ILX Parenting 6: "Put Some Goddamn Pants On Before You Go Outside!" is a thing I say now

My partner lets both his kids play games and watch TV as much as they like, and at one point it culminated in the 10 year old staying up ALL NIGHT skyping his mate in the UK in bed on the ipad, so that had to get banned.

But the wailing and hysterics when you tell them they cant be on the PC anymore is, frankly, startling to me.

It doesnt help that said partner is on the PC/consoles as much as his kids are.

sunday night is "games night", so they get to use phones/playstation then. sometimes they trade it in for "movie night". it is the greatest rule we ever made, stole it direct from Steady Mike. they NEVER pester us for phones. we do occasionally use them as stay-awake tool in a crisis.

they watch TV almost every day, probably about 45 minutes to an hour, either cbeebies, cbbc, netflix or illegally downloaded french stuff. there are a lot of arguments about it.

For those who let your children stream music, what would you not want them to listen to? Not criticizing, just curious as to what's in and what's out at what age. I haven't though about it much. Although I do play Nelly frequently for Ivy.

I avoid songs that have obvious cursing in them as I don't want to get any startled reports from day care. (There is a Kendrick exception but it usually only lasts 2-3 songs before I get uncomfortable.)

We haven't really talked about it and it's not really an issue since she's mostly still interested in "kid music"; I'm more worried she'll accidentally click on something bc she tries to search for stuff herself. She was into that song "Stiches" for a while and when you search that the incredibly profane rapper Stitches comes up too. But yeah trying to avoid swearing/sexual innuendo/racial epithets, you know, the classics.

K became very conscious in the last 6 months of "kid music" and "grown up music" and only wants to listen to "kid music." I'm not sure where she got this concept, I certainly did not promote it. The exception for whatever reason is classical music, which she likes. I have tried non-classical stuff that I like with her, but I think that my tastes tend too much toward the melancholic for a four year old. She did sort of like Beatles, but hasn't requested it again. The new rule we have now that she understands "turns" is that if she gets her music in one direction in the car, mom and dad get their music in the other direction. I also asked her once if she wanted to hear the album that her daddy played drums on and she said "no."

Whenever my wife sings high notes (she is a soprano and has glorious high notes up to the E above the soprano high C), one of our kids bursts into tears.

Evie has no patience at all for music that she did not select. It's pretty annoying bc we can't play any music without her whining about when is it her turn to pick a song (the 45 minutes of Kidz Bop we were forced to listen to yesterday doesn't count apparently). Sarah was just saying this morning that she misses being able to listen to music without headphones. The only thing that works is if we take turns because that's recognizably "fair."

Often when I'm playing guitar, my youngest will walk over and mute my strings with her hand.

We've found it easier to just not allow any phone/tablet time at all for our 5yo and almost 2yo. From some early exposure the older one had it just seemed too alluring and too difficult to draw him out of. It's not too hard though because neither of them were ever given any indication that this was something they could use sometimes; in our house those are devices that adults use (and we try not use them too much in front of the kids) so they don't really know that they're missing out. We do allow the older one to play PBS and Nick Jr games on the computer once a week or so, with the understanding that a timer will be set for 30 min or an hour and computer time is over when the alarm goes off. For music the older one knows how to use a CD player or he asks us to stream Pandora for him. (For those with the kids' music problem -- we went through that too but be reassured that it's just a phase -- a painful one, yes, but they'll get over it before too long.)

TV is a bigger problem for us. We were good about not letting the first one see any TV until he was between 2 and 3, but we didn't have the strength to keep the little one away from it after he turned 1 and wanted to be in the same room as his brother. I feel guilty about it but I don't know how we'd ever get a meal cooked or a load of laundry done or sometimes even just sit and have an adult conversation if we didn't let them sit and watch for a while. We only recently allowed shows outside of PBS and it's amazing how advertising gets into their heads. At dinner the other night the 5yo asked my wife what kind of paper towels we used, and said if we had Bounty we could wipe up 28 more spills.

omg lol.

i am perpetually haunted by commercials, jingles, news opens, etc. that were on TV when I was a child

The other day J pointed at our neighbor's Corolla and said "Toyot". I blame the CBS/ABC comedies we have on in the background while playing with them.

We do all streaming, so no advertisements.

Often when I'm playing guitar, my youngest will walk over and mute my strings with her hand.

― how's life, Friday, April 15, 2016 9:52 AM (37 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

yup

Whenever my wife sings high notes (she is a soprano and has glorious high notes up to the E above the soprano high C), one of our kids bursts into tears.

― i like to trump and i am crazy (DJP), Friday, 15 April 2016 14:33 (1 hour ago) Permalink

I may have told you I grew up with singer parents -- mom is a soprano and dad is a tenor. I used to hate it. I also apparently met Mr Rogers once at a meet-and-greet at the national zoo, and when he started singing the show theme song to me I said "NO SINGING PLEASE!"

Often when I'm playing guitar, my youngest will walk over and mute my strings with her hand.

