ILX Parenting 6: "Put Some Goddamn Pants On Before You Go Outside!" is a thing I say now

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have at it

Οὖτις, Friday, 10 July 2015 19:51 (four years ago) link

"because I'M the parent!" is a thing *I* say now.

UYD: Oxys, Percs, Vics, Addys, Rit-Dogs and Xannys (sunny successor), Friday, 10 July 2015 20:47 (four years ago) link

I find myself saying giving the weirdest instructions sometimes

Οὖτις, Friday, 10 July 2015 21:00 (four years ago) link

completely frivolous post but: ex-coworker pregnant w second baby. she's naming it "Macyn" and I am pretty IA about it tbh

ugh. just call the fuckin kid mason jeeeeeeezus christ almighty

difficult-difficult lemon-difficult (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 14 July 2015 19:48 (four years ago) link

boy or girl? I'm guessing girl.

mom tossed in kimchee (quincie), Tuesday, 14 July 2015 22:50 (four years ago) link

just intentionally mispronounce it from now on

Οὖτις, Tuesday, 14 July 2015 23:00 (four years ago) link

"makin? like yr makin a baby?"

Οὖτις, Tuesday, 14 July 2015 23:00 (four years ago) link

we've moved beyond the "why" stage to the "no" or simply ignoring stage which is slowly sapping my will to live and/or self-image as a nice guy

transparent play for gifs (Tracer Hand), Wednesday, 15 July 2015 12:53 (four years ago) link

Hey all. Haven't been around for a while but K now has a baby sister, E. 👨‍👩‍👧‍👧

five six and (man alive), Thursday, 16 July 2015 00:58 (four years ago) link

Good job.

Jeff, Thursday, 16 July 2015 01:02 (four years ago) link

Oh yay! I was just thinking about you, man alive, and hoping you'd come back and say hello. Congratulations!

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Thursday, 16 July 2015 01:45 (four years ago) link

Aw! Nice to not be forgotten by ILXORs, at least a few nice ones.

five six and (man alive), Thursday, 16 July 2015 01:47 (four years ago) link

yes you were missed dude

marcos, Thursday, 16 July 2015 02:12 (four years ago) link

we even posted in the ilx milk carton thread a while back iirc

marcos, Thursday, 16 July 2015 02:13 (four years ago) link

anyways good to have a new thread

J is starting to ask "what is ____" about everything, it is really cool, like he is really trying to get at the deeper meaning of it, e.g. he has been eating oatmeal for a good two years now but now he wants to really know "what is oatmeal???"

marcos, Thursday, 16 July 2015 02:15 (four years ago) link

haha also xp man alive i misread your post to say "K now has a babysitter, E" so i did not comment b/c that seemed unremarkable, but yea congratulations!

marcos, Thursday, 16 July 2015 02:24 (four years ago) link

So yeah, two kids is pretty crazy. OTOH in the final months before the birth I hustled hard and found a better job -- better pay AND more flexible with time, and that's been making things a lot easier.

five six and (man alive), Thursday, 16 July 2015 03:13 (four years ago) link

Oh awesome! Congratulations on the new job AND the new baby!

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Thursday, 16 July 2015 03:17 (four years ago) link

yeah two kids is nuts. fwiw three is not as nuts as two is, in case you're inclined in that way

we just flew back to the usa for a couple of weeks and my kids did well, but then my youngest is 8 so why would it be bad. tons of movies on demand with the little screens, they keep bringing you food and drinks, you get to snuggle, what's not to like.

droit au butt (Euler), Thursday, 16 July 2015 12:01 (four years ago) link

fwiw three is not as nuts as two

this needs explaination

UYD: Oxys, Percs, Vics, Addys, Rit-Dogs and Xannys (sunny successor), Thursday, 16 July 2015 17:36 (four years ago) link

two is fucking crazy

marcos, Thursday, 16 July 2015 18:45 (four years ago) link

I assume when you have three you let the oldest child be in charge of the other two. Parenting over!

