ILX Parenting 6: "Put Some Goddamn Pants On Before You Go Outside!" is a thing I say now

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have at it

Οὖτις, Friday, 10 July 2015 19:51 (five years ago) link

"because I'M the parent!" is a thing *I* say now.

UYD: Oxys, Percs, Vics, Addys, Rit-Dogs and Xannys (sunny successor), Friday, 10 July 2015 20:47 (five years ago) link

I find myself saying giving the weirdest instructions sometimes

Οὖτις, Friday, 10 July 2015 21:00 (five years ago) link

completely frivolous post but: ex-coworker pregnant w second baby. she's naming it "Macyn" and I am pretty IA about it tbh

ugh. just call the fuckin kid mason jeeeeeeezus christ almighty

difficult-difficult lemon-difficult (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 14 July 2015 19:48 (five years ago) link

boy or girl? I'm guessing girl.

mom tossed in kimchee (quincie), Tuesday, 14 July 2015 22:50 (five years ago) link

just intentionally mispronounce it from now on

Οὖτις, Tuesday, 14 July 2015 23:00 (five years ago) link

"makin? like yr makin a baby?"

Οὖτις, Tuesday, 14 July 2015 23:00 (five years ago) link

we've moved beyond the "why" stage to the "no" or simply ignoring stage which is slowly sapping my will to live and/or self-image as a nice guy

transparent play for gifs (Tracer Hand), Wednesday, 15 July 2015 12:53 (five years ago) link

Hey all. Haven't been around for a while but K now has a baby sister, E. 👨‍👩‍👧‍👧

five six and (man alive), Thursday, 16 July 2015 00:58 (five years ago) link

Good job.

Jeff, Thursday, 16 July 2015 01:02 (five years ago) link

Oh yay! I was just thinking about you, man alive, and hoping you'd come back and say hello. Congratulations!

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Thursday, 16 July 2015 01:45 (five years ago) link

Aw! Nice to not be forgotten by ILXORs, at least a few nice ones.

five six and (man alive), Thursday, 16 July 2015 01:47 (five years ago) link

yes you were missed dude

marcos, Thursday, 16 July 2015 02:12 (five years ago) link

we even posted in the ilx milk carton thread a while back iirc

marcos, Thursday, 16 July 2015 02:13 (five years ago) link

anyways good to have a new thread

J is starting to ask "what is ____" about everything, it is really cool, like he is really trying to get at the deeper meaning of it, e.g. he has been eating oatmeal for a good two years now but now he wants to really know "what is oatmeal???"

marcos, Thursday, 16 July 2015 02:15 (five years ago) link

haha also xp man alive i misread your post to say "K now has a babysitter, E" so i did not comment b/c that seemed unremarkable, but yea congratulations!

marcos, Thursday, 16 July 2015 02:24 (five years ago) link

So yeah, two kids is pretty crazy. OTOH in the final months before the birth I hustled hard and found a better job -- better pay AND more flexible with time, and that's been making things a lot easier.

five six and (man alive), Thursday, 16 July 2015 03:13 (five years ago) link

Oh awesome! Congratulations on the new job AND the new baby!

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Thursday, 16 July 2015 03:17 (five years ago) link

yeah two kids is nuts. fwiw three is not as nuts as two is, in case you're inclined in that way

we just flew back to the usa for a couple of weeks and my kids did well, but then my youngest is 8 so why would it be bad. tons of movies on demand with the little screens, they keep bringing you food and drinks, you get to snuggle, what's not to like.

droit au butt (Euler), Thursday, 16 July 2015 12:01 (five years ago) link

fwiw three is not as nuts as two

this needs explaination

UYD: Oxys, Percs, Vics, Addys, Rit-Dogs and Xannys (sunny successor), Thursday, 16 July 2015 17:36 (five years ago) link

two is fucking crazy

marcos, Thursday, 16 July 2015 18:45 (five years ago) link

I assume when you have three you let the oldest child be in charge of the other two. Parenting over!

