Kids say the darndest things

lol

Ben gave us a permission slip for a field trip to see a play entitled “Nightmare on Puberty Street.” Which we signed. Cut to twenty minutes later and

Owen: What is this on my face? Is it acne?

Ben: Nightmare on puberty street!

Author, author!

omg that sounds like it should be a Legz Akimbo production

4yo, out of nowhere: there are dimensions we don't know about

us, open-mouthed at our genius/otherwise gifted child: um... What dimensions do you mean?

4yo: no, there are some engines* we don't know about. What are dimensions? Are they fun?

*new characters from Thomas the Tank Engine that he'd just watched on tv

massive lols at that!

haha that’s great

lol

https://i.imgflip.com/2r6v55.jpg

:D

https://i.imgflip.com/2r8j6j.jpg

That is my favorite thing in ever

so great

my latest favorite grand-daughter thing is when she asks for "a glass of water, filled TO THE BRIM"

“Do ghosts have wallets?”

🧐

my son just called me a "scallywag"

I cosign your son imo

call him a nincompoop

All these are such cute remarks. Here it's watching Sex Education.
Me (during scene in which two teens watch gay porn):"So you know what rimming is?"
My 13 yo:"Yes."
I'm like Gillian Anderson's character. Lol. Or Eurotrash. Basically, yeah, I educate my kids. 😂

You're a hero.

It's been snowing; yesterday the snow was pretty heavy all over our garden covering everything. Today a lot has melted, so the patio, garden path etc are visible again.

My 4yo, upon seeing the thawed garden path: "ahh, Pathy! you're back!"

aww

He’s been obsessed with spelling and numbers lately- wanting to count to a hundred, asking for the sum of two numbers vs the name of two numbers next to each other, etc.

Tonight he told me there is a number called ‘dash’, and I asked where he heard about it and he said “from the scientist I met before I was born”. This is like the third time he’s casually mentioned this scientist.

D:

Xxxpost hero? Naaaah. Haha. We've always been no holds barred w most things. Well, me mostly. Same w language: no baby talk. Just no.

We were talking yesterday and suddenly realized: in about four/five years she's off to university. Gone. On her own. Wtf.

4yo talking about his testicles again: "These are useless, aren't they daddy? I think they're what Topsy had removed" (Little girl character on kids' tv show who had her appendix out in the show)

O_O

I think he thought they were the same as an appendix (?!) which in the show they explain doesn't do anything...

Wah!

6yo daughter hammering on our hastily locked bedroom door, bellowing, "But there's no REASON for you to be NAKED! It doesn't make any SENSE!"

lol

yikes

So funny

"i have an object in my left nostril" - the four-and-a-half year old to the ER doc after shoving part of a juice box straw wrapper up his nose during nap time at preschool

"luigi? he's a butt scientist" - shit talking mom while they were "playing" OG super mario brothers

Both classic! That's exactly how I'd break that info to a doctor, to be honest.

4yo upset because he was thirsty and wanted a drink of water on the way to pre-school, and said he wouldn't drink any water at pre-school because it doesn't taste very nice. We wouldn't let him go all the way home for a drink so he started to cry... "Well crying won't help you!"
"Yes it will because I can drink my tears!"

we asked for that one, really

"Mom, can I have your phone when you die?"

💀

daughter Opal (turned 2 a month ago) is finally old enough for me to take part in this.

My wife always calls her "Peanut" and often if you refer to her as something else, she says "no, I'm a Peanut"

And when we put her to bed I always say "see you later, alligator" hoping eventually she'll say "in a while crocodile" because she did that once.

Tonight we left the room with the last thing being my saying that. After the door closed we heard her say:

"I'm not an alligator. Daddy always says alligator. I'm a peanut. I'm a peanut.....(pause)....honey roasted peanut"

lol

DON'T YOU GET IT DAD

<3

alligator pea

“Barack Obama — have you ever seen a picture of him? — his hair is flat; but Miles Morales, who was inspired by Barack Obama, his hair is big and curly... except in the ‘Ultimate Spider-Man’ TV show, where he takes off his mask, and his hair is also flat....”

First thing my 3 year old said when she woke up this morning:

A: "Daddy, is this the end?"
Me: "What?" (the fuck?)
A: "Is this the end of my ear?" (fiddling with said organ)

lol-pal!!

ours started singing "pregnant in-law! pregnant in-law!" to judas priest the other day and now i'll never be able to hear that song in the same way again

Opal, age 2 and 1 month, has a best friend named Pete, born the same week and lives around the corner. Pete's parents work different shifts and they have a nanny who's not always available so they met with a new potential back-up baby-sitter.

Opal's response to learning about this meeting was "When Pete going to get a new parent?"

Dan, that's the cutest thing. I wanna eat her now. Lol