ILX Parenting 5: I'm a big kid now

i can't count that high in hours of sleep.

7 hours of sleep because you're in the hospital and someone is sucking mucus out of your kids' lungs isn't primo sleep

Those fold out chairs are hideous torture devices, too. I wish I lived in Boston so I could bring you a casserole.

no, sleeping in the hospital is actually negative sleep. hope you and yr kids can go home sooner than later.

i hope the boys get better soon djp!
thinking of u guys

How are things, DJP?

Wuah

shit like that would make me update my resume

Wrong thread zing touch!!!

The boys came home last night (on my birthday!) they still have coughs but are doing SO MUCH better than they were a week ago.

man that was a LONG stay DJP. happy birthday and here's to better days ahead!

DITTO! Welcome back home, boys!

Enjoy sleeping in a real bed, DJP!

My mother-in-law is complaining that the son who was sicker and who we were told probably wouldn't eat food right away isn't eating his food. (She was in the room when we were given this information.)

I'm not sure how to handle this

Lol I imagine her complaining to the son, "hey, why aren't you eating????"

You can rise above this DJP, you can do this, she is just anxious and expressing that in a probably suboptimal way

Remind her that they said it would take awhile for him to get his appetite back and that if he isn't eating in a couple of days, you will definitely check in with the doctor immediately.

xp yes, Tracer OTM. Also none of you are well rested or at your best rn.

I'm glad you're all home and the babies are getting better!
I like carl's advice. Ha my bf saw this on a friend's fb: "Outside of the baby times, other parents are straight up the most difficult part of parenting." Which I think extends to one's own parents and in-laws...

Except hopefully one's own parents and in-laws are simply acting out of uncontrollable love and just need reassurance

I can think of like 20 things harder about being a parent than dealing with other parents.

That's kind of what I said to my bf, knowing what other parents have told me, but then my kid is still a baby and I haven't had to deal with too many parents that aren't friends so...

I feel like the hardest thing about parenting a near-three-year-old, or mine anyway, is the constant attention they require when you're around -- requests every five seconds, look at this, tell me about this, etc. That's the most draining thing imo.

attention is & remains the most precious commodity. this goes up and up with each kid of course, but even with one it's a big deal.

feel like I should write something about the economy of attention and parenthood, maybe talk to some economists, pitch it somewhere and make no bucks for it

I always get annoyed when I see those complaints about "parents who are looking at the smartphone while pushing the stroller" who are "not interacting with their kids" or whatever, because whoever makes that complaint obviously has no conception of how much attention any non-negligent parent gives a child in the course of the entire day, and how mentally draining it is (assuming the stroller-pusher is not actually putting the child in danger or inconveniencing other pedestrians).

We spent some time with NA and his family (including their new two month old!) and the two times I was holding the little one, Ivy made a beeline for me, immediately climbing up my leg, like HEY WTF IS THIS TINY BABY BULLSHIT??!?!?!??

I mean, I generally don't look at my phone while pushing the stroller and maybe that's not the best example, but just people who get self-righteous about "parents not paying attention to their kids" because you have no idea how many times that day the tired parent has already re-told the story about the time a friend went to the dentist and found out he had cavities.

as my kids grow up I see my giving them my full attention as more or less = my chief manifestation of my love for them, day to day. like what is needed when they're tiny, holding them and feeding them and carrying them, all that recedes, and when it does, you can fill that gap in different ways. but they're going to ask for your attention and you can fill that gap by giving it to them.

and yeah it's exhausting. when the kids aren't in bed or reading quietly by 9pm I'm a mess.

Oh I mean I'm all for giving them full attention as much of the time as possible, I just can't stand hand-wringing over seeing someone checking their smartphone while with their kids, as though you can tell by the five non-attention-giving minutes you witness that the parent is "inattentive"

totally

otoh I am still judging the woman who pushed her stroller onto the tram last week with two kids walking alongside her, while she left her earbuds in the whole time.

Oh yeah, I saw a woman looking at her phone while pushing a stroller and holding a child's hand IN THE STREET on a crosstown street in Midtown Manhattan the other day, judged the shit out of her.

Having one of those lunchtimes when every darn piece of food is getting flung on the floor without even tasting. SO INFURIATING. Silly baby.

He has also started squirting water from his mouth like a cowboy aiming for a spittoon.

Why do babies not realise that food and sleep are two of the absolute greatest things in life argh.

"HEY WTF IS THIS TINY BABY BULLSHIT??!?!?!??"

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

Otm

I'm guessing that's pretty common for that age, but I've decided to take it as proof that Ivy will make an excellent only child.

