ILX Parenting 5: I'm a big kid now

btw, to clarify. bullet point 2 should read: *The group of kids who annoy him are all of another race than him.

Talking to the teacher seems like a good idea.

The idea that someone who is not white is getting special treatment because of their race is such a pernicious, damaging idea in our society. I feel like it's really important to address that with your kid, but I get sputtering mad trying to refute that idea with adults, so I have no idea how to approach it with a kid (although I suppose I'd better develop that skill).

I'd also guess that it's false in this case, however it's certainly not a good thing if the teacher is allowing butting in line and teasing under his/her supervision for whatever reason.

I also wonder if he heard that from someone else in his class -- it just sounds like the kind of thing a kid wouldn't come up with on his own.

Yeah.

Yeah, totally. Some kid whose parents are bitching about illegal immigrants getting free welfare checks and free healthcare and not paying taxes bringing that shit into school for sure.

No, not all Mexicans. Just this group in my class. And I know they don't get in trouble because…"

Do any of the other kids get in trouble?

Beeps had a similar problem with a kid cutting in line WHO NEVER GOT INTO TROUBLE. I told her, hell, cut back or say something loudly in front of the other kids, GOSH, ERIC, YOU SURE DO WANT TO BE BETWEEN ME AND MILIAH. "But what if I get in trouble?" Roll the dice, Beeps.

And hey guess what. Turns out the substitute teacher really doesn't care who's walking next to whom in line and NOBODY, including my daughter, gets in trouble.

These are all good points.

The easiest lesson I can ever preach is that annoying people annoy other people, regardless of race. Those black girls being too loud over there? Funny you didn't say anything when those white girls were shrieking earlier at the other table. It's just not as noticeable when they blend into the background you've got set up in your mind.

^^^

what age is yr kid hl?

He's 10. I didn't move on anything yesterday because he had a big interview yesterday for the middle school stem program, but I think I'm going to reopen the discussion with him this weekend before I drop anything in his teacher's lap.

It's sort of delicate, but I think it's a good idea to try to tease out what's really going on without putting words in his mouth or minimizing his concerns

Right, actually telling me about this seems huge because he usually prefers to keep his school and social life to himself. There's just no way he would have approached me about it if he didn't have actual concerns.

I seriously underestimated how incredibly taxing having a newborn actually was going to be, especially one who seems to have an hour long screaming fit 50% of the time after every feeding. But three weeks in and it's starting to sort of feel normal to sleep no more than six hours total every night with a three hour chunk of being awake in the middle, or at least I no longer feel like I'm going to puke and cry all the time.

And holy shit, twins, I can't even comprehend having twins. My level of awe at all the parents of twins that I've ever known has shot up exponentially.

All of that OTM :)

<3

hang in there, joygoat.

In case you haven't already tried it, putting the baby in a sling post-feed could work - combination of keeping them upright for stomach issues and close body contact for comfort. And yeah, hang in there.

vibes ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My excellent babby is here! And yes it's tough. He's been relatively easy going until last night when he was a total horror...

aw congratulations!! i have been wondering how you were going.

Welcome kinder kinder!!!

Yay!

Yaay kinder and new baby! :D

Congrats! RIP sleep

congrats kinder!

and yea joygoat otm. it's so exhausting. and twins, i can't even imagine.

tbh the only time it's really felt overwhelming were the two weeks when we forgot we could swaddle them

those were the worst two weeks, tho

baby #2 coming in april for us, i have no clue what it will be like to have a toddler and a newborn at the same time. there is totally an amount of selective amnesia w/r/t having a second child, but now some of those memories are coming back and i'm freaking the fuck out

Congratulations Kinder!

Yay kinder!

yay kinder

congratulations marcos

Aside from the birth itself, this is the hardest thing I've ever done. I'd like a day where I don't cry at nothing and the baby makes sense, please.

<3

Don't underestimate the WTF-ery of your post-partum hormones careening around your body, which I don't say to minimize this but to emphasize that the frustration and crying and feeling out of control are temporary, if it helps to think of it that way. Also post-partum depression is real as fuck, and even if how you're feeling doesn't rise to the level of PPD, post-partum hormones and their shenanigans with your mood, perception, and coping skills are real as fuck.

