Kids say the darndest things

"daddy will there be black people where we're going?"

"what? uh, yeah, sure, probably. why?"

"i only want white people"

"what??"

"cause black people eat too much candy and sit around and get fat"

WHAT THE EVER-LOVING FUCK

http://i1.ytimg.com/vi/JoBxFfz4Dko/hqdefault.jpg

You should sit the kid down in front of this movie:

http://images3.cinemaki.com/u/20090721/640_atRLnZoaWv0tX2US1ge8Xw.jpg

and then say, "See? He wasn't fat at all!"

Wowsers!

holy shit where the hell did that come from, tracer?

I have NO IDEA. talkin about it here: kids and racism

After a family car trip where my daughter gave us a workout singing different versions of the alphabet song (the A-B-C's, the Z-Y-X's, the 1-2-3's, and the backwards 1-2-3's which starts with 26 and is a little awkward):

Son (in response to something his mom said): O-M-G, mom!
Daughter (singing): Now I know my O-M-G's.

Ha! Awesome.

my youngest has been talking about "the memories that she remembers", when talking about the past. It's gorgeous.

That's adorable.

Two things I wouldn't post anywhere else but a thread specifically about kid quotes:

1.) Henry still has some strange syntax.

- "Is this gum or is it a ball?"
- "Well, it's a gumball. It's gum that's in the shape of a ball."
- "I KNOW IT'S SHAPED LIKE A BALL. BUT IS IT A BALL?"

That sort of thing. He also has one of the best gutteral old man laughs I've ever heard. Beeps will lightheartedly tease him or someone will poke him in the belly, and he lets out this DAWWWWWWW! that's deeper than you'd think and has this rough edge to it. But it's a very happy sound.

We were reading the Color Kittens the other night. This is its cover:

http://i.imgur.com/NA6GleK.jpg

I ask him, What's going on with this second cat in the purple? Is he happy? Is he sad?

At first, he tells me he's crying, but then quickly corrects himself. "No," he says, "he's going 'DAWWWWWWWW! WHAT HAPPENED TO ME?!!!"

Killed me. Not "Why's this paint here?" or "Why did you spill it on me?" or even "What's happening to me..." Next time I hit my thumb with a hammer, I'll try to remember to use the correct catchphrase.

2.) Beeps is getting sublime in her humor. We play this game at her bedtime where I ask questions to our cat and she answers them (in the voice of Beeps.) The cat's humor is so dry that I sometimes don't pick up on them until after I'm the one laying in bed.

Last night, the cat got bored and stood in front of the closed bedroom door, waiting to be let out. "She" had "told" me earlier she wasn't interested in jokes, but now I asked her if she was interested in hearing a knock-knock joke, now that she was in front of the door.

BEEPS AS CAT: "I don't like knock-knock jokes."
ME: "Oh, come on. Just play along."
BEEPS AS CAT:"Ok. Go ahead."
ME: "Knock Knock!"
BEEPS AS CAT: "Slam."

Love these kids.

<3

"I KNOW IT'S SHAPED LIKE A BALL. BUT IS IT A BALL?"

This is some deep shit

three yr old to my wife:

'i'm going in my room to play...'

(three second pause, smile)

'...with my penis.'

omg

omar, i haven't gone into it on this semi-public messageboard, but you are not alone.

We've been quite lucky with Aidan, he's not been obsessed, so far.

written rather than spoken, and from at least 9 months ago, but I found this in Aidan's room tidying up

http://photos-a.ak.instagram.com/hphotos-ak-xaf1/10608039_703130606423984_276027323_n.jpg

I am dying at the penis comment. OMG.

We were having a pre-bedtime family cuddle and Evie said "come join the group hug ... dot com."

hahahaha

Hank says when I pick him up at daycare, "Oops, almost forgot my email!" and then picks up an envelope with a note inside it from his cubby.

AW!

The "e" is for Envelope.

Similarly, K refers to a photo album she likes to look at as "the facebook"

"I know you're cooking me girl cheese, but are you done with your boy cheese?"

