ILX Parenting 5: I'm a big kid now

A little girl flashed me in kinder and to this day the way she did it is still slightly horrifying. Then she bullied me and demanded I show her mine, that made the whole thing worse, for me. It was a scary and confusing experience for me at the time. The girl bullied me that whole year and then again in first grade. She was held back in first grade. This was at a Catholic school too, with nuns, in the 70's.

My dad did tell me and encourage me to fight back but that only landed me in trouble. I was always the one caught not playing well with others.

it's one thing for a little boy to be all 'whooohooo look at my weiner!'

this is what it sounded like from her description. she got defensive when I asked her if she told an adult - she said the boys "slapped her on the back" when she went looking for one but I don't really understand how that would stop her. it sounded to me like it made her confused and intimidated, but she didn't seem traumatized by it later (the fact that she went hours without saying a word about it to my wife, and only told me when we were goofing around before bedtime would seem to indicate she wasn't that concerned about it). we e-mailed the teacher we'll see what they say.

well this has all been resolved, no nuts-kicking required. Principal talked to all the kids involved at lunch and I guess everything got worked out.

That's awesome. I hope it stays worked out.

here's a weird detail that bothers me. when I was asking V about identifying the kid - she said she didn't know his name - I asked her what he looked like and she said he was african-american, with long hair. when I related this to my wife, she said that couldn't be right, because there's no african american boys in the class. and sure enough, it turned out to actually be some blonde kid. so why did my daughter just racially profile the wiener flasher? Maybe she's confused about what constitutes african american... although I feel like we've been pretty up-front about discussing race, and she's had bi-racial and african-american (and latino and asian etc.) kids with her in other social environments so I don't really get it. maybe we need to have more, really literal discussions about skin color or something.

hmm, maybe just a lot of confusion around starting school for a lot of different reasons?

maybe I'm making too much of it but the prospect that she's already internalized some narrative about african american males as sexual predators is sort of horrifying.

otoh 5yos - not good with details, prone to saying first thing that pops into their heads

maybe we need to have more, really literal discussions about skin color or something.

This at least from what I've read is never a bad idea--kids are SO literal and grown-up hesitancy or reluctance to allow/discuss what seem to be obvious truths make no sense to them.

What age is first grade? ime kids don't notice it - my three-year-old has no problem saying 'daddy' when he sees a picture of Mario Balotelli, who is a really different colour from me. I don't know when it starts to be something they'd notice for themselves, but until then I'd imagine simple confusion might be the reason.

my 3yo nephew shouted SANTA! at any man with a beard for like a year, didn't matter if they were dark-skinned or had red beards, beard=santa as far as he was concerned

first grade is 7 or so. V is in kindergarten - but we definitely have discussed skin color with her, going back to when she was around 3. and we live in a diverse neighborhood, I know she has an idea of what an african american is, it's popped up in her artwork when she draws Storm or JJ Fad or black models or whatever. I dunno, it's just a weird detail. and now I feel guilty/stupid for having relayed it to the administration.

xp

You mean she literally said "African American" and you think she might not understand clearly that means black?

cuz that sounds pretty believable for a five year old.

yes she said the words "African American". and yeah I'm thinking she didn't understand that that implies a certain skin color. this may be compounded by her being personally acquainted with relatively light-skinned/bi-racial kids, I dunno.

life is so confusing!

Not in love with the tone of this article but this is basic what I was thinking of. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jennifer-harvey/dear-parents-of-white-children_b_3719818.html

ah yes Nurture Shock

maybe the blonde kid was with a bunch of other kids and she remembers one of those? Were they even in her class or were they older?

Beatrice (also the only white kid in her class) had a rough start to kindergarten but hers was the 5th graders smacking her lunch tray down type of thing. A few months later, of her own free will, she pulled her pants down in the middle of the playground.

I think butts and pee pees and poop and pee are still pretty hilarious to this age and probably will be for a while.

Beatrice has the cutest, sweetest best friend. They go to different schools now but they spend summer and holidays togther. One day she came home and announced 'Today Sydney told me she is going to poop in my mouth!! HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAAAAAAA'

Were they even in her class or were they older?

they are not in her class, they are in one of the other kindergarten classes and she said she didn't know any of their names

I think butts and pee pees and poop and pee are still pretty hilarious to this age and probably will be for a while.

tbf they are comedy staples the world over

ahh this

http://gawker.com/back-to-school-lunch-is-a-problem-that-comes-every-day-1302995232?utm_campaign=socialflow_gawker_facebook&utm_source=gawker_facebook&utm_medium=socialflow

the last couple of nights evie and i have been making up a stinky song, which is basically just a long list of things that are stinky, she thinks it's hilarious

my favorite children's song is one my cousin (Quitty of Tight Bros mini-fame) made up. it is called "The Elf Who Soiled Himself". It is totally not appropriate for children, unfortunately.

hold up Shakey your daughter draws pictures of JJ Fad?

