ILX Parenting 6: "Put Some Goddamn Pants On Before You Go Outside!" is a thing I say now

we even posted in the ilx milk carton thread a while back iirc

anyways good to have a new thread

J is starting to ask "what is ____" about everything, it is really cool, like he is really trying to get at the deeper meaning of it, e.g. he has been eating oatmeal for a good two years now but now he wants to really know "what is oatmeal???"

haha also xp man alive i misread your post to say "K now has a babysitter, E" so i did not comment b/c that seemed unremarkable, but yea congratulations!

So yeah, two kids is pretty crazy. OTOH in the final months before the birth I hustled hard and found a better job -- better pay AND more flexible with time, and that's been making things a lot easier.

Oh awesome! Congratulations on the new job AND the new baby!

yeah two kids is nuts. fwiw three is not as nuts as two is, in case you're inclined in that way

we just flew back to the usa for a couple of weeks and my kids did well, but then my youngest is 8 so why would it be bad. tons of movies on demand with the little screens, they keep bringing you food and drinks, you get to snuggle, what's not to like.

fwiw three is not as nuts as two

this needs explaination

two is fucking crazy

I assume when you have three you let the oldest child be in charge of the other two. Parenting over!

im dying here w/ 2, it is intense

my mom had 5 and i just can't even comprehend that

i think maybe people who say the jump to 3 is not a big deal is maybe because at that point the older ones are a little more manageable since they are older?

also some of you may recall i mentioned J's autism diagnosis on the previous thread, things were super stressful for a long while especially after F's birth but things do seem to be falling into place a little w/ his services and planning for preschool next year. we found some really incredible home-based therapists and b/c of his diagnosis J also got offered a spot at one of our city's best public schools allowing us to bypass some of the anxiety-inducing byzantine lottery process. one benefit i guess to having a kid with special needs. also J is just doing amazingly well right now and we've seen so much growth and progress, it is really hopeful.

Oh good! That's good to hear.

Thanks for the update Marcos, that's good to hear.
My friend with 3 kids says the jump to 3 is the craziest ever. You only have 2 hands for a start!

Yeah I've heard that 3 is the hardest - harder than two, harder than four.

LOL survey says - http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/05/07/three-children-is-most-st_n_3229032.html

I think we'll stick with one to be on the safe side.

http://adequateman.deadspin.com/14-things-you-will-say-to-your-kids-a-million-goddamn-t-1717985943

I would add "Put on your shoes" to this list.

Ivy's only 19 months so some of those don't apply but we're already well on our way with "Careful," "You're fine," and "Don't eat that."

yeah I dunno with #3, #1 was already 6 years old, so didn't need the kind of management that newborns do, and got along well with #2 so our lives were fine. plus we knew what we were doing by that point, at least as well as we ever were going to. but when #2 was born...I don't know how we survived tbh

Oh god, "careful!" is getting a lot of use now, as well as the related "gentle hands!" F's top three words are "no", "nono" and "nonononononono".

"Did you take another bite of your dinner yet?"

Ivy's daycare teachers use the Spanish "linda" to mean "nicely," which Ivy picked up on early so we say that instead of "gentle hands." And we say that a lot... Also my mom's old favorite: People are not for hitting. People are for loving. Usually said through gritted teeth after Ivy smacks my glasses off my face.

our perfect granddaughter, who always slept through the night even from birth and has never been the slightest bit difficult during year one, has FINALLY has her first tantrum, tried to scratch her mom with her little fingernails. we breathed a sigh of relief tbh, thank god she's not some pod person experiment and is actually human.

I have a couple of new Isolde pics as well, will post later

Damn straight.

"gentle hands" wtf does that mean, like what is the situation

pets?

ime it is another way of saying "don't scratch my fucking face, boy"

Yeah like "don't hit scratch slap pinch me/your dad/this other child/the cat."

"What did I just say?" is another thing I say a lot.

I've been trying to get a little more real about "rules" lately, especially with eating, e.g. I keep repeating "we don't get something else until we finish what we have," because she has a really annoying habit of asking for something, taking a few bites and then asking for another thing. Also trying to stop snacks in the stroller and carseat so she'll actually eat her goddamn meals instead of snacking all the time, but that one is challenging (because on the morning where she DOESN'T eat her goddamn breakfast, you feel guilty sending her to school hungry).

Also we have a grandparent who sees her every week and undermines all this

gah, that thing when your newborn is finally asleep and completely quiet and then you keep checking every twenty minutes to make sure they're alive.

:)

double congratulations, man alive!

small man still alive

So I may have missed something, but I think Nora only woke at midnight and 3am last night. It's 7am now and she's still asleep. And it's Em's birthday.