Οὖτις, Thursday, 16 July 2015 18:46 (five years ago) link

im dying here w/ 2, it is intense

my mom had 5 and i just can't even comprehend that

marcos, Thursday, 16 July 2015 18:48 (five years ago) link

i think maybe people who say the jump to 3 is not a big deal is maybe because at that point the older ones are a little more manageable since they are older?

marcos, Thursday, 16 July 2015 18:49 (five years ago) link

also some of you may recall i mentioned J's autism diagnosis on the previous thread, things were super stressful for a long while especially after F's birth but things do seem to be falling into place a little w/ his services and planning for preschool next year. we found some really incredible home-based therapists and b/c of his diagnosis J also got offered a spot at one of our city's best public schools allowing us to bypass some of the anxiety-inducing byzantine lottery process. one benefit i guess to having a kid with special needs. also J is just doing amazingly well right now and we've seen so much growth and progress, it is really hopeful.

marcos, Thursday, 16 July 2015 18:54 (five years ago) link

Oh good! That's good to hear.

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Thursday, 16 July 2015 19:21 (five years ago) link

Thanks for the update Marcos, that's good to hear.
My friend with 3 kids says the jump to 3 is the craziest ever. You only have 2 hands for a start!

kinder, Thursday, 16 July 2015 19:44 (five years ago) link

Yeah I've heard that 3 is the hardest - harder than two, harder than four.

LOL survey says -

I think we'll stick with one to be on the safe side.

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Thursday, 16 July 2015 19:58 (five years ago) link

I would add "Put on your shoes" to this list.

Immediate Follower (NA), Thursday, 16 July 2015 20:11 (five years ago) link

Ivy's only 19 months so some of those don't apply but we're already well on our way with "Careful," "You're fine," and "Don't eat that."

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Thursday, 16 July 2015 20:16 (five years ago) link

yeah I dunno with #3, #1 was already 6 years old, so didn't need the kind of management that newborns do, and got along well with #2 so our lives were fine. plus we knew what we were doing by that point, at least as well as we ever were going to. but when #2 was born...I don't know how we survived tbh

droit au butt (Euler), Thursday, 16 July 2015 20:44 (five years ago) link

Oh god, "careful!" is getting a lot of use now, as well as the related "gentle hands!" F's top three words are "no", "nono" and "nonononononono".

Madchen, Thursday, 16 July 2015 20:55 (five years ago) link

"Did you take another bite of your dinner yet?"

how's life, Thursday, 16 July 2015 21:03 (five years ago) link

Ivy's daycare teachers use the Spanish "linda" to mean "nicely," which Ivy picked up on early so we say that instead of "gentle hands." And we say that a lot... Also my mom's old favorite: People are not for hitting. People are for loving. Usually said through gritted teeth after Ivy smacks my glasses off my face.

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Thursday, 16 July 2015 21:15 (five years ago) link

our perfect granddaughter, who always slept through the night even from birth and has never been the slightest bit difficult during year one, has FINALLY has her first tantrum, tried to scratch her mom with her little fingernails. we breathed a sigh of relief tbh, thank god she's not some pod person experiment and is actually human.

I have a couple of new Isolde pics as well, will post later

sleeve, Thursday, 16 July 2015 21:31 (five years ago) link

Damn straight.

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Thursday, 16 July 2015 22:00 (five years ago) link

"gentle hands" wtf does that mean, like what is the situation

transparent play for gifs (Tracer Hand), Thursday, 16 July 2015 23:47 (five years ago) link


difficult-difficult lemon-difficult (VegemiteGrrl), Thursday, 16 July 2015 23:48 (five years ago) link

ime it is another way of saying "don't scratch my fucking face, boy"

marcos, Friday, 17 July 2015 00:06 (five years ago) link

Yeah like "don't hit scratch slap pinch me/your dad/this other child/the cat."