Οὖτις, Thursday, 16 July 2015 18:46 (four years ago) link

im dying here w/ 2, it is intense

my mom had 5 and i just can't even comprehend that

marcos, Thursday, 16 July 2015 18:48 (four years ago) link

i think maybe people who say the jump to 3 is not a big deal is maybe because at that point the older ones are a little more manageable since they are older?

marcos, Thursday, 16 July 2015 18:49 (four years ago) link

also some of you may recall i mentioned J's autism diagnosis on the previous thread, things were super stressful for a long while especially after F's birth but things do seem to be falling into place a little w/ his services and planning for preschool next year. we found some really incredible home-based therapists and b/c of his diagnosis J also got offered a spot at one of our city's best public schools allowing us to bypass some of the anxiety-inducing byzantine lottery process. one benefit i guess to having a kid with special needs. also J is just doing amazingly well right now and we've seen so much growth and progress, it is really hopeful.

marcos, Thursday, 16 July 2015 18:54 (four years ago) link

Oh good! That's good to hear.

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Thursday, 16 July 2015 19:21 (four years ago) link

Thanks for the update Marcos, that's good to hear.
My friend with 3 kids says the jump to 3 is the craziest ever. You only have 2 hands for a start!

kinder, Thursday, 16 July 2015 19:44 (four years ago) link

Yeah I've heard that 3 is the hardest - harder than two, harder than four.

LOL survey says -

I think we'll stick with one to be on the safe side.

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Thursday, 16 July 2015 19:58 (four years ago) link

I would add "Put on your shoes" to this list.

Immediate Follower (NA), Thursday, 16 July 2015 20:11 (four years ago) link

Ivy's only 19 months so some of those don't apply but we're already well on our way with "Careful," "You're fine," and "Don't eat that."

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Thursday, 16 July 2015 20:16 (four years ago) link

yeah I dunno with #3, #1 was already 6 years old, so didn't need the kind of management that newborns do, and got along well with #2 so our lives were fine. plus we knew what we were doing by that point, at least as well as we ever were going to. but when #2 was born...I don't know how we survived tbh

droit au butt (Euler), Thursday, 16 July 2015 20:44 (four years ago) link

Oh god, "careful!" is getting a lot of use now, as well as the related "gentle hands!" F's top three words are "no", "nono" and "nonononononono".

Madchen, Thursday, 16 July 2015 20:55 (four years ago) link

"Did you take another bite of your dinner yet?"

how's life, Thursday, 16 July 2015 21:03 (four years ago) link

Ivy's daycare teachers use the Spanish "linda" to mean "nicely," which Ivy picked up on early so we say that instead of "gentle hands." And we say that a lot... Also my mom's old favorite: People are not for hitting. People are for loving. Usually said through gritted teeth after Ivy smacks my glasses off my face.

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Thursday, 16 July 2015 21:15 (four years ago) link

our perfect granddaughter, who always slept through the night even from birth and has never been the slightest bit difficult during year one, has FINALLY has her first tantrum, tried to scratch her mom with her little fingernails. we breathed a sigh of relief tbh, thank god she's not some pod person experiment and is actually human.

I have a couple of new Isolde pics as well, will post later

sleeve, Thursday, 16 July 2015 21:31 (four years ago) link

Damn straight.

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Thursday, 16 July 2015 22:00 (four years ago) link

"gentle hands" wtf does that mean, like what is the situation

transparent play for gifs (Tracer Hand), Thursday, 16 July 2015 23:47 (four years ago) link


difficult-difficult lemon-difficult (VegemiteGrrl), Thursday, 16 July 2015 23:48 (four years ago) link

ime it is another way of saying "don't scratch my fucking face, boy"

marcos, Friday, 17 July 2015 00:06 (four years ago) link

Yeah like "don't hit scratch slap pinch me/your dad/this other child/the cat."

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Friday, 17 July 2015 00:39 (four years ago) link

"What did I just say?" is another thing I say a lot.