Ha, I slept straight through a 5am waking..,

Happy birthday Em. I was just thinking I hadn't seen her over at the other place for a while. If it's any consolation, our sleep has gone back into a bad pattern after having a really good thing going for a couple of months. Hoping we find that groove again.

We are in a good patch - a whole fortnight of sleeping right through. Oh please, please, please let that be it.

One day Molly will start sleeping through. Maybe when she starts school in September, maybe that will tire her out so much that if she stirs she'll just drop off again, rather than padding through to our room.

My sister-in-law is in the hospital giving birth to twins right now, and my sister's water just broke. I could have three nieces/nephews born on the same day.

Woah!!! That's so awesome, NA

Big birthday parties in your future

Babbies everywhere!

Yay babies!!!

So our least favorite daycare teacher let Ivy play outside in the hot hot heat while wearing a dirty dirty diaper (Ivy, not the teacher) and then let her hang out in her hot dirty diaper for who knows how long because her "coworker forgot to remind her to change diapers," which you know what, fuck you, lady, (we're changing daycare in August so I opted not to make a big deal just in case this asshole decided to make Ivy's last weeks difficult) but point being Ivy has some wiiiiicked diaper rash rn.

The best cure for diaper rash being to air out the booty, she was spending some time going commando around the living room. I was keeping an eye on her because the last time we indulged in post-bath naked baby time she peed on the floor a little yet I somehow missed the immanent Number Two until I spied an actual turd creeping out from between her cheeks (I yelled "Oh shit! Literally!" of which I am inordinately proud). Luckily I was folding laundry at the time and had the presence of mind to grab a pair of underpants to catch the turd before it fell onto the white chair Ivy was standing on so it could have been worse.

Anyway toddler parenting achievement unlocked: I caught a fresh turd.

Congratulations?

lol thank you

I remember pulling out a fresh hot turd from the ass of one of our kids when s/he was constipated

Hehe, giggling aloud, thanks Ivy.

So far I have dug in my heels and put limits on the amount of extra stuff the kids do. Their mom sometimes wants to pile more on and NO NO NO. They each have one activity that sometimes takes multiple days a week and temple obligations. That’s enough.

Our next four things are working, college, driving, and housing.

None of them are optional, so we don't get to be picky. Alas. Eldest probably needs to drive. May need to work. Definitely needs college.

Younger (severely disabled) one needs something like a sheltered workshop and group housing.

yeah we have something 5 days out of the week with ours, I'd try to scale it back but I didn't get to do a whole lot of that stuff when I was a kid so I'll take the bullet

The 10 year old is asking for more freedom, what do you let her do? Walk to the corner store by herself (no street crossings, just around the block)? Walk to school? Stay home alone while we run out to the store?

When I was 10, I was out for hours at at time unsupervised. But I lived in a hay field.

I live in London and yeah both kids were doing those things by 10. I think even by like 7 we were letting them go to the park on their own. It’s funny how quickly it goes from nerve racking to normal (and then back again if they haven’t come back even they said they would)

So another first grader told my son he was going to bring a gun to school and shoot him. This is at home room the other morning. My kid handled it well until bedtime and started freaking out about death. Had to have some really hard conversations with him.

This obviously set off some alarms and procedures for the other kid and his parents at the school and county. He’s not a real threat or anything but what the fuck are 7 year olds talking like that for. Goddamn America

And yeah I know we said things like I’m gonna kill you at that age but this is different

jesus christ that is terrifying. i’m so sorry

When the free-range parenting thing was a thing, I had a friend who had a 10 year old and he was buying into it, talking about what it was like when we were kids and how much more restrictive we are with our kids even though crime and scary things happening to kids was at an all-time low. I suggested that perhaps scary things happen to kids less often because we keep a closer eye on them than our parent did. His eyes widened and I could see his wheels turning.

I have no idea how that actually plays out, statistics wise. I just know that I did incredibly stupid things when I was ten, footloose and fancy-free. It's a wonder I didn't burn the damn house down. I guess it really depends on your kids and their maturity.

Thanks. It fucked me up too if I’m being honest

So sorry to hear about that, Heez. That's nothing a kid should have to go through. Given that we have things like the Newport News teacher shooting, it's so much scarier. I remember bullies at school in the 80s who said they were gonna kill me, but it was all just dumb bravado.

On a lighter side of that type of story, a couple of years ago, I got a call to come to the elementary school because my fifth grader was in the principal's office. Another student had found a post-it note in his locker that read "the Illuminati is coming for you" on one side with a drawing of a bloody dagger on the reverse. When the administration reviewed the surveillance video, it was my daughter who had slipped it in the locker. Apparently, they had been joking around about the Illuminati at recess for some reason and she thought he'd appreciate the joke. She didn't mean to freak him out and was distraught about it (although she didn't apologize right away and kept quiet about her involvement until the truth came out). After chatting with the teachers and the principal for half an hour, they agreed to let her off with a warning because it was obviously just a misunderstanding. Anyway, they are still friends and had a picnic together yesterday.

