Kids say the darndest things

SS, that's the cutest thing ever! Ophelia requests all my music to stop playing so she can listen to her music. Grrr. Elisabeth loves most music we play. This morning she immediately started waving her hand when Marvin Gaye started singing. She also looooves Pulsinger.

its still so weird to me these little creatures have already developed their own tastes. that silver jews moment was a rare one. usually she'll sit there going 'wonderpets? wonderpets? wonderpets? wonderpets? brobie? wonderpets? wonderpets? wonderpets? wonderpets? wonderpets? " etc until we put it on.

nickelodeon brainwash

she found a tampon and asked what it was. i mumbled her mommy bleeds every month and that it stops the bleeding.

"so mommy leaks."

uh yeah, i guess....

Edward, I'm amazed. That's amazing.

We remembered another one from our son a few years back, when he was 2-ish: out of the blue one day, he asked "why we is not ducks?". I didn't know what to say. Really, why? The mind boggles.

My friend did this facebook thing earlier where she had to ask her kids a series of questions about herself and write in their answers. Her sons are around 6 and 4, I think.

Q: How tall is your Mom?

A: "15 degrees" -Ben "Probably 10 inches high" -Zac

i seriously can't get over "15 degrees"

I know, I love it.

I showed Beeps a full page face ad of Gisele Bündchen in the lastest issure of Glamour and asked 'who is that?' She replied 'Mama!' Damn straight.

keep that one around!

hopefully her eyesight will never improve

Howie does that when we read the book 'Terrible Trolls' -- points at them and says "Mummy! Daddy!"

I will have to send him round to Beeps for some training.

I showed Beeps a full page face ad of Gisele Bündchen in the lastest issure of Glamour and asked 'who is that?' She replied 'Mama!' Damn straight.

A keeper! :-)

z (4-yr-old) industriously constructing puzzle on the floor, while rex (11 mos.) repeatedly crawls through it, picks up pieces, sticks them in his mouth, etc. z fairly patiently nudges rex away two or three times, says "no, rex," but on about the 4th time, in exasperation, he yelps, "DAMMIT REX!"

kids swearing: classic. One of my kids didn't really understand what the word dammit was, so he'd say, "debit", as in "debit card", which got us off the hook with my mother-in-law.

z (4-yr-old) industriously constructing puzzle on the floor, while rex (11 mos.) repeatedly crawls through it, picks up pieces, sticks them in his mouth, etc. z fairly patiently nudges rex away two or three times, says "no, rex," but on about the 4th time, in exasperation, he yelps, "DAMMIT REX!"

― paper plans (tipsy mothra), Monday, March 16, 2009 6:50 PM (2 hours ago) Bookmark

ok so this is the funniest/cuetest thing i have read in a while

Agreed. That's so cute.

it cracked us up. but i guess we need to do some policing of it before he gets to kindergarten.

Apparently in kindergarten I referred to a toy car as "that goddamn son of a bitch". Wasn't mad, that's just what I called it.

i once very cheerfully yelled to my pal "see you later, asshole!" as our parents were taking us home from preschool. my mom was not, uh, thrilled

^ That is awesome.

ha i once came home from school in 1st or 2nd grade and told my parents "the bus driver is an asshole" not really knowing what that meant :-/

Alice has been known to bang her fist on the table and yell 'dammit!' but I strongly suspect her dad has been coaching her for his own amusement. Though come to think of it she's also started a thing of regularly shouting 'it's a deal!' and shaking hands with us. Clearly a future CEO :(

OK, heree goez:

In Venice, back at the flat, playing whist:

Mum: "Hearts!"
Alice: (Oh, fuMMMFTH)

The sound of Alice slapping her hand over her mouth, too late.
She got embarrassed, we just laffed. (She was 8)

Future son‘s latest thing is fighting to stay awake when he has something that he wants to do, then giving in immediately when he realizes he can’t do that thing.

