Kids say the darndest things

'bagel' is one of J's first words. 'snack' or a sound meaning 'snack' was like his second ever word.
although it sounds like 'bubble' which he also says a lot

J does not love mango slices today :(
He's also weird about... POTATO
the most inoffensive and delicious food

bagel sounding like bubble I mean. Bab...ball.

My niece is on her first words, and if she tries something she likes she goes "gudgudgudgud" (good) while nodding her head.

laying her hands on either side of my face and looking me directly in the eyes: I love mango slices

Lol, that reminded me of the way a friend's daughter asked a question under very different circumstances. My friend's grandmother had died, and at the wake her daughter, who was I think 3 at the time, was tugging on her to get her attention. My friend knelt down and her daughter took her face in her hands, pulled in close, and whispered "What's in the box?"

http://i.imgur.com/mbgrgdS.jpg

omg "what's in the box" is amazing.

Sorry, one more:

I'm trying to get Ivy to understand (lolol I know I know) that if we tell her "no" or to stop doing something, that she needs to listen to us. I keep saying some version of, "If we tell you 'no' it's for a reason and not just because we like to say no to you." We went through that speech two or three times last night, and then it was time to get ready for bed.

Me: Come on, let's go wash your face and hands and brush your teeth.
Ivy: No!
Me: It's time. We have to get ready for bed.
Ivy: I said NO for a REASON!

God help us.

she kind of has you there

I'm not sure if I want to quote any of the scary shit Mr. H has been coming up with.

H: Do you like me being alive?

ME: sdo9u09uj092kdsl;a OF COURSE I DO. I love you! Why would you ask me that?

H: Well, if I died, I'd go to Heaven. Then I'd get to fly around and stuff.

ME: I'd bet God wouldn't be happy you were up there so soon.

H: I guess I'd have to kick God out of Heaven then.

ME: HA! You think so, huh? You think you're the first person to come up with that?

H: I don't know about anyone else, but I know I'd kick God out and then I would be THE KID GOD.

ME: (Please don't let him become a sociopath. Please don't let him become a sociopath. I'm so sorry.)

<3

all hail our new heavenly overlord

haha whoa

Also laughing too hard at "I said NO for a REASON!"
so good.

Tomorrow night is election night in Australia; we explained to Ella that we would be watching TV all evening, and she could watch too, but it would probably be very boring for her. So she requested to watch Antiques Roadshow tonight so she could practise being bored and not minding.

Also, when trying to put a nappy on her for overnight, she suddenly sings, 'New nappy, straight to the edge! New nappy, it's a hundred degrees!'

Adorable!

Me, reading the news: "this guy fell off a cliff at Machu Pichu doing a stupid instagram pose! "
Dex: "oh well, he had a good run".

Haha!

lol

Ben: So when grownups want to have sex, do they go to the hospital?
Me: No, they just do it at home.
Ben (semi-incredulously): Really.

Hard to capture his tone. Not really a question mark on the "really." More matter-of-fact. Should have been followed up a few seconds later with "huh."

amazing

grownups use the orgasmotron

I don't think my insurance covers that.

The bf and his kid are playing Lego Star wars Force Awakens...
B: Hey come on, let me have a go again!
Dex: no!
B: but its my game!
Dex: nope. You gotta share!

Parenting backfiring, right there.

:D

H got a book from the library for me to read to K called "Molly and her Dad," completely not realizing that it was actually about a divorced dad who lived very far away and came to visit his daughter. As I'm reading the book to K, I call into the other room, "uh, H, this book is about a D-I-V-O-R-C-E"

The next day K says to me "I love Molly and her Dad, it's just like me and you. And it has 'D-O-Y-K-V-O-K' in it!"

"uh, H, this book is about a D-I-V-O-R-C-E"

well good thing she hasn't been listening to Tammy Wynette lately.

Spent the day with my 5 year old on Saturday while my son went out and did something with his mother. We spent a while painting pictures, one of which was a portrait of me and her, stick-figure style.

She dutifully colored in the sky in the background, filling in all the white space. When she went to fill in the area between her legs, she exclaimed "Up the butt!" I hemmed and hawed about it "oh, um, maybe you shouldn't quite say it that way..."

Then she goes to color in between my stick-figure's legs. "Don't worry Daddy, I won't let it touch your vagina. Happy Daddy-Daughter Day!"

Ella walks into the room, dressed like this, says, "This is my new look!"

https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Rsdb7oKa9to/V5gGFJhlZ1I/AAAAAAAAQ34/qqaJnUs48mIcsC0plhYrLA4IxcG2yF4WgCK4B/s400/This%2Bis%2BMy%2BNew%2BLook.JPG

strong style

We were talking about fancy restaurants and Owen says "Fuddruckers is pretty fancy!" I say "no it's not." Owen says "yes it is; it has a frickin' arcade!"

(Sweet look, btw)

owen otm

Ella is a future fashion icon imo

Henry (out of the blue): I'm going to punch your great, great grandmother.
Me: Its a little late for that. She died before I was born. Do you even know her name?
Henry: Yes. Do YOU know her name?
Me: Yes
Henry: Well, what is it?
Me: *sigh* N*** M****
Henry: That's, right! M****! I'm gonna BLOW HER UP IN HEAVEN!!

omg he is really bucking for a shot at ultimate supervillain huh

you don't know the half of it.

Flew hometown -> seattle -> anchorage today. The 20 month old kid got excited about the loud sounds when we landed at seatac, and somehow my wife ended up using the word "crash", amongst others, to help him describe the ruckus.

Before the second flight, he was roaming around the boarding area and sidled up to an older woman, they were smiling at each other, the usual.

woman: "we're going to get on an airplane, aren't you excited? do you like airplanes?"
cecil: "CRASH! CRASH! CRASH!"

XD

:D:D:D

At 12, I feel like my oldest kid is beyond the "darndest things" stage. He has an arsenal of references and a reservoir of wit. I don't always share his sense of humor but I'm glad he's got one.

Before his kung fu class started the other day, another kid was hopelessly trying to engage him in conversation while he was stretching. They've been going to class together for 6 years. The kid is nice, but has an overbearing personality. After about 5 minutes:

Other kid: Do you know what anime is?
Son: Yeah, it's like TV but it sucks.

Damn. Cold.

We were telling Owen and Ben the other night that they were going to get "all the honeys."

Owen: hey honeys - check out my fancy beehive!

Hahaha

Joygoat, I told my mum the crash story and I thought she was going to die laughing.

My coworker told me she and her boyfriend brought up newspapers in conversation, and their daughter and her friend had this exchange:

Friend: What's a newspaper??
Daughter: It's old people's internet!

Was cooking dinner with Nora yesterday and just before Em got home I said to Nora "you know what, you just might be my favourite person in the world". To which she, 21 months old, replied, "Wow!" Which was awesome.

Recently she has conquered 'no' and 'mine' which are the BEST words for a toddler to know. Not.

I am so excited for when she can ask me relentless questions.

Mine is saying no but in this cute offhand casual kind of way, which I don't mind. Sure it won't last long. Favourite word is probably meema for lemur.i think he likes stripy things.

So weird when Ella started doing accents and imitating voices. A friend was visiting from interstate and was all 'Is your daughter... British?'