:03 (eight years ago) link

also in true thread spirit - parent the other day who was playing on phone while 5yo child bullied a baby I JUDGE THEE

PLATYPUS OF DOOM (Shakey Mo Collier), Friday, 2 May 2014 22:04 (eight years ago) link

The one that I hate (yet still sometimes do when I'm out of energy) is the half-hearted "cut it out" followed by... no follow-through.

schwantz, Friday, 2 May 2014 22:20 (eight years ago) link

"A diet fueled by food stamps is making South Texans obese but leaving them hungry:"
http://www.washingtonpost.com/sf/national/2013/11/09/too-much-of-too-little/

brimstead, Saturday, 3 May 2014 00:12 (eight years ago) link

^for the thread starter

brimstead, Saturday, 3 May 2014 00:12 (eight years ago) link

That 'linda, listen' vid just makes me think of how many time that kid saw his dad argue with his mom. And everyone thinks its sooo funny

Dreamland, Saturday, 3 May 2014 00:23 (eight years ago) link

http://youtu.be/TP8RB7UZHKI

Dreamland, Saturday, 3 May 2014 00:24 (eight years ago) link

I drank a chocolate flavored box drink every morning when I was 5-6 and I turned out fine except for my permanent physical and mental disabilities.

smhphony orchestra (crüt), Saturday, 3 May 2014 04:28 (eight years ago) link

i've heard that you're cute, at least

mookieproof, Saturday, 3 May 2014 04:47 (eight years ago) link

parent whose child took a shit in the shower at the public pool and left it for someone else to clean up - I JUDGE THEE

Οὖτις, Wednesday, 14 May 2014 15:33 (eight years ago) link

two months pass...

I did some LOLing.

carl agatha, Wednesday, 6 August 2014 19:34 (eight years ago) link

here, I'll do some judging, too:

Jeff and I were out and about with the kid and a woman was shopping with her toddler and presumably the toddler's grandmother, and the woman picked up the kid and I don't know what happened, but the woman yelled, "OW! Molly!" then put the toddler down and said, "I am DONE WITH YOU." And the toddler cried some fat sad toddler tears and raised her arms up to her mom, who was not having it. Grandma to the rescue.

NOW I don't know what Molly did. She may have stabbed her mom in the face with an OXO Tot baby knife for like the tenth time that day. And I don't have a toddler yet. I have a cute, squishy infant who most of the time is pretty chill and easy to handle (which isn't to say that I haven't been bitten on the nipple or bashed in the mouth with a cute little forehead or kicked in the tit so I get that babies hurt sometimes) and I am generally a big time cuddler but man alive seeing that toddler cry and reach for her mom was rough.

carl agatha, Wednesday, 6 August 2014 19:42 (eight years ago) link

i think the most common mistake parents make w/misbehavior is overreacting to something a toddler doesn't understand is wrong or why it's wrong, like i think it's pretty understandable but at the same time you've got to do the calm and kind explanation thing as opposed to the verbal tongue-lashing or silent treatment or even the "time out" (which i think is kind of not partic helpful tbqh.)

LIKE If you are against racism (omar little), Wednesday, 6 August 2014 20:12 (eight years ago) link

also basically i think it's weird to not respond immediately to any time your kid is crying, i guess the theory is you're trying to show them you won't give in or maybe teaching them independence but i think it's pretty wrongheaded. but also some people think little kids are manipulative and not merely scared!

LIKE If you are against racism (omar little), Wednesday, 6 August 2014 20:16 (eight years ago) link

That makes sense to me. It's like the whole mindset that you shouldn't pick up a crying baby because the baby is trying to manipulate you. I mean, the baby IS trying to manipulate you if you want to look at it that way, but only in the same way you are trying to manipulate a restaurant server when you ask for a menu and a glass of water.

xp!!!

So far, I am completely unable to not respond to our child when she's crying. "Cry it out" is right off the table for us, although I'm not saying I won't get to a point where it feels like the right (or only) thing to do.

carl agatha, Wednesday, 6 August 2014 20:27 (eight years ago) link

imho i don't think it's ever 100% necessary, but then again we're a couple of hippies over here, we were cosleeping with him for two years until he decided on his own he wanted to sleep in his bed one night and then he never looked back.

