Hello Mudduh Hello Fadduh: ILX Rolling Parenting Thread

Message Bookmarked
Bookmark Removed
ok, there are enough parents around here, new and otherwise, to justify our own thread. right? for, like, posting cute pictures. comparing notes on strollers and buggies. telling horror stories of conked heads, crabby days, upset stomachs and notable firsts (first teeth, first steps, first day of school, first time they tell you you're ruining their life). assessing the wide world of children's entertainment. figuring out at what age you have to stop playing young jeezy and eminem while they're in the room.

talking about education! cultural differences! (australians carry babies in their pouches -- true!) also a place where veteran parents can prepare us newbies for the horrors/wonders ahead and pass along sage advice: "enjoy it, it won't last," "just suffer through it, it won't last," etc. and controversies: do you spank? use a leash? make them believe in santa claus? make them believe in god? oh, so many things. (tho maybe some things we won't go into)

so anyway. a thread for parents. yes. (and/or anyone who wants to tell us how we're ruining/spoiling/abusing or otherwise failing our offspring. it's all good.)

gypsy mothra (gypsy mothra), Friday, 27 January 2006 07:26 (sixteen years ago) link

my own parent profile:

we have a 16-month-old son, named z0ller, or Z, who was born three months premature and spent 90 days in the hospital before coming home (not the best 3 months of my life) -- but who has been completely healthy and happy ever since. we still adjust his age for, you know, evaluative purposes, because he's more like a 13-month-old than a 16-month-old, but obviously that'll matter less and less with time.

anyway, we split his care. because i mostly work evenings (and weekends) and have time off midweek, we only need a nanny two days a week, which is nice. (and way more affordable -- it would be hard to pay for 5 days of child care.) where he's at, development wise -- still crawling, but also "cruising" (walking around by holding onto things, i didn't know there was actually a verb for it, i feel weird when i tell people my son is cruising...). he'll walk three or four steps unassisted before teetering. i guess he'll be walking outright in not too long, but i'm not in a hurry. he's hard enough to keep track of as it is. no real words yet, except possibly "ba" for bath -- my wife wants to give him credit for this, i'm not totally convinced -- but lots of babbling. and he completely loves music. he's obsessed with my guitar, so we bought him a small guitar and a ukelele of his own, which he'll sit and strum, kind of adorable.

um, i'll shut up for the moment because i could probably write about him for hours. but that's the basics.

gypsy mothra (gypsy mothra), Friday, 27 January 2006 07:38 (sixteen years ago) link

gypsy mothra you are a good person

my parent profile: a son in grade two, a daughter in grade five

son's obsessions: the color blue, becoming a broadway star, ulysses s. grant, legos and bionicles, judaism, the eruption of mt. vesuvius, the state of north carolina, swords, narnia, beetle bailey, time warp trio, the four tops' greatest hits album, stuffed animals, the milwaukee brewers (but maybe not so much now that junior spivey and lyle overbay, his two favorite players, are gone)

daughter's activities: youth choir, piano lessons and recitals, soccer, hebrew school, sunday school, school safety patrol, exchanging e-cards and chain letters and joke emails with her friends, watching reruns of 'felicity' and 'gilmore girls' with her mom and premiership matches on saturday morning with me

Haikunym (Haikunym), Friday, 27 January 2006 14:28 (sixteen years ago) link

I've done enough Amber and Alice stories here to fill a book, but I will say:

Everyone always says "Oh, they're lovely at that age" no matter what age they may be. Like it's all going to go horribly rotten any time soon.

I say they're wrong, and we'll be pals for life. SO there!

mark grout (mark grout), Friday, 27 January 2006 14:33 (sixteen years ago) link

Some nice photos here - feel free to add:
So, what do your kids look like?

NickB (NickB), Friday, 27 January 2006 14:38 (sixteen years ago) link

why the state of north carolina?

mookieproof (mookieproof), Friday, 27 January 2006 14:47 (sixteen years ago) link

My wife and I have a 17-year-old daughter, Sarah, who will be off to college soon. She's our greatest success story, for sure. My general philosophy of parenting has been a) always let the kid know they are loved absolutely, and b) teach them how to do stuff so they don't need parents when they go off on their own.

Sarah's the only part of my life I'm not stressed to a frazzle about right now. I don't know how many parents of teens can say that.

Everyone always says "Oh, they're lovely at that age" no matter what age they may be. Like it's all going to go horribly rotten any time soon.
I say they're wrong, and we'll be pals for life. SO there!

I like this a lot, and agree.

truck-patch pixel farmer (my crop froze in the field) (Rock Hardy), Friday, 27 January 2006 14:48 (sixteen years ago) link

Mooks: we think it may have been his blue obsession, at first, what with UNC and Duke both wearing blue and all...but we're not really sure. We ARE sure that the only 7 year old in Wisconsin who can sing the North Carolina state song from memory lives in our house.

Haikunym (Haikunym), Friday, 27 January 2006 14:53 (sixteen years ago) link

Ava's 11 months old. She crawled at 7.5 months and the day after hanging out with some older tots at a neighbourhood Xmas party who could all walk, she decided she could too. We were kind of amazed. 5, 10, 15 steps - now she's showing off by changing direction mid-toddle. Six teeth so far. Doesn't seem to have acquired the impulse to stack objects yet - prefers blocks to be slapped again and AGAIN on hard surfaces or thrown on the floor.

