should you ever tell your kids you smoke weed?

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today my son asked 'dad, have you ever been high?'

uhhhhh way to put me on the spot there, son

Li'l Brexit (Tracer Hand), Saturday, 12 September 2020 23:38 (one week ago) link

he just started secondary school - he's 11 - and he says 'drugs are all anyone talks about'. alright. he's exaggerating but still.

my parents were both raised comparatively conservatively. in my dad's case, very much so - his dad was a methodist minister and teetotaller. we never talked about drugs, or sex, or drinking. with them, i pretended like the subjects didn't exist.

i'm of two minds about that. first, like... it's no fun if your parents know what you're doing, is it? isn't sneaking smokes and drinks foundational?

on the other hand.. i feel like i can be helpful here? maybe?

Li'l Brexit (Tracer Hand), Saturday, 12 September 2020 23:44 (one week ago) link

I was pretty matter-of-fact about it with my daughter, getting more into the physical effects, what's pleasant and what's unpleasant, etc. Taking a lot of the mystery and taboo out of it has worked to not create an overindulger in her case. She's a light drinker and says she might try w33d someday, psychedelics mmmmmaybe but probably not, but is in no hurry.

I can hear the scampi beating as one (WmC), Saturday, 12 September 2020 23:50 (one week ago) link

he's sure as hell going to talk to the kids at school about weed and god knows what crazy shit they'll tell him. if you talk about it with him, at least he'll have a source of info he will (possibly) trust better than a bunch of 11 year old kids. you have that adult who knows things aura going for you. the trick is to rob it of some of its glamor and mystery, but believably. kids can usually detect how much varnish has been applied to the truth. good luck. no way is there a foolproof recipe for this shit.

the unappreciated charisma of cows (Aimless), Saturday, 12 September 2020 23:56 (one week ago) link

yes, you never know when you're gonna need to buy from them

frogbs, Sunday, 13 September 2020 02:52 (one week ago) link

i will probably never have a kid, but if i did, well...haha, i guess it would depend a lot on the kid. but if they were anything like me, i think i would want to be honest with them and just tell them that yeah, i had done it a few times (lol), and there were good things about it and bad, but that it's an especially bad idea for kids because of _pseudosciencey thing about developing neural pathways being especially vulnerable to the chemicals released by etc_

but i don't know. maybe it's common for everyone to believe that their kid is a good, honest, fearless kid who just isn't interested in drugs, so you convince yourself you never actually need to say anything because they're not interested in the first place. or maybe it's more common, by that point, to just let them figure it out by themselves, kind of like tossing a toddler in a pool to teach them to swim.

Karl Malone, Sunday, 13 September 2020 03:03 (one week ago) link

anyway my real answer is yes, if they ask I will tell them what they need to know, and nothing more

frogbs, Sunday, 13 September 2020 03:10 (one week ago) link

we have talked a great deal about drugs including my experiences with them, which are 25 years in the past and rare even then except for booze which I do still have on occasion but that they can see.

Joey Corona (Euler), Sunday, 13 September 2020 07:47 (one week ago) link

I think it’s good to talk about it because yeah at school they’re gonna hear n’importe quoi

sex is much weirder to talk about because usually we’re all talking together and it’s weird to be explicit about the things I’ve done with their mom who is sitting right there

Joey Corona (Euler), Sunday, 13 September 2020 07:50 (one week ago) link

God yes, just be honest about the good things and the bad. You're not likely to set an example because a rebellious adolescent isn't going to do what mom or dad did anyway. I told my daughters in their teens, yeah I've smoked weed a bunch of times, it occasionally did great things for me, I lost interest when I realised I pretty much stopped enjoying it. Kids can smell bullshit a million miles away. What will make the difference of whether they're careful with drugs, is if they feel you respect them and care for them, and being honest about that is a very good case study.
In the case of my daughters they now tell me occasionally about friends trying drugs etc so I feel like the conversation is open. You're never going to be there when they decide to try something, but how they think you will react is a huge part of whether they will call you for help if something's not OK.

assert (MatthewK), Sunday, 13 September 2020 08:06 (one week ago) link

my brother started smoking weed when he was 12 and when he was 14 he had a really scary experience when he was on antibiotics - his pals dared him to eat a Fruit Corner yoghurt where the compote had been replaced by weed. He fell comatose for a few hours and his pals didn't know what to do so they just carried him from the field they were hanging out in, up to our house where nobody was home, and dumped him on the bed and ran away. Teenagers will do silly things with other teenagers and I think the best you can do is make sure that your teenager is the one who can push down on the brakes from a place of informed confidence.

boxedjoy, Sunday, 13 September 2020 08:34 (one week ago) link

yeah that kind of shit terrifies me

Li'l Brexit (Tracer Hand), Sunday, 13 September 2020 09:18 (one week ago) link

I brought this up on 77, but I found out that my son was using drugs when he told me that he thought he was dying in the middle of a bad acid trip at age 14. My wife and I had talked to him a little about drugs, mainly that there are a lot of downsides to using drugs at a young age - even pot - but that pot was the safest and that alcohol was one of the worst. Just based on his personality and some behavior that we had seen from him, we didn't really trust him enough to sit down and be totally open about things.

Looking back, I wish we had been more in-depth with him before he had the chance to fuck things up on his own (he went back and had several more bad acid trips! kid, the hunter s. thompson lifestyle just ain't for you), but I still don't really know what I should have said to him. For instance, I could have given him some basic pointers about how to avoid a bad acid trip, but without knowing that he was planning on doing it, I wasn't comfortable with potentially putting the idea in his head. I think the big problem was that since he never asked, my wife and I weren't going to bring it up. We are more open with him about drugs now and we made an agreement to mostly look the other way about pot smoking as long as he lays off the other drugs and keeps his grades up.

peace, man, Sunday, 13 September 2020 14:14 (one week ago) link


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