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Friday, 17 July 2015 00:39 (five years ago) link

"What did I just say?" is another thing I say a lot.

Οὖτις, Friday, 17 July 2015 02:39 (five years ago) link

I've been trying to get a little more real about "rules" lately, especially with eating, e.g. I keep repeating "we don't get something else until we finish what we have," because she has a really annoying habit of asking for something, taking a few bites and then asking for another thing. Also trying to stop snacks in the stroller and carseat so she'll actually eat her goddamn meals instead of snacking all the time, but that one is challenging (because on the morning where she DOESN'T eat her goddamn breakfast, you feel guilty sending her to school hungry).

five six and (man alive), Friday, 17 July 2015 04:51 (five years ago) link

Also we have a grandparent who sees her every week and undermines all this

five six and (man alive), Friday, 17 July 2015 04:51 (five years ago) link

gah, that thing when your newborn is finally asleep and completely quiet and then you keep checking every twenty minutes to make sure they're alive.

five six and (man alive), Friday, 17 July 2015 05:02 (five years ago) link


difficult-difficult lemon-difficult (VegemiteGrrl), Friday, 17 July 2015 05:19 (five years ago) link

double congratulations, man alive!

estela, Friday, 17 July 2015 05:28 (five years ago) link

small man still alive

wisdom be leakin out my louche douche truths (k3vin k.), Friday, 17 July 2015 05:29 (five years ago) link

So I may have missed something, but I think Nora only woke at midnight and 3am last night. It's 7am now and she's still asleep. And it's Em's birthday.

Hey Bob (Scik Mouthy), Friday, 17 July 2015 06:18 (five years ago) link

Ha, I slept straight through a 5am waking..,

Hey Bob (Scik Mouthy), Friday, 17 July 2015 06:24 (five years ago) link

Happy birthday Em. I was just thinking I hadn't seen her over at the other place for a while. If it's any consolation, our sleep has gone back into a bad pattern after having a really good thing going for a couple of months. Hoping we find that groove again.

kinder, Friday, 17 July 2015 08:33 (five years ago) link

The task of parenting full-time, working full-time, running a household, while ALSO being the principal (and the only teacher) of a home school was impossible on its face.

It was and is impossible, and we knew that going in. (For the nerds: Kobayashi Maru.) So everything you are doing, or not doing, is right.

My younger (9yo) child is intellectually disabled. Normally he is in full-time special education. He needs to be walked through each assignment in real time.

Ordinarily he has a 1:1 aide; now it's just us. So we treat school as low-pressure best effort. If he uses scissors correctly once a week we are ecstatic. If he dresses himself 2 out of 7 days we throw a party. This is our life now.

Tom Paine in the membrane (Ye Mad Puffin), Tuesday, 9 June 2020 16:55 (eight months ago) link

part of the stress was i was mostly focused on getting the kid's grades up to passing level, but my wife was trying to get them to finish every single assignment and get straight a's. we ended up splitting the difference.

na (NA), Tuesday, 9 June 2020 16:58 (eight months ago) link

Yeah, we're lucky that my wife is an elementary school librarian, so she can ride herd on the boys while I work in the litterbox room.

DJI, Tuesday, 9 June 2020 17:02 (eight months ago) link

'Home-schooling' my difficult Y9 boy is so fucking hard. He's so detached and apathetic, and so combative and confrontational with any sort of outside input, that every school-related interaction tends to go only one way. I deal with kids like that in class all the time, but it's contained, I can cajole and have a few sticks to beat them with. Home here, I don't have any of that - beyond 'fine, don't have your X-Box' but that's so old and I feel like a prick doing it over and over again. Plus, he's 14 and I was a useless oaf at 14, so am continually letting myself off, by proxy.

My 11yr old daughter is a breeze in comparison: conscientious to the point of madness.

I'm a teacher and my missus is a nurse. I'm currently teaching pretty much full-time (remotely). Short version: fuck this.

