ILX Parenting 5: I'm a big kid now

And this really comes in handy, because not only is the infant one 4x more expensive, but the bottle is REALLY small, so you always run out when you need it.

*tera I find that with toddlers, which I guess August is officially a toddler now, a lot of tantrums are frustration based because they can't communication what they want. In the later toddler stages when communication is a little better, ime tantrums come from the desire to do things they just don't have the fine/gross motors skills to achieve. I have had some success with making it clear to my kids that I understand they are frustrated and that its okay. We all just want to be understood, man!

idk if we have a parenting apps thread (maybe we should?) but this looks super cool (tho my kiddo is still too young for it): http://crookedtimber.org/2013/05/02/dragonbox-and-the-philosophy-of-mathematics/

evie's into endless alphabet

lets make a thread!

btw Mordy if you want Hebrew language (secular) music for your kid(s?), K is in love with the Arik Einstein childrens' album, especially Adon Shoko (Mr. Choco) - a very cute song about a man named Mr. Choco who goes to visit his friend whose name is also Mr. Choco, and then they decided to go see their friend whose name is also Mr. Choco

Oh, and someone please give me tips for flying internationally with a 15-month-old, starting to really worry about upcoming 10-hour flight.

we've actually got a great box set of hebrew children's songs: http://www.sifrutake.com/scripts/main.cgi?action=big&product=CCD369

Have an iPad. Let her watch as much TV as she wants. Bring lots of thin, light books. Pray.

How the hell do we handle the sleep? That's what scares me.

i think fear is an appropriate response to a 10 hour flight w/ a 15-month-old

flew last night to Paris from Chi, sat across the aisle from I'm guessing a 15 month old who howled & screamed for several hours, with a good long stretch of sleep in the middle. It sucked. The dad did watch movies on his ipad all night so maybe it was ok for him (they had a three year old too)

I wouldn't fly internationally with my kids unless I was like, a refugee or something.

Are you fleeing a civil war, hurting?

As I said above though we flew back & forth twice across the Atlantic with 10 month olds (two different kids) & it was fine but we handling howling by giving tit so ymmv

Oh that reminds me. I got to hold a friend's newborn baby the other day. It's the first baby I've held since our daughter was born two years ago. He spent the whole time trying to locate my boobs. "Where the hell are they?" Then he threw up on me. It was awesome. Totally would have another one in a few years if we get a little more financially stable.

Oh, and someone please give me tips for flying internationally with a 15-month-old, starting to really worry about upcoming 10-hour flight.

― huun huurt 2 (Hurting 2), Thursday, May 2, 2013 9:00 AM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I took Beatrice to Australia - a total of 24 hours travel time each way - when she had just turned two. It was a freaking nightmare. Carrying all of our luggage and attempting to keep hold of her while running to gates/getting through customs/security was no easy task. Oh and FYI, people in airports are total dicks. They were literally pushing past us. Both Beeps and I were getting body slammed from all directions. And., of course, the whole time she was being a normal 2 year old. She wanted to run around, she wanted me to carry her everywhere, she wanted everything she saw in the gift shop windows, she was crying, she was screaming, she was laying on the floor refusing to get up etc etc Then on each plane she was hysterical while taking off and then bored and tantrumy until we landed. Trying to get a toddler to happily sit in a seat for 15 hours is completely impossible, obviously.

I had three of my worst parenting moments during that trip. At one point while carry all the bags and holding Beatle's hand, I was trying to make sure she got on the moving walkway safely when one of our bags slipped off my shoulder and crashed to the floor taking a bunch other stuff with it. Already on edge from the relentless body slamming I said way too loudly to the bag 'You motherfucker!!!!' Everyone around me slowed right down and gave me the filthiest looks. I guess they either thought I was talking to Beatrice or just horrified that I was using that language in front of my child. Super embarrassing.
After two harrowing flights we finally landed in San Francisco. We had some time to kill before getting on the flight to Sydney. I had brought a couple of those single dose Benadryl packets with me in case of emergency. After the last two flights, 15 hours on a plane seemed like a code red emergency to me so 15 minutes before we were due to board I took Beeps into a handicapped stall in the bathroom and said ‘Beatle, Mommy is going to give you some medicine, okay?’ Well that was not okay at all with her and we ended up wrestling in the stall, ending up on the filthy airport bathroom floor. At that point I realized what a freaking maniac I was being, ditched the Benadryl, grabbed Bee in a hug and apologized profusely.
On the flight home, when we got to San Francisco, we had to collect our bags to go through customs. We went to baggage claim and waited and waited and waited until there were no more bags on the carousel. I guess I'd reached my anxiety limit by that point. I picked up Beeps, took her with me to a corner of the room, sat down on the floor and just cried for about 10 minutes. When I got my shit together we found our bags sitting on the floor a ways away from the carousel.

Anyway, I'd say 90% of the bad stuff was due to having to make so many connections and the overall length of travel time. Had it been one flight I think it would have been fine. Even so here are some things I got right:

Bring a portable DVD player with and extra battery and lots of dvds. Beeps spent the calmest moments of our flights with her headphones on watching the wonder pets.

Bring snacks K likes. For Bee, knowing there was no way she was going to eat airline food, I brought a whole lot of goldfish, some fruit bars and a little candy.

If you're on a plane that has three seat next to each window try to get the window and middle seat. If you're lucky like we were you wont have anyone in the aisle seat so K can stretch out for a nap.

