ILX Parenting 6: "Put Some Goddamn Pants On Before You Go Outside!" is a thing I say now

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have at it

Οὖτις, Friday, 10 July 2015 19:51 (four years ago) link

"because I'M the parent!" is a thing *I* say now.

UYD: Oxys, Percs, Vics, Addys, Rit-Dogs and Xannys (sunny successor), Friday, 10 July 2015 20:47 (four years ago) link

I find myself saying giving the weirdest instructions sometimes

Οὖτις, Friday, 10 July 2015 21:00 (four years ago) link

completely frivolous post but: ex-coworker pregnant w second baby. she's naming it "Macyn" and I am pretty IA about it tbh

ugh. just call the fuckin kid mason jeeeeeeezus christ almighty

difficult-difficult lemon-difficult (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 14 July 2015 19:48 (four years ago) link

boy or girl? I'm guessing girl.

mom tossed in kimchee (quincie), Tuesday, 14 July 2015 22:50 (four years ago) link

just intentionally mispronounce it from now on

Οὖτις, Tuesday, 14 July 2015 23:00 (four years ago) link

"makin? like yr makin a baby?"

Οὖτις, Tuesday, 14 July 2015 23:00 (four years ago) link

we've moved beyond the "why" stage to the "no" or simply ignoring stage which is slowly sapping my will to live and/or self-image as a nice guy

transparent play for gifs (Tracer Hand), Wednesday, 15 July 2015 12:53 (four years ago) link

Hey all. Haven't been around for a while but K now has a baby sister, E. 👨‍👩‍👧‍👧

five six and (man alive), Thursday, 16 July 2015 00:58 (four years ago) link

Good job.

Jeff, Thursday, 16 July 2015 01:02 (four years ago) link

Oh yay! I was just thinking about you, man alive, and hoping you'd come back and say hello. Congratulations!

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Thursday, 16 July 2015 01:45 (four years ago) link

Aw! Nice to not be forgotten by ILXORs, at least a few nice ones.

five six and (man alive), Thursday, 16 July 2015 01:47 (four years ago) link

yes you were missed dude

marcos, Thursday, 16 July 2015 02:12 (four years ago) link

we even posted in the ilx milk carton thread a while back iirc

marcos, Thursday, 16 July 2015 02:13 (four years ago) link

anyways good to have a new thread

J is starting to ask "what is ____" about everything, it is really cool, like he is really trying to get at the deeper meaning of it, e.g. he has been eating oatmeal for a good two years now but now he wants to really know "what is oatmeal???"

marcos, Thursday, 16 July 2015 02:15 (four years ago) link

haha also xp man alive i misread your post to say "K now has a babysitter, E" so i did not comment b/c that seemed unremarkable, but yea congratulations!

marcos, Thursday, 16 July 2015 02:24 (four years ago) link

So yeah, two kids is pretty crazy. OTOH in the final months before the birth I hustled hard and found a better job -- better pay AND more flexible with time, and that's been making things a lot easier.

five six and (man alive), Thursday, 16 July 2015 03:13 (four years ago) link

Oh awesome! Congratulations on the new job AND the new baby!

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Thursday, 16 July 2015 03:17 (four years ago) link

yeah two kids is nuts. fwiw three is not as nuts as two is, in case you're inclined in that way

we just flew back to the usa for a couple of weeks and my kids did well, but then my youngest is 8 so why would it be bad. tons of movies on demand with the little screens, they keep bringing you food and drinks, you get to snuggle, what's not to like.

droit au butt (Euler), Thursday, 16 July 2015 12:01 (four years ago) link

fwiw three is not as nuts as two

this needs explaination

UYD: Oxys, Percs, Vics, Addys, Rit-Dogs and Xannys (sunny successor), Thursday, 16 July 2015 17:36 (four years ago) link

two is fucking crazy

marcos, Thursday, 16 July 2015 18:45 (four years ago) link

I assume when you have three you let the oldest child be in charge of the other two. Parenting over!

Οὖτις, Thursday, 16 July 2015 18:46 (four years ago) link

im dying here w/ 2, it is intense

my mom had 5 and i just can't even comprehend that

marcos, Thursday, 16 July 2015 18:48 (four years ago) link

i think maybe people who say the jump to 3 is not a big deal is maybe because at that point the older ones are a little more manageable since they are older?

marcos, Thursday, 16 July 2015 18:49 (four years ago) link

also some of you may recall i mentioned J's autism diagnosis on the previous thread, things were super stressful for a long while especially after F's birth but things do seem to be falling into place a little w/ his services and planning for preschool next year. we found some really incredible home-based therapists and b/c of his diagnosis J also got offered a spot at one of our city's best public schools allowing us to bypass some of the anxiety-inducing byzantine lottery process. one benefit i guess to having a kid with special needs. also J is just doing amazingly well right now and we've seen so much growth and progress, it is really hopeful.

marcos, Thursday, 16 July 2015 18:54 (four years ago) link

Oh good! That's good to hear.

