ILX Parenting 5: I'm a big kid now

Legally you have to have a lower teacher to infant ratio (four infants to one teacher in IL) so there are higher labor costs associated with infant care as well.

My wife made enough, had good enough benefits and short enough hours that it eventually made sense for her to go back, I dont' think it was so much a matter of "loving her job" as wanting to balance current childcare against also making sure we can live in a safe place with good schools, put money away for her college, etc.

Also despite your disclaimer, those two posts definitely sound really judgmental, as in "My wife didn't want to keep her job at the cost of inferior child care, but some people have different priorities and love their jobs more than their children. NO JUDGMENT."

well there's always the possibility that some people may be better at their jobs than they are in caring for their children - not everyone's cut out to chase after little kids all day

Yes, shitty parents should go back to work, great point.

And your nanny judgement might just be based off your own observations but you should still be able to think rationally beyond your observations that literally all nannies are awful, which could just not realistically be true. Have you never observed a little documentary called MARY POPPINS?

Also despite your disclaimer, those two posts definitely sound really judgmental, as in "My wife didn't want to keep her job at the cost of inferior child care, but some people have different priorities and love their jobs more than their children. NO JUDGMENT."

― carl agatha, Monday, June 2, 2014 2:29 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

well there's always the possibility that some people may be better at their jobs than they are in caring for their children - not everyone's cut out to chase after little kids all day

― Οὖτις, Monday, June 2, 2014 2:32 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

QED

Mary Poppins costs $90k yr iirc

Haw! Some kids at the playground convinced my kid to prank call some random number on his cell phone. The woman calls back and tells him she is going to report him to the police. So he UTTERLY FREAKS OUT and confesses to us in tears. "I DON'T WANNA GO TO JUUUUUUVIE!"

Apparently his prank call gambit was "Hello, is this Constipationtown?... Oh yeah, have you taken your daily poop today?"

Welcome to being grounded, kid.

omg I kind of love this kid.

freeway jammed in constipationtown, slow going tonight

this is the constipationtown traffic copter back to you jerry

sorry

lol. I'm gonna use that to haunt him at some point in the future.

so... last night I picked up J during the middle-of-the-night feed and when I put his head on my shoulder, he said something that I could have sworn was "Daddy"

I mentioned this to my wife as an instance of fake speech/wishful thinking and she said "I could have sworn he did that the other day! I was changing his brother and J was in his crib crying and at one point I think he called out for you"

Today is their 3 month birthday btw

That's just eerie.

Also happy birthday, D&JP!

it's kind of exciting that he's talking so much so early!

does this work
https://flic.kr/p/nxWdL7

stupid flickr

https://c2.staticflickr.com/6/5536/14144882478_eb7d3e7c39_m.jpg

that is squee as hell but you need to take it to the quarantine, my friend

yeah sorry wrong thread

GAWD

I am a terrible peoplemaker

gtfo with that cuetness shakey

no

seriously

GET OUT

:)

http://www.salon.com/2014/06/03/the_day_i_left_my_son_in_the_car/

Content note, no children die in that article. It's about risk assessment, irrational fear, helicopter parenting, etc.

That was really good. As an anxious parent (as in a parent who also has anxiety issues in general) I can identify with this author a lot. I like the points she makes about isolation and competitive parenting, too. Also, it reminded me of this bullshit - http://abcnews.go.com/US/mom-jailed-breastfeeding-drinking-waitress-fired/story?id=21622331 (that video autoplays), which hits home because I have breastfed Ivy in public while drinking beer numerous times. Like, if you see a parent doing something you think is neglectful, but you don't feel like you need to intervene immediately to save the kid from harm, ask yourself how "neglectful" the thing you are witnessing really is. And with DCFS involvement, I can't help but think about the children who die of abuse/neglect while under putative DCFS supervision, with the excuse always being about lack of resources (that is a valid excuse - there is not enough resources) and then using those precious limited resources to counsel a parent that somebody videotaped leaving a kid in a car for ten minutes on a fifty degree day.