Οὖτις, Friday, 17 July 2015 02:39 (four years ago) link

I've been trying to get a little more real about "rules" lately, especially with eating, e.g. I keep repeating "we don't get something else until we finish what we have," because she has a really annoying habit of asking for something, taking a few bites and then asking for another thing. Also trying to stop snacks in the stroller and carseat so she'll actually eat her goddamn meals instead of snacking all the time, but that one is challenging (because on the morning where she DOESN'T eat her goddamn breakfast, you feel guilty sending her to school hungry).

five six and (man alive), Friday, 17 July 2015 04:51 (four years ago) link

Also we have a grandparent who sees her every week and undermines all this

five six and (man alive), Friday, 17 July 2015 04:51 (four years ago) link

gah, that thing when your newborn is finally asleep and completely quiet and then you keep checking every twenty minutes to make sure they're alive.

five six and (man alive), Friday, 17 July 2015 05:02 (four years ago) link


difficult-difficult lemon-difficult (VegemiteGrrl), Friday, 17 July 2015 05:19 (four years ago) link

double congratulations, man alive!

estela, Friday, 17 July 2015 05:28 (four years ago) link

small man still alive

wisdom be leakin out my louche douche truths (k3vin k.), Friday, 17 July 2015 05:29 (four years ago) link

So I may have missed something, but I think Nora only woke at midnight and 3am last night. It's 7am now and she's still asleep. And it's Em's birthday.

Hey Bob (Scik Mouthy), Friday, 17 July 2015 06:18 (four years ago) link

Ha, I slept straight through a 5am waking..,

Hey Bob (Scik Mouthy), Friday, 17 July 2015 06:24 (four years ago) link

Happy birthday Em. I was just thinking I hadn't seen her over at the other place for a while. If it's any consolation, our sleep has gone back into a bad pattern after having a really good thing going for a couple of months. Hoping we find that groove again.

kinder, Friday, 17 July 2015 08:33 (four years ago) link

GodDAMN I appreciate you realizing and unpacking that whole idea, man alive. My boyfriend has occasionally literally done that to me AS AN ADULT because he's un-self-aware and not reflective. Like making a joke that rebounds on me when he's actually the uncomfortable one. Good for K and good for you.

There's more Italy than necessary. (in orbit), Monday, 10 February 2020 18:05 (one month ago) link

i was gonna say, people still treat me that way from time to time and i appreciate that you realized it was coming from inside the house. good job man alive

weird woman in a bar (La Lechera), Monday, 10 February 2020 18:20 (one month ago) link

hey I thought having expensive taste makes you a Classy Lady

kinder, Monday, 10 February 2020 19:24 (one month ago) link

I was sort of proud of it too, and it was super cute the way they, and especially E (who's 4.5) was asking for samples of washed rind cheeses and fancy cured meats and giving her reviews of them.

Anyway, I have a feeling this is the tip of an iceberg for me and I may start to become aware of other situations in which I do/have done this.

Kids really do teach you a lot, it's not just a platitude!

longtime caller, first time listener (man alive), Monday, 10 February 2020 19:29 (one month ago) link

three weeks pass...

Anyone have advice about handling the imminent demise of a well-loved family dog?

Turns out our 11 year old dog wasn't pissing blood due to a UTI but due to a massive cancerous tumor in her bladder. She qualified for a university vet school study (which is amazing and will save us thousands of dollars) so we find out today what type it is - meaning she's got anywhere from a few weeks to maybe 9 months, tops.

Of course the 5 year old who was indifferent to her for the first four years of his life has bonded with her recently, and a close friend died of cancer last month so he has a sense of what's coming and seems to be handling it fairly well - better than his mother and I are.