Eats well - there's little we've given her she hasn't wolfed down. Started off in the 9th percentile but now she's in the 50th (20lbs).

Illnesses - bout of gastro when she was 8 months, frequent colds (especially since she started being more social with the local babes) including one nasty chest infection which was our first tentative foray into medicating the child. Obviously she's hooked on amoxicillin now.

One night when her chesty cough was keeping her awake we brought her to bed with us (for the first time since she was about 15 days old) and she rewarded us with "Mumma". We nearly phoned the papers. "Dadda" and "Yeah" (or its infinitely cuter variant "Yeth") have followed but, for all her freeform babble, she's not yet pointing and naming. She can sing the Banana Splits theme though - or a Coltrane-style reimagining of it anyway. Disappointingly, she really doesn't like the spin cycle on the washing machine or the sound of the vacuum cleaner; maybe she'll grow to love the drone like her dad.

Slept wonderfully well for the first 7 months but since the onset of teething she has at least one bad night once a week. Naps twice a day if we're lucky; Saturday we give her breakfast in bed with us and she drifts off after a bout of larking about. Saturdays are ace.

She'll dance (an up-and-down hip wiggle) to practically anything with any semblance of melody or rhythm. If I clap out a beat, Steve Reich style, her face lights up and she starts strutting her stuff. She's lost in music.

My wife was meant to return to work full-time a few weeks ago but the childcare options just weren't affordable; instead, I work full-time and she freelances (overspill from my job, actually) - she grabs the laptop every Ava naptime and also between 9 and midnight most nights. It's tough but there's no other way to make ends meet.

Here's a little picture of her...


Michael Jones (MichaelJ), Friday, 27 January 2006 14:56 (sixteen years ago) link

My wife and I have a two and a half year old girl, Lola.

She can be the sweetest or most insufferable creature ever at any given moment. But I love her to pieces all the same.

My wife's home with her while I "bring home the bacon."

Lola loves to dance, and my wife has recently been playing a lot of latin jazz, the gypsy kings and the soundtrack to the last temptation of christ, which lola loves!

We're trying to potty train. It was going great a few weeks ago, but lola has lost all interest in using the potty at this point. Not sure what to do now.

Tons more stuff going on, but I'll leave it there.

bsj30 (bsj30), Friday, 27 January 2006 15:02 (sixteen years ago) link

Oh thank god you started this thread, I've been meaning to but didn't quite know how to go about it. I need it.

Louis is seven weeks today. He does not have colic. VICTORY.

Here he is from a week ago:

teeny (teeny), Friday, 27 January 2006 15:10 (sixteen years ago) link

As you all already know, Ophelia was born on the 16th of January. The hypochondriac in me worries a lot, but actually a little less than before my pregnancy. Motherhood has already changed me quite a bit.
Breastfeeding is quite an experience. At times I want to switch to a breast pump; but then I look at her and realize there's nothing like her drinking while looking into my eyes. She already focuses a little, moves her head quite a bit (if she's on her tummy against our chest),... She loves to keep us awake at night,... Likes to pee when we change her diapers. She doesn't like a bath. Etc etc etc. She's only eleven days old but I can't imagine life without her and I can't picture life before her. Our world has definitely changed!

The thing I worry about now: we let her sleep 5 and a half hours (and even a bit longer) during the night. We've been told that it should be five max, so are we being selfish letting her sleep longer? Worry? Me? Oh yeah. :-)


Here she was about three minutes old.

(Can I just say posting here on this thread is freaky but also makes me insanely happy! I AM A MOMMA! :-) )

Nathalie (stevie nixed), Friday, 27 January 2006 15:14 (sixteen years ago) link

Oh yeah, is it the same in the US: Here in Belgium they are so obsessed with breastfeeding. You say bottle and the midwife starts foaming at the mouth.

Nathalie (stevie nixed), Friday, 27 January 2006 15:15 (sixteen years ago) link

Still a cutie. Sarah was 18 months old before she had that much hair. (xpost to Teeny.)

Louis vs. Ophelia CUETNESS FITE!

truck-patch pixel farmer (my crop froze in the field) (Rock Hardy), Friday, 27 January 2006 15:15 (sixteen years ago) link

Nathalie - as she's so young you probably need to wake that baby up and feed her. She needs to keep hydrated. But after a few more weeks when her eating habits are better then you can let her sleep. Of course by then she probably won't let YOU sleep.

Rebekkah (burntbrat), Friday, 27 January 2006 15:19 (sixteen years ago) link

Five hours max? Is that following the notion that the baby needs regular nourishment so wake her up? I know this method holds sway in the US, not so much in the UK. We figured that if she was hungry she'd tell us she was hungry, so we've always let her sleep as much as she likes.

Michael Jones (MichaelJ), Friday, 27 January 2006 15:19 (sixteen years ago) link

louis looks kinda like rjg--maybe his first word will be a comma.

ava is lovely, wow.

mookieproof (mookieproof), Friday, 27 January 2006 15:25 (sixteen years ago) link


People who are into it are really into it (and I can see why), people who aren't, just aren't. It's hard to say there's an average american view toward it. My husband has two brothers and neither of their wives breastfed, and neither did my mother-in-law, so she was asking a lot of questions. She thought I must not be producing enough milk when we said he ate every two hours (actually I am producing too much, it's just that it gets digested more quickly than formula) etc etc. Not exactly supportive but not discouraging either, it's like it's just another weird thing I do.

