ILX Parenting 6: "Put Some Goddamn Pants On Before You Go Outside!" is a thing I say now

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have at it

Οὖτις, Friday, 10 July 2015 19:51 (five years ago) link

"because I'M the parent!" is a thing *I* say now.

UYD: Oxys, Percs, Vics, Addys, Rit-Dogs and Xannys (sunny successor), Friday, 10 July 2015 20:47 (five years ago) link

I find myself saying giving the weirdest instructions sometimes

Οὖτις, Friday, 10 July 2015 21:00 (five years ago) link

completely frivolous post but: ex-coworker pregnant w second baby. she's naming it "Macyn" and I am pretty IA about it tbh

ugh. just call the fuckin kid mason jeeeeeeezus christ almighty

difficult-difficult lemon-difficult (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 14 July 2015 19:48 (four years ago) link

boy or girl? I'm guessing girl.

mom tossed in kimchee (quincie), Tuesday, 14 July 2015 22:50 (four years ago) link

just intentionally mispronounce it from now on

Οὖτις, Tuesday, 14 July 2015 23:00 (four years ago) link

"makin? like yr makin a baby?"

Οὖτις, Tuesday, 14 July 2015 23:00 (four years ago) link

we've moved beyond the "why" stage to the "no" or simply ignoring stage which is slowly sapping my will to live and/or self-image as a nice guy

transparent play for gifs (Tracer Hand), Wednesday, 15 July 2015 12:53 (four years ago) link

Hey all. Haven't been around for a while but K now has a baby sister, E. 👨‍👩‍👧‍👧

five six and (man alive), Thursday, 16 July 2015 00:58 (four years ago) link

Good job.

Jeff, Thursday, 16 July 2015 01:02 (four years ago) link

Oh yay! I was just thinking about you, man alive, and hoping you'd come back and say hello. Congratulations!

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Thursday, 16 July 2015 01:45 (four years ago) link

Aw! Nice to not be forgotten by ILXORs, at least a few nice ones.

five six and (man alive), Thursday, 16 July 2015 01:47 (four years ago) link

yes you were missed dude

marcos, Thursday, 16 July 2015 02:12 (four years ago) link

we even posted in the ilx milk carton thread a while back iirc

marcos, Thursday, 16 July 2015 02:13 (four years ago) link

anyways good to have a new thread

J is starting to ask "what is ____" about everything, it is really cool, like he is really trying to get at the deeper meaning of it, e.g. he has been eating oatmeal for a good two years now but now he wants to really know "what is oatmeal???"

marcos, Thursday, 16 July 2015 02:15 (four years ago) link

haha also xp man alive i misread your post to say "K now has a babysitter, E" so i did not comment b/c that seemed unremarkable, but yea congratulations!

marcos, Thursday, 16 July 2015 02:24 (four years ago) link

So yeah, two kids is pretty crazy. OTOH in the final months before the birth I hustled hard and found a better job -- better pay AND more flexible with time, and that's been making things a lot easier.

five six and (man alive), Thursday, 16 July 2015 03:13 (four years ago) link

Oh awesome! Congratulations on the new job AND the new baby!

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Thursday, 16 July 2015 03:17 (four years ago) link

yeah two kids is nuts. fwiw three is not as nuts as two is, in case you're inclined in that way

we just flew back to the usa for a couple of weeks and my kids did well, but then my youngest is 8 so why would it be bad. tons of movies on demand with the little screens, they keep bringing you food and drinks, you get to snuggle, what's not to like.

droit au butt (Euler), Thursday, 16 July 2015 12:01 (four years ago) link

fwiw three is not as nuts as two

this needs explaination

UYD: Oxys, Percs, Vics, Addys, Rit-Dogs and Xannys (sunny successor), Thursday, 16 July 2015 17:36 (four years ago) link

two is fucking crazy

marcos, Thursday, 16 July 2015 18:45 (four years ago) link

I assume when you have three you let the oldest child be in charge of the other two. Parenting over!

