Kids say the darndest things

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Kid's been saying "car" for a while now but hasn't been able to say "truck". Now it's sort of morphing and has turned into the word "cock", which is awesome as he's watching videos of monster trucks on fire and yelling HOT COCK HOT COCK.

joygoat, Tuesday, 22 March 2016 15:42 (eight years ago) link

My little brother as a kid pronounced the "tr" sound as "fw" which obviously lead to me and my teenaged friends goading him into saying truck you, etc.

pplains, Tuesday, 22 March 2016 15:50 (eight years ago) link

My kids got sick last week with more terrible viruses; this time only one of them ended up in the hospital and it was only for an overnight observational stay. It completely consumed our weekend and last night, due to dehydration, he was VERY gassy/constipated and spent most of the evening complaining until he let out a massive fart at 3:30 AM, stopped screaming and fell asleep.

Apparently he's pooped a million times today. Better that than screaming like he's being murdered or coughing up both lungs, though.

― i like to trump and i am crazy (DJP), Monday, March 21, 2016 2:08 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

PP what was that magical stuff we use to use called?

“I hate my wife. She doesn’t even have a dick” (sunny successor), Tuesday, 22 March 2016 21:13 (eight years ago) link

Henry, on the toilet, with me as his deep thoughts audience once again:
H: 'Did you know that saladbread is poisonous?'
Me: 'Really?'
H: 'Yes! I ate it once'
Me: 'I don't remember you being sick from eating saladbread'
H: 'Oh, well, if you drink a special potion after you eat it you don't get sick.'
Me. 'Ah. Where did you get saladbread? I've never heard of it'
H: 'There is a Saladbread planet! I went there with four astronauts and we ate it.'
Me: 'Wow. I hope you gave the astronauts some of your potion'
H: 'No! Hahahaha'
H: 'You know what else is poisonous?'
Me: 'Nope'
H: (in a loud conspiratorial whisper)'CHICKEN BODIES'
Me 'Chicken bodies!! Do they come from a chicken body planet'
H: 'No! They're from Earth!'
Me: 'oh.'

Like, DUH

“I hate my wife. She doesn’t even have a dick” (sunny successor), Tuesday, 22 March 2016 21:26 (eight years ago) link

Pretty surreal!

schwantz, Tuesday, 22 March 2016 21:36 (eight years ago) link

PP what was that magical stuff we use to use called?

http://i.imgur.com/3Lbyz7i.jpg

Daddies can share in the bliss too.

pplains, Tuesday, 22 March 2016 22:11 (eight years ago) link

the next time my son asks what's in my cocktail I'm going to say "gripe water"

Οὖτις, Tuesday, 22 March 2016 22:12 (eight years ago) link

Having eard Sleeping Beauty, and learned that it was a prick from an enchanted spindle that sent Beauty to sleep, Ella says to me: "I'll be Sleeping Beauty and you be the prick."

like Uber, but for underpants (James Morrison), Wednesday, 23 March 2016 00:44 (eight years ago) link

Gold!

“I hate my wife. She doesn’t even have a dick” (sunny successor), Wednesday, 23 March 2016 04:31 (eight years ago) link

Dalton: Do you know what a go-go dancer is?

Is this a trick question?

One bad call from barely losing to (Alex in SF), Tuesday, 5 April 2016 13:22 (eight years ago) link

lol

how's life, Tuesday, 5 April 2016 13:25 (eight years ago) link

my sister used to be p much addicted to gripe water. I think she used to steal it from the first aid cupboard and just walk around with it.

draxx them sklounst (dog latin), Tuesday, 5 April 2016 14:04 (eight years ago) link

Max is Henry and Beatrice's cousin. He is 3 month younger than Henry. He lives in Australia.

One night Henry was getting angry because he had to do his homework.He suddenly declared:

"I don't hate God but I HATE everyone on this earth! Everyone!!! Except Max. God and Max.'

I texted this to my brother who told Max. He said Max laughed but also nodded like he understood. Cousins.

