ILX Parenting 5: I'm a big kid now

Aw.

Her main means of communicating with me is still just trying to claw my eyes out.

aw, she speaks the same language as my boys

D has started doing this amazing thing where he softly rubs up against your cheek and, when the cuteness takes over and you turn to kiss the top of his head, he head-butts you. He does this CONSTANTLY. It somehow manages to be adorable (if painful).

J isn't nearly so slick, he just rears back and snaps forward like a crazy person trying to hurt you. This also manages to be adorable. Babies ruin your critical faculties, I'm finding.

(also: your face)

bc of all the head trauma no doubt (and sleep deprivation)

OTM to all of it

Fun parenting moment of the day: I fell asleep on the couch trying to work. When I woke up, I found potatoes in my hair. Then I went to get my haircut. When I came home, I found a barf stain on my shirt and a little puddle of baby barf in my bra.

Thank heavens I work from home as I am not fit to go out in public.

Note: the barf did not happen while I was getting my hair cut. It happened this morning and I didn't notice it until later.

Her main means of communicating with me is still just trying to claw my eyes out.

― Jeff, Wednesday, July 2, 2014 4:14 PM (31 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

aw, she speaks the same language as my boys

D has started doing this amazing thing where he softly rubs up against your cheek and, when the cuteness takes over and you turn to kiss the top of his head, he head-butts you. He does this CONSTANTLY. It somehow manages to be adorable (if painful).

J isn't nearly so slick, he just rears back and snaps forward like a crazy person trying to hurt you. This also manages to be adorable. Babies ruin your critical faculties, I'm finding.

― Star Gentle Uterus (DJP), Wednesday, July 2, 2014 4:21 PM (23 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Wait til they get big enough to kick you in the balls when you're holding them.

Yeah, at age three, they are made of about 90% elbows and knees.

D has started doing this amazing thing where he softly rubs up against your cheek and, when the cuteness takes over and you turn to kiss the top of his head, he head-butts you. He does this CONSTANTLY. It somehow manages to be adorable (if painful).

J isn't nearly so slick, he just rears back and snaps forward like a crazy person trying to hurt you. This also manages to be adorable. Babies ruin your critical faculties, I'm finding.

Also, the adorableness makes you laugh, and they like you laughing, so they do it even more. We made the mistake of saying 'bump' every time Ella headbutted something, so now she does it on purpose, pretty brutally.

They are sociopaths at that age, for real. If they were full-sized people they'd be extremely dangerous.

finally got my youngest potty-trained. this is a good feeling.

We made the mistake of saying 'bump' every time Ella headbutted something, so now she does it on purpose, pretty brutally.

We made the same mistake but instead of 'bump' we say 'coconuts'.

xp: of course this meant a really long walk to find the bathroom last night at the fireworks because she WOULDN'T just go in her pull-up. I guess I anticipate a lot of long walks in my future.

Ugh today sucked.

D has a hydrocele which his surgeon told us to keep an eye on, even though his surgeon expects it to go away. He was inconsolable earlier today; we thought it was gas or hunger pains and my wife wanted to change him before feeding him. She took the diaper off and saw that his scrotum was swollen, which set off a panicked trip to the emergency room with a screaming baby. We could get him quiet for a few moments but then he'd start screaming again.

While waiting for the doctor to examine him, I was able to feed him. While I was feeding him, he farted several times. After that, he was happier than fuck.

The swelling has basically gone down independently of all of this drama and it's now unclear that anything was actually wrong with him other than being hungry and gassy.

Can't wait for these dudes to talk tbh

glad he's ok

poor little D!

So harrowing! I'm glad he's okay, too, and hope you and the mrs have recovered as well.

wait so nut sacks can get bloated with farts? that's also terrifying

We don't know what caused the bloating. My wife has a theory that it happened because she ran out of baby wipes and used a face wipe on him when changing his diaper. It also could have happened because the AC shut itself off in the room where he was and no one turned it back on (because I wasn't home) and it was a heat reaction. Or it could have been that he had so much gas that his bloating manifested itself terrifyingly. We don't know.

Babies are so terrifying. Glad this seems to have settled down.

Oh your poor wife. I'm almost sure it wasn't the face wipe. They are pretty much the same thing!

oh man, Dan. If it's any consolation, I feel like every first-time parent goes through those moments of full on panic that then turn out to be over nothing. We certainly had our share.

operating without a frame of reference is a bitch.

the second time around you're like ehhhh I'm tired it'll probably be okay wake me up if there's any blood

well in fairness, he was screaming bloody murder and it looked like he was smuggling a racquetball in his crotch; I think the concern was warranted

so is the hydrocele still there?

we found dealing with circumcision aftermath p terrifying, that's all I got in that dept.

It's gone down dramatically but I don't know that we can say it's 100% gone; things basically look like they did before The Incident and we were notified of the hydrocele by a pediatric surgeon who was examining him for hernias last week, so I'm assuming it's still there.

(although if we're talking about circumcision fallout, it's semi-amusing/concerning to me that medical professionals look at D's circumcision and say "oh that's a very good circ, well done to whomever did it" and I keep thinking "when is it going to stop looking like a deformed flesh replica of Teen Titans Tower")

I wonder what it's like to work in the circumcision dept at the hospital. Just constant, terrified howling 8-hrs a day.

(swelling goes down in about a week iirc)

well that's good to know seeing as it was done 3.5 months ago

ok that's a little alarming

I mean I'm exaggerating some but not that much?

That sounds properly terrifying to me. I expected us to have freakouts on the reg, but thankfully the only real one so far has been the time we panicked when F was crying hard and we spotted this huge red bruise-looking thing on the side of his head.

It was only when I was cuddling him to try and soothe him did I notice in the mirror that the red mark was in the exact spot where he was rubbing his head hard against my stubble.