Οὖτις, Thursday, 16 July 2015 18:46 (four years ago) link

im dying here w/ 2, it is intense

my mom had 5 and i just can't even comprehend that

marcos, Thursday, 16 July 2015 18:48 (four years ago) link

i think maybe people who say the jump to 3 is not a big deal is maybe because at that point the older ones are a little more manageable since they are older?

marcos, Thursday, 16 July 2015 18:49 (four years ago) link

also some of you may recall i mentioned J's autism diagnosis on the previous thread, things were super stressful for a long while especially after F's birth but things do seem to be falling into place a little w/ his services and planning for preschool next year. we found some really incredible home-based therapists and b/c of his diagnosis J also got offered a spot at one of our city's best public schools allowing us to bypass some of the anxiety-inducing byzantine lottery process. one benefit i guess to having a kid with special needs. also J is just doing amazingly well right now and we've seen so much growth and progress, it is really hopeful.

marcos, Thursday, 16 July 2015 18:54 (four years ago) link

Oh good! That's good to hear.

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Thursday, 16 July 2015 19:21 (four years ago) link

Thanks for the update Marcos, that's good to hear.
My friend with 3 kids says the jump to 3 is the craziest ever. You only have 2 hands for a start!

kinder, Thursday, 16 July 2015 19:44 (four years ago) link

Yeah I've heard that 3 is the hardest - harder than two, harder than four.

LOL survey says - http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/05/07/three-children-is-most-st_n_3229032.html

I think we'll stick with one to be on the safe side.

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Thursday, 16 July 2015 19:58 (four years ago) link

http://adequateman.deadspin.com/14-things-you-will-say-to-your-kids-a-million-goddamn-t-1717985943

I would add "Put on your shoes" to this list.

Immediate Follower (NA), Thursday, 16 July 2015 20:11 (four years ago) link

Ivy's only 19 months so some of those don't apply but we're already well on our way with "Careful," "You're fine," and "Don't eat that."

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Thursday, 16 July 2015 20:16 (four years ago) link

yeah I dunno with #3, #1 was already 6 years old, so didn't need the kind of management that newborns do, and got along well with #2 so our lives were fine. plus we knew what we were doing by that point, at least as well as we ever were going to. but when #2 was born...I don't know how we survived tbh

droit au butt (Euler), Thursday, 16 July 2015 20:44 (four years ago) link

Oh god, "careful!" is getting a lot of use now, as well as the related "gentle hands!" F's top three words are "no", "nono" and "nonononononono".

Madchen, Thursday, 16 July 2015 20:55 (four years ago) link

"Did you take another bite of your dinner yet?"

how's life, Thursday, 16 July 2015 21:03 (four years ago) link

Ivy's daycare teachers use the Spanish "linda" to mean "nicely," which Ivy picked up on early so we say that instead of "gentle hands." And we say that a lot... Also my mom's old favorite: People are not for hitting. People are for loving. Usually said through gritted teeth after Ivy smacks my glasses off my face.

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Thursday, 16 July 2015 21:15 (four years ago) link

our perfect granddaughter, who always slept through the night even from birth and has never been the slightest bit difficult during year one, has FINALLY has her first tantrum, tried to scratch her mom with her little fingernails. we breathed a sigh of relief tbh, thank god she's not some pod person experiment and is actually human.

I have a couple of new Isolde pics as well, will post later

sleeve, Thursday, 16 July 2015 21:31 (four years ago) link

Damn straight.

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Thursday, 16 July 2015 22:00 (four years ago) link

"gentle hands" wtf does that mean, like what is the situation

transparent play for gifs (Tracer Hand), Thursday, 16 July 2015 23:47 (four years ago) link

pets?

difficult-difficult lemon-difficult (VegemiteGrrl), Thursday, 16 July 2015 23:48 (four years ago) link

ime it is another way of saying "don't scratch my fucking face, boy"

marcos, Friday, 17 July 2015 00:06 (four years ago) link

Yeah like "don't hit scratch slap pinch me/your dad/this other child/the cat."

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Friday, 17 July 2015 00:39 (four years ago) link

"What did I just say?" is another thing I say a lot.