Also one of my coworkers got accidentally pregnant shortly after having her first child, so that her first born was about 16 months when the second came along and I need to remember to be extra nice to her.

Is there some kind of rule that all pediatrician office reception staff has to be crabby? Good grief.

Maybe it's me. I always thought I had a really nice, pleasant phone manner but maybe I come off like a smug jerk or something.

XXp This seems to happen way often! Idgi but apparently you can be super fertile at a tine you think you're not

I never have beef with pediatrician office staff. My wife got into it once with one of the nurse practitioners at our kids' doctor, so every time I call up to make an appointment I have to go on their website simultaneously and make requests for appointments with other staff.

kinder, yeah, I think people give breastfeeding infertility more credit than it deserves.

As noted previously, I'm in the process of changing Ivy to a new practice and trying to get her medical records has been an exercise in patience and not screaming at people I need something from. I just about lost it when they told me they can't fax records due to HIPAA. Also we had already decided to change and picked a new place when this happened, but it was good validation: when Ivy went for her 12 month visit, they were out of a particular vaccine. They told me the name of it, but I figured they would also write it down in her chart. Apparently they didn't, so when we came back for the second flu vaccine and I asked for whatever it was that they didn't give her before, they interpreted that to mean that I was trying to get them to double up on one of her vaccines. I had to explain to three different people that they had been out of something and had told me to tell them to give it to her when she came back. After suggesting this was something that they should have noted in her chart, the NP decided it was probably the Hep B vaccine. Here's hoping, you bozos!

Anyway I called the new place and the lady I talked to was a real sourpuss. Also I said I would prefer a Friday appointment, and any Friday after Feb. 18 would work. She put me on hold then came back with "We don't have any appointments on the 18th."

That's a small thing but it made me a little IA.

i have something that makes me IA w/kids, bc i notice it so much now. parents jaywalking with their kids in the middle of busy streets. not streets that are completely empty at the time, but ones where cars are forced to slow or stop. infuriating in terms of safety but also what it teaches the kid(s).

Our bus stop is across a busy two lane road with a cross walk where cars refuse to stop, and I have to cross it every day when I bring Ivy home from daycare, and it is one of the most stressful moments of my day. I feel like parents jay walking in a busy street squander the good will and attention of drivers who might otherwise stop at the damn crosswalk (as required by law in Illinois I might add).

Yesterday I started wearing these LED slap bracelets that Jeff uses for running at night - http://www.niteize.com/product/SlapLit.asp - in the hopes of getting drivers to stop. I put one on my purse strap and one on the baby carrier. I'm not sure whether it works yet. I'll have to collect more data.

What makes me the most furious is when an eastbound driver stops, I walk in front of that car, and drivers going westbound buzz me as I stand in the middle of the fucking crosswalk rather than, you know, stop to let the lady carrying the baby get across the street. Or when an eastbound driver stops, and another eastbound driver behind them whips around the first car to pass it on the right. I've had to jump back on the curb because of that.

I'm getting a stress headache just thinking about it.

most city drivers are monsters imo

Seriously. There was a big kerfuffle in Chicago about red light cameras, which have been shown to reduce accidents, but drivers lost their collective shit about this infringement of their right to run red lights. And the Tribune ran an article with bad data in it to try to discredit the cameras. It's like... JUST STOP AT THE FUCKING LIGHT. Jut... don't run the red lights. Also stop at cross walks. Also, take the bus you monster.

ban cars ban cars ban cars

in l.a. they've been doing this 'road diet' thing in a lot of neighborhoods, going from three lanes each way to two and adding a bike lane, or from two lanes to one and a bike lane, etc. or adding stop signs at dodgy intersections. things like that. there's so much pushback against it. i generally hate cars, i wish this city had great public transit.

In no way meant to minimize your crossing, but I have to cross a busy five-way intersection where there is no crosswalk on my side (to be fair, could take circuitous route that has crosswalks), followed immediately by a four-lane mega road known informally as the "boulevard of death" to get to K's daycare. It probably is the most stressful part of my day as well, along with the otherwise crazed rush to get her ready and get to school before the elevator pile-up occurs and makes me late for work.

When she can handle walking all the way, I may just start using the subway underpass.

and yes, ban cars

No minimization. It's endemic. I hate it.

My kid keeps talking about starting a goddamn dog-walking business. He initially brought it up about half a year ago and keeps bringing it up again every few months. He talks about it with his friends.

I think it's a terrible idea for so many reasons, but then when I go and google "should a kid start a dog-walking business" there are plenty of websites with step-by-step plans for you to follow. What do you guys think? Just in terms of your gut reaction.

how old it he? i think it would probably depend on his age and maturity. i could see a 13/14yo doing okay w/ it.