If your experience is similar to mine, Nathalie, you're just getting past the hardest part, where everything hurts and you're both figuring things out. I remember in the third week it suddenly turned into the most awesome thing ever. I can't imagine fiddling with a bottle and formula every time the kid cries, he's pissed off enough by waiting until I get a boob out.

The golden rule regarding sleeping/feeding is if the kid is making enough poop and pee, don't worry about how often they eat. If they're not 'producing' enough, it's possible that they're not eating enough and don't have the energy to wake up. Enjoy the long stretches of sleep. Louis does pretty well in this regard too. I sleep with him in my bed because he goes longer between night feedings that way--only wakes up once or twice. And it's so nice to cuddle with him. Sleeping with a baby is a bit controversial but I'm going with anything that makes the family happy.

teeny (teeny), Friday, 27 January 2006 15:25 (sixteen years ago) link

I heartily endorse and already love this thread, even if I can't post to it - yet :)

Archel (Archel), Friday, 27 January 2006 15:27 (sixteen years ago) link

Hi. We have a 9 month old son, Eli. He's not able to crawl yet, but through an innovative combination of rolling and creeping, he's able to get wherever he wants to go, quickly.

My wife tried breastfeeding, but didn't take to it and we switched to similac after 2 weeks or so.

Here's a picture of him at Halloween, hope this works. If for some reason it doesn't, will anybody be kind enough to tell me how to post pics?


kornrulez6969 (TCBeing), Friday, 27 January 2006 15:30 (sixteen years ago) link

Um, am I allowed to post to this thread if my little one is only 20 weeks old & is still firmly in my belly?!!

Panther Pink (Pinkpanther), Friday, 27 January 2006 15:32 (sixteen years ago) link

I have three kids. Daughter Sam grade 3, son Alex in kindergarten, and 5 1/2 month old daughter Melissa. I'm constantly amazed at how different all of their personalities are.

3rd grader began reading before she was four, and read The Secret Garden and The Wizard of Oz the summer before going into Kindergarten. She still reads constantly, but now she reads crap like Mary Kate & Ashley and Hillary Duff adventures (blech). She had a part in the school play a few months ago and now is convinced that she wants to be a drama queen, so we're getting her in classes soon.

Kindergartener is the typical boy. He likes bugs and boogers and annoying his sister. He is quite possibly the biggest dork ever. I have a little media file of him dancing in a poodle skirt, water socks, and a bridal veil to the Miami Vice theme song. He likes to make everyone laugh and he's friends with everyone.

Baby is still a baby. She screams and laughs and punches and spits mashed squash all over the dining room. She rolls and rolls but has yet to fall off anything. She can almost sit up by herself. And she's huge. Last doctor visit she weighed 18 pounds. I think she's in the 90% for weight and only 25% for height. But all my kids were porkers that evened out when they started walking. So I don't care. I'll keep feeding her when she's hungry.

Rebekkah (burntbrat), Friday, 27 January 2006 15:32 (sixteen years ago) link

I'm a veteran, I suppose. My parent profile:

One step-son, Sean who is 29. One daughter, Sarah who turned 24 this week. One step-daughter, Carolyn who is 23. One son, Jordan who is 22.

Sean and Carolyn live in Seattle and work for the same commercial printer. They are both heavily into bikes. Sean does beautiful things with flowers and did the arrangements for our wedding 2 years ago. Carolyn did do wonderful black and white photography, but got bored of it. She's studying urban environmental planning, off and on. I met them for the first time a few months after I began dating their father, when they came to a holiday party, and I got the opportunity to really get to know Carolyn when she lived with us for 2 years.

Sarah is in the master's program at Northern Arizona University in Flagstaff, studying Spanish and focusing on translation theory. Her bachelor's degree is in Spanish and art. She's engaged (which troubles me), and they were to marry last year, but have postponed it indefinitely. We are going to Las Vegas next weekend to see her.

Jordan lives in Florida and is a business analyst for a bank. He doesn't call his mother nearly enough, and I get panicky occasionally when I don't hear from him for months on end.

From 1996 - 1999, I had a job that required incessant travel. Fortunately, I was able to take Sarah and Jordan with me on several long trips, including one of 4 weeks to various parts of Australia (Sydney and Darwin mostly). We are all very computer-literate and began keeping in contact electronically. In 1999, I made the wretching decision to divorce their father, and I moved from AZ to Seattle. Due to their school situation, the kids stayed in AZ with their father, visiting me for summers and occasionally at holidays. After Sarah began college, Jordan began failing school. Everything, including driver's ed. He spent his life, 20 hours a day, on-line playing Everquest. His father, who has his own problems, didn't notice and when he did, didn't know what to do. After a summer staying with us in Seattle, Jordan decided to stay with us, opting to get a GED and try community college and working. He is a self-taught programmer. Due to his incessant gaming, he can type (accurately) 180 wpm, so eventually he got a job doing data entry for a bank. This repetitive work bored him, so he wrote a few programs to handle the task. Someone noticed he was processing several thousand times the data of anyone else, and now he's doing well for himself with them.

Except for a few months of maternity leave, I worked. When we moved to AZ (ca. 1990), their father stayed home with them while I worked. This worked out well for the kids, but not so for him or our situation. Anyway, they have turned out well, and I'm immensely proud of them.