“I hate my wife. She doesn’t even have a dick” (sunny successor), Tuesday, 5 April 2016 18:32 (eight years ago) link

(On the walk to school)
K: Is there a car called "Tack-L"?
Me: Um, what do you mean? Did you see that somewhere?
K: You know, like "Tack-C." Is there "Tack-L"?

human life won't become a cat (man alive), Tuesday, 5 April 2016 18:51 (eight years ago) link

Took me a minute there.

how's life, Tuesday, 5 April 2016 18:53 (eight years ago) link

lol me too at the time

human life won't become a cat (man alive), Tuesday, 5 April 2016 18:54 (eight years ago) link

We were playing "Say Anything" (kind of like Cards Against Humanity, but for kids).

Question (for Ben): What headline would I (Ben) most like to see?
Me and the wife wrote "Ben Wins Gold Medal" and "Videogames More Healthy Than Reading."

Owen wrote the winning answer: "Ted Cruz Assassinates Donald Trump, While Getting Shot By A Bazooka."

Question: What would be the weirdest thing to collect?

Ben's answer: Fox genitals

schwantz, Tuesday, 5 April 2016 21:28 (eight years ago) link

LOL

One bad call from barely losing to (Alex in SF), Tuesday, 5 April 2016 21:44 (eight years ago) link

guess you better get rid of you fox genital collection

Οὖτις, Tuesday, 5 April 2016 21:52 (eight years ago) link

I think someone should shop Harry S Truman holding up a newspaper with that headline.

One bad call from barely losing to (Alex in SF), Tuesday, 5 April 2016 22:06 (eight years ago) link

https://farm2.staticflickr.com/1647/26203826981_40e207997b.jpg

Michael Jones, Wednesday, 6 April 2016 11:45 (eight years ago) link

:D

how's life, Wednesday, 6 April 2016 11:57 (eight years ago) link

Everything seemed normal after I picked my 5-year-old up from my wife's sister's house yesterday. An hour or so after we got home though, she started singing the chorus to Enter the Ninja by Die Antwoord. :(

how's life, Wednesday, 6 April 2016 12:08 (eight years ago) link

lol

droit au butt (Euler), Wednesday, 6 April 2016 12:25 (eight years ago) link

my 7-y-o has starting appending "babe" to everything he says. "i want some milk, babe."

illegal economic migration (Tracer Hand), Wednesday, 6 April 2016 14:16 (eight years ago) link

Kid's ready to make some deals!

Οὖτις, Wednesday, 6 April 2016 14:35 (eight years ago) link

Follow-up to my last post:

Little kid: I I I/I am your butterfly/I need your protection/a mee mo samurai...
Me: I think the words are "be my samurai".
Little kid: I I I/I am your butterfly/I need your protection/be...my...samurai... I think "a mee mo samurai" is easier to sing than "be my samurai"
Me: Well, sing it however you want, I guess. It's your song now.
Little kid: Yeah, I got the ABCs, Twinkle Twinkle, I got uuhhhhhhh, Eye of the Tiger, Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Cherry Bomb, and...Hey - I haven't heard Cherry Bomb these days!

how's life, Thursday, 7 April 2016 00:37 (eight years ago) link

lol that Tracer's kid is a Jason Sudeikis character

i like to trump and i am crazy (DJP), Thursday, 7 April 2016 15:06 (eight years ago) link

i have no idea where he gets it. my wife and i have never said that, ever. today he said 'sup bro.' am i raising a.... douchebag?

illegal economic migration (Tracer Hand), Thursday, 7 April 2016 20:24 (eight years ago) link

Lololol.

how's life, Thursday, 7 April 2016 20:45 (eight years ago) link

Haha hl, your kid singing cherry bomb reminds me of when I was about 6 and I used to sing "I was made for lovin' you" by KISS all the time. Much, I'm sure, to my parents amusement.

Interesting. No, wait, the other thing: tedious. (Trayce), Thursday, 7 April 2016 22:50 (eight years ago) link

"cherry bomb" is a great family song, teaches you to politely say hello to both your parents

no one in particular (Abbott), Friday, 8 April 2016 00:00 (eight years ago) link

It's family-centered and very cordial!

how's life, Friday, 8 April 2016 11:02 (eight years ago) link

Haha hl, your kid singing cherry bomb reminds me of when I was about 6 and I used to sing "I was made for lovin' you" by KISS all the time. Much, I'm sure, to my parents amusement.