At some point her quality of life is going to go to shit and we'll have to have her put to sleep, and I'm not sure how to handle that. We haven't looked into it yet but ideally we'll have someone come to our place to euthanize her rather than dragging her, terrified, to a clinic. Is it better for him to be a part of witnessing that, or for this to happen while he's at school? If we don't want him there for the end, should it be something he's aware of that morning before it happens, or should we tell him after the fact that she's gone? I have no idea what the best option is here as I've never dealt with this myself before and don't even know how I'll handle it.

joygoat, Wednesday, 4 March 2020 20:33 (four weeks ago) link

I feel like I have put so many animals to sleep in the past few years. Jesus. In our case, I have taken the animals while the kids were at school. Putting an animal down is very sad and emotional. In all of our cases, we told the kids what was happening well ahead of time, but took care of things during the day while they were at school. There was one big group bawling session that we had over one of the pets when they found out it was time to go. In other cases, while it was still sad, not as much crying. I definitely shed tears every time at the vets though. Afterward, I brought the animals home and we all laid them to rest in the garden. Sorry you have to go through this.

☮️ (peace, man), Wednesday, 4 March 2020 20:46 (four weeks ago) link

See also: RFI: euthanizing a pet

pplains, Wednesday, 4 March 2020 22:47 (four weeks ago) link

my family had a dog euthanized when i was around that age. she had been hit by a car before i went to school in the morning. she had to be put down during the day and i did not see it. i don't see any benefit to a kid that age witnessing it. of course i knew about death but i remember blaming the vet for "killing" the dog, which i probably wouldn't have said if this was a planned event, but reflected my level of understanding. you should prepare him before it happens and let him say goodbye while the dog is alive. does he know the dog is sick? i know i was only 5-6 but i remember this vividly. i didn't know this process existed before it happened and that was what was most confusing.

forensic plumber (harbl), Thursday, 5 March 2020 02:53 (four weeks ago) link

We had to euthanize our dog last summer due to advanced lymphoma :( my kid was a few months shy of 5 and was a bit confused by it but understood that the dog was too sick and old to live much longer (we didn’t talk about him being in pain though, which is upsetting even to me thinking back on it.) We did take him to the vet with us for it, partly because the vet is in our neighbourhood and familiar and because we were prepared for it to happen and had talked with him about it already, it wasn’t a sudden decision (which I’ve also faced with a pet and that is sad and awful in a somewhat different way that I don’t think I’d want my kid present for tbh.) My kid still talks about missing our dog and wants to look at pictures but he only talked about that moment at the vet for about 3 days, and even then it was mostly questions that we answered by reiterating why our dog was dying. He asked a lot about why the dog had to die. I also never broached there topic of euthanasia or the vet “helping” him die or anything like that - too complicated for a 4 year old and he didn’t ask about that, so... I don’t know, for us being there together and being sad together in that moment was important, and our dog’s death wasn’t a mystery to our kid because of that.

obliquity of the ecliptic (rrrobyn), Saturday, 7 March 2020 01:46 (three weeks ago) link

Do it at home (for the dog)
Take the kid out of the room (for the kid)

El Tomboto, Saturday, 7 March 2020 06:56 (three weeks ago) link

Number 2 born last night. Everyone healthy and a much easier delivery than number 1. No visitors allowed at the hospital though. Weird times.

How’s everyone holding up? I’m basically assuming schools will not be open next week where I am (California).

𝔠𝔞𝔢𝔨 (caek), Thursday, 12 March 2020 17:46 (three weeks ago) link


☮️ (peace, man), Thursday, 12 March 2020 17:47 (three weeks ago) link

Congratulations! Weird times indeed.

Madchen, Thursday, 12 March 2020 17:49 (three weeks ago) link

our schools are open - my wife is convinced they will close next week (the week before spring break) but we'll see. SFUSD declared the schools a critical service the other day and frankly I agree with them, esp in a school like ours that provides food and shelter and a safe environment for like 12 hrs a day for the children of working families.

Οὖτις, Thursday, 12 March 2020 17:53 (three weeks ago) link

also congrats caek!!

