Kids say the darndest things

My 3 yo has been on a Johnny Cash kick, but he usually sings sped-up versions of the songs. But last night he started gently strumming his guitar and singing a slowcore version of "I've Been Everywhere Man" stopping in the middle to say, "This is the slow Everywhere Man. The fast one is in the trash. It's not in my mouth anymore."

:o

I heard Pres. K's kid shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die

ha luckily when he sings that line it comes out something like "I salmon in Weeno, just to rah rah rah"

I ate salmon in Reno, because I want to die.

lols at heroine the bird. this thread is the best. thank you all for sharing.

The other night:

K: I don't want you to go out!
Me: But it's important for mommies and daddies to go out and to love each other.
K: Why?
Me: Well, actually you exist because of that. If we didn't have a chance to have time together, you wouldn't be here.

A couple days later:

K: I'm scared that you will stop loving each other!
Me: Why?
K: Because if you do, I won't exist.

;_;

omg ;_;

I've been trying to curb my iPhone usage lately and i told our kid to let me know if i was using it too much. which has apparently given him license to walk into the kitchen to see me texting someone and point and shout, "How DARE you!" or "Don't you DARE!" or some variation on that. Or if he's doing a #2 somewhere, i'll hear his disembodied voice coming down the stairs to me, "What are you doing? Are you using your PHONE?" as if i'd take the chance to sneak some phone time.

(narrator: he did)

<3

hahaha awwww

(K is 6 now and E is 2.5)

K: Dad, are spiders insects?

Me: Actually, they are arachnids.

E: Dad, are tomatoes spiders?

Both good questions

each developmentally appropriate in its way

"Dad, were staplers around when you were a kid?"

I love that this is almost certainly the result of all my oldster speeches about how far technology has come. We used to have to get up and walk over to the tv to change the channel zzzzz...

Kinda wish I'd at least thought about saying no, in the olden days if you had pieces of paper that needed to stay together, you'd have to hire a person to keep them pinched together all the time....

lol

Me: K are you sad that I have to go do some work now?
K: Yeah.
Me: but you know why i do it? So you and E can have food to eat and a nice place to live.
K: So your boss cares about me?

had one of those 21st century parenting moments with my older daughter when she was talking about how her friend made a pretend phone and they were playing with it. i asked "who did you call?" and she said "huh? what?" i said "who did you call on the pretend phone?" and she said "we were LISTENING to SONGS." like why would you use a phone to call someone, you moron

Hahaha

lol

After we told Owen what we were watching:
"That's a lazy title. The Americans?!"

as i usually say on this thread, kid otm

Along those lines, Sunny was recently talking in the car about Hannibal Lecter.

Beeps pipes up with, "WAIT. They made a HORROR MOVIE called SILENCE of the LAMBS? Sounds REALLY SCARY!"

Do not mess with an 11-year-old and her sarcasm.

Haha!

Another one today!
Ben: High school seems like it's going to be fun. You know, partying all the time with your friends. Drinking beer and going on Facebook...

I guess at 13 he's not a "kid" anymore but the other day this convoapparently went down in the car while driving past a golf course:

Mo: Ive been there. We play golf for sport sometimes!
B: really? I didnt know that! Do you like golf?
Mo: yeah, its good!
B: whats your handicap?
Mo (without missing a beat): my family.

bada bap bada ba!

Excellent

continuing on with her wolf fascination:

WOLF!
There it is...
WOLF!
There it is...

This is stuck in my head now.

Nora and her mum were dancing to Chemical Brothers in the kitchen last night and Nora was telling Em exactly how to dance. "We need a system". A system! wtf

<3 strict little girls

i think it’s funny how rule obsessed kids get
my friend’s son is 6 or 7 now and i swear every activity is halted & reset with ever more complicated rules every 5 min

Reminds me of when K was 3 or 4 and I was telling her about salsa dancing

Me: You do it like this "1, 2, 3 - 5, 6, 7 -"
K: Dad, no! You don't count when you dance! You just dance!

son's new favorite song is Whodini's "The Freaks Come Out at Night", which he will belt out at any opportunity. He said this was his favorite song at some pre-school thing and one of the other parents was like "what is that? never heard of it" Fuckin millenials.

Ha ha I've realized now that I have to be more careful about what music I play around my 3.5 year old since he starts belting out whatever he hears now--though usually with a variation, like "Me and Michael--solid ice cream cone!"

Upthread I mentioned Cherry Bomb by the Runways, which made its way into my daughter's playlist after her brother got the Guardians of the Galaxy soundtrack several years ago. "Ha ha, it's so cute! She likes it because it says 'hello, Daddy!' in it." But lately it has made my wife visibly uncomfortable when it comes up on the rotation, particularly during the moaning parts (which my kid thankfully hasn't been singing along with). And her discomfort is not unreasonable! But at this point it's out there already.

My kid also sings "Daddy likes men!" a lot because I'm too lazy to delete We're a Happy Family from the car playlist

Nice!

My son just came up with a new superhero: Lollipop Man. "He licks people to death!"

Not sure if my otherwise-potty-trained kid really thought I would buy this excuse:

"Daddy can you change me?"

"Why do you need to be changed?"

"The undies you gave me actually had poop in them already."

Hahahaha

Mine has cottoned onto 'it's probably from water play'

"The undies you gave me actually had poop in them already."

this takes "it was like that when I got here" to new levels

amazing

next step is obviously accusing YOU of pooping in HIS pants

i thought that was implied

"Hey, who pooped in these?!"

hey who knows where that poop came from, you know? I mean that could be anybody's poop, it could be his, it could be yours, it could be someone else's, a lot of people have been saying - I would never say this - but a lot of people, very very smart people, by the way, have been saying it could have been you.

Great. Now I’m thinking about tangerine poop.