LIKE If you are against racism (omar little), Wednesday, 6 August 2014 20:32 (eight years ago) link

I think it's a matter of what works for the kid and for the parents. If the parents are on the edge of sleep deprived psychosis because they are up until 11 trying to comfort a child to sleep, then up two more hours trying to do all of the household chores they couldn't do because they spent three hours putting the kid to bed and can't take two three hour naps throughout the day, crying it out sounds pretty necessary and is probably less harmful than having cranky zombie parents.

But I'm hoping that we won't need to do it because it might kill me.

carl agatha, Wednesday, 6 August 2014 20:50 (eight years ago) link

true, we were zombies for awhile. though not really that cranky!

LIKE If you are against racism (omar little), Wednesday, 6 August 2014 20:57 (eight years ago) link

ha, i stopped judging parents who "cry it out" when i realized that our dedicated effort to avoid "cry it out" has probably resulted in more many more hours of crying than our friends' kids who did cry it out

marcos, Wednesday, 6 August 2014 21:03 (eight years ago) link

We do a hybrid thing where we go in after 5 minutes and put the pacifier back in and rub the belly for a second then leave again. Then wait 10 minutes and do the same thing. Then 15. None of our three kids went longer than the 15 minute mark. Definitely lessens the blow (for me) and lets them know you are still there for them. After two or three nights they were good to go you just lay em down and they go right to sleep (for the most part). We wouldn't do this until they were at least five or six months tho. Works for us.

Strictly EZ Snappin' Nhex (Spottie), Wednesday, 6 August 2014 23:20 (eight years ago) link

Same here--go in very fast the first couple of times, soothe and re-dummy and check nappy/teeth/hunger, then leave it for a bit longer the next time and usually there's calm after a couple of minutes

ornamental cabbage (James Morrison), Thursday, 7 August 2014 00:55 (eight years ago) link

i think the most common mistake parents make w/misbehavior is overreacting to something a toddler doesn't understand is wrong or why it's wrong, like i think it's pretty understandable but at the same time you've got to do the calm and kind explanation thing as opposed to the verbal tongue-lashing or silent treatment or even the "time out" (which i think is kind of not partic helpful tbqh.)

― LIKE If you are against racism (omar little), Wednesday, August 6, 2014 9:12 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

also basically i think it's weird to not respond immediately to any time your kid is crying, i guess the theory is you're trying to show them you won't give in or maybe teaching them independence but i think it's pretty wrongheaded. but also some people think little kids are manipulative and not merely scared!

― LIKE If you are against racism (omar little), Wednesday, August 6, 2014 9:16 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

This is pretty much how I want to parent.

"trough lolly"??? (stevie), Thursday, 7 August 2014 12:22 (eight years ago) link

Holy shit at that whole "I am DONE WITH YOU" episode upthead. I'm about to cry fat toddler tears just thinking about it.

how's life, Thursday, 7 August 2014 12:28 (eight years ago) link

I know. I want to be empathetic to the mother because mothers get so much pressure to be perfect and all that and I don't know her life but it made me super sad, too.

carl agatha, Thursday, 7 August 2014 12:41 (eight years ago) link

my littlest played a "game" she called the "Old Buffet" when she was a toddler. it involved chasing us down and then biting us. we were done with that too.

Euler, Thursday, 7 August 2014 13:18 (eight years ago) link

also short from abuse, violence, or emotional or other kinds of neglect, there is very little i will judge a parent on. this shit's fucking HARD. i don't care how much of a hippie you are. everybody is exhausted. toddlers are demanding as fuck. it is easy to snap or be irritable if you are on such little sleep and your kid is high-strung and unrelenting.

marcos, Thursday, 7 August 2014 13:27 (eight years ago) link

what i will judge is people without kids judging other parents (again, short of the abuse/violence/neglect/etc). i 100% think this is something that is difficult to understand if you haven't lived it.

marcos, Thursday, 7 August 2014 13:28 (eight years ago) link

There are all kinds of way to be a bad parent without being abusive, neglectful or violent, though.

