Kids say the darndest things

amazing

grownups use the orgasmotron

I don't think my insurance covers that.

The bf and his kid are playing Lego Star wars Force Awakens...
B: Hey come on, let me have a go again!
Dex: no!
B: but its my game!
Dex: nope. You gotta share!

Parenting backfiring, right there.

:D

H got a book from the library for me to read to K called "Molly and her Dad," completely not realizing that it was actually about a divorced dad who lived very far away and came to visit his daughter. As I'm reading the book to K, I call into the other room, "uh, H, this book is about a D-I-V-O-R-C-E"

The next day K says to me "I love Molly and her Dad, it's just like me and you. And it has 'D-O-Y-K-V-O-K' in it!"

"uh, H, this book is about a D-I-V-O-R-C-E"

well good thing she hasn't been listening to Tammy Wynette lately.

Spent the day with my 5 year old on Saturday while my son went out and did something with his mother. We spent a while painting pictures, one of which was a portrait of me and her, stick-figure style.

She dutifully colored in the sky in the background, filling in all the white space. When she went to fill in the area between her legs, she exclaimed "Up the butt!" I hemmed and hawed about it "oh, um, maybe you shouldn't quite say it that way..."

Then she goes to color in between my stick-figure's legs. "Don't worry Daddy, I won't let it touch your vagina. Happy Daddy-Daughter Day!"

Ella walks into the room, dressed like this, says, "This is my new look!"

https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Rsdb7oKa9to/V5gGFJhlZ1I/AAAAAAAAQ34/qqaJnUs48mIcsC0plhYrLA4IxcG2yF4WgCK4B/s400/This%2Bis%2BMy%2BNew%2BLook.JPG

strong style

We were talking about fancy restaurants and Owen says "Fuddruckers is pretty fancy!" I say "no it's not." Owen says "yes it is; it has a frickin' arcade!"

(Sweet look, btw)

owen otm

Ella is a future fashion icon imo

Henry (out of the blue): I'm going to punch your great, great grandmother.
Me: Its a little late for that. She died before I was born. Do you even know her name?
Henry: Yes. Do YOU know her name?
Me: Yes
Henry: Well, what is it?
Me: *sigh* N*** M****
Henry: That's, right! M****! I'm gonna BLOW HER UP IN HEAVEN!!

omg he is really bucking for a shot at ultimate supervillain huh

you don't know the half of it.

Flew hometown -> seattle -> anchorage today. The 20 month old kid got excited about the loud sounds when we landed at seatac, and somehow my wife ended up using the word "crash", amongst others, to help him describe the ruckus.

Before the second flight, he was roaming around the boarding area and sidled up to an older woman, they were smiling at each other, the usual.

woman: "we're going to get on an airplane, aren't you excited? do you like airplanes?"
cecil: "CRASH! CRASH! CRASH!"

XD

:D:D:D

At 12, I feel like my oldest kid is beyond the "darndest things" stage. He has an arsenal of references and a reservoir of wit. I don't always share his sense of humor but I'm glad he's got one.

Before his kung fu class started the other day, another kid was hopelessly trying to engage him in conversation while he was stretching. They've been going to class together for 6 years. The kid is nice, but has an overbearing personality. After about 5 minutes:

Other kid: Do you know what anime is?
Son: Yeah, it's like TV but it sucks.

Damn. Cold.

We were telling Owen and Ben the other night that they were going to get "all the honeys."

Owen: hey honeys - check out my fancy beehive!

Hahaha

Joygoat, I told my mum the crash story and I thought she was going to die laughing.

My coworker told me she and her boyfriend brought up newspapers in conversation, and their daughter and her friend had this exchange:

Friend: What's a newspaper??
Daughter: It's old people's internet!

Was cooking dinner with Nora yesterday and just before Em got home I said to Nora "you know what, you just might be my favourite person in the world". To which she, 21 months old, replied, "Wow!" Which was awesome.

Recently she has conquered 'no' and 'mine' which are the BEST words for a toddler to know. Not.

I am so excited for when she can ask me relentless questions.

Mine is saying no but in this cute offhand casual kind of way, which I don't mind. Sure it won't last long. Favourite word is probably meema for lemur.i think he likes stripy things.

So weird when Ella started doing accents and imitating voices. A friend was visiting from interstate and was all 'Is your daughter... British?'

My niece pronounces zebra as zeebra. Maybe it's easier?

K's grandparents have this little stuffed dog that moves and sings "Thank You For Being a Friend" by Andrew Gold, and she loves it.

Recently she told us that her own toy dog was a "pal and a comfy dog" and it took us like a day to realize she was quoting the song ("pal and a confidant").

my littlest today at lunch: "why aren't we allowed to be cannibals?" then she sang "we could be cannibals" to the chorus of that Tove Lo song "Heroes".

My dog is a pal and a comfy dog, so I see the confusion. (x-post)

Cannibals are the real heroes, if you think about it. O_o

my littlest today at lunch: "why aren't we allowed to be cannibals?" then she sang "we could be cannibals" to the chorus of that Tove Lo song "Heroes".

my daughter loves this song fwiw

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kTvdjlJUO8A

lol I will show her that

K's grandparents have this little stuffed dog that moves and sings "Thank You For Being a Friend" by Andrew Gold, and she loves it.

Recently she told us that her own toy dog was a "pal and a comfy dog" and it took us like a day to realize she was quoting the song ("pal and a confidant").

― the last famous person you were surprised to discover was actually (man alive), Thursday, August 25, 2016 10:15 AM (two hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Are you aware of Andrew Gold's halloween children's album?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yf031HvhS5E

ha, thought that was your response to hearing about a talking dog.

Arthur, 4 & 1/2, at breakfast: "when I die, then, I will be able to kill".

Yikes!

My wife was with Ben at Target yesterday, when she knocked over a lamp.

Ben: you break it, you buy it. I don't know you! [turns and sprints away down the aisle]

One of my sons has taken to saying "Ridiculous!" a lot. Today that morphed into "Dickless!"

lol

That same son was rummaging through the laundry this weekend, pulled out one of my wife's bras and waved it around yelling "Boobies! SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE"

I would like to state for the record that, despite my reputation, he did not get that from me.

hmmm

x-post

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Sure he didn't.

oops these posts were supposed to go here:

3yo son: "I'm gonna eat your penis!"
Me: "That is a thing that is not going to happen."
3yo son: "Us gonna eat all the penises!"
Me: ...

talking with my son now is basically like one long Butthole Surfers song

3yo son: "Us gonna eat all the penises!"

Good to have goals...

Dex, singing to himself: "goodnight fatty, I'll kill you in your sleeeeep"

Some other person's kid, at a minion-themed birthday party this weekend:

I wish I could dive into a minion's butt!