“I hate my wife. She doesn’t even have a dick” (sunny successor), Friday, 8 April 2016 12:31 (eight years ago) link

When our son was pre-school age, he used to entertain us by singing along to 3 by Britney Spears, a song about threeways. Or a song about numbers! He's in an advanced math class now so I don't give a shit.

how's life, Friday, 8 April 2016 12:52 (eight years ago) link

We're trying to get ready for bedtime. Henry addresses us from the top of this thing:

http://i.imgur.com/Bqqsvg6.jpg

"OK, I'm in no longer in Creative Mode. I am in Survival Mode."

pplains, Monday, 18 April 2016 01:46 (eight years ago) link

Henry after hurting himself:

'Oh no! I took some damage!'

“I hate my wife. She doesn’t even have a dick” (sunny successor), Monday, 18 April 2016 15:46 (eight years ago) link

Henry after graduating Pre-K:

'I unlocked an achievement!'

“I hate my wife. She doesn’t even have a dick” (sunny successor), Monday, 18 April 2016 15:47 (eight years ago) link

Officially too much video game time :P

schwantz, Monday, 18 April 2016 15:48 (eight years ago) link

This morning, when I got to work, there was a voice mail from my 3 year old daughter informing me that her leg isn't broken.

(she fell yesterday, it was bleeding a bit and insisted that this meant it was broken, I guess it stopped bleeding)

silverfish, Monday, 18 April 2016 16:02 (eight years ago) link

<3

Flamenco Drop (VegemiteGrrl), Monday, 18 April 2016 16:06 (eight years ago) link

three weeks pass...

Little dude will eat a cup of yogurt, maybe two, every afternoon if we let him. I say "if we let him" because I sure as hell ain't going to buy 20 cups a yogurt a week for the boy.

But I went grocery shopping while he was napping on Saturday and brought home enough yogurt to fill the refrigerator drawer.

When he woke up and immediately pivoted to the kitchen, he exclaimed to his mom, "Oh cool! The yogurt respawned while I was sleeping!"

http://i.imgur.com/qoWan41.gif

pplains, Monday, 9 May 2016 15:36 (eight years ago) link

both of my kids have started saying 'Oh Em Gee!' as a visceral, knee-jerk response to amazing (to them) turns of events. like it is just a genuine, non-ironic expression of amazement. which is amazing, to me.

illegal economic migration (Tracer Hand), Monday, 9 May 2016 16:10 (eight years ago) link

One of my two-year-old toddlers has begun expressing a keen interest in identifying car logos. He is pretty much 100% accurate on:

Toyota
Honda
BMW
Mercedes

He's about 75% accurate on:

Mazda
Nissan

He has problems distinguishing these logos from the Honda logo:

Lexus
Hyundai

So far he does not give two shits about American cars, which means he truly is My Child

i like to trump and i am crazy (DJP), Monday, 9 May 2016 18:45 (eight years ago) link

That's awesome! My kid went through a big car-identification phase about a year ago. Honda and Hyundai were her favorites. There's a disappointing lack of toy Hyundais at the grocery store.

how's life, Monday, 9 May 2016 19:03 (eight years ago) link

There have been many "humorous" potty-training false starts because he has looked out the window and shouted "Toyot!" which we have then interpreted to be a request to be put on the potty.

i like to trump and i am crazy (DJP), Monday, 9 May 2016 19:07 (eight years ago) link

Officially too much video game time :P

― schwantz, Monday, April 18, 2016 10:48 AM (3 weeks ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Most recently when more yogurt somehow magically appeared in the fridge (ie his father went grocery shopping):

"The yogurt respawned!'

Quarter measures (sunny successor), Monday, 9 May 2016 20:18 (eight years ago) link

Newsreader: Five men have been arrested in Far North Queensland attempting to sail a small fishing boat to Asia to join ISIS
Ella: (deeply weary) Oh no, not AGAIN!

This is less of a said than a did - youngest came in while B was still asleep and stood by the bed. I whispered "daddy's pretending to be asleep, wake him up!"

...I didnt expect him to do this by slapping his dad in the face :|

Stoop Crone (Trayce), Friday, 13 May 2016 00:04 (eight years ago) link


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