Jaq (Jaq), Friday, 27 January 2006 15:33 (sixteen years ago) link

we have three kids: two sons (5 and 3) and our newborn daughter is 8 weeks.

Kids are totally underrated.

don weiner (don weiner), Friday, 27 January 2006 15:35 (sixteen years ago) link

The golden rule regarding sleeping/feeding is if the kid is making enough poop and pee, don't worry about how often they eat.

Sounds good to me. Ava's never had much of a problem filling that nappy.

Sleeping with a baby is a bit controversial but I'm going with anything that makes the family happy.

It just seemed like the obvious solution when it was clear she wouldn't settle from day one in the cot; we were nervous about it but it seems almost as there's some invisible force preventing you from rolling over during the night. We only did it for a couple of weeks, then she graduated to the bassinet at her mum's side of the bed, then to the end of the bed, then to the bassinet inside the cot and, finally, after maybe 6-7 weeks, to the cot all on her ownio next door. We felt like we'd really accomplished something!

Michael Jones (MichaelJ), Friday, 27 January 2006 15:36 (sixteen years ago) link

Teeny, so OTM re: breastfeeding. There's a point where suddenly it's easier. I nursed my daughter for 8 months (when she demanded a cup) and my son for 5 (when he started to bite hard and gleefully laugh at my reactions), expressing milk during the day for their bottles.

Jaq (Jaq), Friday, 27 January 2006 15:40 (sixteen years ago) link

My babies always got the best sleep if they were curled up on their side against my chest. But it was rotten sleep for me. I loved the cuddle but only dozed in and out because every little move would wake me up (that invisible force). I think if you're extremely overweight or drunk then it's a bad idea to sleep with your infant, though.

Rebekkah (burntbrat), Friday, 27 January 2006 15:41 (sixteen years ago) link

One more time posting a pic...


kornrulez6969 (TCBeing), Friday, 27 January 2006 15:41 (sixteen years ago) link

Alice, as a baby, slept like a breakdancer doing that spinround on their back. If she spent the night in mummy/daddy's bed, we'd both be kicked out.

mark grout (mark grout), Friday, 27 January 2006 15:45 (sixteen years ago) link

I love this thread already. I really didn't know there were so many parents on ilx.

Can we talk about the childcare situation? My wife and I both work, but currently have the luxury of 'working from home' one day a week each, so oliver is at daycare the rest of the week. This will not last, as work is suffering for both of us. I like having him in daycare for social reasons, and he seems to love it, but I HATE that he (and us) are sick ALL THE TIME! What are your childcare solutions? Is the ultimate really to have one parent home all day with the kid(s), or is this a myth of a previous generation?

mcd (mcd), Friday, 27 January 2006 15:45 (sixteen years ago) link

Hey kornrulez6969, right click on the photo on that yahoo page, choose "copy image location" (I'm using Firefox, may be diff in explorer) and then paste that url with an i in front and it *should* work.

mcd (mcd), Friday, 27 January 2006 15:48 (sixteen years ago) link

kornrulez, try this:

Rightclick on the photo and choose to Copy image location.
In your post, type (without the space between the < and the img), then paste the photo link, then type (again, without the space).


Jaq (Jaq), Friday, 27 January 2006 15:49 (sixteen years ago) link

Completely adorable, btw!

Jaq (Jaq), Friday, 27 January 2006 15:50 (sixteen years ago) link

re: childcare, you have to figure out what works best for your family. Some thrive on having a parent home and some parents do not deal with the tedium well. Some people stay home because they think it's the right thing to do and then are miserable both as parents and as people.

Kids get sick a lot no matter what. Yeah, daycare is a disease incubator but they are going to run across disease in kindergarten.

don weiner (don weiner), Friday, 27 January 2006 15:54 (sixteen years ago) link

greatest thing about kids: when they tell you they love you.

don weiner (don weiner), Friday, 27 January 2006 15:55 (sixteen years ago) link

worst thing about kids: watching them discover how cruel life can be. Feeling their misery is excruciating.

don weiner (don weiner), Friday, 27 January 2006 15:55 (sixteen years ago) link

best piece of advice ever: potty train at two.

don weiner (don weiner), Friday, 27 January 2006 15:56 (sixteen years ago) link

We had an ideal daycare situation: the paper my wife worked for, two banks and a manufacturer got together and built a daycare for its employees (spaces open to the public if any were available after the four companies' needs were met). The site of the daycare was next door to the newspaper, so my wife could walk over a couple of times a day, take her lunch and hang out with the kid, etc. My wife was managing editor of the paper, a fairly involved, stressful job, so we decided against breastfeeding for several reasons, mainly so I could help more with night feedings and J. could get her sleep.

truck-patch pixel farmer (my crop froze in the field) (Rock Hardy), Friday, 27 January 2006 16:06 (sixteen years ago) link

Our little boy was two last week. Guess that potty training will be the next big thing.

Got another one in the pipeline - due July.

NickB (NickB), Friday, 27 January 2006 16:06 (sixteen years ago) link

hey have you heard about potty training at like six months? there was a times article and a few books on it. I see the appeal but I worry about messing with the kid's head.

teeny (teeny), Friday, 27 January 2006 16:07 (sixteen years ago) link

That seems like it would be an exercise in futility.

mcd (mcd), Friday, 27 January 2006 16:10 (sixteen years ago) link

This will most likely be the thread I read the most on all of ILX. Continue. Oh, and bonus points if you post pictures of your kids with your pets. :)

Je4nn3 ƒur¥ (Je4nne Fury), Friday, 27 January 2006 16:12 (sixteen years ago) link

the potty training at six months thing is a sham. physiologically, a toddler's bladder isn't strong enough to hold it. It doesn't change your workload, nor does it affect a toddler much psychologically to be potty trained that early.

