my wife explained to Opal that Vampires are made up creatures that suck blood out of necks, after seeing them in the halloween book Sheep Trick or Treat.
she also recently learned about the little beach birds called Sandpipers.
A few weeks ago we were going to Rockaway Beach off-season to play in the sand and she freaked out. "No, I don't wanna see sandpipers don't want my blood sucked"
― dan selzer, Thursday, 17 October 2019 16:57 (four years ago) link
“no”“later”“why are you still talking “
― Li'l Brexit (Tracer Hand), Thursday, 17 October 2019 20:02 (four years ago) link
Me: Come on, it's bath time then bed time3.5yo: Then sleeping time, then morning time, then playtime, then bath time, then bed time, then sleeping time, then morning time...Me: Oh shit you've figured it out already, how come you're not massively depressed
― The Pingularity (ledge), Monday, 28 October 2019 11:57 (four years ago) link
give it another year and a half :\
― president of deluded fruitcakes anonymous (silby), Monday, 28 October 2019 16:26 (four years ago) link
4yo: Whenever I scribbled on my paper Julianna used to tattletale on me to the teacher.
me: Does she still do that?
4yo: No, she stopped. Like how those girls used to scream for the Beatles all the time and then they stopped forever.
― Muswell Hillbilly Elegy (President Keyes), Monday, 28 October 2019 21:08 (four years ago) link
Brilliant!
― Tsar Bombadil (James Morrison), Tuesday, 29 October 2019 07:25 (four years ago) link
wife: What would you like for your birthday?daughter: Spiders!
― silverfish, Monday, 4 November 2019 02:28 (four years ago) link
otm
― Squeaky Fromage (VegemiteGrrl), Monday, 4 November 2019 02:32 (four years ago) link
came home the other day with a haircut. Opal says "daddy got a haircut!"
The next day Opal wakes up and says "does daddy still have his haircut?"
― dan selzer, Monday, 4 November 2019 03:43 (four years ago) link
For the Dutchies:
"Elf november is de dagDat mijn nichtje branden mag"
(3yo)
― ArchCarrier, Tuesday, 12 November 2019 14:12 (four years ago) link
Any help on the last couple of words?
― Bidh boladh a' mhairbh de 'n láimh fhalaimh (dowd), Tuesday, 12 November 2019 14:16 (four years ago) link
That my niece may burn
― Le Bateau Ivre, Tuesday, 12 November 2019 14:30 (four years ago) link
Instead of 'that my light may burn' (lichtje/nichtje mistake)
― Le Bateau Ivre, Tuesday, 12 November 2019 14:31 (four years ago) link
Ta! And cute!
― Bidh boladh a' mhairbh de 'n láimh fhalaimh (dowd), Tuesday, 12 November 2019 14:59 (four years ago) link
My youngest son, shrugging: “I can’t clean up a fart!”
― Wee Bloabby (NickB), Wednesday, 13 November 2019 18:46 (four years ago) link
Needs to be a horrible 70s album title tbh
― Wee Bloabby (NickB), Wednesday, 13 November 2019 18:48 (four years ago) link
singer shrugging, guitarist holding his nose, bassist spraying air freshener, drummer passed out
― Muswell Hillbilly Elegy (President Keyes), Wednesday, 13 November 2019 19:43 (four years ago) link
kid's birthday party is saturday, and he has a white noise machine on in his room at night; he got out of bed and came downstairs to say "i'm too excited about my birthday party and am scared that my sound machine is going to turn into a human head"
― joygoat, Wednesday, 13 November 2019 20:08 (four years ago) link
Whoa!
― ☮ (peace, man), Thursday, 14 November 2019 12:57 (four years ago) link
last christmas, i pooed in my pantsthe very next day, i peed in my pants
― Li'l Brexit (Tracer Hand), Wednesday, 11 December 2019 15:41 (four years ago) link
hahahah!
― Wee Bloabby (NickB), Wednesday, 11 December 2019 15:43 (four years ago) link
This year, I’ll stick with a fartAnd give it to someone special
― DJI, Wednesday, 11 December 2019 16:58 (four years ago) link
File that under posts you immediately regret
― DJI, Wednesday, 11 December 2019 16:59 (four years ago) link
This is going to make the next few weeks tolerable. Thanks guys!
― ☮ (peace, man), Wednesday, 11 December 2019 16:59 (four years ago) link
I’m lovin it
― L'assie (Euler), Wednesday, 11 December 2019 17:19 (four years ago) link
this has really cheered me up
― YOU CALL THIS JOURNALSIM? (dog latin), Saturday, 14 December 2019 21:03 (four years ago) link
Driving in the car, Can's "Dizzy Dizzy" comes on the CD.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uXm-Xco5BWA
The boy goes, "What is this, Spongebob back from a commercial?"
I go into "incredulous dad mode" - What? This is CAN.
The girl goes, "If it's from Spongebob, they should've called it 'Gary's Theme'."