I have my acoustic upstairs in the living room and when I play it mine will walk over yelling "pick! pick!" until I hand him one and he starts beating on the strings and laughing maniacally while I hold chord shapes. Then he usually throws the pick into the sound hole.

:D Yeah, we have a similar routine too. It depends on her mood.

mine will walk over yelling "pick! pick!" until I hand him one and he starts beating on the strings and laughing maniacally while I hold chord shapes. Then he usually throws the pick into the sound hole.

oh so it's not just my son that does this then. altho sometimes he'll demand that I stop playing sometimes too, to which I respond with either playing one of his favorite songs (Kraftwerk's "We Are the Robots", the Spider-Man or Batman 60s tv theme, "The Wheels on the Bus") - doesn't always work though

lol my daughter does exactly the same thing as joygoat's son

and how's life's and shakey's, I see

actually, that's what she did. She's 4 now and seems momentarily uninterested in guitar. She told me she is "an artist and a dance, but not a musician." Basically going through another mommy phase again.

New Yorker families are invited out to a whole bunch of SummerStage shows:

Brooklyn Family Day:
Rich Medina, RAAA, Urban Word NYC and Hi-Arts: Journal to Journey, Ziearre
June 19 – Sunday - 4:00pm - Red Hook Park, Brooklyn – FREE SHOW

SummerStage Circus:
Acrobuffos, Rob and Miss Jane, Sxip’s Hour of Charm, It’s Showtime NYC
July 9 – Saturday - 7:00pm – Crotona Park, Bronx – FREE SHOW

Central Park Family Day:
Justin Roberts and The Not Ready for Naptime Players, Mister G,
Excerpts from Broadway’s Finding Neverland, Purelements, Gizmo Guys
July 10 – Sunday – 2:00pm – Central Park, Manhattan – FREE SHOW

Bronx Family Day:
Legacy Women, Recess Monkey, Music With a Message, Double Dutch Dreamz
July 17 – Sunday – 4:00pm – St. Mary’s Park, Bronx – FREE SHOW

Queens Family Jazz Day:
Marc Cary: The Harlem Sessions, Joseph Webb: Dancing Buddhas
WBGO Kids Jazz featuring Brianna Thomas and The Jazz Travelers
July 31 – Sunday – 4:00pm – Queensbridge Park, Queens – FREE SHOW

Staten Island Family Day:
Secret Agent 23 Skidoo, Sierra Leone Dance Troupe, Wahoo Skiffle Crazies
August 7 – Sunday – 4:00pm – Clove Lakes Park, Staten Island – FREE SHOW

Manhattan Family Day:
DJ Spinna celebrates Earth, Wind and Fire – Shine and The Moonbeams
August 14 – Sunday – 4:00pm – East River Park, Manhattan – FREE SHOW

SummerStage Circus:
Kalabanté Circus, Iron Skulls and Quim Moya, Sxip’s Hour of Charm
August 20 – Saturday – 7:00pm – Marcus Garvey Park, Manhattan – FREE SHOW

SummerStage Circus:
Kalabanté Circus, Iron Skulls and Quim Moya, Sxip’s Hour of Charm
August 21 – Sunday – 7:00pm – Marcus Garvey Park, Manhattan – FREE SHOW

Often when I'm playing guitar, my youngest will walk over and mute my strings with her hand.

― how's life, Friday, April 15, 2016 9:52 AM (37 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

mine is interested when she sees it until i pick it up to try and play, at which point she goes "no no no no no no."

to her credit, i can't play for shit.

Dex was into guitar for a while, we got him a little basic acoustic and he had a couple of lessons, but he got bored of it really fast cos it was too hard, and he's very easily frustrated to give up on things. Plus when I'd try and engage him in it he'd ask me to play something and lol, I also cant play for shit, which didnt help :(

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bFID7JeL-bg

This one shows interest every once in a while.

It's been rough with my older one. He's a lefty, but many years ago when I went to a music store to pick up a Squier Mini, the sales clerk gave me some bullshit explanation about how it's much easier for kids to just go ahead and learn right-handed which I bought into hook line and sinker because it was a week before Christmas and I was stressed out of my mind. It wasn't until a lot later that I thought of all the lefty guitar players who very much didn't play right handed. So recently, I restrung one of my acoustics upside-down for him. He's not really in a guitar-playing mood right now, but it'll be there if he wants to learn.

Anyone else feel like vacationing with small kids is not much fun? We just started what I thought would be a great splurge beach week and I'm already so fucking exhausted, between how much prep there was, the travel, like holding e on my lap for three hours on a plane, walking through a huge airport with them to get to our rental car, getting to the hotel and realizing our room was cramped, all the organizing and unpacking, constantly keeping an eye on them and responding to their needs, immediately having to worry about food, all the baby stuff you have to schlep, honestly I feel like I don't want to take anlther vacation for five years right now.

we've loved traveling with small kids, to Turkey with our 10 month old, to France and Italy with another 10 month old, all over the USA and Europe with slightly less small but still < 2 year olds. never did the lap baby thing since those were loooong flights. also have never done a "beach week" or a stay-in-one-place vacation, we just move around, travel the same as we do solo but just more slowly. also pretty much never prep, just figure it out on the fly. note: this leads to situations that other parents might consider irresponsible: for example in Cappadocia taking a cab to a remote rock formation without packing enough water, goofing around with the 10 month old on our back on this huge rock filled with little caves (it was so rad). we asked/paid the cab to come back in a couple of hours to get us, or thought we did: we speak almost no Turkish. there was no other way back to Ürgüp, I guess walk 15+ miles? but the cab did come back and everything worked out great.