Vanishing Point (Chinaski), Wednesday, 10 June 2020 11:48 (eight months ago) link

ime y9 boys are the worst, no offence

kinder, Wednesday, 10 June 2020 13:09 (eight months ago) link

Our 5 year old is lashing out like crazy. Screaming in our faces when she doesn't get what she wants, saying what she wants over and over and over again. We're starting her in tele-play therapy and we're taking parenting classes online to figure out how to deal with it. We've handled it as well as we could until yesterday when even their mom snapped. It is extremely hard to be measured and cool when someone is angrily screeching as loud as they can a foot from your face. I have taken to wearing earplugs. Yesterday I took video of her meltdown and showed it to her after she cooled down. She hid from herself.

Our ten year old doesn't get enough attention because the younger one needs so much. We've been cooped up together since schools shut down and it feels like our brains are melting. My parents live out in the country and aren't taking the virus very seriously so we've been avoiding them but yesterday was enough. They're going to my parents for a week tomorrow because we can. not. take. it. any. more.

I feel like a big part of it is that the 5 year old hasn't been around other kids in months and she's burnt out on other people being bigger than her, telling her what to do. We wrestled with what to do in July when we have to go back to work. The kids REALLY need to be around other kids but cases in Houston are going up. So we're hiring a nanny. It's starting to feel like child abuse to keep them away from other kids. Knowing that all of this is going to drag on longer because Greg Abbott has no commitment to the public health is beyond frustrating. If schools don't open up in August as planned I don't know what the fuck we're going to do.

I love my kids so much but when my mom takes them away tomorrow I will be overwhelmed with relief.

Cow_Art, Wednesday, 10 June 2020 13:20 (eight months ago) link

My 5-year-old is the easier one, but he's a social person and two months away from his peers hasn't been great for him either. We actually sent him back to school this week, and while I generally think of him as the better behaved kid, the house feels a lot calmer and easier to deal with without him here, and he's loving being at school too. I mean, I also hope he doesn't bring back the coronavirus.

Anti-Cop Ponceortium (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Wednesday, 10 June 2020 13:26 (eight months ago) link

she's burnt out on other people being bigger than her, telling her what to do.

This was absolutely the case with us. Living under home-behaviour rules 24/7 is a lot for a kid – they need a chance to find themselves and test boundaries and do kid-mischief, which are all things that are hard to do while the parental eye is permanently open. Ours figured that out for himself — he wailed one day "why do I never get any alone time??". And he doesn't actually want to be alone, he just wants to be in control.

We started giving him sole occupation of the living room for a bit, so he could just, y'know, do the 6-year-old equivalent of mooch-and-veg. It helped, but nothing like school going back. The effect of that was really dramatic. He was Christmas levels of delighted after the first day back.

stet, Wednesday, 10 June 2020 14:24 (eight months ago) link

I very much agree about them needing peer time. The main problem with my boy is that he doesn't want face-to-face peer time. He suffers from (as yet undiagnosed) anxiety, which is currently manifesting as extreme OCD and germophobia, so is extremely reluctant to leave the house. He's had counselling in the past but covid has sent his OCD stratospheric so christ knows what we'll do to help him readjust. His current routine is to battle with us for a few hours about homework and then play his Xbox with his mates. If I close my eyes and put my fingers in my ears I occasionally convince myself he'll be OK.

Vanishing Point (Chinaski), Wednesday, 10 June 2020 15:07 (eight months ago) link

And aye, kinder, objectively Y9 boys *are* the worst.

Vanishing Point (Chinaski), Wednesday, 10 June 2020 15:15 (eight months ago) link

We took a calculated risk in allowing our son to go to his regular babysitter two days a week. We agonized a lot about it but it has been a lifesaver, allowing us to get some work done and just frickin get a break from his demands.

He's always better behaved for other people than for us. There's a joke about how dogs have owners; cats have staff. It does seem like to my son, a babysitter is an authority figure. Mama and Dada are staff.