^

she fills up one 100-page notebook a week w/drawings

I am charmed beyond words that some of those pictures are of JJ Fad. No joke I sometimes think about teaching our kid the "S is for Super and the U is for Unique" part of the song because it's education and also ADORABLE.

we were listening to Supersonic one day and she's always interested in drawing girls (we have had arguments about whether girls can draw boys and vice versa) so she asked what they looked like and I drew her a picture and then she drew a picture and then it went on from there. she draws a lot of superheroes (Supergirl, Batgirl, Wonder Woman, etc.) and musicians (Shonen Knife, Joan Jett, and some band she made up called "the Falling Rocks") and "fashion girls" for the most part. vampires also a common theme lately

she sounds rad

let me know if she ever needs a grownup best friend

Glad you got it all worked out Shakey!!!!!!!!

The Falling Rocks is a great band name and does not seem to be taken, get to it IMM crew

feel like the world's dumbest dad right now. this morning, evie started complaining that she was hot, didn't feel good, etc. and sure enough she felt warm, had a mild fever (99 degrees) so we gave her some kids pain-killer and took it easy, let her watch tv on the couch. i read up on fevers, saw they usually means they're fighting off an infection, so i'm like oh it must be some kind of viral/bacterial infection, no big deal. she was doing fine but this evening she felt even hotter, temp was up to 101, so we gave her more more meds. finally right before she went to bed, we thought to check under the bandaid she's had on her knee for a couple of days since scraping it, the bandaid we've let her wear without changing it for two days, without cleaning or even checking on the wound, and sure enough, it looks gross and pus-y. so we have to hold her down and disinfect it while she screams at us bc i was too dumb to deal with a little scraped up knee. ugh. hopefully it'll look better in the morning.

:( poor kid. hope she improves!

The screaming last night during some booger removal made me feel like the biggest bastard in the world

Aww. I think that happens to all dads? That's how Dad becomes the one who, yes, holds your screaming head in the sink to wash away enough blood to tell if you have to go to the hospital for stitches.

Ben just broke his elbow (he's with his mom) at the Exploratorium today. He's at the hospital and has to go under general anesthesia and get it set. He's used to going under due to all the MRIs he's had, but... Boo. And I'm stuck in China, so I can't be there for him. This sucks.

I would've never thought to check the bandaid.

Hospital bill showed up today holy fucking fuck

they sure do print up some big number$ on those

We should start a 'completely shitty things I've done as a parent' because I'm sure we've all got a sackful

Hospital bill showed up today holy fucking fuck

― O_o-O_O-o_O (jjjusten), Sunday, September 15, 2013 11:14 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

the day many of us become out and out socialists

Anyone with an older kid going through trouble with velcro vs. laces? We taught our kid to tie his laces back in kindergarten. He's always been kind of cack-handed about it - tying impossibly weird double-knots or sometimes just shoving his laces inside his shoes to avoid tying them. I'm pretty sure I did some of the same stuff when I was a kid, so I've taken it in stride.

But I was talking to him about getting new shoes this weekend and he asked for velcro. He said all the kids in his class wear velcro. When I was a kid, the only kids in the fourth-grade who wore velcro got made fun of pretty badly. I guess this isn't the case now?

We should start a 'completely shitty things I've done as a parent' because I'm sure we've all got a sackful

― "Max's Original Starship" Vol. 3 (sunny successor), Monday, September 16, 2013 3:23 AM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

How about "I'm just running over to the trash can -- oh shit, stroller collapsed on K"

Aww. I think that happens to all dads? That's how Dad becomes the one who, yes, holds your screaming head in the sink to wash away enough blood to tell if you have to go to the hospital for stitches.

― Tottenham Heelspur (in orbit), Sunday, September 15, 2013 10:43 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Anecdotally, yes, it seems like dads make more of these mistakes or are more lax or something. OTOH, while H was home with K for a year and a half, I used to joke that it was like the saying about "I'm a great driver when I'm alone in the car"

I didn't mean bad things happen more with dads! I meant, the necessity of steeling yrself to do the hard/gross thing when it's your kid, it just becomes reality.

yea any time i have to forcibly restrain J to change a diaper, remove boogers, wipe his face/hands, i feel like an asshole. especially when he breaks down and does that horrible, totally defeated cry

it's really bad giving him medicine too, he hates that. he had a double ear infection a month ago and giving him amoxcillin 2x a day was just torture for him

I had my very first run in with the in-laws this week. PP's parents are divorced and the dad and step dad have a 30 year active feud going on. It was grandparents day at school last Thursday and they came dangerously close to using beeps as a pawn in their rivalry. On the weekend I let one of them have it. Probably my proudest mama lion moment to date.

K has had severe diarrhea a couple of times and completely refused pedialyte. We had to force her to drink a whole bunch of it, which was an awful experience. But the importance/good of what you're doing is far outweighed by the temporary misery you're putting them in.

xpost - Beeps is disturbing delighted when she gets to take medicine