I posted this in the mass shooting thread but the active shooter drills have definitely messed my son up - every time they do one he spends weeks talking about what he would do if a "stranger" came into the school and how he would protect his sister, but really he just asks over and over again if there are any bad guys where we live, and where they *do* live, if they would come here, etc. etc. not only that but I hear him late at night getting up and checking the locks on the doors. it terrifies him. as I guess it probably should. luckily after a couple weeks he kind of 'gets over' it, but still I can't imagine this is good for them, it's not a reality I want them to be aware of just yet

That’s the thing that upsets me about it. He’s 7 and ever since this happened he’s being more mature. Hugging me more and being thoughtful. I’d rather him throw tantrums and be an asshole like before. Something was opened up to him and I should be happy he’s handling it well but I just want him to be a kid

Pastopianism is a hell of a drug. "I did (x) and turned out fine," except some folks didn't.

Congratulations, you drank from the hose, stayed out until the streetlights came on, etc. But lots of bad things happened to lots of people during those days. Several of my friends did NOT survive.

that said, in the 1970s nobody was going through the anticipatory trauma that comes from living in a society where school shootings have become normalized so

Yes. People always talk about "oh times were simpler" well maybe thats because you werent being told OMG A GUNMAN COULD BURST IN AND KILL YOU ALLevery freaking month. :(

even when I take out the garbage at night after he's gone to bed I come back and hear "Daddy is that you? Ok just wanted to make sure it wasn't a bad guy"

Oh geez :(

Ha got my first ever puking toddler problem to manage today!

Somehow I have avoided the other times

I myself have not puked since 1994 so it’s a wild journey! Maybe this is the week!!

I am going for the “it’s impossible to be careful with a sick toddler so I’m just not bothering to be careful“ approach

Why are there so many sequential parenting threads

I got to spend some quality time with my 14 yo today and it was so great. I talked my face off about college years and the Godfather movies

My boys are away at camp for 2 weeks and it’s been 14 years since the house has been this quiet. Slowly slowly slowly getting used to the absence of responsibility

had this experience two years ago, absolutely wild

Yeah, I'm almost a week into the same, and it's even weirder because H is teaching at their camp, so I'm completely alone in the house (other than two guinea pigs), a condition under which I've literally never lived (always had roommates before I lived with H).

I feel like it's good for me psychologically. I've def had my lonely/sad moments, but I met my wife early and probably didn't get a ton of time to develop certain types of independence.

I find it especially hard to be away from my younger one, who's still young enough that she's very attached to me. The older one is basically a teen now. I sent them both care packages and emails (they can check email like once a week). I get to video chat with H every night, which I do find makes a big difference.

This weekend my wife and kids are going away for two nights and it will be the first time I've been totally alone in the house, all day, for a loooong time. I'm pretty excited. I feel like I should prepare to PARTY but I quit drinking two years ago. I'll probably work on art a lot.

lol I've had that experience, I work from home and it's so weird that the clock just hits 4:30 and you're like "well I guess I can do whatever I want now"

my first time sending multiple kids off to sleepaway camp and i got that dreaded phone call from one of the staffers late at night that our kids had lice. they were treated but i know my oldest was feeling the stigma of undeserved "the other campers know it was me" shame.

ugh. Well unless he brought it with him to camp, he must have gotten it from someone else there. Of course, if he did bring it with him, here's a Scarlet L, go sit in the corner.

Light in daughter’s bedroom went out. While replacing bulb, we lost one of the 3 bolts that held the fixture’s glass cover in place. having no idea where the fixture came from, we decided to order a new one, with a built in fan and remote control.

I spend a chunk of Sunday removing the old fixture and putting in the new fan + light. Upon completion, daughter is invited back into her room (she prefers to play fortnite with her friends without disturbances).

“UUUUUUUUGGGHH!!!! I’m LITERALLY NEVER SETTING FOOT IN THIS ROOM AGAIN!!!”

tl,dr: teenagers rule

Is it just me or are everyone’s kids just not getting sick this school year? it’s late October and I keep waiting for the shoe to drop but neither of my kids have even had a sniffle yet. I feel like they’d both had at least two colds by this time last year.

It’s just you

kids do age out of the merciless frequency of illnesses that afflict them when tiny, it could be that?

So....how do you get a 7 and a half year old to eat food?

Already had five days off sick from school this term and he has another bad cough now.

14 yo off sick all last week, still coughing

Took jr to Suitsupply and got a custom order vest.

merry christmas to everyone EXCEPT the person who designed knockoff tamagotchis and put the "reset" button right next to the rest of the buttons you constantly use to play it