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Thursday, 16 July 2015 19:21 (four years ago) link

Thanks for the update Marcos, that's good to hear.
My friend with 3 kids says the jump to 3 is the craziest ever. You only have 2 hands for a start!

kinder, Thursday, 16 July 2015 19:44 (four years ago) link

Yeah I've heard that 3 is the hardest - harder than two, harder than four.

LOL survey says -

I think we'll stick with one to be on the safe side.

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Thursday, 16 July 2015 19:58 (four years ago) link

I would add "Put on your shoes" to this list.

Immediate Follower (NA), Thursday, 16 July 2015 20:11 (four years ago) link

Ivy's only 19 months so some of those don't apply but we're already well on our way with "Careful," "You're fine," and "Don't eat that."

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Thursday, 16 July 2015 20:16 (four years ago) link

yeah I dunno with #3, #1 was already 6 years old, so didn't need the kind of management that newborns do, and got along well with #2 so our lives were fine. plus we knew what we were doing by that point, at least as well as we ever were going to. but when #2 was born...I don't know how we survived tbh

droit au butt (Euler), Thursday, 16 July 2015 20:44 (four years ago) link

Oh god, "careful!" is getting a lot of use now, as well as the related "gentle hands!" F's top three words are "no", "nono" and "nonononononono".

Madchen, Thursday, 16 July 2015 20:55 (four years ago) link

"Did you take another bite of your dinner yet?"

how's life, Thursday, 16 July 2015 21:03 (four years ago) link

Ivy's daycare teachers use the Spanish "linda" to mean "nicely," which Ivy picked up on early so we say that instead of "gentle hands." And we say that a lot... Also my mom's old favorite: People are not for hitting. People are for loving. Usually said through gritted teeth after Ivy smacks my glasses off my face.

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Thursday, 16 July 2015 21:15 (four years ago) link

our perfect granddaughter, who always slept through the night even from birth and has never been the slightest bit difficult during year one, has FINALLY has her first tantrum, tried to scratch her mom with her little fingernails. we breathed a sigh of relief tbh, thank god she's not some pod person experiment and is actually human.

I have a couple of new Isolde pics as well, will post later

sleeve, Thursday, 16 July 2015 21:31 (four years ago) link

Damn straight.

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Thursday, 16 July 2015 22:00 (four years ago) link

"gentle hands" wtf does that mean, like what is the situation

transparent play for gifs (Tracer Hand), Thursday, 16 July 2015 23:47 (four years ago) link


difficult-difficult lemon-difficult (VegemiteGrrl), Thursday, 16 July 2015 23:48 (four years ago) link

ime it is another way of saying "don't scratch my fucking face, boy"

marcos, Friday, 17 July 2015 00:06 (four years ago) link

Yeah like "don't hit scratch slap pinch me/your dad/this other child/the cat."

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Friday, 17 July 2015 00:39 (four years ago) link

"What did I just say?" is another thing I say a lot.

Οὖτις, Friday, 17 July 2015 02:39 (four years ago) link

I've been trying to get a little more real about "rules" lately, especially with eating, e.g. I keep repeating "we don't get something else until we finish what we have," because she has a really annoying habit of asking for something, taking a few bites and then asking for another thing. Also trying to stop snacks in the stroller and carseat so she'll actually eat her goddamn meals instead of snacking all the time, but that one is challenging (because on the morning where she DOESN'T eat her goddamn breakfast, you feel guilty sending her to school hungry).

five six and (man alive), Friday, 17 July 2015 04:51 (four years ago) link

Also we have a grandparent who sees her every week and undermines all this

five six and (man alive), Friday, 17 July 2015 04:51 (four years ago) link

gah, that thing when your newborn is finally asleep and completely quiet and then you keep checking every twenty minutes to make sure they're alive.

five six and (man alive), Friday, 17 July 2015 05:02 (four years ago) link


difficult-difficult lemon-difficult (VegemiteGrrl), Friday, 17 July 2015 05:19 (four years ago) link

double congratulations, man alive!

estela, Friday, 17 July 2015 05:28 (four years ago) link

small man still alive

wisdom be leakin out my louche douche truths (k3vin k.), Friday, 17 July 2015 05:29 (four years ago) link

So I may have missed something, but I think Nora only woke at midnight and 3am last night. It's 7am now and she's still asleep. And it's Em's birthday.

