Kids say the darndest things

Oh jeez, we don't have a drive-through liquor store around here. Bringing my kids in with me to buy beer is always nerve-wracking. Just thinking about all the stuff they knock over and break at home.

Liquor store still one of the few places around that stack fragile items like vodka bottles in a display on the floor, like it's Seamus' General Goods or something.

We're basically raising Ivy at the bar on the corner so I don't think the conversation about being drunk will be too difficult.

I'm more worried about the conversation about drugs, particularly when she's older because I am definitely taking a "do as I say, not as I did" stance on them.

Me: You’ve been working very hard today, but like your mother.
A: I’m hard! *pause* Hard to take care of!

(Kicks me in the man-boob)

"I think you're my mom."

convo between my 5 year old and her (christian) friend, who mentioned that god created the world.
Daughter: "What? No, the MOON created the world."
Friend: "No, it was Jesus..."
Daughter: "No! There was a big rock in space and... I don't know, but it wasn't a GUY!"

High five, daughter.

not sure about the moon thing...

Seems as plausible as friend's theory.

Nice.

Haha awesome

so good

Me: You’ve been working very hard today, but like your mother.
A: I’m hard! *pause* /Hard to take care of!/

I love this

"but like your mother" should be "just like..." in that exchange. They had spent the afternoon doing yard work together.

Yard to take care of

"If the sun had a butt it could poo on the itsy-bitsy spider".

Hahahaha

Excellent counterfactual thinking!

"Would you like some of this for dinner?"
"What is it?"
"Pumpkin soup"
In tones of stunned awe: "Pumpkin soup? Pumpkin SOUP? What are you TALKING about?!!"

I'm having an IRL giggle fit. Pumpkin soup???!? The hell you say!

I'd feel the same way.

Well goddamm, pumpkin soup. What next, a cake made out of CHEESE?

And on Sunday we were at a christening, so in a church, and Ella starts patting my wife's jacket. "I like your jacket, Mummy." Long pause, then very loudly: "I can feel you have BOOBS!"

omg

ime boobs are a very important ~~imaginary~~ of young girls

Stupendous :)

this is amazing

[teaching 4 and 5 year olds about herbi-/carni-/omnivores]

kid: "which ones is a cat?"
me: "let's think about it. what do cats eat?"
kid: "creme de la creme"

!!!

from my 10 year old nephew the other day:

"Last night I dreamed that my mother was pregnant and also that I was able to whistle!"

A friend's four, almost five-year-old came home and told her dad, "Smell my vulva. It smells wonderful."

O_O

also lol

O_O is a good approximation of her dad's reaction.

Well did it?

jk

Just want to indicate that that was not my child.

It was not! I'd never scoop you like that.

Here's one from my child, as she was DJing by playing songs off of my wife's iPod: "Some DJs like to get funky, but not me."

dj nofunk in tha hizzouse

I asked her what it means to get funky and she did a really exaggerated rockin' out dance/face.

she's got a point

Well did it?

jk

Hahaha

Ah, Aidan instigated the sex talk with Chris the other day:

Aidan : dad, jake says sex is when a man puts his penis in a woman's vagina and wiggles it around?

Chris:(ok, here we go) well, jake's right, son.

A: nooooooooooo ha ha ha ha (pauses) ........Sooooo have you done it?

Chris: (looks around for ejector seat) where do you think you came from?

A: so that *is* how babies are made? Wooooooow........

Chris: Ok, time to go to school.

Then last night A piped up 'mummy, which sex did you like best, when you made me, or when you made Molly?'

OMG.

The other day Lulu told me Bob Bunny's middle name was "the f-word - but it's ok, because that just means 'hello' in bunny language".

Good to know.

Fucking like bunnies(' middle names)

When we were having dinner last night, Ella asks what the music is, then say, "Sorry I can't bop, but I'm eating my pudding."

The music playing in the background, that is.

The blueberry fart went into the marker. I wonder how that makes it fun? Fart is not fun. It is yuuuucky.

Fair point!

I never ever watch or talk about basketball, but last night I turned on the NBA Finals, and Evie said "I know who the best basketball player ever is. Allan Houston."