Kids say the darndest things

Lulu: "What does 'WTF' mean?"
Ava: "Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, I think."

Ha!

The kids are with my gf, visiting another family. They've been playing house, which apparently to Owen means yelling "Be quiet! Go to sleep!" over and over.

haha. Beeps has taken to threatening Henry with a timeout when it suits her.

my little guy has taken to identifying colors pretty accurately but also using them w/other words at random ("yellow mama", "blue dadda" for example.) recently he started putting colors together with the word "people", which was pretty awkward when the cable guy came over and heard an 18 month old saying the phrase "black people" over and over.

omg

sylvie, getting frustrated with something: "jesus crust!"
probably need to watch what we say around her more...

for one you should probably stop saying "jesus crust," i mean that doesn't even mean anything

lol yes

Veronica: What is that statue?
Me: It's some Christian saint.
Veronica: What are Christians?
Me: Christians are people that believe Jesus Christ was a very special person.
Veronica: Who is Jesus?
Me: He lived a long time ago and had ideas about how people should live their lives, be nice to each other, things like that. Christians believe Jesus was magical. For example, they believe he died and came back to life.
Veronica: Like a zombie?

lol excellent

haha

AND WE KILLED HIM okay sorry shakey got a little too into it there for a moment.

proud that my daughter learned about zombies before Jesus tbrr

I was saying on the other thread how my little girl gets scared of spooky stuff sometimes, but she also plays a bunch of zombie games on my wife's tablets and has a growing collection of Zombies vs. Hunters figures. Sometimes it gets real important that we find “Girl Zombie” at bedtime.

yeah that's what reminded me of this exchange... my daughter is similar, she insists on going up the stairs in the dark and then shrieking cuz she sees a vampire or a werewolf or whatever but it's all giggles and melodrama as far as I can tell. she hasn't come crying to us about nightmares or freaked out about anything (yet). I fear I may be raising a little horror fan haha

Ava: "I'm short because of my genes. I think maybe my genes...are actually shorts."

ha!

That is brilliant.

I want to squish her.

In a dignified and respectful manner.

Playing Monopoly...

A: "Daddy, don't you think that the man in the middle of the board looks like Theodore Roosevelt, the 26th President?" I nearly spit out my coffee. My Arkansas-born missus looks on, beaming with pride. Later, Ava schools me on Lewis & Clark and Sacagawea. She's not learning this in her Croydon primary school...

Ava just blew my mind

Beeps gets most of our mentions in this thread. She's the recent author of a children's book called "One Cold, Wet Night." I'll let you know when it's picked up by a publisher.

However, Hbomb had a good one the other day. Eating breakfast as a mid-morning sunbeam made its way across the ceiling, he suddenly stood up and said "GET OUT OF HERE, 'LITTLE HOT'!"

And as testament to his authority, that little hot was gone within ten minutes.

That's terrific!

So the other day, we were at a Mexican restaurant, watching some Mexican comedy show, and this commercial came on the TV with a bunch of girls in bikinis...

Ben: "Owen, is your penis getting longer? My penis is freaking OUT!"

so I guess they're straight then lol

omg lol

omg what

Someone please make this thread non-google-searchable in about 10 years, please.

lol

Ben Schwantz, this is your life!

My 6-year old: me and magnus and oliver and zac have started a band
Me: oh that's great, what are you called?
Him: the army of the dead

all the fridges falling down
falling down falling down
all the fridges falling down
my fairy lady

Ava and Lulu have a band called Pitchfork Pandemonium. Lulu's lyrics for I Love Bob:

http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8378/8528610028_37ef485a74_z.jpg

Ava's withering response: "This isn't cool! I don't want to sing songs for six-year-olds!" Tears followed.

There's a title for Lulu's first album: Songs for Six-Year-Olds.

My daughter K is a year old, and we are speaking both English and Hebrew to her (I speak English, wife speaks Hebrew). K started developing a nasty habit of grabbing and scratching peoples' faces, and we are trying not to do it, so every time she does it to H, H says "Lo!" which is the hebrew word for no.

The other day, H was reading K a book, and when she read the word "Lo!", K reached up and grabbed her face. Apparently she thinks "Lo" is the word for "grab my face."

haha...woah

She also says "O's" (cheerios), and no matter when you ask her, the answer to "what do you want?" is "O's"

Henry's answer to 'What do you want for dinner, Henry?' is invariably 'Dinner.'

hahaha <3 henry

"What kind of dinner?"

"Yes. Dinner." [seats self at table]

lol

I love these circular, redundant conversations you can have with them.

Lulu: "Can we have a book about history? We're doing that at school."
Me: "Sure. Let's look at This Is Britain [the M Sasek book]."
Lulu: "Has it got history in it?"
Me: "Yes, there's lot of facts in there. What sort of history have you been doing?"
Lulu: "About the past. The history in the past."
Me: "Right."

I may need to start a Grown-ups Say the Stupidest Shit thread:

Beeps and Dr. Seuss (and Ned Raggett) share a birthday together.

BEEPS: I wonder if Dr. Seuss got to eat all his cake on Saturday.

ME: Well, honey, Dr. Seuss ain't around anymore.

BEEPS: *gasp* He died?

ME: Yeah, uh, he died a long time ago. It's okay, he was a very, very old man, even older than Poppi.

BEEPS: But he's dead? Just like Binx? [our recently deceased pet cat]

ME: Yes, like Binx, but listen. Think about this: Everytime we read one of his stories, it's almost like he's still alive with us.

BEEPS: *gasps* You mean like – holds her arms out like a scarecrow, zombie style.

ME: No, I mean his spirit is here in the room with - um, uh, where's that book.

*slow clap* way to go, dad.

Dr. Seuss needs BRAINS

hahaha...oh god

and lulu. so much love for that kiddo

You did your best, pp.

I worked on the donor database for a nonprofit foundation and one day while doing cleanup, I came across the name Theodor Geisel and it slowly dawned on me "Oh my god, this is Dr. Seuss! He used to give money to my company." But then my eyes drifted to the little checkbox where his donor record was marked "deceased" and I got mildly bummed out about it.

Related that anecdote to my wife and 4-year-old a few years later because I'm a dumbass and got a completely horrified response.

my 21 month old has started saying "pleasant dreams!" in a demonic guttural voice.

son and his friend are playing Call of Duty: Black Ops II

Me: One of these days, I'm going to hook up my Nintendo Entertainment System and make you guys play Contra.
Son: What? What? What is that?
Son's Friend: That was ... that was one of the first games for the MTV.