Do you have someone you can talk if you need it?

(The baby making no sense is also real as fuck but probably not temporary, at least not in my 13 months of baby experience. But it does get easier to live in the baby's nonsense world.)

kinder - is yr baby collicky? our first one was and it was hellish - unable to be calmed, constantly crying/screaming, fear on our parts that we're doing something wrong, etc. it was a nightmare. our second was not collicky and it was a totally different experience.

Oh man that sucks but I totally understand. We had a terrible stretch of crying fits after eating, switched formulas up and had a magical couple of days, then yesterday was back to weird screaming fits that just made everything awful - and this is without any post-partum hormones in the mix and two people available all the time to switch off when needed.

Hope it gets better, or at least becomes normal enough to deal with (which seems to have helped me deal with things).

Oh god and yeah, sleep deprivation on top of everything else, just makes everything more difficult.

I told DJP this but I also give kinder and joygoat permission to strangle anyone who tells you to sleep when the baby sleeps.

haha seriously.
I also echo the realness of postpartum hormonal rollercoaster - I cried a fair amount, sometimes hysterically, and then shifted into anxiety and nightmares, which have now subsided at 3 months, phew/fingers crossed.

New babies don't make much sense and less sense to my tired brain.

he's not really collicky, and actually he's quite content most of the time but it's the nights that are a bit of a disaster. I think he has a bit of reflux at night which means nothing really consoles him for long and his crying is super horrible. He also has oral thrush at the moment so we're both taking treatment (him cherry-flavoured syrup stuff for the mouth which seems weird after giving him only breastmilk!)

'sleep when he sleeps' ok but that's also when i eat and shower and also I have no idea when he goes down if he'll sleep for 5 mins or 2 hours and it's extra wrenching if I lay down to nap and he wakes up at that exact moment.
o/h is amazing and waiting on me/us hand and foot, changing nappies etc.

oh man thrush is the worst :( i hope baby + you feel better really soon

I tried to sleep when the baby slept last weekend and since she sleeps best when someone is holding her, we cuddled up together for a nice long nap when I was awoken about 20 minutes later by the sound of delighted squealing and a little baby finger poking enthusiastically into my nostril.

In case you thought that weirdness was a newborn thing.

xp thanks :)
ha reading upthread about reusable nappies. we're not ready to take that leap yet but determined to at some point (our rubbish only gets taken every 2 wks and i'm fed up with sacks of nappies hanging around). you can get a baffling array of difft types but prob going to go for washable outers with compostable liners (will get taken weekly if we don't compost them)

To add to the list of postpartum WTFery, I'd say the arguments you have with your other half are most likely to be the least rational, indeed sometimes the most completely nonsensical ever. Double that after 1am.

'sleep when he sleeps' ok but that's also when i eat and shower

In all seriousness, showering shouldn't be a priority unless it would make you feel better than a nap would.

I say this because it took me waaaay too long to realise that four days with no shower is not the worst crime. Indeed, greeting visitors in your dressing gown with goth hair means (a) nobody outstays their welcome and (b) they might do some chores for you.

friend shared this on fb & it seems relevant re nostril finger cosleeping

http://youtu.be/3DrB_rfiFu8

Haaaaa yes v accurate IME.

If we had slept when the babies slept, we never would have slept because they didn't always sleep at the same time. Also we would have run out of clean clothes for them after about a week.

To add to the list of postpartum WTFery, I'd say the arguments you have with your other half are most likely to be the least rational, indeed sometimes the most completely nonsensical ever. Double that after 1am.

Ohhhh yeah, I remember that. In fact I think I kind of learned a new marital skill from having a baby, the thing where you have a screaming match but then 20 minutes later you just pretend like it didn't happen, no need to even apologize just back to being nice to each other

I've been told to shower once or even twice daily because of stitches - not sure how long i'm meant to keep that up but yet another thing to feel bad about not doing :(

Oof, that really is a pain. In all ways :(