With my first son, we started at 18 months and tried hard for 45 days but he just couldn't do it...we tried this early because his brother was on the way and we thought it would be great to only buy one set of diapers. He ended up getting trained at 25 months. Our second son got it at 23 months. Up until the 1950s, 90% of kids were potty trained at two. The advent of disposable diapers changed everything because a) it's harder for kids to discern that they're wet, b) when they do get wet, the diaper doesn't get uncomfortable and c) parents are either lazy or don't get any help from their childcare provider.


don weiner (don weiner), Friday, 27 January 2006 16:20 (sixteen years ago) link

does anyone here use cloth diapers? I definitely like the idea but am afraid I may not have the stamina when push comes to shove.

Miss Misery xox (MissMiseryTX), Friday, 27 January 2006 17:00 (sixteen years ago) link

haha precious!

thanks don and congrats on your new one. I do really enjoy breastfeeding but it can be hard sometimes, totally no judgement on anyone who goes the formula route. But it is so urgent and key that you have lots of support and education--my trials have been pretty minor and I was still ready to throw in the towel plenty of times. I think we've got the hang of it now, and I hope I can breastfeed my little guy for a while. I'm not sure if my oversupply problems will resolve themselves or not, and I've read that kids will often self-wean early in this situation--they get tired of the fire hose when they start and can't effectively nurse for comfort when the boob is empty because it never really gets empty and they overfeed. Nursing for long stretches on just one side has helped a lot. But if I hadn't had the internet I would have never figured it out.

teeny (teeny), Friday, 27 January 2006 17:03 (sixteen years ago) link

I plan on using disposables all the way except maybe go cloth for toilet training for the reasons don enumerated. I went to a La Leche League meeting and I think I was the only one using disposables though! My mom used cloth with me (born in 75) but even she said that she did disposables for the first few months because there are just so many diapers to deal with--like 10-15 a day minimum. Cloth aren't cheaper than disposables unless you're washing them yourself (that is, not using a service). And that's a big chunk of your day dealing with diapers, I would think. I don't really know the environmental argument, some say the water and bleach used with cloth diapers is just as bad as the landfill issue with disposables. I think disposable technology is better than it was though, they're a bit more degradable than they were in the 80s or whatever. Look on the internet, I'm sure you'll find plenty of opinions. But I think the bottom line is you have to do the best thing for you and the kid--whatever makes you less stressed and more well rested.

teeny (teeny), Friday, 27 January 2006 17:09 (sixteen years ago) link

does anyone here use cloth diapers?

I did for both with a diaper service and these wool covers called BioBottoms. We had a nanny at home (we lived in a trailer! I paid more for childcare than we did for housing.) until Jordan was 6 months old - at that point, they both went to daycare. Sarah was potty-trained, but Jordan had to go into disposables. More expensive, but definitely more convenient. When my brother was a baby (I was 9 or so), my mom used cloth diapers that we washed. It's a ton of work.

Jaq (Jaq), Friday, 27 January 2006 17:11 (sixteen years ago) link

dang, i didn't know how many ilx parents there were either. nice to hear from y'all. great photos. i have a recent roll i still need to develop, but here's one from last month, from some christmas party my wife took him to:


random thoughts --

breastfeeding: this was a casualty, kind of, of Z's prematurity. my wife dutifully used a pump for the whole 3 months he was in the hospital, refrigerated and took the milk in for the nurses to feed him. but i think it was hard to really get things working at full capacity. physically and psychologically, i think you really need a baby there. (actually, the psychological part of it was really interesting. you think it's just some automatic thing, turn it on and it works, but it's way more complicated.) when he came home, he did breastfeed for a few months, but it was never enough to fully feed him and over time just tapered off. my wife was really sad when it ended.

sleeping: we've been co-sleepers, but we're working him toward the crib finally. he goes in there at least half the night. it's funny, we didn't start out intending to do have him in the bed, but it was so much easier initially, and once everybody gets used to it then it's kind of hard to just kick him out. (also, i have a friend who wrote a book on "attachment parenting" who's very pro-co-sleeping, so that helped reassure me.) we never worried about rolling over on him, because he came home from the hospital with a repiration and heart monitor that we had to hook him up to every night (preemies being at risk for apnea, etc), so we had an alarm that would go off if anything went wrong. we had that monitor for about 5 months, and by then he was big enough that it didn't seem like a concern.

of course, now he's even bigger and he's starting to take up serious bed space, plus the rolling and kicking, so it's definitely time for him to be in his own bed. it's kind of sad in a way, tho -- we're both used to him being there, it's so sweet to wake up in the middle of hte night and find him cuddled against you. i know there are people who freak out about babies in the bed, but it seems completely natural to me. it must be how babies were raised for thousands of years, before someone invented cribs.

my mom used cloth diapers on my little brother. he's 12 years younger than me, so my sister and i changed and washed a LOT of those things. tellingly, neither of us use them for our own kids...

gypsy mothra (gypsy mothra), Friday, 27 January 2006 17:12 (sixteen years ago) link


Haikunym (Haikunym), Friday, 2 February 2007 15:51 (fifteen years ago) link

I didn't neccesarily mean ruined. ;) just different somehow. My ex-husband is a C-Section baby and he's a completely lovely, stable person.

