GUILT

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Dropping Beeps at daycare in the morning is never pleasant but yesterday as I was leaving she gave me the most distressed, pleading, don't leave me look and all I could do is walk out and go to work. I was consumed with guilt for the rest of the day.

Is it just we evil working parents that get this or do all parents feel the guilt?

quadratrillionaire (sunny successor), Thursday, 26 February 2009 14:48 (thirteen years ago) link

Sometimes I get it, sometimes I can't wait to drop the little bugger off!

I think all parents get the guilt. I know quite a few SAHMs who feel guilty because they wonder if their LO is getting enough stimulation being at home all the time! We know that we can't be the perfect parents that we want to be, but we should try and accept that that's not going to happen all of the time. Easier said than done at times though.

Vicky, Thursday, 26 February 2009 15:05 (thirteen years ago) link

Yeah, I know logically that shes probably running around like a happy loon within 5 minutes of me leaving but that look. my god.

quadratrillionaire (sunny successor), Thursday, 26 February 2009 18:00 (thirteen years ago) link

I have one day after today at a job I've loved for the last two years, and then I start at a not-exactly dissimilar, but also very different job (in the same building) that'll give me 4 whole days off a week, Monday to Thursday, to be with my ladies, and then when my wife goes back to work we can stave off daycare for a little while longer.
I'm trying to focus on the time off my new job will give me.

Oh Why, Sports Coat? (Dr. Superman), Thursday, 26 February 2009 19:15 (thirteen years ago) link

Well, the first time I dropped off Ophelia I nearly cried. See, I don't really need to put them in daycare as we run our shop and I could very easily keep them here. But 1 we want(ed) her to be in a group with other kids, 2 it's hard running a shop with a kid and 3 call me selfish but I do enjoy it (not only to have some me-time but also do some shit in the shop).

We've dropped the "third kid" subject. Now I feel extremely crappy because I could only do this if we mix (BF and bottles). I don't think I'd survive three kids and a shop without some help. :-( I feel crappy. We haven't decided yet, mostly because... well,... we always talked about two kids.

Nathalie (stevienixed), Friday, 27 February 2009 10:28 (thirteen years ago) link

Howie has his first morning at pre-school tomorrow. I am not really looking forward to it as he was really clingy and nervous at the trial session a couple of weeks ago. I think he might be too young for it but I really wanted to get him settled before the baby comes. Will have to see how it goes but I imagine I'll be a wreck if he cries :(

Meg (Meg Busset), Sunday, 1 March 2009 20:31 (thirteen years ago) link

Can you do half days? I did this because 1 it's very tiring for kids (and a result they are more prone to get sick) and 2 you can adjust to the situation. You do mean kindergarden, right?

Nathalie (stevienixed), Tuesday, 3 March 2009 13:51 (thirteen years ago) link

Yes, he's only doing two half-days a week -- Monday and Friday mornings.

Not sure what you mean by kindergarden -- it's not a day nursery (they don't offer all-day care and they don't have babies), a pre-school takes kids from age 2 until they go to school and offers sessional care (you can send them for three hours in the morning or afternoon).

As it happens, it didn't go too badly at all. He didn't even notice when I snuck out of the room and happily played puzzles for about an hour and a half (I waited outside and peeped anxiously through the window every five minutes). He only started crying when one of the staff tried to take his coat off, and I had to go in and comfort him.

I thought he would be really tired out afterwards, but for the first time ever he actually didn't have an afternoon nap -- just lay and chatted in his cot for 90 minutes until I got him up again!

Meg (Meg Busset), Tuesday, 3 March 2009 23:39 (thirteen years ago) link

Kindergarden is a preperation for elementary school. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kindergarden
Most children attend this from the age of three, although by law you are allowed to enter from the age of 2,5 years old in Belgium. Not before this age though. They also prefer that a child is potty trained but in our school they were very relaxed about it: the child didn't have to be, could still wear diapers, but did have to try the toilet like all the rest. Here they do offer more care (as compared to what they offer you) but then it depends from school to school. Most tend to have "after school" care until six-ish.
Is it the classic system or Steiner? Here we also have Steiner (and other alternative types) but they usually only do half days if I remember correctly and request a lot of input from the parents. Personally I tend to favor the classic system so I enrolled Ophelia in "regular" kindergarden.

Nice to hear he's doing so well! Ophelia loved the first day but the next days were a disaster. haha

Nathalie (stevienixed), Wednesday, 4 March 2009 10:04 (thirteen years ago) link

In the states, you attend "preschool" (optionally) from 3-5, and then Kindergarten, which is still not a full school day. At six, you enter first grade, and the school day lasts from ~8am to ~2 or 3pm.

schwantz, Wednesday, 4 March 2009 17:30 (thirteen years ago) link

It's a Montessori, which is not hugely different from a regular pre-school -- the main difference is it's a little more structured (there's a lot of emphasis on getting them used to focusing on one activity at a time) and there are various Montessori 'materials' which they use to develop fine motor skills, encourage them to learn letters etc. I would actually prefer him to be in a normal pre-school for now as I don't think two-year-olds really need that much structure or learning -- I'd be happy for him to be running round playing with cars and finger-painting. But pre-schools in our area are massively oversubscribed and this was the only one which had a place for him before September, and it does seem very nice.

In any case as long as he's happy I don't really mind what they do with him -- I don't think it makes that much difference to a two-year-old!

It sounds very similar to the Belgian kindergarden. Here most pre-schools take kids from age 2 or 2.5, and once they turn 3 you get 15 hours free a week. Some won't take them unless they're potty-trained but at this one they're happy to change nappies.

Meg (Meg Busset), Wednesday, 4 March 2009 21:30 (thirteen years ago) link

i had a fight with beeps over a scooby doo vitamin this morning that left her crying hysterically(ie i took it away from her because she wouldnt eat it and seemed to plan to just carry it around school with her which could get us kicked out - no pill type things allowed on school grounds because they can lose their license.) i feel like im going to be depressed all day for making my kid cry over something so stupid. i don't have the heart for this discipline business. fucking scooby doo.

quadratrillionaire (sunny successor), Friday, 6 March 2009 13:49 (thirteen years ago) link

Aw. She will have long forgotten about it. Sometimes Howie bawls the house down when I'm changing his nappy, but some things just have to be done!

Meanwhile, I sat and sobbed outside the classroom today while Howie wailed on the other side of the door after I left the room. He only cried for about 15 minutes but it felt like forever :(

Meg (Meg Busset), Friday, 6 March 2009 14:52 (thirteen years ago) link

:( :(

quadratrillionaire (sunny successor), Friday, 6 March 2009 16:34 (thirteen years ago) link

three months pass...

Am at work halfway thru a 12-hr shift, and wife just called that baby had rolled off the (quite low) sofa and bumped her head. Sounds like a goose egg is developing and wife is taking baby to walk-in clinic. Baby sounds okay: has calmed down, eyes normal, responses normal, colouring fine, etc; but wife is a wreck. Fall was not much more than 18 inches, if that. Babies are very resilient, and surely she has worse falls ahead as she learns to cruise and walk. I'm moment by moment rational and distraught. I think I spent a full fifth of my childhood in emergency clinics, and I'm more or less okay.

i fell off a very high table when i was of crawling age, i believe. i'm ok.

Surmounter, Saturday, 6 June 2009 21:41 (twelve years ago) link

finally heard back from them after an agonizing two hours. everything's okay. no signs of concussion. I guess the days of the stationary baby are over forever, huh.


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