(And he was crying for no reason other than he's a baby.)

We had to give our part-time nanny notice today. We actually all cried, although I'm sure for different reasons. Gave her over a month's notice and we're giving her a months' severance when she leaves and helping her find a job. K is gonna start preschool - MIL can't help as much anymore and we can't afford full time nanny. It's strange -- you let someone into your home like 25 hrs a week for over a year, let them stay alone with your daughter, they develop a relationship, and then it has to end. Feel kind of sad about it, also feel sad for the nanny whose life is a lot harder than ours and hope she finds work quickly.

We're moving to a new apartment at the end of the month and it's no big deal until I think about how Evie has never lived anywhere else in her life, which is kind of crazy. But she's being a trooper about it.

so uh this is one of my in-laws parenting website (he does security for the state dept/his wife is an FBI agent):

http://protectivepapa.com/

Sorry, Hurting. I actually met a nanny today, she asked me if I was August's nanny. I didn't like that question, not at all. I know August has fairer skin than me especially now that it is summer and I seem to darken with every step I take outside but I feel we look like mother and daughter. Anyway, she was nice and there are many nannies in that neighborhood. She got on the phone and was trying to secure housing starting in November because that is when she will be moving on, that's what I overheard. I actually thought of you and this board because I knew you had a nanny and logged on tonight and well...you are having to say good bye to your nanny.

This is interesting, especially the requirement for equal paternity leave, but I don't know how binding it is. Is this like a law or just best practices?

http://consumerist.com/2014/07/17/eeoc-updates-rules-protecting-pregnant-workers-for-first-time-in-30-years/

Also should I forward this to my work's HR dept or will it sound like I'm going to sue if they don't give me paternity leave

from that article xp:

Lactation is a covered pregnancy-related medical condition, which means it has all the protections under the law as other conditions.

i am 200% for lactating mothers being granted protections, but is it kind of fucked to call lactation a "medical condition?"

i mean i get for the purposes of the law that it makes sense to label it as such to ensure it is protected

Under the PDA, leave related to pregnancy, childbirth, or related medical conditions may be limited to women affected by those conditions, but parental leave must be provided to similarly situated men and women on the same terms. If, for example, an employer extends leave to new mothers beyond the period of recuperation from childbirth, it cannot lawfully refuse to provide an equivalent amount of leave to new fathers for the same purpose. In addition, the FMLA requires covered employers to provide 12 weeks of job-protected leave for covered employees to care for and bond with a newborn baby or a recently adopted child.

So it sounds like if the company gives leave "to new mothers beyond the period of recuperation from childbirth," they have to give the same amount to new fathers. I'd have to figure out if my organization does that. They give 6 weeks of maternity leave. no idea if that's all considered "the period of recuperation from childbirth."

It's the same way that the law classifies pregnancy as a disability. The easiest way to get these laws on the books is to use the existing linguistic framework. Using terms like "disability" and "medical condition" also conveys that for all that pregnancy and lactation are natural and should not be pathologized, they do require accommodation and should be treated as seriously as other disabilities and medical conditions.

Those rules are "enforcement guidance," so basically it's the EEOC saying to employers, "Here's what you need to do to avoid the EEOC finding against you if an employee files a complaint." Not laws, but EEOC's conclusions about how the laws work in practice. All complaints against employers for violating federal discrimination laws have to start at the EEOC (or the equivalent state agency). The EEOC does an investigation and issues a cause finding (the employer violated the law) or no cause finding (the employer didn't). Only once they issue that finding can the complainant file a lawsuit in court. They can file the lawsuit regardless of what the EEOC finds, but obviously it's better for the case if the EEOC determines there was discrimination. Sometimes the EEOC will file a lawsuit on behalf of the complainant if the facts and circumstances match whatever the EEOC's mission is for that particular period of time.

So if an employee files a complaint, the EEOC issues a cause finding, and the employee sues in federal court, the employer could argue that the EEOC's enforcement guidelines were contrary to the law.

Also when my nipples are on fire and my boobs are sore and two cup sizes bigger than normal and I've got milk leaking through all of my clothes, I'm totally willing to call lactation a medical condition.

But back to the EEOC, reasonable employers will look at those guidelines and change their policies accordingly even though they are also going to bitch about them. Meanwhile, somewhere there is an employer-side law firm waiting for their client to get sued in the perfect test case to challenge the EEOC rules in court.

So it sounds like if the company gives leave "to new mothers beyond the period of recuperation from childbirth," they have to give the same amount to new fathers. I'd have to figure out if my organization does that. They give 6 weeks of maternity leave. no idea if that's all considered "the period of recuperation from childbirth."

― Immediate Follower (NA), Thursday, July 17, 2014 5:37 PM (17 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I'm making an educated guess here (what am I a fucking lawyer or something?), especially because I haven't read these too closely, but "the period of recuperation from childbirth" is probably going to be medical disability covered under your employer's short-term disability policy or FMLA leave policy. FMLA leave is usually three months. STD leave is going to vary from policy to policy. For STD benefits, you have to provide medical support for continued disability, although there may be something in the policy that says they will grant 12 weeks of post-partum STD benefits as a matter of course. I don't know if this means that paternity leave would have to be any leave provided beyond what's available under an STD plan or FMLA plan, or if the fact that an employer offers 6 weeks of paid maternity leave would count.

na does the maternity leave apply to parents with children placed for adoption? That might be the hook that gets you paternity leave.

It's probably worth forwarding that information with a gently presented question asking whether they currently have or plan to provide paternity leave.

na does the maternity leave apply to parents with children placed for adoption?

It doesn't in MA, FYI.

My work currently has no paternity leave, outside of whatever PTO you choose to use yourself.

y'all need to move to California