This is the thread where we judge other people's parenting

i used to see a father/daughter pair with signs asking for money on one of the freeway offramps near santa monica. she looked to be about 12 either way. i don't know the truth of it, but it was really creepily staged. he had her front and center and literally holding a tattered doll.

That's great to hear! I hope CPS continues to do the difficult and draining work that they do--every social worker I've ever known has been incredibly patient and hard-working, it's really terrible that their own caring is used to burn them out p much every time, because the system is just not funded or supported the way it should be.

But outcomes in the system look different for different people. There are significant racial disparities in how kids' cases are treated, for instance. Just, you know, pretty much every other kind of way to offer to help this lady is more helpful than being mad at her for not keeping her 8-yo in school.

"Sometimes I wonder if I should call child protective services (surely this child should be in school? anywhere but on the street begging for money?) but then what would I say?"

Believe me they're aware. There have been stories in various local outlets about this woman/child (struggling to find evidence but I find a similar case from 2009 where it looks like a 4 year old kid was taken away by CPS.)

This it?
http://www.sfgate.com/news/article/A-better-plan-needed-for-4-year-old-panhandler-3291876.php#photo-2439639

Yes.

Sad story. A little hard to get the full picture from just that column and I can't find others.

this is a different kid, a daughter, not sure if it's the same mom

in other parental judgment news:

motorcycle enthusiast dad who bought his 6-year-old daughter a "junior" motorcycle which subsequently fell on her and broke her leg, requiring her to limp around on crutches for months, I judge thee.

Oh god. We used to have a guy in our neighborhood who zipped around on a scooter with a helmetless kid on his lap.

I get wanting to share your enthusiasm/hobbies with your kids but maybe don't get your child a toy that can literally crush their bones.

Six years old! kid can't read yet, maybe get her a book instead.

there was a kid i knew growing up who, starting in first grade, was riding around on motorbikes and in competitions (sometimes without helmets!)

then in seventh grade he was killed in a rifle accident after he and another classmate had done some target shooting in the backyard.

Not defending it or anything, but the culture where I'm from introduces ATV's and dirt bikes pretty early. I didn't have one when I was 6, but I did have my own ATV around 10. I probably should have been killed at some point, I was pretty reckless and did some dramatic acrobatics off of it at times. No helmet. I thought it was awesome since there wasn't much else to do around the house.

In fact, my father has already bought our 11 month old daughter a small dirt bike! Of course she can't ride it, but I think the idea was to have it there for her when she's ready. Of course, it is unlikely we would ever allow it.

So yeah, keep kids off those.

"this is a different kid, a daughter, not sure if it's the same mom"

I mean Yes that was story from 2009 I was referring.

xp: yeah. Had a fun discussion about that culture a few months agohere. Particular highlight:

Oh man. Don't me started on ATVs. I used to work at a hospital specifically for people with brain and/or spinal cord injuries. Do you know how many patients we had who had tumbled off an ATV? Like, all of them.

― kate78, Sunday, June 1, 2014 9:00 PM (4 months ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

my friends and i used to play tackle football in a vacant lot near my house. "fondest" memory: me passing to one of my friends and then he got tackled across the middle and broke his collarbone and we spent a few minutes trying to figure out how to fix it so we could keep playing while he begged us to just "push it back into place, i'm okay!" all the while tears streaming down his face.

xpost I can think of probably a half dozen examples from my home area where that has happened, at least with serious brain or spinal cord injuries. I'm sure there are many many more less serious injuries. The worst I ever did was fall directly on my tailbone and that hurt for several days. Oh, also burned my leg several times.

(XP) Collarbone kid should have been a cyclist.

Of the eight or so people I've known to have died in motor vehicle accidents, three of them were on ATVs.

my wife is always astonished by how many people i knew growing up when i was a kid who died in crazy accidents, i always explain that sometimes there isn't much to do out in the sticks except drive real fuckin fast. my best friend, my other best friend's gf, the guy who sat in front of me in english class, the homecoming queen of the class ahead of me...all of them went in car accidents within a couple years of each other.

Yeah we had a lot of car/motorcycle accidents too.

It was awesome getting your own mode of transportation, be it a ATV when you're ten, or a car when you're 16. It was really like the ultimate freedom and required because everything was so far apart. Otherwise you're stuck on the farm.

