Kids say the darndest things

Beeps has been motoring through all of the Charlie Brown holiday specials this weekend. During a quiet hour, I gave her some of my old Peanuts to read. She wrapped herself in a blanket and was actually quiet for a little bit.

Asked her tonight what she thought, and she said she loved them! "I had no idea Snoopy could talk!"

Never thought about it, but I guess it would be surprising to go from squeaky laughing beagle to dark and stormy watchdog with one eye peeled on the cat next door.

I'm giving my wife a hug and Dalton runs up and hugs her legs.

Me: Look it's a Mommy sandwich!

Dalton (super-excited): I want to be PEANUT BUTTER!

(during a diaper change)

A: I'm naked now!
H_L: yep. just for a minute though.
A: What's on my cskhskhskhskhsh-wotch*?
H_L: What?
A (insistent): What's on my cskhskhskhskhsh-wotch?
H_L: Oh, uh, not much. A diaper, now.
A: cskhskhskhskhh-wazy!

*"crotch", but with the "c" sound drawn out to approximate hocking a loogie as well as an "r"/"w" inversion.

Also, has a large collection of mythical animal toys, including some with multiple heads: hydra, several two-headed dragons, a three-headed dragon. These are referred to as, e.g. "three head of dragon", "five head of snake".

SCENE: DRIVING TO GRANDPARENTS ON CHRISTMAS EVE – 

BEEPS: [SINGING] Feliz Navidad! FeLIZ NaviDAD!

ME: You know that's "Merry Christmas" in Spanish, right?

BEEPS: I know.

ME: Yeah, "Navidad" - like "Nativity". (NOTE: I have no idea if this is really the etymology, made sense at the time.)

BEEPS: So then "Feliz" would be the name of Jesus' mother, I got it.

[END SCENE]

omg that is fantastic

PRINCE: (singing on the radio) So if I'm gonna die I'm gonna listen to my body tonight
VERONICA: Prince needs to pee! Is he gonna go to the bathroom?

(Beeps lays a round hair-tie halfway on top of another hair-tie band.)

BEEPS: hey, look. It's one of those things you see.
ME: what, the Olympic Rings? You're gonna need three more.
BEEPS: no, what are they called... Venn diagrams, that's it.
ME: oh.

I

lol duh dad

<3 it's one of those things you see

Ha!

In hindsight, she may have said the present-tense form of "read." Who knows, i'm old, deaf and stupid.

On Saturday, when there no music playing on the stereo, Lulu walked over and fiddled with the volume on the amp. "What are you doing?" "I thought there was music on, but it was just in my head." "Er...right. What was it?" "The Lucksmiths."

The previous night, I was being Robot Bedroom Assistant (it's an old favourite) and engaged Human Mode in order to tuck Lulu in, but she was terrified by my android smiley face and said I looked like the button-eyed Dad in Coraline. Ava and I tried to calm her down ("it's all I can think of! I will have bad dreams!") by encouraging her to think about things she loves. "Like bunnies and puppies," said Ava. "That's too much to remember!" said Lulu.

In the bath last night: "I have to soap away this lump on my leg. It's not normal." It was her ankle.

How peculiar she is.

K: What color is fan?
Me: The fan is white.
K: What color is raccoon?
Me: The raccoon is grey?
K:What color is music?
Me: Well, that's a beautiful question.
K: Question!
Me: Yes, question.
K: What color is question?

Lulu <3 <3 <3

rmde listicles but these made me lol

http://distractify.com/fun/fails/the-30-funniest-notes-from-kids-struggling-to-express-their-emotions/

Those are hilarious. Number 19 slays me.

K had exactly one comment on tonight's Super Bowl: "What's man doing?"

https://scontent-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-frc3/t1/1496978_828372643854904_1061682754_n.jpg

"I drew a butt. A dirty old butt!"