Hey Bob (Scik Mouthy), Friday, 17 July 2015 06:18 (four years ago) link

Ha, I slept straight through a 5am waking..,

Hey Bob (Scik Mouthy), Friday, 17 July 2015 06:24 (four years ago) link

Happy birthday Em. I was just thinking I hadn't seen her over at the other place for a while. If it's any consolation, our sleep has gone back into a bad pattern after having a really good thing going for a couple of months. Hoping we find that groove again.

kinder, Friday, 17 July 2015 08:33 (four years ago) link

Give them something to drink the second the plane leaves the ground to prevent popping ears, and the same for the descent. I now give chupa chups to our five-year-old, pretty much the only time he’s allowed them. Entertainment-wise, I think variety is key - small new toys to unwrap (as mentioned above), new things and old favourites to watch on the iPad (ditto) with baby-friendly headphones, and make the most of what’s around you - looking out the window, going for a walk along the aisles. Cabin Crew are really good with kids in my experience and when they have time like to say hello to tiny adventurers. Then make sure you have favourite blanket/soft toy because with any luck there will be a long sleep for you all.

And in the words of an elderly, posh bloke we met in a restaurant shortly before our first trip with a six-week-old baby, “if anyone starts tutting at you, fuck’em!”

Madchen, Thursday, 6 June 2019 06:28 (four months ago) link

What NA said: that young is pretty easy. I did it every year (to my parents in Japan).

nathom, Thursday, 6 June 2019 07:23 (four months ago) link

I do have horror stories. My fault: stuffed’em full of food. Don’t. Do. It. Unless you want vomit. Lol

nathom, Thursday, 6 June 2019 07:25 (four months ago) link

two weeks pass...

we were the park yesterday. as soon as we get out of the car a little girl comes up to my kids and asks if they want to play with her (my daughter does, for a little bit at least). after about 10-15 minutes I notice the other kids & parents have left and that this girl appears to be unattended. I ask her how old she is (she's 4) and where her parents are. She says her Mom is "over there" (pointing to an area where nobody is) and that she "was in her Minnie Mouse tent and Dad went to jail". It starts getting late and my kids want to go home, but I decide to stay until someone claims the girl. She winds up peeing her pants and then finds her Mom, about 500 feet away in a car in a parking lot. She goes up to the car and then runs back and tells me "Mom's smoking", pants still wet, and continues to play in the sandbox. I got in the car, drove up to where the Mom was and confronted her (she looked really young, maybe even a teenager still, and was with a few friends), and she yelled "I'm watching her from here, mind your own fucking business"...drove home, feeling kinda shitty about the whole thing...not getting yelled at by a teenager, but rather the situation this girl was in...what do you do here???

frogbs, Friday, 21 June 2019 13:38 (three months ago) link

i dunno, that sucks

Lil' Brexit (Tracer Hand), Friday, 21 June 2019 13:44 (three months ago) link

Ouch. That's grim, dude.

☮ (peace, man), Friday, 21 June 2019 13:44 (three months ago) link

That's terrible :(

Uptown VONC (Le Bateau Ivre), Friday, 21 June 2019 13:45 (three months ago) link

Child Protection Services. I’m not sure how it works in your country but here the system is pretty good. (They don’t put the child “in the system” and try their hardest to help while keeping parents and child together.) I really think you need to contact CPS. :-( So sad to read this.

nathom, Friday, 21 June 2019 20:23 (three months ago) link

Yeah, that definitely crosses the threshold to neglect. Call police, let them handle it. If it’s an isolated incident (unlikely) they’ll screen it. If it’s not, it’s grist for the case they’ll build for social work. Report.

rb (soda), Friday, 21 June 2019 20:47 (three months ago) link

So, my wife and son are going on an overseas school trip for 10 days. I will be taking vacation from work to stay home with my daughter. I'm trying to be good about planning things to do: activities, downtime, playdates, etc. But with their departure date looming, I'm starting to freak out on a couple points:

1. What can I do when she decides that she misses mommy?
2. How do I keep her from getting sick of me?

We're a very close family and we've never tried having one of the parents being gone for longer than one night before, let alone a week-and-a-half. Anyone have any experience around being parents who don't travel and then switching that routine up?