I suspect moving around, being in a new place each day is the key--otherwise it's like being at home, but without all the distractions you have built up in your own home

toddler vacations worked OK for us, but two boys, 6 and 3, were like a one-way ticket to the nerve-shredder express.

We've never done it. Unlikely we will until she's like... 20.

Years back a friend of mine said she was losing her mind from kids' music so I made her a car playlist of kid-safe (no profanity no innuendo) rock/pop/indie schmindie that was super peppy. Despite her enthusiasm for the project I think she only really likes easy listening and Celtic folk music so she probably made it through one Rezillos and one Jonathan Richman track and was like "NEVER AGAIN" but a few other people have given it good reviews. It was surprisingly difficult though.

My teachers thought I was weird for knowing the words to popular songs of the 1930s and 40s (thanks for the sheet music, Grandma!). I can only return the favor by helping 10-year-olds sing along to Chris Knox, Mama Cass, Bacharach....

We took the boys to Thailand in November. It was actually pretty fun, for the most part. But they're nine now, so much easier than dealing with toddlers. Two little ones at the same time is tough, because there just aren't enough hands/laps, etc. to deal with everything. Maybe take a small solo vacation each to actually get some relaxing in...

We've done a couple of weekend trips, staying in hotels or VRBO places and those have been fine but this was prior to walking and becoming more sentient and opinionated.

We're going to visit all three sets of grandparents sometime in june and I'm just dreading it. I dislike visiting there anyway for a number of reasons, but with the kid it feels so much harder.

It's a minimum of three or four plane trips, some of which require an hour plus of driving at one end or the other as we are going from small town to small town. It's also expensive as hell even with a kid on our lap. Plus it's constant balancing of family time, where everyone is passive aggressive about how much time with the grandkid they get, we are out of our usual routine and sleeping in shitty beds in hot attics and moving every couple of days and it's three timezones away so everyone's sleep is messed up from that as well.

I actually feel kind of sick to my stomach just thinking about it. This is a trip, not a vacation.

flying with young kids is awful, no question about it. also i need to remember that when flying with a child younger than 2 it is ALWAYS worth it to pay for the extra seat unless the kid is like 3 months or younger. we've had way more success buying the extra seat and putting the baby in a car seat than holding the baby on our lap

joygoat that sounds rough, sympathies

we've had to make a number of trips to OH to visit my family lately and i've realized that doing a 12 hour drive is way easier than a 2 hour flight, just easier to pack, we can go at our own pace, we can stop when we want to, even spread the drive over two days

ime flying w kids between the ages of 2-5 is excruciating, because they can't read or otherwise amuse themselves really, and their attention spans are so goddamned short

brutally short, our 12 month old was a nightmare

Just booked our holiday with the small one, we only ever go <2 hour drive away and do self-catering. Happy to leave planes for another time...

joygoat can you get out of it? sounds horrendous.

this kind of scenario is why family/relatives should be forced to come to you imo

xp

If you are ok with letting your kids play with tablets, then plane rides are fine. In fact (depressingly), the plane rides were my kids' favorite part of the Thailand trip because they got to play like 10 hours of Geometry Dash.

joygoat can you get out of it? sounds horrendous.

I could, but my wife really wants to visit and then I'm the asshole who didn't come and visit his family / made his wife fly solo with a toddler.

Been that guy.

We could never have afforded any trips that involved flying when i was a kid (but then again who could back then, planes were pricey in the 80s), but I recall a *lot* of very long car trips. When you live in AU, going anywhere at all involves at least a 3 hour trip and can be days. Dunno how my parents coped - there were 3 of us and I dont imagine the car had aircon.

Feeling a little better today - the hotel is p nice and beachfront and has a great pool area and we just decided to spend the whole AM beaching and lounging around the pool. I bought a bunch of food at a grocery store so we can eat sandwiches and not the overpriced hotel food every bfast and lunch. In the evening we went for a low key dinner and then got gelato and then it was p much time for the kids to sleep. That's kind of the hardest thing - being in one room and having the kids in bed early - I'd probably just rent an Airbnb or something if I did this again but it was a very last minute plan (after having to bail on our original plan). Right now for example id much rather have a drink with H on the grounds but we may just take turns sneaking down for a drink instead.

Adjusted expectations seems like the best way to go with two. With one it felt like we were still the bosses, but now we really have to go on their schedules in order to keep things sane.

actually turned out to be great overall, it just took a little time to recover from the packing and planning and travel, and next time I'll probably make it longer