Star Gentle Uterus (DJP), Thursday, 7 August 2014 14:13 (eight years ago) link

yea i might be overstating it a little. just saying that everybody will snap at their kids unfairly at some point, probably many times. probably even say some really hurtful shit at some point. it's not great but i think it's shitty to judge it without first having some empathy and self-awareness

marcos, Thursday, 7 August 2014 14:17 (eight years ago) link

Oh I'm judging everyone. Everyone!!! I never say anything though, so no one ever knows

Jeff, Thursday, 7 August 2014 14:19 (eight years ago) link

Bit surprised doctors will deal with the parent of an 18-year-old because patient confidentiality.

Madchen, Friday, 2 February 2018 06:21 (four years ago) link

I don't have any kids that old, but I wonder how far HIPPA goes when the parent's insurance is covering the adult "child".

pplains, Friday, 2 February 2018 14:06 (four years ago) link

man alive that guy sounds like maybe hes in the grips of depression?

Right column Leftist (sunny successor), Thursday, 8 February 2018 14:07 (four years ago) link

two months pass...

i recognize this thread is more for low-level disagreements about parenting, but i wasn't sure where else to link this story and discuss it. maybe it belongs more in a true crime type thread but idk it's related to this as well. it seems like there were so many warning signs of abuse and neglect and cruelty, and it all led to this.

https://www.seattletimes.com/seattle-news/mystery-surrounds-hart-family-that-plunged-off-california-cliff/

I wonder about recognizing those signs in other families.

omar little, Thursday, 12 April 2018 18:11 (four years ago) link

God, that's all so fucked.

how's life, Thursday, 12 April 2018 18:24 (four years ago) link

ugh

Right column Leftist (sunny successor), Thursday, 12 April 2018 19:25 (four years ago) link

Don't know how widespread this is, but a coworker was lamenting that a number of the parents in her social circle have Amazon's Alexa read to their children at bedtime.

early rejecter, Wednesday, 18 April 2018 14:53 (four years ago) link

jfc

sleeve, Wednesday, 18 April 2018 14:55 (four years ago) link

lol, a few months ago I showed up to chaperone a field trip and my daughter's first grade teacher had pulled up a youtube of someone else reading a children's book to keep the kids occupied while she took care of some other task. I kinda judged.

how's life, Wednesday, 18 April 2018 15:02 (four years ago) link

we read books to our younger daughter at bedtime but then after a few books i'll put on a story on spotify and let it play while she falls asleep. it's just background noise to help her keep quiet and go to sleep. we did the same thing with our older daughter except with music.

na (NA), Wednesday, 18 April 2018 15:03 (four years ago) link

Oh, my daughter can't fall asleep without Neil Degrasse Tyson's Cosmos on in the background. I'm sure I'm judgeable for that.

how's life, Wednesday, 18 April 2018 15:04 (four years ago) link

I have had Alexa read bedtime stories. It’s great.

Jeff, Wednesday, 18 April 2018 15:38 (four years ago) link

https://bedtime.webguild.com/

I use this skill, you can write your own custom stories and put in your kids name.

Jeff, Wednesday, 18 April 2018 15:41 (four years ago) link

Huh - when she was talking about it I was imagining a digital voice reading in a flat tone which seemed a little creepy; for some reason it didn't occur to me that they could just be asking Alexa to play an audio version of a story. That doesn't seem quite so bad as a supplement to (not replacement for) human interaction.

early rejecter, Wednesday, 18 April 2018 15:45 (four years ago) link

I listened to audio books all through my childhood and don't think it was a bad thing

mfktz (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Wednesday, 18 April 2018 23:24 (four years ago) link

My terrifying daughters left audiobooks on in their rooms the whole time they were doing other stuff INCLUDING READING. I once asked and yes, they were following both stories.

startled macropod (MatthewK), Wednesday, 18 April 2018 23:44 (four years ago) link

Our daughter listens to audiobooks when she goes to sleep, but we always read to her ourselves first. I have fond memories of doing the same when I was a kid--I had the absolutely splendid Nicol Williamson reading of The Hobbit on cassette, and the 8-hr radio play version of the first Star Wars movie, on cassette, and listened to them until the tapes broke.