Two days ago, we were driving home from an event, with plans to go play outside, when it started raining:
FS: It’s raining
Me: Yeah. I’m sorry, buddy. Looks like we won’t be able to play in the yard.
FS: Awww….snores

Last night:
Me (turning off TV): Well, it’s time to snuggie-down.
FS: But Scooby-Doo’s almost on.
Me: Sorry, buddy: it’s late.
FS (within 20 seconds): snores

Ava's two-part exploration of Bossness, with special reference to World Poverty.

Last night -
"Sometimes little children can be the boss. You get to be the boss sometimes, Daddy, but kids can be the boss too. Sit down over here next to me for a DISCUSSION."
Tonight -
"Some people don't ever get to be the boss. Some people don't have any food or clothes or medicine. They just cough."

LOL.

RS's co-worker's husband let their 4 year old watch Austin Powers last week after which said to her, "Mom, you're kind of a lot like fat bastard." !!!

We let ours (4 also) watch Gremlins a few weeks ago, after which he kept immitating the "flasher" Gremlin from the bar scene.

If you were thinking about letting your kids watch Gremlins, that's one of many things to note, along with Phoebe Cates breaking it down about the non-existence of Santa(this was during a boring grown-up part though, so I don't think he noticed).

Gremlins was one of those movies that pushed the MPAA over the edge to create a PG-13 rating.

yeah my kids so want to see gremlins but it ain't happening

re: PG-13, I always thought indiana jones and the temple of doom was the proverbial straw?

ha i once came home from school in 1st or 2nd grade and told my parents "the bus driver is an asshole" not really knowing what that meant :-/

― HHooHHHooHH-oob (harbl), Tuesday, March 17, 2009 6:53 PM (2 weeks ago) Bookmark

a woman I work with once had this exchange with her 6 year old daughter as they were getting ready to go out

kid: where the fuck are my socks?
parent: WHAT?
kid: my SOCKS! where the fuck are my SOCKS!

lolz

Temple of Doom, Gremlins, POLTERGEIST (!!!!) were all PG movies that led to PG-13.

Beeps is getting to that age now where I'm starting to be more aware of what we're watching on TV. I was rocking her the other night and started watching "Summer of Sam". It starts with the sound of a dog barking and then moves on to show Berkowitz humping the mattress in his tighty-whities. Beeps is on her puppy kick right now, so became interested at the dog barking and by the time the scene cut to two girls sitting in a parked car, I decided that she was starting to soak a little too much in.

yeah my kids so want to see gremlins but it ain't happening

It was in the check-out line at the supermarket and it had a cute little fuzzy guy on the cover. I had no idea.

That might be a good thread idea -- "what would you warn new parents about that you learned the hard way?"

Yeah, sorry. This has gone a little off topic.

(Without wanting to prolong the thread digression any further - Poltergeist was actually an "X" in UK on release (and the US-equivalent "R" over there); the "15" category was introduced about a year later, and Poltergeist was reassigned to that. I think Poltergeist was downgraded to PG or PG-13 on appeal in the US. I have a very specific memory of this as 14-y-o me couldn't believe that I wasn't allowed to see the new Spielberg film!)

I saw Poltergeist at 8 years old, and couldn't do anything---anything---alone for almost a year. If I ever go to therapy, I'm sure Poltergeist will be a chief topic.

My kids, the oldest of whom is 8, is afraid of The Little Mermaid, so we won't make the same mistake my parents did.

more on topic: today my youngest (age 2) blathered something angrily at lunch that she punctuated with something that sounded like "dammit". My wife said, well, she knows how to use her "dangit". My daughter then blurted, "I didn't say dangit, I said dammit" and emphasized a few more times the "mmm" in "dammit" to make sure we understood her.

Great.

yeah I think I was 9 or 10 when I saw poltergeist which makes me think it must have been a G or M but my dad also took me to texas chainsaw massacre when i was a year or so younger and that was definitely rated R

(M in australia meaning anyone can get in but its recommended for 16(?) and over)

http://www.impawards.com/1982/posters/poltergeist.jpg

^^ With the PG Rating...