☮ (peace, man), Tuesday, 2 July 2019 16:41 (three months ago) link

frogbs' post belongs here imo: This is the thread where we judge other people's parenting


Οὖτις, Tuesday, 2 July 2019 16:41 (three months ago) link

xp: Three days in and no signs of actually missing mommy or brother at all. Don't know whether to be relieved or concerned. :D

☮ (peace, man), Sunday, 7 July 2019 13:45 (three months ago) link

that's good! How old is she?

kinder, Sunday, 7 July 2019 13:48 (three months ago) link

Hi ILX peoplemakers, I'm expecting my first child in somewhere between 7 and 10 weeks! I'm sure it's not a big deal right

Chuck_Tatum, Sunday, 7 July 2019 21:33 (three months ago) link

yeh just a normal day, nothing to crow about nbd

(!!!!!!!!!!!!!! congrats !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Squeaky Fromage (VegemiteGrrl), Sunday, 7 July 2019 22:02 (three months ago) link

Congrats Chuck!

xps to kinder: She's eight. We actually did get to talk to her mom on the phone this afternoon, so that was good.

☮ (peace, man), Sunday, 7 July 2019 22:05 (three months ago) link

awesome news chuck - congrats!

coroner criticises butt (bizarro gazzara), Sunday, 7 July 2019 22:40 (three months ago) link

Join us on the People-Making board!

DJI, Monday, 8 July 2019 02:43 (three months ago) link

Omfg. My 13 yo decided to cut her own hair in a bob style at 2 am. I didn’t realize till my husband sent me a pic. I find it hilarious. I kept laughing and told my colleagues. My husband was so shocked he couldn’t say anything.

Honestly I’m happy. She’d been feeling down last two years. Now she’s interested in fashion and apparently hair.

I told her she was awesome for cutting her hair.

nathom, Monday, 15 July 2019 19:25 (two months ago) link

was not expecting to have a "they grow up too fast" moment this early on but my 4.5 year old just started riding a bike and it got me pretty choked up. he fell his first try but quickly got the hang of it, resulting in me chasing him down the street as he went probably about 8-9 MPH (or thereabouts...I know how fast I can run). at some point I realized I couldn't catch him if he kept going for too much longer and it felt like a moment heavy with significance. eventually I had to just yell "Car coming! Pull over!" cuz I didn't know what to do

frogbs, Monday, 15 July 2019 19:28 (two months ago) link

parenting is about letting go

Οὖτις, Monday, 15 July 2019 19:33 (two months ago) link

Aww! I was getting seriously stressed trying to keep up with F when he started on a bike until I realised he was pedalling constantly.

I taught him about freewheeling and things got a lot more sane after that.

stet, Monday, 15 July 2019 19:34 (two months ago) link

I keep being reminded of that early simpsons line: “I think the saddest day of my life was when I realised my dad At most things. Bart experiences that at the age of 4”

𝔠𝔞𝔢𝔨 (caek), Monday, 15 July 2019 20:14 (two months ago) link

my son starts school in September and the (state) school has just announced they will be asking for 'voluntary contributions' of £10/month. I understand why they have to do this but yet again FUCK THE TORIES

kinder, Thursday, 18 July 2019 11:51 (two months ago) link

my newly 9-year-old daughter (today's her birthday) has asked if she can have her own email account. i'm thinking she's too young, even for google's family link account, but it would make things more convenient since right now emails from her friends come to me or my wife. thoughts?

na (NA), Monday, 22 July 2019 20:22 (two months ago) link

Happy 9th! That's coming up quickly for us as well.

Email? Sure, but monitor, monitor, monitor, imo. Have rules in place about transparency. How much internet access does she currently have? All I really want to say about that is I've learned lessons this year after having been laisez-faire about my older kid's internet access.

☮ (peace, man), Monday, 22 July 2019 20:40 (two months ago) link

one month passes...

My first child is due in, er, 16 days. What's an emoji that combines anxiety, joy and terror? Perhaps it's just my normal face

Chuck_Tatum, Sunday, 25 August 2019 14:11 (one month ago) link

That's so exciting Chuck! All three emotions are entirely appropriate.