Ms Misery (MissMiseryTX), Friday, 2 February 2007 15:54 (fifteen years ago) link

I thought Super Tonio was a conjoined twin at first!
When I was born, according to my mother, the Dr. brought me into the recovery room and said "Would you like to see your fat daughter?"
I was almost nine pounds, due to my reluctance to leave the womb (smart!).
I called the 51% piece (on NPR) radical because it was great to hear those voices, but midwives going off on how woman USED to give birth is sort of...not a great problem solving technique. Doulas, midwives and OB-Gyns can all work together.
The great thing is the recent trend toward RN-Midwife type programs. And Nurse Practitioner - Nurse Midwife.
Midwifery doesn't have to be opposite of medical care.

aimurchie (aimurchie), Friday, 2 February 2007 16:01 (fifteen years ago) link

I have a tendency to get a bit irritated with "women USED to give birth in fields," kind of talk, because women also used to die a lot more often in childbirth. Obviously that isn't totally connected, but I'm one of those people who had a premature birth with my first kid and hemorraged with my second - and 100 years ago Alex might not have made it and then with Baby #2 I almost certainly would not have (hard to get a D & C in a field).

It's a nice ideal to have a natural birth with no painkillers or other interventions, but personally I'll take the epidural (or at least the option), the painkiller for stitches, and the other comforts of modern existence (like D & Cs, done with anesthesia).

I guess I just find those radical midvives frustrating because they seem determined to ignore the experiences of a large number of women who not only want but desperately need medical intervention (like me).

Sara R-C (Sara R-C), Friday, 2 February 2007 16:09 (fifteen years ago) link

My sister would have died if not for intervention—but it was just a an epidural that enabled her to fully dilate. That could have been administered at home, right? If I had it all to do over, I'd give birth at home.

Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Friday, 2 February 2007 16:15 (fifteen years ago) link

I don't think they offer home epidurals anywhere yet; at least in MN they require an anesthesiologist to place them. But I would probably have been tempted to stay home by that notion. On the other hand, I don't think I'd want the mess in my house... I was happy to wear the hospital's gown and get the mess on their sheets.

I knew J. was going to come fast because Alex was quick for a first baby; I was actually a bit worried about giving birth in my car! I didn't think the car was going to recover from that kind of experience, so was glad that didn't happen.

Sara R-C (Sara R-C), Friday, 2 February 2007 16:20 (fifteen years ago) link

My wife's pain relief advice: Don't listen to any TENS machine crap, you may as well lick a battery for all the good it will do you.

onimo (onimo), Friday, 2 February 2007 16:23 (fifteen years ago) link

My missus wouldn't have been without her TENS machine (in fact, having rented one in 2005, all the neighbourhood mums who were pregnant again in 2006 clubbed together and bought one which they passed around). I think she found it useful in the early stages, though she was gulping down the gas'n'air towards the end and I expect that TENS button started to play more of a placebo role.

Michael Jones (MichaelJ), Friday, 2 February 2007 16:39 (fifteen years ago) link

So the point is that...people are going to have babies, and a new medical model would be a RN-Midwife with an OB-GYN on call? At home, for the baby and momma.

aimurchie (aimurchie), Friday, 2 February 2007 16:59 (fifteen years ago) link

I think that could be one option, but ideally you'd have the all options available, everywhere.

In my small city, you could have a home birth, but you'd be hard pressed to find an RN to attend it. However, there are Certified Nurse Midwives who deliver in the hospital in a town that is close. You might be able to find a lay midwife, but I think my acquaintances who did have home births did it themselves (I knew them through La Leche League).

I've had problems with births, so if I were going to do it again, I'd stick with an OB/GYN. Others might feel most comfortable with a general practioner who delivers babies.

Northfield offers some of the options, but not all; if I wanted to give birth with a CN-M, I'd have to drive at least 20 miles to another town.

Sara R-C (Sara R-C), Friday, 2 February 2007 17:19 (fifteen years ago) link

Tonio looks like he has a Quato in that picture.

As for a home birth - I think it can be good, but if things start to go sour, it can be pretty horrible. Some friends of ours had a stillbirth because the midwife kept insisting that everything was fine.

schwantz (schwantz), Friday, 2 February 2007 17:30 (fifteen years ago) link

baby pictures please!

aimurchie (aimurchie), Friday, 2 February 2007 21:54 (fifteen years ago) link

wasn't there a new parenting thread started?

Ms Misery (MissMiseryTX), Friday, 2 February 2007 21:55 (fifteen years ago) link

I started one, but it was pointed out to me that I can just limit the number of messages I see, rather than starting a new thread, so it withered away.

schwantz (schwantz), Friday, 2 February 2007 22:02 (fifteen years ago) link

there should be a new one, those DC people start a new freaking thread every other day

we just went through four days of misery; both baby and mom had the flu. quite scary though he never got a high fever, but he was verging on dehydration most of the time, and the liquidy nasty poos he sprayed all over himself, the crib, and everything else on a nearly hourly basis had to be seen and smelled to be believed. holy god.

kyle (akmonday), Friday, 2 February 2007 22:06 (fifteen years ago) link

I am now in Japan. The eleven hour plane trip ended in a disaster. Four times projectile vomiting is NO FUN. Urgh. She couldn't handle the landing (after I gave her too much food). :-( She's coping very well otherwise.