Οὖτις, Friday, 17 July 2015 02:39 (four years ago) link

I've been trying to get a little more real about "rules" lately, especially with eating, e.g. I keep repeating "we don't get something else until we finish what we have," because she has a really annoying habit of asking for something, taking a few bites and then asking for another thing. Also trying to stop snacks in the stroller and carseat so she'll actually eat her goddamn meals instead of snacking all the time, but that one is challenging (because on the morning where she DOESN'T eat her goddamn breakfast, you feel guilty sending her to school hungry).

five six and (man alive), Friday, 17 July 2015 04:51 (four years ago) link

Also we have a grandparent who sees her every week and undermines all this

five six and (man alive), Friday, 17 July 2015 04:51 (four years ago) link

gah, that thing when your newborn is finally asleep and completely quiet and then you keep checking every twenty minutes to make sure they're alive.

five six and (man alive), Friday, 17 July 2015 05:02 (four years ago) link

:)

difficult-difficult lemon-difficult (VegemiteGrrl), Friday, 17 July 2015 05:19 (four years ago) link

double congratulations, man alive!

estela, Friday, 17 July 2015 05:28 (four years ago) link

small man still alive

wisdom be leakin out my louche douche truths (k3vin k.), Friday, 17 July 2015 05:29 (four years ago) link

So I may have missed something, but I think Nora only woke at midnight and 3am last night. It's 7am now and she's still asleep. And it's Em's birthday.

Hey Bob (Scik Mouthy), Friday, 17 July 2015 06:18 (four years ago) link

Ha, I slept straight through a 5am waking..,

Hey Bob (Scik Mouthy), Friday, 17 July 2015 06:24 (four years ago) link

Happy birthday Em. I was just thinking I hadn't seen her over at the other place for a while. If it's any consolation, our sleep has gone back into a bad pattern after having a really good thing going for a couple of months. Hoping we find that groove again.

kinder, Friday, 17 July 2015 08:33 (four years ago) link

yeah it can be a nightmare. we spent the weekend cleaning the house and it was all trashed by Monday morning. every 2 minutes its something

frogbs, Thursday, 23 April 2020 18:22 (two months ago) link

Yep

Li'l Brexit (Tracer Hand), Thursday, 23 April 2020 18:32 (two months ago) link

Yesterday I FaceTimed with a friend in London with a kid. 15 minutes after our call ended his kid broke his leg on the backyard trampoline. I cannot imagine.

𝔠𝔞𝔢𝔨 (caek), Thursday, 23 April 2020 19:37 (two months ago) link

I'm terrified something is going to happen and we'll need to take somebody to the hospital. I cut myself while washing a knife and as I clenched the wound above my head I closed my eyes and mumbled "please no stitches, please no stitches, please no stitches...."

The ten year old was getting ambitious and wanted to help with dinner by cutting vegetables. I told her no, and that if she needs stitches during the pandemic that I'm going to do it and it won't be fun. Her eyes got wide.

Cow_Art, Thursday, 23 April 2020 19:44 (two months ago) link

tbh the thing that terrifies me most about the virus isn't necessarily the chance that I'll die it's that if the wife and I get sick there's basically no one to take care of the kids

frogbs, Thursday, 23 April 2020 20:35 (two months ago) link

if indeed we get the "sleep 18 hours and can't get out of bed" variety of the sickness

frogbs, Thursday, 23 April 2020 20:38 (two months ago) link

yep I was just wondering what to do in that situation and the answer is still 'I have no idea'

My 2yo keeps lying down near the stairs and calling me saying 'fall down, big bump'

kinder, Thursday, 23 April 2020 21:37 (two months ago) link

frogbs otm

If it were just me in an apartment full of books and bourbon and guitars, I would prolly be like "yeah, I've had an okay run."

But with a partner and with tiny people depending on me/us? That is a different calculus.

Even just one parent going into a fevered isolated stupor for a month would NOT be workable, as the other person would have to become simultaneously the main breadwinner AND main caregiver.

Not possible for me to accomplish on my best day. My wife is great but also... no. Could not work.

stone cold jane austen (Ye Mad Puffin), Friday, 24 April 2020 01:58 (two months ago) link

hi people guardians,

just dropping in to say: I'M STILL NOT HAVING A BABY!!

but for those that do, you might find this interesting or useful:

https://blogs.fangraphs.com/fangraphs-prep-build-your-own-team-hall-of-fame/

Build Your Own Team Hall of Fame
Overview: A two-week unit centered around the Hall of Fame.

You’ve just been appointed the director of your favorite team’s Hall of Fame. Your first task is to evaluate a single player for possible election to the Hall. Then, you’ll build a new set of criteria for election and determine which players are eligible.

