Kids say the darndest things

One of my children yelled "BOOBIES" and grabbed my wife's nightgown while she was FaceTiming with her father

otm

Met up with Chris and the kids after work, they'd decided we were going to nandos for tea. While Chris is ordering mounds of chicken Molly (almost 5) pipes up 'did you you know that chicken comes from dead chickens?!' My blood goes cold and I reply 'well yes' 'why do we eat dead chickens?' 'Because they're tasty' 'but I don't want to eat dead chickens, or dead lambs' I start panicking about what the hell my fussy child is going to eat if she goes vegetarian when Aidan retorts 'well why did you just let daddy go and order you some chicken then?!' Her response - 'I was only kidding, I love chicken and lamb, they're really really tasty'

Phew!

hahaha lool. amazing. and i love aidan's logic! "duh!!!"

:D

K the other day: "Daddy, why do I ask you so many questions?"

LOL! Best.

'Daddy, I love it when you walk into my room and it's all messy and you say 'What the hell?!''

Yesterday my sons had the following exchange during dinner:

T1: (holds up plate) More kishen!
T2: No, chicken.
T1: Kishen.
T2: Chicken.
T1: Kishen.
T2: Chicken.
T1: Kishen!
T2: CHICKEN!
T1: (points at T2's frog blanket) Gimme Flocky.
T2: FROGGY!!!!!!

awwww.

I look forward to twin 2 correcting twin 1's pronunciation and grammar through college

Owen: knock knock
Me: who's there?
Owen: banana
Me: banana who?
Owen: knock knock
Me: who's there?
Owen: orange
Me: orange who?
Owen: knock knock
Me: who's there?
Owen: apple
Me: apple who?
Owen: apple you glad I didn't say grapefruit?

good twist!

nice!

My in-laws have taught my kids to sing "We Will Rock You" and "Watch Me Whip".

I taught them to sing "If Rah" by Underworld.

I can't tell if I'm doing this right or not

Owen: knock knock
Me: who's there?
Owen: banana
Me: banana who?
Owen: knock knock
Me: who's there?
Owen: orange
Me: orange who?
Owen: knock knock
Me: who's there?
Owen: apple
Me: apple who?
Owen: apple you glad I didn't say grapefruit?

― schwantz, Tuesday, June 7, 2016 12:28 AM (2 days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

lol, K has a very similar running series of knock-knock jokes

After Jeff told Ivy that matches are dangerous:

Me: Do you understand what dangerous means?
Ivy: Yiss (she says "yes" like she's from New Zealand)
Me: What else is dangerous?
Ivy: Spinach!

As I'm saying goodnight to her so her dad can put her to bed, she climbs up on my lap:

Ivy: Mommy, I want to talk to you.
Me: Okay, what do you want to talk about?
Ivy, laying her hands on either side of my face and looking me directly in the eyes: I love mango slices.

Awww

I was offering her a selection of breakfast options on Sunday: waffles, bagel, oatmeal, eggs and toast, watermelon--

Ivy: You got watermelon?
Me: I do!
Ivy, giving a double fist pump: That's AWESOME.

Apparently all she talks about is food.

i love this kid and relate to her on a deeply spiritual level

'bagel' is one of J's first words. 'snack' or a sound meaning 'snack' was like his second ever word.
although it sounds like 'bubble' which he also says a lot

J does not love mango slices today :(
He's also weird about... POTATO
the most inoffensive and delicious food

bagel sounding like bubble I mean. Bab...ball.

My niece is on her first words, and if she tries something she likes she goes "gudgudgudgud" (good) while nodding her head.

laying her hands on either side of my face and looking me directly in the eyes: I love mango slices

Lol, that reminded me of the way a friend's daughter asked a question under very different circumstances. My friend's grandmother had died, and at the wake her daughter, who was I think 3 at the time, was tugging on her to get her attention. My friend knelt down and her daughter took her face in her hands, pulled in close, and whispered "What's in the box?"

http://i.imgur.com/mbgrgdS.jpg

omg "what's in the box" is amazing.