☮ (peace, man), Sunday, 25 August 2019 14:33 (one month ago) link

lol my niece (11) just remembered she can now text me (since last weekend)

so far it is a blizzard of near-miss spelling and emojis arriving as question marks in squares

mark s, Sunday, 25 August 2019 15:17 (one month ago) link

yeah but how’s her texting tho

lowkey goatsed on the styx (bizarro gazzara), Sunday, 25 August 2019 15:35 (one month ago) link

My 4yo told me yesterday he didn't think Father Christmas was real! I asked him who he thought put presents in his stocking and he said 'you'.
So he's had literally one Christmas where he's been old enough to 'know' what's going on and possibly believe in Father Christmas.

Incidentally he'd started school the day before, but doubt he'd have talked much about Christmas and definitely not with any older kids.
I waffled a bit but didn't confirm either way. We were talking about angels and whether they were real. He doesn't care about angels but really seems to want fairies to be real.

kinder, Saturday, 7 September 2019 19:28 (one month ago) link

(xp) lol my friend has twins who are 6. they both have ipads (she said don't judge her). she imessaged them saying "go to bed." the girl then imessaged the boy something like "mommy said go to bed. if you don't you are in trouble and i will tell so just do it or you're in trouble like serious trouble!" she sent me and someone else on a group text screenshots of this and we were all like "how does she write so well on an ipad, and so fast?" then simultaneously realized she had figured out how to talk into it.

forensic plumber (harbl), Saturday, 7 September 2019 20:10 (one month ago) link

xp if my 3 1/2 year old figures out pa xmas is fake in the next year or two i will be delighted. i'm certainly not going to be pushing it as a thing, though my wife my be more ambivalent.

The Pingularity (ledge), Wednesday, 11 September 2019 08:15 (one month ago) link

parental santa lies did trump *and* brexit

mark s, Wednesday, 11 September 2019 11:05 (one month ago) link

We had a daughter! It’s been a long week. Our water birth plan turned into an induction plan which turned into a last-minute emergency C-section. That took two days. Then we spent two days staying in a busy maternity ward like something from MASH, which was actually a riot. Then we went home! Then we went back to the hospital! And spent two days in an austere ward for a terrible-seeming health issue that turned out to be quite fixable. Then we went home again today! Fingers crossed this stage lasts a lot longer.

Anyway our daughter is a fucking joy and have 87 frozen family-cooked frozen meals to eat <333

Chuck_Tatum, Sunday, 15 September 2019 22:13 (four weeks ago) link


El Tomboto, Sunday, 15 September 2019 22:23 (four weeks ago) link

yay!! congratulations!

Squeaky Fromage (VegemiteGrrl), Sunday, 15 September 2019 22:44 (four weeks ago) link

Well done!

Tsar Bombadil (James Morrison), Monday, 16 September 2019 00:16 (four weeks ago) link

Hurrah, congratulations on making it through all that with so much joy! And bon appetit...

Madchen, Monday, 16 September 2019 08:56 (four weeks ago) link

huge congrats chuck!

don’t bore us, get to the aeon of horus (bizarro gazzara), Monday, 16 September 2019 08:58 (four weeks ago) link

Congratulations! I wish all the love and luck to you and your family.

☮ (peace, man), Monday, 16 September 2019 12:56 (four weeks ago) link

Maternity wards SUCK ime, glad you're home

kinder, Monday, 16 September 2019 13:52 (four weeks ago) link

Congratulations Chuck!

Le Bateau Ivre, Monday, 16 September 2019 13:53 (four weeks ago) link


DJI, Monday, 16 September 2019 16:27 (four weeks ago) link

Congrats Chuck! Sounds very similar to the birth of my daughter, except she finally came out as my wife was on the operating table about to have the emergency C-section.

Lots of fun times ahead but be sure to enjoy every moment as my daughter started secondary school this month and I have absolutely no idea where the time went.

groovypanda, Tuesday, 17 September 2019 07:16 (three weeks ago) link

Not sure where to put this really, but need to put it somewhere. Since my daughter was born 6 1/2 years ago I have pretty much been one step away from tears the whole time. Everything is both amazing and terrifying and she's so small and vulnerable and I don't know what I'm saying really but it's quite exhausting.

Tsar Bombadil (James Morrison), Wednesday, 18 September 2019 02:52 (three weeks ago) link

Oh man, I'm with you.

☮ (peace, man), Wednesday, 18 September 2019 11:58 (three weeks ago) link

The joys of parenting!

Tsar Bombadil (James Morrison), Wednesday, 18 September 2019 23:50 (three weeks ago) link

It’s only been a week but totally cosign that

Sometimes when she farts on my lap, I end up laughing so much I have to put her down to stop from shaking her :)

Chuck_Tatum, Thursday, 19 September 2019 17:18 (three weeks ago) link

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