Kids say the darndest things

Yes, they'll serenade you in packs. Last weekend, my son and a group of 3 other ten-year-old boys did an impassioned group sing-along of LIG, and they gave it the twice-through. Not for anyone else but themselves. They just love the hell out of that song.

Most of my bedtime stories are about Bobo, a cat who only likes to drink hot chocolate.

When I was a kid I had a series of stories with my parents about a guy named Pepsi Free. He had a friend who had theme days, like he'd only wear and eat things that were red or stuff like that.

My dad used to tell me stories about when he was a kid and he was two inches tall and lived in a shoebox under his parents' bed.

hahaha

I've never heard Let It Go!!!! I'm curious but want to see how long I can go without hearing it.

You can't hold it back anymore

The fixer-upper song is very funny imo, and much less annoying.

I still tear up sometimes when listening to Let It Go, tbh. Not the Demi Lovato version (and not my kid and his buddies singing it) but the one Elsa sings. I get really wrapped up in it.

The one Elsa sings is way better. That song doesn't do much for me, but snowman does get me a little sad.

I'm surprised it took this long but today was the first day where I dropped something and said "SHIT!" and immediately heard Evie in the other room say "Shit. Shit. What is shit? SHIT."

That happens with us all the time, but the other day, a new neighbor was moving in down the street and dropped something really big and loud. I looked out the window with a casual "what the fuck?" and heard at my elbow, the tiniest, littlest squeak of a "what the fuck?"

H has been busy at work recognizing bad words like "stupid" and "bullshit" and "why". It's just hard to clarify for him why they're bad words.

H: Ms. Karen says "stupid" is a bad word.
ME: Well, it kinda is if you're calling someone that and it's hurting their feelings.
H: But I don't call anyone bullshit!
ME: Stop. Saying. That.

The "why" comes from me telling him that it's the incorrect reply to me saying "Put your shoes on" or "Get out of the cat room." So now he thinks "Why?" is a bad word like bullshit. I can't wait until the family members can just start texting instead of speaking to each other since, after all, that's kinda how we all became a family in the first place.

I have freaking nightmares with my ten-year-old asking me to justify my requests to him. Good for you, kid. Question authority. Just not me.

I've even gotten out of line and gone the "ONE OF THESE DAYS, I'M GOING TO TELL YOU TO GET OUT OF THE FIRE, YOU'RE GONNA STAND THERE AND SAY 'WHY?' AND THEN POOF!" route.

He's four. Barack Obama was president when I was born. This is going to be a long road.

when he was born, I should say.

I've even gotten out of line and gone the "ONE OF THESE DAYS, I'M GOING TO TELL YOU TO GET OUT OF THE FIRE, YOU'RE GONNA STAND THERE AND SAY 'WHY?' AND THEN POOF!" route.

Yeah, basically! If you balk when I'm telling you to do something even marginally important, how are you going to react when the situation is critical? My example is getting hit by a car, but same deal.

Yeah Evie insists that "I don't care" is a bad word which makes conversations like "What do you want for dinner?" "Eh I don't care" very controversial.

But I don't call anyone bullshit!

lol

Yeah, "stupid" is controversial in my house because we have a rule that you can't call people stupid, but my wife and I disagree about whether we can call things or ideas stupid (since calling an idea stupid could reflect back on the person whose idea it was). I see her point, but I totally think sometimes there are some really stupid ideas and I'm okay with breaking them down to that level.

I hate to say it, but it's the funniest when Hammer misses the point.

We've got about a 20-minute ride home from daycare each day. Beeps and I were recently talking about our planned visit to Australia, how we were going to see Grandma and Uncle M, see her older cousin again and meet for the first time Uncle M's son, who's H's age. It'll be summertime there, so even though we'll celebrate Christmas, we're still going to go to the beach and swim in the ocean -- and yes, Beeps reminds us, there's no ocean in Arkansas.

I back into the driveway and Beeps grabs her stuff and heads for the porch. Hammer's just sitting there with this look on his face. I unstrap him from the carseat, pat his arm, and ask, "Everything ok?"

He looks around our yard and back at me. "I thought we were going to Australia?"

lol

hahahah awww!

aww!

Also

I'm surprised it took this long but today was the first day where I dropped something and said "SHIT!" and immediately heard Evie in the other room say "Shit. Shit. What is shit? SHIT."

Okay I will clean up my act* ASAP so I can still hang out w/ my homie Evie.

*Notice I did not say "get my shit together" eh? Eh?

<3 Hammer!

girl cheese sandwiches!

(we pass a billboard showing a picture of a block of swiss cheese)

K: What food that?
Me: That's Swiss cheese. Chese with holes.
K: Hole Foods!

zinga zangggg

"Let's go pants crazy!"

"What?"

Slowly: "Let's... go... pants.. crazy!!"

"Right, but what is that?"

"It's when you go crazy with pants!!!!!"

Duh

my daughter has a game she calls Super Pants. she takes her pants off, puts them on her head like a hat, and runs around yelling SUPER PANTS!!!!!

I figure she'll be a hit in college.

omg that is the best

my daughter has a game she calls Super Pants. she takes her pants off, puts them on her head like a hat, and runs around yelling SUPER PANTS!!!!!

I figure she'll be a hit in college.

― Euler, Thursday, June 26, 2014 6:05 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

dying

My partner's 6 year old son was showing me his new Transformer. I said "thats really awesome, Dex!" Dex then conspiratorially stage-mutters "yeah. Daddy put it up his BUTT".

There was also the time he climbed into bed for dad-cuddles one morning when I was over and informed his father he had "penis nipples". WTF.

!

Maybe he watches anime or something lol I have no idea.

When I first met my wife and son, they had been living alone together for 4 years. One of the first nights that I stayed over, I was up early and she was still asleep. He walked over to me and pointed at his nipple and asked me what you called that. "Those are called nipples," I said. He laughed. "Mommy has FAT nipples!"

She breastfed him until he was almost 3. I have no idea how they avoided that discussion.

Thanks to patriotic songs for July 4 in day care, Evie has been singing "God Bless the USA" by Lee Greenwood, but she sings the title line as "I'll blast the U.S.A." She explained that this refers to fireworks.

She also insists that the line "It's funny how some distance makes everything feel small" in "Let It Go" is "It's cunny how some distance..."

I have seen so much unironic love for that Lee Greenwood song in the past week. Makes me think I've been taking crazy pills for the past 13 years.

Beeps has been asking me some interesting questions lately.

"When you draw the American flag, do you have to put 13 stripes on it?"

"What would our flag look like if England had won?"

She also popped the "Why do some people call themselves African Americans?" on me. My trump card that no one else has was saying she could call herself an Australian American, if she wanted.

Day cares should be required by law to request parental permission to teach kids that hideous Lee Greenwood song. I'm proud of Evie's antiestablishment leanings there.

Me [finishing my lecture]: ... and that's why "Mexican" is not a language.
Joey: Well, it's the same to me [burps] and a burp is a period!
Abby: And a fart is a pyramid

abby otm

After watching Awesome Shark on Wander Over Yonder say "Better call a farmer (pats his calves), cuz these calves are ready for market!"

Me: Better call a a baker, cuz these buns (patted my butt) are piping hot!

Owen: Better call a junk truck, cuz this (points at crotch) needs to get picked up!

lol!

double lol

"daddy will there be black people where we're going?"

"what? uh, yeah, sure, probably. why?"

"i only want white people"

"what??"

"cause black people eat too much candy and sit around and get fat"

WHAT THE EVER-LOVING FUCK

http://i1.ytimg.com/vi/JoBxFfz4Dko/hqdefault.jpg