Tom Paine in the membrane (Ye Mad Puffin), Wednesday, 10 June 2020 15:38 (eight months ago) link

(mis-post deleted)

stet, Wednesday, 10 June 2020 15:41 (eight months ago) link

chinaski, sorry that was meant to imply that they get better when they're no longer yr9 boys!

kinder, Wednesday, 10 June 2020 15:41 (eight months ago) link

That's what I took it to mean, kinder - here's hoping! I see (well, saw) upwards of 80 Y9s every week and have a range of archetypes. My boy seems to be a new archetype; may indeed be a new species, as yet undiscovered by science.

I'm suspicious of the way educationalists use neuroscience in a hand-wavy way, but I'd love to get a look inside an adolescent's brain, just to see what the actual fuck is going on. I bet it's like the Somme in there.

Vanishing Point (Chinaski), Wednesday, 10 June 2020 15:50 (eight months ago) link

We have let our teen go out to see his friends since the beginning of this. He has one group that he was hanging out with, and they spent a couple months building bike jumps in one guy's backyard. It was not ideal, but I've known from having to ground him a few times recently that keeping him in the house really effects his mental health. And I know from arguments in years previous about wearing bike helmets and wearing shorts in 30 degree weather that he's way too stubborn for me when rationality doesn't prevail.

We've kept the daughter with us and tried to give her as much space as she needs. She has used this space to obsessively watch video game youtubers. We'll take her out on walks to her favorite places around the neighborhood and stuff. Last week she got to see two of her friends and it was a great little test run. One family only let us hang for a brief 15-minute outdoor visit. The other one we spent an hour or two at one of our local beaches.

peace, man, Wednesday, 10 June 2020 17:47 (eight months ago) link

There's an Australian play called "year 9 are animals" which we studied when I was in high school :) Its true!

Stoop Crone (Trayce), Thursday, 11 June 2020 06:13 (eight months ago) link

two weeks pass...

I'm so happy. We bought my teenager a drumset last night. Used, off of one of his friend's parents. Some cheap no-name brand that doesn't even exist anymore, as far as I can tell. But he's in there practicing and trying to figure things out now. I had really been worried about how he's been spending his free time, because other than building bmx jumps in the woods, his hobbies have sort of consisted of smoking pot, CS:GO, watching Netflix, and being at anyone else's house other than ours. He played violin for a couple years in elementary school and I showed him how to play Smoke on the Water or something once on guitar, but that didn't really stick. I love the sound of kids making music.

peace, man, Tuesday, 30 June 2020 12:18 (seven months ago) link

That is awesome!
My 5-year-old has been having piano lessons with my mom (a piano teacher) a couple of days a week for the past few months and he’s reading music now! So he’s officially learned to read music before he’s learned to read words ha! I’m fine with that.

obliquity of the ecliptic (rrrobyn), Wednesday, 1 July 2020 21:42 (seven months ago) link

two weeks pass...

I think my kid took the piss out of me for the first time today. She’s ten months. She snatched the book I normally read to her out of my hands, opened it out, and started “reading” to me in a mock-pompous voice.

Chuck_Tatum, Friday, 17 July 2020 19:20 (seven months ago) link

get used to it!

scampo, foggy and clegg (bizarro gazzara), Friday, 17 July 2020 19:49 (seven months ago) link


DJI, Friday, 17 July 2020 20:22 (seven months ago) link

My 11yr old (going on 25yr old) tagged me in her Instagram story today as the 'most boring person in her life'.

Vanishing Point (Chinaski), Friday, 17 July 2020 20:48 (seven months ago) link

I mean, she's probably right but OUCH.

Vanishing Point (Chinaski), Friday, 17 July 2020 20:49 (seven months ago) link

hahaha lmao

Li'l Brexit (Tracer Hand), Friday, 17 July 2020 20:53 (seven months ago) link


kinder, Friday, 17 July 2020 21:01 (seven months ago) link

I’m down to only two teenagers today, like, forever. It’s weird.