It's... beautiful.

hahaha

she's been running back and forth between the couch (where I'm stationed) and an imaginary soda fountain, bringing me refreshing glasses of "beans" and "flow mix".

aw. K cooked me "beef stew" this morning, which was made from "eggs and goat cheese and tomato"

"Jesu have a booger"

Friend brought her daughter to visit me tonight at my candy store job. Kid later asked Mum why I "live in a candy store"! <3

because that's where the candy is. duh

K: "What seahorse says?"
Me: "Ummm, seahorse doesn't say anything, he's quiet."
K: "What seahorse eats?"
Me: "Uhhhh......plankton. Seahorse eats...plankton."
K: "What plankton says?"
etc.

cute.

A [on a scale]: I am three,two!
Me [stepping on the scale]: OK, now can you read daddy's numbers?
A: ALL of them?

Love it when they get words wrong. A was running around all last week exclaiming "twow-dy mama!" about 10 times a day. Neither wife nor I could figure it out. Eventually we figured out that it came from part of wife's potty training praise "I'm so proud of you!" which she was hearing as "I'm so troudy you".

Yesterday Veronica told me she didn't believe in God. "He's just a guy in a story!"

This kid's going places.

For real.

Isn't this the kid who draws pictures of JJ Fad?

apparently some other kid at school who she's gotten into arguments with in the past has now decided to be nice to her. when I asked why, Veronica said the other girl told her it was because she "believes in God". At which point Veronica dropped her atheist science on me. My interpretation here was that Veronica's former nemesis equates believing in God with good behavior. I asked Veronica what she meant by God, which prompted the "just a guy in a story" answer. I was not really inclined to disagree with her in this context, but I did go into a lengthy explanation of how different people and cultures have different ideas about what the word "God" means, and that as Jews we have a different understanding and conception of God that's different from Xtians or Muslims or the Ramayana or whatever. And that a lot of times people use the idea of God to answer questions they don't know the answers to (like, why is their gravity, where did the universe come from, why is there intelligent life etc.)

Then she made me tell her the entire story of Passover lol

Isn't this the kid who draws pictures of JJ Fad?

lol yes. she only likes "girl rap music" (this after complaining about me rapping along to Biz Markie/Heavy D song)

Oh man she just gets better and better!

she has also endeared herself to the local video store dudes. she saw a Spinal Tap movie poster on the wall (this one and asked "is that The Sweet"?

i love her

otm

Beeps just asked for a fax machine for Christmas.

"You know, one of those things where you type your message on the buttons and a piece of paper comes out with it on it?"

i think that's a typewriter! but a fax machine would be a cool christmas present, too

or did she say fax machine, i'm confused now

She said fax machine! Though maybe she means a word processor?

Lulu: "Why do you have that ladder?"
Me: "I've decided I'm going to live in the attic. See you in about ten years."
Lulu: "Wait. You'll need some things." (Gathers together flour, kitchen roll, pasta, my phone, a book, Jaffa Cakes)
Ava: "What are you doing?"
Lulu: "Getting things for Daddy. He's going to live in the attic for ten years."
Ava: "Don't give him the Jaffa Cakes. Maybe just one."

lol

http://www.wgbh.org/imageassets/beethoven_ludwig_250x269.jpg

K: Who's that?
Me: That's Beethoven.
K: The man is cranky.

k otm

K did a sort of monologue in front of the mirror today in hebrew, and I got it on video and was able to roughly translate most of it:

"I know what. Monkey in the zoo. I know what. Car in the zoo. Ah, I know what, chicken in the zoo. Ah I know what, cartilage in the zoo....On vacation, we saw, what else? Ah, I know. Cartilage in the zoo....On vacation we saw, I know what, cartilage in the zoo. I know what, potty in the zoo. Maybe, I know what, ears in the zoo. Maybe, I know what, I know what, I know what, I know. I know what. Bellybutton in the zoo. I know what! (?) in the zoo. [not sure about the next few words]. Who else is in the zoo? Ah, I know, bird in the zoo. I know what. I know what. Maybe, I know what, woman in the zoo....[?]....Ah, I know what, woman in the zoo. (picks up phone) Hey, what's up? Everything's good Shlomo..."

this kid kills me. i really hope she's inherited your wife's weird sleeptalking skills, too, bc i'm looking to reading about those.

where did she pick up cartilage from??