Learning Objectives:

Identify a main thesis or point
Form arguments to support the thesis or main point
Research facts and data to support arguments
Construct a compelling persuasive essay with proper structure
Review criteria for evaluation and suggest changes or improvements to your team’s Hall of Fame
Explain the reasoning behind making those changes or improvements
Evaluate a dataset using a set of criteria to identify data points that fit
Project potential fits based on historical data

just thought it was a cool idea that sneaks in some legit educational value, and although it says Grades 9-10, i think i would have loved this the most when i was in 6th grade.

let me be your friend on the other end! (Karl Malone), Thursday, 30 April 2020 16:12 (two months ago) link

three weeks pass...

i'm a big fan of emily oster's expecting better. turns out she has a mailing list that has, for the past couple of months, been pretty detailed explainers on what data we have/how to make decisions about parenting These Days.

https://emilyoster.substack.com/ (click “let me read it first” to see the archive)

some good ones

https://emilyoster.substack.com/p/pregnancy-covid-19-updates
https://emilyoster.substack.com/p/can-kids-transmit-the-virus
https://emilyoster.substack.com/p/grandparents-and-day-care

𝔠𝔞𝔢𝔨 (caek), Thursday, 21 May 2020 22:59 (one month ago) link

we're having to decide whether to send my kid back to school for the final 6 weeks if they reopen as the govt is hoping. initially I was like "No way" but I'll admit I'm tempted now. they will be in a group of max 15 kids with various steps taken to keep everything clean.

we live in a fairly rural region with only 350 ppl in hospital for COVID in the whole of the region (population approx 5.6m).

kinder, Friday, 22 May 2020 07:18 (one month ago) link

We’re in the same boat Kinder, except we’re in a city and are almost certainly carrying antibodies now (see Rona thread) so the risk of our child passing it on or catching it from others isn’t so much of an issue for us. Our priority is his mental health as a six-year-old only child. At the moment he sees nobody his own age and has an impatient home tutor. Pods of 15 at school, with the entire afternoon spent outside seems infinitely preferable given our set of circumstances. Thank goodness we got into the school with masses of outdoor space - quite the rarity in London.

Madchen, Friday, 22 May 2020 08:22 (one month ago) link

There seems to be a lot of concern with kids getting Kawasaki disease post-COVID but not sure if that's just internet scaremongering or has basis in fact. (There are some news articles about it but nothing to imply it's widespread)

groovypanda, Friday, 22 May 2020 09:24 (one month ago) link

it is very low risk but it does appear to be real. it’s not Kawasaki but it is like it.

Li'l Brexit (Tracer Hand), Friday, 22 May 2020 10:26 (one month ago) link

madchen, how are you guys all feeling physically now? hope you're through the worst. I'm sure school will be a welcome return to a bit of normality and sounds like you're well set.

kinder, Friday, 22 May 2020 10:45 (one month ago) link

My kids are older (youngest is 13) but we won't be sending them back before September at the earliest. But we have no pressure to do so: both my wife & I have been working from home since the start & for me at least that'll continue for a long time it seems.

Joey Corona (Euler), Friday, 22 May 2020 12:13 (one month ago) link

There seems to be a lot of concern with kids getting Kawasaki disease post-COVID but not sure if that's just internet scaremongering or has basis in fact. (There are some news articles about it but nothing to imply it's widespread)

― groovypanda, Friday, May 22, 2020 5:24 AM (thirteen hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

it's pretty frightening, but it appears to affect about 1 in a 1000 children who get covid.

𝔠𝔞𝔢𝔨 (caek), Friday, 22 May 2020 22:43 (one month ago) link

a teacher suggested we get our kids some noise cancelling headphones to use for school meetings - has anyone gotten anything like this and can recommend something?

Mordy, Wednesday, 27 May 2020 22:59 (one month ago) link

I got my kids the Taotronics ones. I think they’re like $70. They seem to work well.

DJI, Wednesday, 27 May 2020 23:12 (one month ago) link

$50 now on amzn

DJI, Wednesday, 27 May 2020 23:13 (one month ago) link

mordy how come?

Li'l Brexit (Tracer Hand), Wednesday, 27 May 2020 23:16 (one month ago) link

Noisy house hard to focus sometimes

Mordy, Wednesday, 27 May 2020 23:22 (one month ago) link

Our school system, in trying to cope with Covid-19, sent out a message in the beginning of May stating

The final second-semester grade for students in high school level courses can be no lower than the grade earned in the third marking period...