Now everyone just does meth. Probably less safe than driving.

i'm pretty sure half the people out on the country roads between the NW burbs of chicago and rockford are currently on crank

driving on those straightaway two lane rds with 55 mph limits scares me now

Six years old! kid can't read yet, maybe get her a book instead.

what do you mean, six-year-olds can't read?

i think he meant that particular six-year-old can't read?

so a book would be a good gift

yes

i don't feel like judging this woman is justified unless you have a handle on her housing, occupational, psychological etc situation

― smoochy-woochy touchy-wouchy, (sunny successor)

i spend a good deal of my introspective time (ie not all that much time tbh) wondering how our gang of four would've turned out had someone taken the time to call some kind of services on our behalf in eh say 1992 or so. i've never been able to come up with a plausible scenario where things turned out much worse for anyone involved (tbrr it was rural ireland and the church still had much of their stranglehold, for all i know ppl were ringing about us every week to no avail).

I brought this up on a totally different thread but I have several high school friends/acquaintances who talk about their kids being indigo children and whenever I see it, I alternate between intense sadness and hysterical giggling.

closer they are to fine?

lol I went to click the bookmark link because it's in the same spot as the like button on Facebook

I'm now judging myself

Several?! JFC d get new friends.

Oh well I guess they are your hs friends so you probably ahve.

haha wtf had to google indigo children

Although no scientific studies give credibility to the existence of indigo children or their traits, the phenomenon appeals to some parents whose children have been diagnosed with learning disabilities and to parents seeking to believe that their children are special. Critics view this as a way for parents to avoid considering pediatric treatment or a psychiatric diagnosis.

http://sanfrancisco.cbslocal.com/2014/11/06/colma-shopper-attacked-after-telling-mom-to-calm-down-child-throwing-tantrum-natalie-bree-hajek-richardson-nordstrom-rack-punched-assault/

I have a lot of sympathy for the puncher

Yeah I mean, clearly the mother was wrong to punch that irritating should-have-kept-her-mouth-shut dipshit in her face but it's not like I don't understand the impulse, and so far my kids haven't had the opportunity to really have a public tantrum.

yeah petty violence is definitely defensible

haha it is an unfortunate situation but I have little to no judgement here for the parent. People telling parents to calm do their kids need to stfu imo

Insert louis ck joke

i got in a fb argument with my friend over this. but that shushy lady is so punchable. it's nordstrom rack not a goddamn library get over yourself

I am more of a slapper. I would have slapped her.

When your child misbehaves in public, I at least, feel the eyes of the world and judgement of the ages on me. Thankfully, so far, has not been more than twice. I stay cool and try not to get too nervous or anxious (under assumed pressure) because that is no help to my situation and my child will pick up on it. When I can and am lucky enough to have a distraction that works, I use that. If not, I do start making my way out of the area and outside to a bathroom or into the truck.

If during this process I were to receive any comments at all that I would perceive as negative, in my state, I would release all tension on whoever decided to make themselves available. Before I had children, if there was a child throwing a loud tantrum, I'd get away from it. I did wonder once why a mother continued to roll her screaming child through Target at 9pm. It really irritated me, this kid was loud, but I hurried out of there. I felt bad for them both.

no shame in punching skrillex.

lol Manhattan parents

Uber-well-groomed couple come in with their maybe 11-year-old daughter, everyone super thin and dressed in designer shit and with fancy haircuts and whatnot, and I just caught a moment of the mom saying to the daughter in this totally forced, fake-sounding, very anxious way "Well yeees honey of course you can just have a coconut water if you want why don't you just have a coconut water that'd be fiiiiiine" -- it just sounded like a person who didn't know how to actually relate to her daughter like a normal human being, like she had to "act" with her daughter.

Actually I have an advice question, perhaps worth asking here:

We've had problems with our downstairs neighbors for a while -- they can't tolerate any noise and bang on the ceiling, and a couple of times they have come up to complaint, always rudely, never a civil introduction. We have a toddler and the floors are thin (we do 80% carpeting with pads but there's only so much we can do to contain our jumping bean).

Last night their teenage son came upstairs, was presumably home alone, and just started shouting and cursing the second I opened the door. I basically told him "I can't really do anything about it right now" because my daughter had a friend over and they were tough to completely contain, and when he got even more furious I told him "I'm done talking to you now, have a good night" and shut the door in his face. He started angrily pressing the buzzer. I'm wondering if I should go speak to his parents about it -- the way he approached us was really offensive and pissed me off. If he had asked nicely I would have done more to control the noise.

This is the thread where we judge other people judging other people's parenting

the circle completes itself