Joey Corona (Euler), Friday, 17 July 2020 23:13 (seven months ago) link

one month passes...

Two days into the new term and I’m trying to get anti-climb paint out of a school sweatshirt fml.

Madchen, Friday, 4 September 2020 15:32 (five months ago) link

“It kind of happened magically” at playtime, according to F. His new teacher was veeeeerrrrrry apologetic.

Madchen, Friday, 4 September 2020 15:33 (five months ago) link

Recommending things to your kid: classic or impossible?

My older kid, I rarely had any influence over. His mom had more luck than I did. I've had mild success with introducing my fourth-grader to things. She went on a big Homestar Runner kick last year and earlier this summer we enjoyed Avatar: The Last Airbender together when it came to Netflix. These days, her tastes run almost entirely toward Minecraft and Five Nights at Freddy's youtubers.

I can't get her to read a book with me anymore. And I respect that she wants to choose things for herself. She's been big on Warrior cats books and reads them and enthusiastically discusses them with me about them when she's done. But anything that I loved as a child and I try to introduce to her - C.S. Lewis, Madeleine L'Engle, etc. - I get shut down with a firm "no", which I honor and respect but... Anyone know any tricks, or do I just respect that Warrior cats are the new classics and give the fuck up?

peace, man, Sunday, 13 September 2020 23:20 (five months ago) link

Warrior Cats are a phase that will pass. Generally think people should come to classics because they want to, not as an "eat your vegetables" thing that parents do. You've done your job by letting the kid know about them.

School may require some specific reading, and sometimes hearing it from a different authority works better.

velcro-magnon (Ye Mad Puffin), Sunday, 13 September 2020 23:44 (five months ago) link

Fair enough. To be clear though from my perspective , I'm not approaching/proposing these things from "eat your veg" as much as "I want to enjoy this thing with you".

peace, man, Sunday, 13 September 2020 23:47 (five months ago) link

I've found it very hit & miss - some stick others get dismissed after one or two episodes/chapters.

Sometimes it also seems to be about catching them at the right time - first time I tried Avatar with my son he wasn't really interested but then gave it another go a couple of months later and he was hooked.

groovypanda, Monday, 14 September 2020 06:20 (five months ago) link

"I want to enjoy this thing with you".

Oh yeah, I totally get that! My wife and I were thrilled when our daughter put down the Warriors for a bit and picked up Wrinkle in Time. We tried not to show it too much, though. Our acting like eager puppies over her enjoyment of something we can share can have a backlash effect in tweens (just as much as teens).

I should add that she got into L'Engle not because we'd lobbied for her to do so (see above) but to be in a school play.

This is complicated for me because my family of origin definitely had canonical movies and books and musicals that we felt obligated to like Or Else. It was only as an adult that I realized what a dud that can be, how limiting and prescriptive. I spent a lot of time feeling that my taste should align with my parents' taste in order to think of myself as cultured, when sometimes I probably would have been better off finding out what *I* liked on my own.

Also I'm sure there were people in my family that kinda resented how much of our interaction was based around certain references and in-jokes and quotes from "Auntie Mame" or whatever. Stepsiblings and new spouses and such who either felt left out, or who felt they needed to wlbe given a read/watch list before they could participate.

The ritual of "you haven't seen Princess Bride (or whatever)?!?! We need to rectify this immediately!" can be well-intentioned and feel like generosity and a desire for shared enjoyment. But it can also feel stifling, and I've deliberately kept that to a minimum with my kids.

That said, they live in a house with thousands of books and people eager to talk passionately about each one. If they become interested in something great under their own steam mand following their own curiosity, the joy is more real.

velcro-magnon (Ye Mad Puffin), Monday, 14 September 2020 10:08 (five months ago) link


Li'l Brexit (Tracer Hand), Monday, 14 September 2020 10:18 (five months ago) link

I don't think any Onion article has haunted me as much as this one.