Wouldn't it just be something if we all watched Poltergeist again and realize that it wasn't really that bad?

btw that is a std strategy for dealing w/PTSD

just fyi

I was too scared to sit through Ghostbusters and made my mom leave the theater because I couldn't handle it. I've still never seen the whole thing. I should watch it now and get over the FEAR.

Don't do it, you'll never eat another marshmallow.

Sorry, still with the films but we watched Goonies the other day - and I would have sworn that there was nothing PG-13 (or 12 I think is the UK equivalent - kind of) about it but we're only a few minutes in and Child No.2 says "What did he say? Did he say shit? You're not supposed to say shit are you?"

The 11 year old thought it was the best "kids" film ever - it's even got willy jokes!

Wouldn't it just be something if we all watched Poltergeist again and realize that it wasn't really that bad?

Because i haven't watched that shit in over 20 years.

― •--• --- --- •--• (Pleasant Plains), Wednesday, April 1, 2009 10:54 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark

i dont know.. being scared of the new dunkin donuts ad is probably a good sign im not ready

for a second i thought the 8-year-olds were smoking the roll-up. that’s how it is in my neighbourhood lol

Real-life LOL at Mike's posts

took my kids to the park today, a boy who looked about 12 came up to me and said I reminded him of the guy from a movie he watched last night, but he couldn't remember what it was. a few minutes later he comes back with his phone and shows me the picture and it's fucking Borat

This thread makes me lol irl like no other.

Friend's son has gotten into music, refere to choruses as "upgrades". "Turn the music up daddy, it's about to upgrade!".

Huge bursts of laughter at both frogbs and Daniel

"Upgrade" is genius

Speaking of good ways of putting things -- my three-year-old daughter when I spoke at an inopportune moment: "You bothered my sneeze, and my sneeze went back down. I accidentally swallowed my sneeze."

"it's kinda goofy but it's kinda tough"

“girls love rick ross”

we were driving and out of nowhere, my 7yo piped up 'Workers! Rise up and seize the means of production!'

I was a bit taken aback as 95% of his usual output is about Minecraft... but we were driving through Bristol so I asked if he'd read some grafitti.

no, but seeing the grafitti reminded him of some in the Donut Squad book that had said that...

7yo otm

Donut Squad are donuts with big plans for world domination, led by Sprinkles, and include Jammyboi, Dadnut, Lil' Timmy, and Spronky.

it's gotta be Spronky, right

At the hipster roller skating rink in bushwick. Daughter (8.5yr) wants some money to be independent and go visit the “concussion stand”.

I think she’s onto something.

good one!

"Nothing's perfect, not even snakes"

my daughter has a friend over to play right now and my wife just texted me this exchange she overheard between them:

Friend: ‘I think she’s a Devil and she’s an Angel’
Daughter: ‘yeah. (Pause) I’d rather be a devil than an angel’
Friend: ‘how come?’
Duaghter: ‘there’s more clothes options that I’d like’

otm tbh

on the shop last week overheard a mum, 5 or 6 yr old girl and her 8 or 9 yr old brother

mum to girl - why are you asking for something again, your brother isn't constantly asking for stuff

girl - (in a sarcastic tone that I would have guessed was far beyond her years) of course the golden child doesn't want anything

mum looks astonished then starts laughing, girl giggles, brother oblivious to it all reading the blurb on the back of a book.

five bucks says brother was paying close attention, feigning obliviousness

lol i went to a friend’s birthday party last weekend and one of her daughters opened the door, probably 11 years old, and i introduced myself and she said “i’m joanie, i’m the favourite”

My six year old daughter only calls me “big fella” now

Haha same although sometimes it’s “fartknockers”

Also “you have a stinky farthole”. She is six.

my nephew (a precocious 2 year old), lying on his parents' bed palm to forehead:

"I've had a really bad day...!"

My sister: You've had a really bad day?

Nephew bounces up on two feet, bright as a button with a huge beaming mouth: "YEAH!"

(His "really bad day" involved going to the Sea Life Centre and seeing loads of cool sharks and amazing fishes)