My teenager has had a really rough time keeping his grades up in high school, but in third marking period, he turned his shit around and even managed to get on the honor roll. So in light of the announcement by the school system, he decided to bunk most of his online classes and just smoke pot and hang out with his friends. After all, he was going to get good final grades, so why do the work?

peace, man, Tuesday, 9 June 2020 16:11 (one month ago) link

for his own good?

our schools just aren't doing final grades this last term.

Joey Corona (Euler), Tuesday, 9 June 2020 16:14 (one month ago) link

Yes, I definitely had to explain that doing the work was integral to his education and the continued development of his brain, as well as respecting his teachers who are still there grading his work. He got really pissed off at me for that.

peace, man, Tuesday, 9 June 2020 16:23 (one month ago) link

this was a huge battle here with the 9-year-old. we got a progress report a few weeks ago showing that they were at risk of failing most classes for the last quarter because they weren't turning in homework or classwork. the policy here is that if you get a grade better than your last report card, you get a grade, but if you do the same or worse, you just get a pass. but you can still fail if you don't do enough work. so then we had a ton of stress pushing them to make up a ton of work over a couple of weeks, where my wife and i basically had to sit with them for hours at a time to help them (ie prod them into giving decent answers) and make sure stuff got turned in.
it was really frustrating bc they have almost straight a's for the first three quarters of the year, so the problem obviously isn't intelligence or ability, it's expecting fourth graders to suddenly know how to manage an email inbox and virtual classroom and self-motivate and avoid distractions with no training or information. i guess my wife and i should've been monitoring more from the beginning but all the assignment info is behind the kid's google classroom login that we don't have, plus we're both working full-time and also trying to parent another kid.
anyways we got their grades up to A and B levels but it really sucked and was very stressful

na (NA), Tuesday, 9 June 2020 16:31 (one month ago) link

My 9-year-old is doing pretty well, thank god. She gets down to work every day. There were a few problem days where I've gone into her room to check on her and she was just sitting there moping because "I don't know what to write." So I had to reiterate the fact that I would help guide her through her assignments and if I couldn't, then her teacher was available . If there's one thing I'd like to hammer into my kids it's "ask for help". The younger one is often too timid to speak up and the older one just thinks its the assignment's fault for being so useless.

peace, man, Tuesday, 9 June 2020 16:37 (one month ago) link

My kids' school was already not very challenging. The distance-learning version of their school was hella basic. I think SFUSD did the same thing where you couldn't get any worse grades than what you had when they started distance-learning. Schools out at this point, and now we are trying to find stuff for them to do all summer.

DJI, Tuesday, 9 June 2020 16:43 (one month ago) link

ours was already complaining about school before quarantine, and it's just really hard to get them to focus on schoolwork when they could be talking to their friends online or playing on the ipad instead. we had set dedicated "academic times" during the weekdays and checked in with them about what they were working on but not actually looking at their work or making sure stuff was getting turned in. which was a mistake.

na (NA), Tuesday, 9 June 2020 16:43 (one month ago) link

My (12yo) daughter had good grades going into the last quarter. As and Bs.

Yes, she could have brought some of them up, but... why? Like, none of us could think of a reason. Pretty much every school-age kid in the world has an asterisk placed against this year anyway. And given the inequality concerns (kids without access to tech and internet access, kids in less stable homes, kids with less privilege and less fortunate parents, etc.), we didn't press.

Keeping the connections open, fostering mental health, practicing self-care, doing creative stuff,, maintaining friendships, and the pressing need to focus on social justice instead? Those are all way more important than a bunch of bullshit busywork math worksheets anyway.

Frankly, smoking pot and hanging out with friends is exactly what I would be doing if I were a teenager right now, so I am not really in a position to judge her.

Tom Paine in the membrane (Ye Mad Puffin), Tuesday, 9 June 2020 16:43 (one month ago) link

The younger one did take advantage of the fact that she knew I was locked up in a Zoom meeting all afternoon yesterday so that she could spend a couple hours watching Minecraft/Sims/etc Youtubers instead of going back to her school work after lunch. But mostly she's been honest.

peace, man, Tuesday, 9 June 2020 16:47 (one month ago) link

The task of parenting full-time, working full-time, running a household, while ALSO being the principal (and the only teacher) of a home school was impossible on its face.