Sorry, one more:

I'm trying to get Ivy to understand (lolol I know I know) that if we tell her "no" or to stop doing something, that she needs to listen to us. I keep saying some version of, "If we tell you 'no' it's for a reason and not just because we like to say no to you." We went through that speech two or three times last night, and then it was time to get ready for bed.

Me: Come on, let's go wash your face and hands and brush your teeth.
Ivy: No!
Me: It's time. We have to get ready for bed.
Ivy: I said NO for a REASON!

God help us.

she kind of has you there

I'm not sure if I want to quote any of the scary shit Mr. H has been coming up with.

H: Do you like me being alive?

ME: sdo9u09uj092kdsl;a OF COURSE I DO. I love you! Why would you ask me that?

H: Well, if I died, I'd go to Heaven. Then I'd get to fly around and stuff.

ME: I'd bet God wouldn't be happy you were up there so soon.

H: I guess I'd have to kick God out of Heaven then.

ME: HA! You think so, huh? You think you're the first person to come up with that?

H: I don't know about anyone else, but I know I'd kick God out and then I would be THE KID GOD.

ME: (Please don't let him become a sociopath. Please don't let him become a sociopath. I'm so sorry.)

<3

all hail our new heavenly overlord

haha whoa

Also laughing too hard at "I said NO for a REASON!"
so good.

Tomorrow night is election night in Australia; we explained to Ella that we would be watching TV all evening, and she could watch too, but it would probably be very boring for her. So she requested to watch Antiques Roadshow tonight so she could practise being bored and not minding.

Also, when trying to put a nappy on her for overnight, she suddenly sings, 'New nappy, straight to the edge! New nappy, it's a hundred degrees!'

Adorable!

Me, reading the news: "this guy fell off a cliff at Machu Pichu doing a stupid instagram pose! "
Dex: "oh well, he had a good run".

Haha!

lol

Ben: So when grownups want to have sex, do they go to the hospital?
Me: No, they just do it at home.
Ben (semi-incredulously): Really.

Hard to capture his tone. Not really a question mark on the "really." More matter-of-fact. Should have been followed up a few seconds later with "huh."

amazing

grownups use the orgasmotron

I don't think my insurance covers that.

The bf and his kid are playing Lego Star wars Force Awakens...
B: Hey come on, let me have a go again!
Dex: no!
B: but its my game!
Dex: nope. You gotta share!

Parenting backfiring, right there.

:D

H got a book from the library for me to read to K called "Molly and her Dad," completely not realizing that it was actually about a divorced dad who lived very far away and came to visit his daughter. As I'm reading the book to K, I call into the other room, "uh, H, this book is about a D-I-V-O-R-C-E"

The next day K says to me "I love Molly and her Dad, it's just like me and you. And it has 'D-O-Y-K-V-O-K' in it!"

"uh, H, this book is about a D-I-V-O-R-C-E"

well good thing she hasn't been listening to Tammy Wynette lately.

Spent the day with my 5 year old on Saturday while my son went out and did something with his mother. We spent a while painting pictures, one of which was a portrait of me and her, stick-figure style.

She dutifully colored in the sky in the background, filling in all the white space. When she went to fill in the area between her legs, she exclaimed "Up the butt!" I hemmed and hawed about it "oh, um, maybe you shouldn't quite say it that way..."

Then she goes to color in between my stick-figure's legs. "Don't worry Daddy, I won't let it touch your vagina. Happy Daddy-Daughter Day!"

Ella walks into the room, dressed like this, says, "This is my new look!"

https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Rsdb7oKa9to/V5gGFJhlZ1I/AAAAAAAAQ34/qqaJnUs48mIcsC0plhYrLA4IxcG2yF4WgCK4B/s400/This%2Bis%2BMy%2BNew%2BLook.JPG