Οὖτις, Thursday, 12 March 2020 17:53 (three weeks ago) link


my 2 year old goes to "classes" at the local ymca 5 days a week, it's like her favorite shit and i am concerned everyone might go insane if we pull her out. i don't think they'll cancel anything on their end until NYC DOE pulls the plug. idk what the right call is.

adam, Thursday, 12 March 2020 18:01 (three weeks ago) link

my wife was all "what are we going to do, the kids will freak out if we have to stay inside for two weeks" and I was like what? we can still go outside, there's tons of parks and shit right at our fingertips and none of that involves being in a crowd in an enclosed space.

Οὖτις, Thursday, 12 March 2020 18:02 (three weeks ago) link

congrats caek, ime #2 is exponentially more difficult than #1, but eventually it gets much awesomer than just 1.

schools here still open but I expect closures next week.

Joey Corona (Euler), Thursday, 12 March 2020 18:11 (three weeks ago) link

Hooray for mini-caeks

Quinoa pedal (Ye Mad Puffin), Thursday, 12 March 2020 18:13 (three weeks ago) link

Congrats Caek!

Le Bateau Ivre, Thursday, 12 March 2020 19:35 (three weeks ago) link

Congrats! My wife is also pretty sure they will cancel school next week in SF.

DJI, Thursday, 12 March 2020 20:10 (three weeks ago) link

is this the help my kids are now home from school for the next two weeks and possibly longer how do i stay sane thread

Mordy, Thursday, 12 March 2020 20:44 (three weeks ago) link

'caek caek caek caek'

- Rihanna

Li'l Brexit (Tracer Hand), Thursday, 12 March 2020 21:10 (three weeks ago) link

School’s out here until further notice but I don’t have little kids anymore so I just need youtube to stay up and we’ll stay sane

Joey Corona (Euler), Thursday, 12 March 2020 21:32 (three weeks ago) link

yay caek!

Tsar Bombadil (James Morrison), Friday, 13 March 2020 01:34 (two weeks ago) link


kinder, Friday, 13 March 2020 08:37 (two weeks ago) link

I'm inexplicably sad about schools being closed in the UK as of end of this week. My kid isn't even in a critical year for learning (he's 5). He just loves school and I feel guilty he's missing out. Also he'll pick up on my very weird anxiety and desire for normality at home.

kinder, Wednesday, 18 March 2020 22:56 (two weeks ago) link

Yes, we got the class photos through this week, and it's really sad looking at the Year 1 pals and realising it'll be Year 2 before they see each other again.

I worry about the isolation of the solo kids (like ours) too. Hanging about with your peers is important, especially at this very physical stage - and being in for months with just your parents for company wouldn't be fun for anyone.

We are going to set up Skype playdates but it's hardly the same. Keeping him socialised is one of the things I'm thinking about most rn. Depends on what the lockdown rules turn out to be, I guess.

stet, Wednesday, 18 March 2020 23:17 (two weeks ago) link

Congrats caek!

stet, Wednesday, 18 March 2020 23:18 (two weeks ago) link

Do you really reckon this will last til September? I find it impossible to think beyond the next couple of weeks.

kinder, Wednesday, 18 March 2020 23:22 (two weeks ago) link

I definitely think it will last until the end of this term, and even if they get the outbreak under control I'm not sure they'd want to risk opening schools again during summer, just in case.

stet, Wednesday, 18 March 2020 23:35 (two weeks ago) link

Better not to imo

My wife and I incredibly lucky that we can wfh and don't have to worry about our jobs (yet) but we've barely made it through the last couple of days as a family without strangling each other

Li'l Brexit (Tracer Hand), Wednesday, 18 March 2020 23:40 (two weeks ago) link

I meant better not to think beyond the next couple of weeks.. (or next couple of hours tbh)

Li'l Brexit (Tracer Hand), Wednesday, 18 March 2020 23:41 (two weeks ago) link

Am I being incredibly naive to think that testing could - at least theoretically - be brought in at a level that might make a difference and inform the reduction of risk?
Also - when did school terms get so short! They lasted forever when I was a kid, all this was bluebells etc

kinder, Wednesday, 18 March 2020 23:43 (two weeks ago) link

My son started making a register yesterday for 'school at home'. he said he was going to make his friends out of paper. think we'll all be doing that at some stage

kinder, Thursday, 19 March 2020 10:47 (two weeks ago) link


Li'l Brexit (Tracer Hand), Thursday, 19 March 2020 12:13 (two weeks ago) link

Our kid was sick for our university spring break and home from preschool for a whole week - then went back for five days and now is home indefinitely. So he's home, solo, with two parents working from home on alternating days and is already getting twitchy from no contact with his school friends. It's going to really suck in a week.