Nathalie (stevie nixed), Saturday, 3 February 2007 00:59 (fifteen years ago) link

oh no! sounds like the worst is over?

teeny (teeny), Saturday, 3 February 2007 01:24 (fifteen years ago) link

Oh those delicious twins! I'm a sucker for that gummy smile. When my boys first smiled it used to bring tears to my eyes. The unalloyed joy of it—no inner censor. So unguarded. Later on we always carry a witness inside us, in some tiny way. Always someone watching. But those baby smiles—the absolute openness is almost tragic. It makes me think of our bond with our animals—how trusting they are that you'll come back, give them dinner. They don't know how close we are to crossing the line from cornucopia-bearer to disappointer. We'll be late coming home, or offer the wrong food, or be short-tempered. Whatever, they (when they aren't being cussedly unconsolable) believe in us as if we were gods.

A little drunk. Just had dinner with my boys and one most excellent girlfriend. Sent them home with all the leftovers( stuffed shells).

Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Saturday, 3 February 2007 01:59 (fifteen years ago) link

That's nice to hear.

Oh, Nath, sorry to hear about your trip. Glad you got there safe.

Maria :D (Maria D.), Saturday, 3 February 2007 04:00 (fifteen years ago) link

I'd recommend getting a massage while the baby naps or your parents babysit to recover from the stress of travelling. Speaking of massages, I used to go to a massage therapist in Philly called the gentle giant who was 14 pounds at birth, like Super Tonio. He developed diabetes. Being so big can have some big drawbacks.

Maria :D (Maria D.), Saturday, 3 February 2007 04:03 (fifteen years ago) link

I know! She was a bit *off* as she couldn't move much the first couple of hours to Paris (where we took the plane).I let her crawl on the dirty floor. I mean, who gives a shit about dirty trousers and hands? The poor kid had to sit for a couple of hrs in a car! On the plane she was fine, a bit of crying - understandably - but mostly sleeping and giggling/playing with neighbours. Then during the landing she was crying and suddenly *woops* all the food came out. So I thought. But oh no, second time. Third time which was the worst as it really went Linda Blair style on the chair next to me (which thank god was empty). Then we went towards the exit. We asked for a big ole plastic bag to put the dirty blanket and teddy in. The stewardess also went to warn someone (who would take us to the quarantine section). A couple passed by and said:"Ah kawai akachan!" (cute baby) But got rewarded with Ophelia's final sick-fest. I don't think much landed on them (thank god!). I apologized profusely to the stewardess. In the quarantine section her temp was checked and also asked where we came from, how long we would stay and where (in Japan - duh!). All in all quite an event! Poor thing. That said, she's sleeping soundly next to me now. She adapted quite well! But then it's an eight hr difference so it all sort of switched forward. (Am I making sense now?) Travelling is a bit hard as you have to be flexible but a baby isn't that much. (Eek! She's a TODDLER!) :-)


Check us out yo! In Nakameguro, my parents' flat.

Nathalie (stevie nixed), Saturday, 3 February 2007 17:40 (fifteen years ago) link

She looks very glad to be off that airplane!

Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Saturday, 3 February 2007 22:54 (fifteen years ago) link

did you have to change any poopy diapers on the plane?

teeny (teeny), Saturday, 3 February 2007 23:08 (fifteen years ago) link

I think I did but I can't really remember. Ah yes, I did! I had changed her and right after that she pooped. Very funny. She suffers from the same thing as my mum: stomach/bowel being very upset after taking a plane.

Nathalie (stevie nixed), Sunday, 4 February 2007 06:42 (fifteen years ago) link

I am surprised that Nakegemuro looks a lot like Swindon.

PJ Miller (PJ Miller 68), Monday, 5 February 2007 09:57 (fifteen years ago) link

We had a scary weekend. When I arrived home on Friday night, there were fire trucks and ambulances out front. I ran inside to find about ten paramedics standing over my wife and Ben. Ben, it turns out, had stopped breathing (although he was breathing by the time I showed up), and my wife called 911. They thought he might have had a seizure, or some kind of apnea, so we went to the ER. After hours of tests, including a Lumbar Puncture (which took three tries, since Ben is so feisty! They even tried to give him Ketamine but he shat it out.), we got to go to sleep at the hospital. All the tests came back negative, and the consensus among the neurologists and pediatricians was that he had some kind of reflux-related apnea. So, he's back at home, taking Zantac. He didn't have any other similar events during the weekend at the hospital, but we're being extra-careful - making sure to burp him, keeping him upright after feedings, and we've sloped their bassinet a bit to keep their heads up a bit higher.

schwantz (schwantz), Monday, 5 February 2007 17:31 (fifteen years ago) link

Oh you poor things! Reflux-related apnea? Lucky your wife is so vigilant! Ohmy godohmygodohmygod!!!!!

Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Monday, 5 February 2007 17:51 (fifteen years ago) link


Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Monday, 5 February 2007 17:52 (fifteen years ago) link

yikes david, that's horrible!

Sorry your travelling was so rough, nath. Are those your parents in the photo?

