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My girlfriend and I are doing a step-parent adoption of her 4-year-old son. We've been trying to do this without the biological father's knowledge because he:

a.)has hardly had anything to do with the child since his birth
b.)was domestically violent to my girlfriend during their relationship.
c.)signed an order in 2007 stating that he would stop paying child support "with the intention" that he would give up all parental rights.
d.)is currently doing federal time until 2012 on completely unrelated business.

My lawyer just notified me that the County Clerk said that "with the intention" language wasn't enough and that we'd have to send consent forms for the sonofabitch to sign.

I haven't called my girlfriend about this yet and dread doing so because she's really afraid of this guy. Her son doesn't remember him and she doesn't want him involved in our lives.

So, I just needed to vent this to strangers on an internet message board because I'm about to go through the roof. :(

kingkongvsgodzilla, Thursday, 29 January 2009 17:31 (thirteen years ago) link

He will have 30 days to either consent or object or ignore us (in which case he pretty defaults). It doesnt seem likely that any objection he could raise would be taken seriously, because he couldn't really take on fatherly responsibilities right now.

In any case, our hackles are probably going to be raised until early March.

kingkongvsgodzilla, Thursday, 29 January 2009 17:40 (thirteen years ago) link

This is a pretty understandable law. i mean if i was divorced i wouldnt want my kid suddenly adopted by someone else. in fact the idea of it frightens the shit out of me. not everyone is a shithead like this guy, i guess, but since he is a shithead and doesnt even know his kid id bet money he'll default. i hope it works out for you guys.

tacos, fettucini, linguini, martini, bikini. (sunny successor), Thursday, 29 January 2009 18:07 (thirteen years ago) link

"This is a pretty understandable law.

Yeah, the law's understandable, but we had been operating under the impression that he had relinquished all parental rights and responsibilities. The ambiguous wording of the document he signed exposes us enough to cause concern.

Thank you. We hope it works out too.

kingkongvsgodzilla, Thursday, 29 January 2009 18:22 (thirteen years ago) link

yeah 'terminate parental rights' is pretty blatant

tacos, fettucini, linguini, martini, bikini. (sunny successor), Thursday, 29 January 2009 18:43 (thirteen years ago) link

Good luck to you. You are doing a great thing.

schwantz, Thursday, 29 January 2009 19:08 (thirteen years ago) link

Dude, I'm in awe of you. (Silly twit that I am, I'm teary eyed now.) The kid is lucky to have you in his life. If right prevails, you'll soon be the "official" dad. :-) If only there were more people like you. Thumbs up to the sky.

Nathalie (stevienixed), Tuesday, 3 February 2009 08:40 (thirteen years ago) link

Also, I feel for your girlfriend. Being afraid of the biological dad must suck beyond belief. This is all just keeps him in her life. Hope she can soon close this chapter in her life. Did I say good luck? Yeah. Good luck to you all.

Nathalie (stevienixed), Tuesday, 3 February 2009 08:42 (thirteen years ago) link

two months pass...

In any case, our hackles are probably going to be raised until early March.

― kingkongvsgodzilla, Thursday, January 29, 2009 12:40 PM (2 months ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

Hahahahahahaha! My two-months-ago self was hopelessly optimistic and naive about the court system. Hahahahahahaha!

kingkongvsgodzilla, Friday, 10 April 2009 17:44 (thirteen years ago) link

After he ignored the first letter, we had to serve him though the Sherrif's Department, who took a whole month to do so. Now we have to wait a month for him to (hopefully) ignore us again, after which we have to file something with the court that will take a month.

June, at the earliest, for me to stop being a jittery bundle of nerves. In the meantime, getting the kid ready for Kindergarten and trying to bite the bullet and make wedding plans.

kingkongvsgodzilla, Friday, 10 April 2009 17:44 (thirteen years ago) link

On the bright side, I took a week off of work for his birthday and we had a pretty righteous time playing with action figures and watching movies and stuff. He's starting to call me "Dad", which just feels awesome.

kingkongvsgodzilla, Friday, 10 April 2009 17:51 (thirteen years ago) link

awww thats so fantastic. not the waiting for june part but it will come.

I wish I was the royal trux (sunny successor), Friday, 10 April 2009 18:29 (thirteen years ago) link

one month passes...

Had our home visit from the nice lady at family court today. Among the highlights from:

Introducing our dog:

"This is D0t! Sometimes she bites me!"

Complaining about the new dog treats that have had D0t a little territorially nippy in the first place:

"Those damn bagels..."

Out of all the thousands of toys this kid has, he managed to whip out:

A toy raygun, which he held up with a crazed look in his eyes and a chilling grin.
A Burger King Kid's Meal toy that makes burping sound effects.
A rubber skull which - when you squeeze it - the bloody eyesockets bulge out and reveal that it is full of flies.

kingkongvsgodzilla, Wednesday, 13 May 2009 23:25 (thirteen years ago) link

lol. I'm sure you did fine.

schwantz, Wednesday, 13 May 2009 23:28 (thirteen years ago) link

Yeah. The paperwork's going through. It's just like "way to spaz out and self-sabotage, kid!" XD

The other good news is that the natural father apparently chose not to file an objection, so we're pretty much free and clear.

kingkongvsgodzilla, Thursday, 14 May 2009 00:34 (thirteen years ago) link

Good news!
I know you probably don't want to hear it but in the long run going through the right hoops (even though I appreciate it seems like a long haul) and making sure this fellow doesn't have any way to appeal ANYTHING later will surely work out best. I've seen a couple of families virtually self destruct when the father (or, indeed the mother as it was in one case) turns back up, lawyer in two, and starts a whole load of crap that does no-one, least of all, the kids, any good. He doesn't sound like he's going to take any interest ever but you never know.

Brandy Frotte and Reel De La St-Jean (Ned Trifle II), Sunday, 24 May 2009 17:22 (twelve years ago) link

lawyer in TOW obviously. Or maybe I was thinking of a lawyer in two parts?

Brandy Frotte and Reel De La St-Jean (Ned Trifle II), Sunday, 24 May 2009 17:23 (twelve years ago) link

Congratulations, KKvG.

Daniel, Esq., Sunday, 24 May 2009 17:26 (twelve years ago) link

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