On the plus side I've been teaching him to ride a bike and he's almost got it...

joygoat, Thursday, 19 March 2020 14:40 (two weeks ago) link

Hoping for some nicer weather in the coming weeks so I'll be able to take mine out for walks.

My 11 yo daughter has started coming on runs with me which is great (and has already beaten her mum's 5K PB)

groovypanda, Thursday, 19 March 2020 17:12 (two weeks ago) link

xp I'm hoping mine will learn to ride his bike too during all this

kinder, Thursday, 19 March 2020 17:16 (two weeks ago) link

Reflexively drawing up an agenda for each day, charted out, as if it'll make a fucking lick of difference

Li'l Brexit (Tracer Hand), Thursday, 19 March 2020 17:50 (two weeks ago) link

Nah sounds good. At least you'll have a starting point.

kinder, Thursday, 19 March 2020 17:54 (two weeks ago) link

Day 5: online clarinet lessons are from noon to two, then it's yogurt break

Day 35: Jesus, kid, just go watch some fucking YouTube

love will keep us apart (Ye Mad Puffin), Thursday, 19 March 2020 18:15 (two weeks ago) link

our kids definitely benefit from structure, knowing what's going to happen from one day to the next. the parents who are more free-ranging their kids right now are driving my wife crazy with all their cutesy stupid recommendations

Οὖτις, Thursday, 19 March 2020 18:17 (two weeks ago) link

There is a limit to how many cutesy stupid shit you can do and not have it feel utterly hollow and perfunctory. A limit to how many pillow forts, dixie-cup pyramids, and sugar-cube castles one can build.

Today we have already taken a nature walk, made blueberry muffins, cleaned out a closet, and did a half-hour of watercolor painting. It's still only two fucking twenty pee em.

love will keep us apart (Ye Mad Puffin), Thursday, 19 March 2020 18:20 (two weeks ago) link

We were free-wheeling yesterday and it sucked. Today we have a schedule and it is a million times more calm.

DJI, Thursday, 19 March 2020 18:27 (two weeks ago) link

for us continued schooling has been great. it gives the girls direction throughout the day, they conference in with various teachers at different times, there are tons of math sheets we've been able to give them, and giving them lots of reading time, and the teachers assign work through seesaw that they can do and send back for review and discussion. and then before this we had no screen rules during the week that we've totally relaxed so that when they're not doing schoolwork they can play video games, watch movies whatever. it has been a week from today that we started isolation (and monday when distance education started). idk how it will feel 5-22 weeks from now but so far we've been able to make it work

Mordy, Thursday, 19 March 2020 18:30 (two weeks ago) link

yeah it's working ok for us - we have some structured school-type stuff (math, reading/writing, science), recess (exercising outside), they take an "art walk" around the neighborhood in the morning, they get a little screen time/free time. Oldest daughter has gotten on a weekly video-conferenced D&D game with a couple of her friends, which is great (the local gamestore has set up a network of dungeon masters from their weekly gaming sessions).

Οὖτις, Thursday, 19 March 2020 18:40 (two weeks ago) link

Hardest thing is going to be managed the 2yo as well I think

kinder, Thursday, 19 March 2020 19:02 (two weeks ago) link


kinder, Thursday, 19 March 2020 19:02 (two weeks ago) link

Just occurred to me today that the 2yo hadn't been out of our house (and garden) for a full week. Took them for a walk down a country lane and saw animals plus tractors, so that's good.

kinder, Tuesday, 24 March 2020 20:16 (one week ago) link

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