Mince Pramthwart (James Morrison), Thursday, 19 April 2018 01:26 (four years ago) link

Wow: the Nicol Hobbit is on Internet Archive: https://archive.org/details/NicolWilliamsonHobbit

Mince Pramthwart (James Morrison), Thursday, 19 April 2018 01:27 (four years ago) link

six months pass...

https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/dont-want-attention-mother-6-year-old-boy-whose-birthday-party-guests-no-shows-speaks-185110033.html

i judge a bit here, i feel like if one thing is going to be traumatic and bad for the kid it's the damned viral news story (somewhat related to what i posted upthread about parents going to the media and putting their kid front and center regarding bullying situations.)

omar little, Wednesday, 24 October 2018 21:29 (four years ago) link

I am judge jury and executioner for the no-shows though

stet, Wednesday, 24 October 2018 23:16 (four years ago) link

When the boy turned 8 last year, we had one kid show up at the party. They were half an hour late and hadn't RSVP'd.

Kid had told his mom that he had been invited to a party. He wasn't sure of the time, wasn't completely firm on the location. But his mom threw caution to the wind and managed to get there - with present- before it was all over.

We printed out invitations and everything. I think it's just kids being unreliable (because they are kids.) Goodness knows how many times I've found a crumpled invitation in the back of the backpack, inviting him to a party three weeks ago.

(This year, we had 3 officially RSVP. One of them cancelled at the last minute, but one of the other guys brought his brother with him.)

pplains, Wednesday, 24 October 2018 23:48 (four years ago) link

My son is seven and has had one (1) birthday party. He's disabled and nonverbal, but so are a lot of his classmates. We did evites, physical invitations, and reminder emails. We rented a fucking moon bounce, yo.

Almost no one rsvpeed. Almost everyone came to the party. But that "almost everyone" arrived 30 to 45 minutes into a 2-hour party.

(I'm Always Touched by Your) Presence, Beer (Ye Mad Puffin), Thursday, 25 October 2018 00:01 (four years ago) link

I am judge jury and executioner for the no-shows though

― stet, Wednesday, October 24, 2018 4:16 PM (yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

agree on that

omar little, Thursday, 25 October 2018 15:47 (four years ago) link

one month passes...

https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/father-makes-10-year-old-daughter-walk-five-miles-school-punishment-bullying-163440797.html

the walk, the news story, the kid being named....i feel like this is all legalized child abuse.

omar little, Friday, 7 December 2018 17:35 (four years ago) link

that road seems a little unsafe to walk along for 5 miles in the half-light

wonder where she could have learned to be a bully

illegal economic migration (Tracer Hand), Friday, 7 December 2018 21:39 (four years ago) link

lol

Οὖτις, Friday, 7 December 2018 22:06 (four years ago) link

btw the woman ref'd way upthread that hating pregnancy/babies and married a Star Trek LARPER is now a divorced single mom because the LARPER cheated on her and is moving to Arizona to be an actor. :( so now my judgment has been transformed into simple pity.

Οὖτις, Friday, 7 December 2018 22:08 (four years ago) link

People who are already stressed out and their marriage crumbling after child #1 should not try for #2 in the vague hope it will somehow fix things.

Mince Pramthwart (James Morrison), Saturday, 8 December 2018 02:57 (four years ago) link

ten months pass...

So many parents failed to dress their kids for a field trip to a muddy farm in 45 degree weather and I am judging. There are kids in t shirts and shorts with no socks. And apparently no one ate enough breakfast either.

☮ (peace, man), Friday, 1 November 2019 15:23 (three years ago) link

Xpost do idiots like these exist? I mean srsly.

nathom, Friday, 1 November 2019 15:50 (three years ago) link

I see parents bringing their kids to school in the freezing drizzle in winter here, and the kids are wearing shorts while their parents are wearing several layers of insulation.

My wife, who has our children wear longjohns if the temperature drops below 20°c, has to be persuaded not to tell them off in the street.

mfktz (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Friday, 1 November 2019 17:58 (three years ago) link

It is very possible that this is the result of a long negotation between kid and parent where the kid is like "It's not cold out, I don't want to wear a coat" and the parent ls like "it's 40 degrees and drizzly, you need a coat" and finally the compromise is that the kid goes to school with a coat stuffed in their backpack, the coat never leaves the backpack, other parents silently judge

I have a friend, who is me, who that happens to every day

Guayaquil (eephus!), Friday, 1 November 2019 18:13 (three years ago) link

I am pretty ok with kids wearing lighter clothing than what other parents would demand. My 14 yo didn’t want to wear a jacket the other day. She’s rarely cold.

nathom, Friday, 1 November 2019 19:02 (three years ago) link

It snowed here last night and I had to explain to my almost five year old in great detail exactly why he couldn't wear shorts and a t-shirt to preschool today.

joygoat, Friday, 1 November 2019 19:36 (three years ago) link

One of my kids hates wearing jackets too. To his credit he never comes home and complains that he was cold all day.