It was and is impossible, and we knew that going in. (For the nerds: Kobayashi Maru.) So everything you are doing, or not doing, is right.

My younger (9yo) child is intellectually disabled. Normally he is in full-time special education. He needs to be walked through each assignment in real time.

Ordinarily he has a 1:1 aide; now it's just us. So we treat school as low-pressure best effort. If he uses scissors correctly once a week we are ecstatic. If he dresses himself 2 out of 7 days we throw a party. This is our life now.

Tom Paine in the membrane (Ye Mad Puffin), Tuesday, 9 June 2020 16:55 (one month ago) link

part of the stress was i was mostly focused on getting the kid's grades up to passing level, but my wife was trying to get them to finish every single assignment and get straight a's. we ended up splitting the difference.

na (NA), Tuesday, 9 June 2020 16:58 (one month ago) link

Yeah, we're lucky that my wife is an elementary school librarian, so she can ride herd on the boys while I work in the litterbox room.

DJI, Tuesday, 9 June 2020 17:02 (one month ago) link

'Home-schooling' my difficult Y9 boy is so fucking hard. He's so detached and apathetic, and so combative and confrontational with any sort of outside input, that every school-related interaction tends to go only one way. I deal with kids like that in class all the time, but it's contained, I can cajole and have a few sticks to beat them with. Home here, I don't have any of that - beyond 'fine, don't have your X-Box' but that's so old and I feel like a prick doing it over and over again. Plus, he's 14 and I was a useless oaf at 14, so am continually letting myself off, by proxy.

My 11yr old daughter is a breeze in comparison: conscientious to the point of madness.

I'm a teacher and my missus is a nurse. I'm currently teaching pretty much full-time (remotely). Short version: fuck this.

Vanishing Point (Chinaski), Wednesday, 10 June 2020 11:48 (one month ago) link

ime y9 boys are the worst, no offence

kinder, Wednesday, 10 June 2020 13:09 (one month ago) link

Our 5 year old is lashing out like crazy. Screaming in our faces when she doesn't get what she wants, saying what she wants over and over and over again. We're starting her in tele-play therapy and we're taking parenting classes online to figure out how to deal with it. We've handled it as well as we could until yesterday when even their mom snapped. It is extremely hard to be measured and cool when someone is angrily screeching as loud as they can a foot from your face. I have taken to wearing earplugs. Yesterday I took video of her meltdown and showed it to her after she cooled down. She hid from herself.

Our ten year old doesn't get enough attention because the younger one needs so much. We've been cooped up together since schools shut down and it feels like our brains are melting. My parents live out in the country and aren't taking the virus very seriously so we've been avoiding them but yesterday was enough. They're going to my parents for a week tomorrow because we can. not. take. it. any. more.

I feel like a big part of it is that the 5 year old hasn't been around other kids in months and she's burnt out on other people being bigger than her, telling her what to do. We wrestled with what to do in July when we have to go back to work. The kids REALLY need to be around other kids but cases in Houston are going up. So we're hiring a nanny. It's starting to feel like child abuse to keep them away from other kids. Knowing that all of this is going to drag on longer because Greg Abbott has no commitment to the public health is beyond frustrating. If schools don't open up in August as planned I don't know what the fuck we're going to do.

I love my kids so much but when my mom takes them away tomorrow I will be overwhelmed with relief.

Cow_Art, Wednesday, 10 June 2020 13:20 (one month ago) link

My 5-year-old is the easier one, but he's a social person and two months away from his peers hasn't been great for him either. We actually sent him back to school this week, and while I generally think of him as the better behaved kid, the house feels a lot calmer and easier to deal with without him here, and he's loving being at school too. I mean, I also hope he doesn't bring back the coronavirus.

Anti-Cop Ponceortium (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Wednesday, 10 June 2020 13:26 (one month ago) link

she's burnt out on other people being bigger than her, telling her what to do.


This was absolutely the case with us. Living under home-behaviour rules 24/7 is a lot for a kid – they need a chance to find themselves and test boundaries and do kid-mischief, which are all things that are hard to do while the parental eye is permanently open. Ours figured that out for himself — he wailed one day "why do I never get any alone time??". And he doesn't actually want to be alone, he just wants to be in control.