Ms Misery (MissMiseryTX), Monday, 5 February 2007 17:54 (fifteen years ago) link

I'm glad Ben's okay.

luna (luna.c), Monday, 5 February 2007 18:07 (fifteen years ago) link

Me too.

Kids getting ill is too scary.

onimo (onimo), Monday, 5 February 2007 18:10 (fifteen years ago) link

There is something horrible about seeing your baby like this:

Of course, Owen didn't seem to mind:

schwantz (schwantz), Monday, 5 February 2007 18:16 (fifteen years ago) link

He's absolutely plumpified with life-force in that exam room! The healthiest-looking ER patient ever!

My older son had a strangulated small-bowel when he was 19. It was a couple of days of test and torture before they doctor figured out what was causing his terrible pain. I was climbing into the hospital bed and holding him while he cried, morphine notwithstanding. Finally a CAT scan revealed the problem and he had middle-of-the-night emergency surgery. The small bowel had turned blue, and would have perforated by morning. He now has a scar from above his navel down to his pubic bone.

Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Monday, 5 February 2007 18:27 (fifteen years ago) link

My oldest boy had to have middle-of-the-night emergency surgery at 11 weeks old. He had a groinal hernia and part of his bowel was falling into his testes. Handing him over to the docs to be taken into theatre was the most scary thing I've ever done, despite all the "really, he'll be fine" reassurances. He was fine, of course, and was like a new baby when we got him home - no more projectile vomiting and all night screaming fits.

onimo (onimo), Monday, 5 February 2007 18:40 (fifteen years ago) link

Ooh my mum had that, Beth - her small intestine adhered to scar tissue after an appendectomy and went bad. Thankfully she had it treated in time - peritonitis would have set in had it been a few hours later.

=== temporary username === (Mark C), Monday, 5 February 2007 18:41 (fifteen years ago) link

That is a terrifying story about Ben; there's nothing worse than sick kids. Lumbar puncture? Wow - not fun.

If I had read the last few posts before I had kids, I might not have had kids.

Sara R-C (Sara R-C), Monday, 5 February 2007 18:51 (fifteen years ago) link

My mum took Spencer to Australia for Christmas with her when he was 18 months, and called me hysterically one night because they'd had to take him to the ER and he'd been admitted to the hospital because he wouldn't eat or drink, kept vomiting and was totally dehydrated. I was climbing the walls! I was almost on my way to the airport when my sister called (she was a nurse at the hospital at the time) and said that he'd just picked up some infection, but he'd be okay, and she'd call me if I needed to come over. In retrospect, I should have gone anyway, but sure enough, after a few days in the hospital (mum slept in the bed with him) and a scary IV in his foot, he was right as rain.

luna (luna.c), Monday, 5 February 2007 18:52 (fifteen years ago) link

My younger had a lumbar puncture when we took him to the ER for headache, and he told the doctor he was afraid he'd had an aneurysm. He's a terrible hypochondriac, and as it turned out, he'd gotten stoned and eaten a blot of cheap Chinese food. MSG?
But the doctors have to cover themselves if you're flinging words like aneurysm around.

I couldn't watch. My husband did. He said it was a slow drip, like a maple tree being tapped.

Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Monday, 5 February 2007 18:55 (fifteen years ago) link

is that the same as a spinal tap?

I had one of those when I was six. I just remember being in this tiny, hot room with three nurses lying on top of me to keep me still. I was terrified. When they wheeled me back to my room the doctor told my mother I was "a very uncooperative child". :(

Ms Misery (MissMiseryTX), Monday, 5 February 2007 18:57 (fifteen years ago) link

Same. Who are all these happy-to-get-spinal-tap kids?

Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Monday, 5 February 2007 18:58 (fifteen years ago) link

I had one when I ruptured a disc. They had to inject dye to do a myelogram. I was on lots of drugs, watched the image of my spine, found it fascinating.

Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Monday, 5 February 2007 18:59 (fifteen years ago) link

Oh, man, I'm glad Ben's okay. That's my number 1 worst nightmare: to find out one of my kids has stopped breathing.

Maria :D (Maria D.), Monday, 5 February 2007 19:50 (fifteen years ago) link

My brother, an asthmatic, used to give my parents the fear all the bloody time through ending up not breathing. He's still doing it now at the age of 32! It never stops being scary.

ailsa (ailsa), Monday, 5 February 2007 19:56 (fifteen years ago) link

Thanks for all the concern everyone - it feels nice, even through the internet...

schwantz (schwantz), Monday, 5 February 2007 22:25 (fifteen years ago) link

Hey, the Internet is just another means of communication, and no less valid for that. Glad to hear Ben is well. :-)

Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 5 February 2007 22:29 (fifteen years ago) link

Thank goodness Ben is OK.

Michael Jones (MichaelJ), Monday, 5 February 2007 23:47 (fifteen years ago) link

Poor Ben! Yikes! That is scary! So glad it worked out ok!

aimurchie (aimurchie), Tuesday, 6 February 2007 01:12 (fifteen years ago) link

Wow, that's terrifying. Glad to hear everyone is ok.

liz (lizg), Tuesday, 6 February 2007 11:30 (fifteen years ago) link

I'm gonna go ahead and lock this one.
The new rolling ILX parenting thread, since the other one was getting unwieldy

teeny (teeny), Tuesday, 6 February 2007 16:20 (fifteen years ago) link

You must be logged in to post. Please either login here, or if you are not registered, you may register here.