DJI, Friday, 1 November 2019 21:15 (three years ago) link

I try to think, what would I wear if I were going for a run? Because they’re moving so much. I’m frequently the picker-up and carrier of the coat when we’re out.

Madchen, Saturday, 2 November 2019 08:41 (three years ago) link

I hate wearing jackets, coats, long sleeves in general, so I am sympathetic with your kids. I dress the same whether it's 100F or 45F : long pants, short sleeves. colder than 45 F, I'll reluctantly go for long sleeves or maybe still short sleeves + a jacket, because it may be cold outside but it'll be hot inside (in buildings, on trains + buses) and I'll be inside more than outside, plus once I'm outside for like 10 minutes I'll be hot and sweaty even if it's freezing outside.

my boy is like me but my girls are not.

L'assie (Euler), Saturday, 2 November 2019 12:42 (three years ago) link

I judge the writer of this letter. They can fuck right off.
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/nov/16/a-letter-to-our-neighbours-with-a-baby

Madchen, Saturday, 16 November 2019 08:20 (three years ago) link

Haha, as a doting parent i wholeheartedly concur. Not certain how I would have responded back when I was a single child free antinatalist but I don't think I'd have been much more sympathetic. Why didn't they move their bedroom?

The Pingularity (ledge), Saturday, 16 November 2019 08:55 (three years ago) link

depends on the house doesn't it. all of our rooms share a wall with at least one neighbour. ofc everyone should be as considerate as possible but if you don't want to hear other people buy a detached house in the middle of nowhere

thomasintrouble, Saturday, 16 November 2019 09:02 (three years ago) link

seething with hatred at your neighbours for three years but doing nothing to mitigate the problem and not saying anything to them = real england

mfktz (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Saturday, 16 November 2019 09:03 (three years ago) link

two weeks pass...

some of the parents of my daughter's friends let them stay home from school "just because." which i was never allowed to do and none of my friends were allowed to do. you should at least have to learn how to fake being sick imo. then you're developing a skill.

na (NA), Tuesday, 3 December 2019 18:32 (three years ago) link

but it is annoying because we don't let our daughter miss school without a good reason so she whines about how her friends can take days off and she can't

na (NA), Tuesday, 3 December 2019 18:32 (three years ago) link

one of the families, the mom has weird work hours so i think some of the "just because" days are so she can have time with the kid, which i understand. the other family that does it just spoils the hell out of their kid and so i judge their parenting

na (NA), Tuesday, 3 December 2019 18:34 (three years ago) link

We get the attendance committee on our asses every year and we only keep our kids home when they are actually sick. Don't know how these scofflaws get away with it.

☮ (peace, man), Tuesday, 3 December 2019 18:57 (three years ago) link

yeah you would get booted out of your spot at school if you tried this in SF

Οὖτις, Tuesday, 3 December 2019 19:02 (three years ago) link

schools in CA have their budgets approved based on student attendance!

Οὖτις, Tuesday, 3 December 2019 19:02 (three years ago) link

one month passes...

My mum used to let me take a couple days off a year. She would have been beyond pissed if i had faked sick tho.

Honestly, I don't see a problem with it. One of my kids is very introverted and shes in middle school. I can see how being around that many people in a social setting exhausts her. Its all over her face. If she asks for the rare day off I'm inclined to say yes.

Right column Leftist (sunny successor), Tuesday, 28 January 2020 22:24 (two years ago) link

Here's where I judge my own parenting:

I realized a couple of months ago that my children DON'T KNOW HOW TO CROSS A STREET. They're 10 and 13. WTF.

Right column Leftist (sunny successor), Tuesday, 28 January 2020 22:25 (two years ago) link


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