I appreciate the content note, too, since I would not have read that based on the URL alone (see parent with anxiety issues).

Oh man, that article was fantastic and I think we are going to get arrested the instant we spend more time outside of the house with the kids now

The author was really self-aware and thoughtful in a way not very many authors of popular articles about parenting seem to be. Like acknowledging that overprotective parenting is exhausting and can't actually protect kids from the statistically greater dangers while admitting she does all the overprotective things because what else can you do? (Also because she was arrested.)

I called across the house to my mother that I was going to run to the store to replace them.

“Me too,” my son said.

I asked him if he was sure he didn’t want to stay home with Grandma. “You hate going to the store,” I reminded him.

“No I don’t!” he said. I should have seen what was going on — my parents had been letting him play with the iPad in the car and he was trying to score the extra screen time.

Should have just tablet out of the car.

Being married to a mandated reporter has given me a very different perspective on protective services, at least in NYC. I think the city's services are very good, and also the error tends to be on the side of not calling rather than calling. Nobody wants to do it. And it takes a LOT for a child to actually be removed from a home even if they open a case.

FWIW though I was at Williamsburg parent meetups where well-off, educated women were definitely drinking while breastfeeding and nobody was gonna call the police on them for sure.

Yeah I've never gotten any grief from anybody either. I feel like the drinking while breastfeeding issue is less likely to happen in a city, especially a part of the city with a lot of families.

how's life OTM

Kind of amazed people think the beer's going to go in your mouth and pour straight out of your tits.

think of the possibilities

We were playing basketball the other day, and ball went into and across the street. I told Ben, "look both ways, and then go ahead and get it." He looked at me like I was insane. Sigh.

So now I can go back to our day care discussion and say we've been looking at infant day care because Sarah is going to go back to work after the new baby is born and oh my go$$$$$$h. Fortunately Evie will start kindergarten next year which will save us some money but there will be about six months where we're paying for day care for both of them, which will be interesting. We're also looking for a bigger (i.e. more expensive) apartment because I don't even know where we'd fit a crib in our current place.

I can send you the spreadsheet we used in picking a place. Not much cheap though. Other than the place we picked in Logan Square.

I already have it!

You hacked me!!!

We were playing basketball the other day, and ball went into and across the street. I told Ben, "look both ways, and then go ahead and get it." He looked at me like I was insane. Sigh.

― schwantz, Wednesday, June 4, 2014 1:26 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Living in Queens, fear of cars is like the #1 lesson I am trying to instill in my daughter (I mean after, you know "you are loved" and all that). I gave her the sternest talking to/timeout I've ever given for sitting down in a parking lot when her mom was trying to bring her home and carry groceries at the same time. In a way it pleases me to think that this is a timeless parenting thing, except that once it was probably bears or whatever instead of cars.

We'll be the same way. Strangers? Who cares, talk to them! Drugs? Go ahead, they're fun! Cars? STAY THE FUCK AWAY, THEY'LL KILL YOU.

Yeah, but he gets it at this point. Now it's time to start living life and chasing down his own damn basketball.

The only advice I can remember from my father was don't walk in front of or behind moving vehicles.

Yeah, my boys don't cross streets on their own yet, but they still run in front of blind driveways, which scares the crap out of me.

Follow up to the link I posted above: http://www.kidsandcars.org/state-laws.html State laws regarding how long you can leave a kid unattended in a car. In Illinois, we get 10 whole minutes!

The only advice I can remember from my father was don't walk in front of or behind moving vehicles.

― tokyo rosemary, Wednesday, June 4, 2014 4:30 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

And you're still here. So thank him.

My son just made an abrupt shift from wanting to wear the expensive Assassin's Creed and Minecraft and Doctor Who shirts that we had been indulging him in. You know, so he could express his unique tastes or whatever. He now finds all such clothes completely unacceptable and only wants to wear solid colored shirts, of which he owns maybe 3 and they're all in the wash at present.

Dude's basically a teenager now, right?

― how's life, Thursday, May 29, 2014 12:00 PM (4 days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

In 2014 he is basically a 35 year old now