We started giving him sole occupation of the living room for a bit, so he could just, y'know, do the 6-year-old equivalent of mooch-and-veg. It helped, but nothing like school going back. The effect of that was really dramatic. He was Christmas levels of delighted after the first day back.

stet, Wednesday, 10 June 2020 14:24 (one month ago) link

I very much agree about them needing peer time. The main problem with my boy is that he doesn't want face-to-face peer time. He suffers from (as yet undiagnosed) anxiety, which is currently manifesting as extreme OCD and germophobia, so is extremely reluctant to leave the house. He's had counselling in the past but covid has sent his OCD stratospheric so christ knows what we'll do to help him readjust. His current routine is to battle with us for a few hours about homework and then play his Xbox with his mates. If I close my eyes and put my fingers in my ears I occasionally convince myself he'll be OK.

Vanishing Point (Chinaski), Wednesday, 10 June 2020 15:07 (one month ago) link

And aye, kinder, objectively Y9 boys *are* the worst.

Vanishing Point (Chinaski), Wednesday, 10 June 2020 15:15 (one month ago) link

We took a calculated risk in allowing our son to go to his regular babysitter two days a week. We agonized a lot about it but it has been a lifesaver, allowing us to get some work done and just frickin get a break from his demands.

He's always better behaved for other people than for us. There's a joke about how dogs have owners; cats have staff. It does seem like to my son, a babysitter is an authority figure. Mama and Dada are staff.

Tom Paine in the membrane (Ye Mad Puffin), Wednesday, 10 June 2020 15:38 (one month ago) link

(mis-post deleted)

stet, Wednesday, 10 June 2020 15:41 (one month ago) link

chinaski, sorry that was meant to imply that they get better when they're no longer yr9 boys!

kinder, Wednesday, 10 June 2020 15:41 (one month ago) link

That's what I took it to mean, kinder - here's hoping! I see (well, saw) upwards of 80 Y9s every week and have a range of archetypes. My boy seems to be a new archetype; may indeed be a new species, as yet undiscovered by science.

I'm suspicious of the way educationalists use neuroscience in a hand-wavy way, but I'd love to get a look inside an adolescent's brain, just to see what the actual fuck is going on. I bet it's like the Somme in there.

Vanishing Point (Chinaski), Wednesday, 10 June 2020 15:50 (one month ago) link

We have let our teen go out to see his friends since the beginning of this. He has one group that he was hanging out with, and they spent a couple months building bike jumps in one guy's backyard. It was not ideal, but I've known from having to ground him a few times recently that keeping him in the house really effects his mental health. And I know from arguments in years previous about wearing bike helmets and wearing shorts in 30 degree weather that he's way too stubborn for me when rationality doesn't prevail.

We've kept the daughter with us and tried to give her as much space as she needs. She has used this space to obsessively watch video game youtubers. We'll take her out on walks to her favorite places around the neighborhood and stuff. Last week she got to see two of her friends and it was a great little test run. One family only let us hang for a brief 15-minute outdoor visit. The other one we spent an hour or two at one of our local beaches.

peace, man, Wednesday, 10 June 2020 17:47 (one month ago) link

There's an Australian play called "year 9 are animals" which we studied when I was in high school :) Its true!

Stoop Crone (Trayce), Thursday, 11 June 2020 06:13 (four weeks ago) link

two weeks pass...

I'm so happy. We bought my teenager a drumset last night. Used, off of one of his friend's parents. Some cheap no-name brand that doesn't even exist anymore, as far as I can tell. But he's in there practicing and trying to figure things out now. I had really been worried about how he's been spending his free time, because other than building bmx jumps in the woods, his hobbies have sort of consisted of smoking pot, CS:GO, watching Netflix, and being at anyone else's house other than ours. He played violin for a couple years in elementary school and I showed him how to play Smoke on the Water or something once on guitar, but that didn't really stick. I love the sound of kids making music.

peace, man, Tuesday, 30 June 2020 12:18 (one week ago) link

That is awesome!
My 5-year-old has been having piano lessons with my mom (a piano teacher) a couple of days a week for the past few months and he’s reading music now! So he’s officially learned to read music before he’s learned to read words ha! I’m fine with that.

obliquity of the ecliptic (rrrobyn), Wednesday, 1 July 2020 21:42 (one week ago) link


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