I kinda don't fit in here as I've no kids of my own but adjusting to a partner with 2 boys has been enormous fun. we'll be lying in bed weekend morning naturally unclothed and littlest will come barging in at 8am to get into bed for a cuddle and go "ewwww daddy and traytray are naked " (we aren't! just in undies ) and it cracks me up.

I kinda don't fit in here as I've no kids of my own

We welcome all sorts!

how old are the boys, trayce?

This was related to me by a friend over dinner:

My friend's husband, Mark, does sound at their church. He was busy at the soundboard during a service and my friend and their 16 month old daughter were sitting nearby. The kid really wanted her father's attention and kept saying, "Papa! Papa! Papa!" My friend would say, "Not now, Papa's busy" and try to distract her. But the kid wasn't having it. "Papa! Papa! Papa!" Finally after five or six unsuccessful tries to get Papa's attention, the kid just shouts out loud enough for the whole congregation to hear, "HEY! MARK!"

Veg: they're six and nine. smart funny lil buggers they is. dad farts, and the six year old shouts SMELL THE GLORY!

Excellent!

loool

Yesterday Evie was singing "Rude" but just the line "I'm gonna marry her anyway" over and over. I asked her if they played it at her school (this is how she heard "Call Me Maybe" and that terrible One Direction song) and she said no, her friend Cameron told her about it. I wish I had been there when one four-year-old was teaching another about the song "Rude." Then when she was going to bed she asked me to play "gonna marry her anyway" on my phone and I lied and said it wasn't on Spotify.

now you can tell that story when you toast her on her wedding day

it's a weird thing when young kids start singing random pop songs (especially when they're songs you haven't heard yourself). My son was singing that "moves like jagger" song all the time a couple of years ago. He probably just heard it on the radio or whatever, but for like a couple of weeks the only version of that song that I was familiar with was the one sung by a 4 year old.

Oh, this is the version that I learned first. Thanks again, kids.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_93QVNSCmg

I don't think I've ever heard the original song before! That seems impossible, though.

H: "Look! I'm talking!" *moves jaws and lips silently in exaggerated fashion.*

This, while I'm sitting here reading the weird twitter thread.

Ella at 19 months, practising sounds to herself: "duck luck wuck nuck fuck (sees our amused reaction) fuck FUCK FUCK FUCK!"

"WUP! WUP! WUP! GANG MUSTACHE STYLE!"

my youngest has gotten into use/mention fun with cussing, e.g. "I saw a graffiti today that said "fuck", that's a bad word"

a joke my son told me the other day:

Q: Why are pumpkins orange?
A: Because they don't have any butts

I loled.

That's great! There has been a resurgence of my girl's butt drawings (as pictured here: Kids say the darndest things)

https://scontent-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xpa1/v/t1.0-9/10649979_10152761422748783_2192251034107899275_n.jpg?oh=d359291813669507707383a5f085f92f&oe=5486D5C3

This weekend she announced that she was going to draw "the perfect butt" (not pictured). It's become an obsession.

You can see how the butts have progressed from two circles with a line drawn in-between to one oblong with a line down the middle. She obviously has spent some time in reflective thought and observation.

last yr I took a trip and my youngest made me a goodbye card. she drew a toilet with floating turds. "Daddy, I drew something you'd like," she told me.

lol.

She was...right?

PP: Pete and Repeat go into a store. Pete comes out. Who's left?
BEEPS: Uh... Ree?
PP: Ree? OK, listen. Pete and Repeat go into a store. Pete comes out. Who's left inside the store?
BEEPS: You're saying it again.
PP: You know this one?
BEEPS: Know what?
PP: Just tell me... Pete and Repeat, ok, go inside the store. Pete comes back outside. Now who's left in the store?
BEEPS: Ree.
PP: WHY ARE YOU SAYING JUST "REE"?
BEEPS: BECAUSE YOU SAID THAT "PEAT" CAME OUT. THAT LEAVES THE "RE-" PART IN THE STORE.

I got sonned (or daughtered) by my own dumb-ass joke.

Oh snap.