― pplains, Wednesday, 1 January 2020 04:08 (four years ago) link
I DIED nearly from being told this today, by a friend who is mother of three boys, who at the time were probably approx 10-8-8. They had been visiting some family or acquaintance in winter, and on coming home, mom helps free one of the twins from multiple lower-body layers, when it turns out he has within the back of one of the legs of his outermost waterproofs a long shoehorn, as in grown-up, foot-plus length.
MOM (bewildered): How did this happen??SON (conspiratorial): I was lightning quick!
― anatol_merklich, Friday, 3 January 2020 23:20 (four years ago) link
“I don’t like fire fighters because they put fire everywhere.”
― dan selzer, Friday, 3 January 2020 23:47 (four years ago) link
“Everyone in the Bible is tricky. I think it was written by tricky people.”
― Muswell Hillbilly Elegy (President Keyes), Saturday, 4 January 2020 14:59 (four years ago) link
"It's a stab or be stabbed world"
― Οὖτις, Monday, 6 January 2020 17:18 (four years ago) link
speaking of the bible, the five-year-old pulled one out of the hotel desk drawer and tried to read the cover: "holly ... bubble?"
― na (NA), Monday, 6 January 2020 17:38 (four years ago) link
I did exactly that when I was a kid, at a hotel saying "why's this book here? the holly bibble?"
― dan selzer, Monday, 6 January 2020 17:43 (four years ago) link
of course since i laughed she did the exact same thing at the next hotel
― na (NA), Monday, 6 January 2020 17:47 (four years ago) link
It was pretty funny hearing our nearly four year old daughter and her six year old friend trying to out lawyer each other when she was holding her red fishing rod in the bath:
him: "It's my turn to have a red thing as she had the red cup at dinner"her: "It wasn't red it was pink"him: "Pink is the closest colour to red"
It was less funny when he then had a full on unconsoleable meltdown, while she grimly clutched the rod to her chest the whole time. Was still a bit funny when he wailed, more than once, "I've never had anything red in my whole life!"
― Paperbag raita (ledge), Monday, 17 February 2020 10:35 (four years ago) link
My two boys (5 and 8) had an actual fight yesterday about whether the menu screen of Minecraft said "Save and quit to desktop" or "Save and quit to the desktop"
― Wuhan!! Got You All in Check (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Monday, 17 February 2020 10:40 (four years ago) link
who was right tho
― Homegrown Georgia speedster Ladd McConkey (bizarro gazzara), Monday, 17 February 2020 10:42 (four years ago) link
The 8-year-old was right. He was also the one who steered it from a correction to a declaration of war, however, so is not getting any brownie points.
― Wuhan!! Got You All in Check (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Monday, 17 February 2020 12:11 (four years ago) link
5yo to his dad - "remember when you used to sit in the car next to me to contain me?"think he mean 'entertain' but he's kind of right
― kinder, Monday, 17 February 2020 13:23 (four years ago) link
Almost 3 Opal was sick all week so lots of TV. We watched Toy Story 2, where Woody is reunited with his horse. When he gets in the horse Opal screams out angrily “no Woody is a cowboy, not a horseboy!”
― dan selzer, Monday, 17 February 2020 15:35 (four years ago) link
!!I just got given my first note from 5yo saying 'luv mum soree fo beeing notee'
― kinder, Monday, 17 February 2020 18:20 (four years ago) link
<3
― terminators of endearment (VegemiteGrrl), Monday, 17 February 2020 18:58 (four years ago) link
These are so great.
― ☮️ (peace, man), Monday, 17 February 2020 21:03 (four years ago) link
song (by ivy) : row row row your boat merrily down the stream, merrily merrily merrily merrily like a spider dream
― doo rag, Monday, 17 February 2020 21:13 (four years ago) link
doo rag!!
― mark s, Monday, 17 February 2020 21:15 (four years ago) link
!!!! :D
― kinder, Monday, 17 February 2020 21:27 (four years ago) link
YES
― terminators of endearment (VegemiteGrrl), Monday, 17 February 2020 23:50 (four years ago) link
my daughter (9) is really into Clone Wars on Disney+, I was making dinner and she ran in, saying "daddy, there's a senator who looks like he's wearing a MERINO wool sweater"
― Blues Guitar Solo Heatmap (Free Download) (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Tuesday, 18 February 2020 03:13 (four years ago) link
Driving through cemetery, my five year old wanted to know the dates on the gravestones. A lot were from the 1800s.
kid: They just keep these dead people buried in here forever?
me: I guess so. What else are they going to do with them?
kid: I don't know. They could dig them up and cut the bodies into pieces and feed them to dogs.
― Muswell Hillbilly Elegy (President Keyes), Tuesday, 18 February 2020 15:51 (four years ago) link
I like the way he thinks :)
― Le Bateau Ivre, Tuesday, 18 February 2020 15:52 (four years ago) link