Oh and FYI: changing a poopy diaper in an airplane bathroom requires some serious yoga skills so you might want to take a few classes before you go.

Yeah we insisted on direct flight at least. Window seat is a good idea, didn't think of that. Almost tempted to shell out for another seat (I guess we'd put her in the car seat?) but I'm not sure how long you can actually leave a toddler sleeping in a car seat

Is this a red eye?

more or less. Leaves 4:30pm, gets in 9:45 next morning Israel time

Please, for the love of God and all that's holy, shell out for a third seat. I have been the person in the aisle seat that has had the lap baby in the row clamber all over them. I woulda been happier if the plane was crashing.

seriously thinking that might be the answer, especially after the fit she threw on the train this morning.

Best solution: pay for family abroad to come visit you.

Yeah, just tell the baby she's in Israel, she'll probably buy it

yeah well, that'd be three grandparents, three aunts, maybe nine cousins, etc

tbh we have come very close to cancelling this trip and eating the loss (or I guess we could get a "travel voucher" or something). Getting trip insurance from now on. This flight is keeping me up at night.

Just the grandparents, then. If it's that big a whoop to have the baby meet her parents cousins, they can come to you.

oh, also there are likely travel-restricting health issues. But yeah, this was part of the thing too. Grandparents didn't come to our wedding, so in part we feel like "why should we go through all the trouble." I mean honestly it's H's family not mine, so I'm staying out of that, but if she told me "you know what, fuck this" I wouldn't argue.

Just the grandparents, then. If it's that big a whoop to have the baby meet her parents cousins, they can come to you.

feel like this is really OTM. people expecting infants to make intl flights are disgusting savages imho

yeah so I owe kate78 a thank you (I think?) because she made me realize that shelling out for another seat was best for everyone involved, not least poor H who would inevitably wind up being the bed, as K will probably refuse to sleep on me. Now instead she can at least sleep in the carseat some of the time. We also now have the luxury of a whole row to ourselves on each flight, which will help for stretching out given all the crap we will have in tow. I even finagled us some free "economy plus" seats (I guess they have more legroom or something) on the way back just by being super nice -- originally they didn't have three economy seats together and I basically pleaded with the woman.

economy plus is pretty nice! we got those one one of our AirNZ flights, seats a little bit wider & a little more legroom

You're welcome! Who says the childfree have no useful advice for parents?

you actually made me realize that trying to stop long-legged K from kicking or grabbing a stranger would be yet another stress of the flight, and that one kind of pushed me over the edge

I think I get now why people say "your life will never be the same." I used to think that just meant having a lot more stuff to do, but it's more than that. It's that you have another person who is (at least for the first period of years) entirely dependent on you. I'm never going to be able to be laid back again the way I was in college, I don't think. I might have laid back moments, but ultimately the profound sense of responsibility is with me to stay.

really? i dunno, my life seems pretty much the same except i have these psychotic midgets living with me.

I dunno, maybe it's a phase that passes when they're a little more self-directing and you don't have to pay attention to them every minute. Maybe it's also that I took on a more demanding career less than a year before she was born, and maybe it's also just part of being older, but I feel like I can never get back the care-free spirit I was capable of when I was younger.

I dunno, maybe it's a phase that passes when they're a little more self-directing and you don't have to pay attention to them every minute.

yeah this passes once they are little bit more like little people and less like larvae

but it's true you can pretty much never cut loose entirely (like, I would never take hallucinogenics now, I don't have time for that 6-8 hr trip shit)

Yeah, you'd better believe I've got an 18 year countdown clock until the next time I can eat acid. Hope it's still around by then. : D

Maybe it's worth considering that when you felt young and carefree in college it was because you were...young and in college? I don't understand why that state is any kind of ideal, I guess, because to me that means being 18-25 and a dumbass and whoa I do not want to do any of that again.

It only becomes appealing again when you realize how thoroughly tied to your new life you are. E.g. it's not like I miss sleeping until 10am (or even 8:30am) every day all that much, so much as it's realizing that every day, including weekends, for the foreseeable future, you are forced to get up at 6:30 am, and that even getting a pass one day once in a while to sleep until 7:30 am and not getting up to make breakfast feels like you are taking advantage of your partner who is also overworked. It's not like I want to get wasted and smoke pot all the time, so much as it would be sort of nice to have just one day where I could do it, sleep late the next day, and then have nothing to do other than go eat a greasy omlette and wander around a park.

I want there to be a day where I don't have to worry about what another person is going to eat for the three meals and two snacks she has every day, like I want to be able to have just one day once in a while where the fridge is empty and I can just say "fuck it I'll go grab a slice of pizza."

I would like to be able to have an epic five hour jam session. I would like to be able to attend a party that doesn't have a time limit for me.

(and that doesn't cost me babysitting money or require me to drive home inlaws afterwards)

I would like to be able to travel without it being a lot like weekends at home since you still have to worry about all the meals and naps and such.

Those things do sound really really nice. Never had any kids but I've had boyfriends and/or houseguests and been responsible for their 3 meals a day and all their entertainment and their comforts and I can only handle about 3 days of that and those are full-grown ADULTS.

it gets easier Hurting! they start to sleep later, become more able to take care of themselves, plus you may have the occasional respite when they (or you) leave town etc

sorry the leaving town part made me lol