Nevertheless daughter number one has started telling me that none of her friends ever get the movie or music references she drops (tho the last one was to School of Rock for pity's sake).

Piedie Gimbel, Monday, 14 September 2020 10:32 (five months ago) link

my kids currently only listen to minecraft parody songs, not sure if this is a disaster or not

这是我的显示名称 (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Monday, 14 September 2020 10:46 (five months ago) link

Yes, we are firmly in Minecraft parody territory. I'm fine with that and watching some youtubers like Preston or Slogoman or LaurenZSide. She's been down a rabbithole watching Gacha Life vids recently though, and I haven't said it aloud to her, but they are the absolutely dregs.

peace, man, Monday, 14 September 2020 11:48 (five months ago) link

my kids watch Mr Beast and he’s the fucking worst

Li'l Brexit (Tracer Hand), Monday, 14 September 2020 11:50 (five months ago) link

I have had more than enough of hearing about "Preson Styles Merch" and have banned him, BeckBroJack too.

这是我的显示名称 (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Monday, 14 September 2020 11:56 (five months ago) link

Aw, I mean, these guys are annoying don't get me wrong, but when I was my daughter's age I was either watching genuine neon-orange effluvia on Nickelodeon or sneaking over to MTV in hopes of catching the Britney Fox 'Girlschool' video. But yes, I have purchased Preston Stylez merch in the past two months.

peace, man, Monday, 14 September 2020 12:07 (five months ago) link

Lol @ Piedie Gimbel

velcro-magnon (Ye Mad Puffin), Monday, 14 September 2020 12:51 (five months ago) link

Has anyone else had experience with their kid, particularly a young kid (kindergartner in my case) being mean to other kids? We have had the experience multiple times when we will set up a playdate and E will decide in advance she doesn't like the kid, refusing to share anything, refuses to show her room to the kid, refuses to play, says rude things on purpose, etc. We try to model being good hosts and being friendly, we try gently reminding her how to be nice, and we have tried sterner approaches too, but none work because she has clearly set her mind against the playdate and on not being nice. In fact, sometimes the more we encourage her to be nice, the worse she gets. We did move recently so it may partly be a control thing, but it happened before we moved too. I'm not sure what to do and it makes me afraid to set up playdates with other kids - today she made a girl we invited cry.

longtime caller, first time listener (man alive), Sunday, 27 September 2020 17:06 (four months ago) link

No real advice, but I've noticed that with playdates, the kid whose house (and toys) it is, generally ends up being difficult. the same kids are fine going to the other's place. leaving can be fraught too even if they're having a good time. is kindergarten age 4/5?

kinder, Sunday, 27 September 2020 18:02 (four months ago) link

three months pass...

ILX Parenting 6: "Put Some Goddamn Pants On Before You Go Outside!" is a thing I say now

Over the past few months, my 16-year-old has just stopped wearing shirts around the house. Just now I was about to exhort him to "put a goddamn shirt on before he opens the refrigerator" but I'm just gonna give up and let him do whatever the hell he wants because these times are hard enough on everyone.

peace, man, Monday, 4 January 2021 20:15 (one month ago) link

oh i have to bribe my two boys to put on anything more than underwear.

Li'l Brexit (Tracer Hand), Monday, 4 January 2021 20:59 (one month ago) link

Mine think shorts are year-round apparel

calstars, Monday, 4 January 2021 21:45 (one month ago) link

Oh yeah, when he got to be around 10 or 11, my wife would have huge fights with him in the morning because he didn't want to wear jeans in sub-freezing weather. Wasn't a thing when I was a kid, but apparently it is the standard for tween boys these days.

peace, man, Monday, 4 January 2021 21:49 (one month ago) link

guess what happens if you give an 18 month old some toilet roll from the cupboard and say "go and put this in the toilet".

ledge, Sunday, 17 January 2021 09:15 (one month ago) link


Madchen, Sunday, 17 January 2021 09:33 (one month ago) link

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