Kids say the darndest things

Couple funny ones:

Kathy: Guess what I ordered for you guys today?
Owen: What?!
Kathy: Socks and underwear!
Owen: I'm not interested in that.

Ben: (raises hand)
Kathy: What?
Ben: Guess which kind of excuse me that was?
Kathy: What?
Ben: Guess!
Kathy: I don't know, Ben.
Ben: The fart kind!

lol

from my friend:

"W***** delivered the ultimate insult to N***** this morning (N***** was being VERY annoying!) "N*****, YOU ARE A PANDA THAT EATS BAMBOO"
Wow, thats telling her."

from my friend:

"W***** delivered the ultimate insult to N***** this morning (N***** was being VERY annoying!) "N*****, YOU ARE A PANDA THAT EATS BAMBOO"
Wow, thats telling her."

Wow, that's telling her.

my friend posted a photo of her 5 year old's letter to Santa (which fking stupid instagram won't let me share so here's my story in words)

He didn't ask for anything, instead posed a question:

"how dO you make raindeer magic fOOd
write here ---> (left space for Santa's answer"

more than anything I just love "raindeer"

"is that guy from a long time ago?"

"that's copernicus. he figured out that the earth goes around the sun"

"is he dead now?"

"yeah, he died a long time ago"

"poor guy"

Historical: I got in from work, the Queen Mother's funeral procession was on the TV.

Amber (age 4) "It's the queen mother."
Me: "Oh"
Amber ".... She's in that box."

Me: how much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck would chuck wood?
Evie: four!

irl lols

also correct

Lulu: "What does 'WTF' mean?"
Ava: "Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, I think."

Ha!

The kids are with my gf, visiting another family. They've been playing house, which apparently to Owen means yelling "Be quiet! Go to sleep!" over and over.

haha. Beeps has taken to threatening Henry with a timeout when it suits her.

my little guy has taken to identifying colors pretty accurately but also using them w/other words at random ("yellow mama", "blue dadda" for example.) recently he started putting colors together with the word "people", which was pretty awkward when the cable guy came over and heard an 18 month old saying the phrase "black people" over and over.

omg

sylvie, getting frustrated with something: "jesus crust!"
probably need to watch what we say around her more...

for one you should probably stop saying "jesus crust," i mean that doesn't even mean anything

lol yes

Veronica: What is that statue?
Me: It's some Christian saint.
Veronica: What are Christians?
Me: Christians are people that believe Jesus Christ was a very special person.
Veronica: Who is Jesus?
Me: He lived a long time ago and had ideas about how people should live their lives, be nice to each other, things like that. Christians believe Jesus was magical. For example, they believe he died and came back to life.
Veronica: Like a zombie?

lol excellent

haha

AND WE KILLED HIM okay sorry shakey got a little too into it there for a moment.

proud that my daughter learned about zombies before Jesus tbrr

I was saying on the other thread how my little girl gets scared of spooky stuff sometimes, but she also plays a bunch of zombie games on my wife's tablets and has a growing collection of Zombies vs. Hunters figures. Sometimes it gets real important that we find “Girl Zombie” at bedtime.

yeah that's what reminded me of this exchange... my daughter is similar, she insists on going up the stairs in the dark and then shrieking cuz she sees a vampire or a werewolf or whatever but it's all giggles and melodrama as far as I can tell. she hasn't come crying to us about nightmares or freaked out about anything (yet). I fear I may be raising a little horror fan haha

Ava: "I'm short because of my genes. I think maybe my genes...are actually shorts."

ha!

That is brilliant.

I want to squish her.

In a dignified and respectful manner.

Playing Monopoly...

A: "Daddy, don't you think that the man in the middle of the board looks like Theodore Roosevelt, the 26th President?" I nearly spit out my coffee. My Arkansas-born missus looks on, beaming with pride. Later, Ava schools me on Lewis & Clark and Sacagawea. She's not learning this in her Croydon primary school...

Ava just blew my mind

Beeps gets most of our mentions in this thread. She's the recent author of a children's book called "One Cold, Wet Night." I'll let you know when it's picked up by a publisher.

However, Hbomb had a good one the other day. Eating breakfast as a mid-morning sunbeam made its way across the ceiling, he suddenly stood up and said "GET OUT OF HERE, 'LITTLE HOT'!"

And as testament to his authority, that little hot was gone within ten minutes.

That's terrific!

So the other day, we were at a Mexican restaurant, watching some Mexican comedy show, and this commercial came on the TV with a bunch of girls in bikinis...

Ben: "Owen, is your penis getting longer? My penis is freaking OUT!"

so I guess they're straight then lol

omg lol

omg what

Someone please make this thread non-google-searchable in about 10 years, please.

lol

Ben Schwantz, this is your life!

My 6-year old: me and magnus and oliver and zac have started a band
Me: oh that's great, what are you called?
Him: the army of the dead

all the fridges falling down
falling down falling down
all the fridges falling down
my fairy lady

Ava and Lulu have a band called Pitchfork Pandemonium. Lulu's lyrics for I Love Bob:

http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8378/8528610028_37ef485a74_z.jpg

Ava's withering response: "This isn't cool! I don't want to sing songs for six-year-olds!" Tears followed.

There's a title for Lulu's first album: Songs for Six-Year-Olds.

My daughter K is a year old, and we are speaking both English and Hebrew to her (I speak English, wife speaks Hebrew). K started developing a nasty habit of grabbing and scratching peoples' faces, and we are trying not to do it, so every time she does it to H, H says "Lo!" which is the hebrew word for no.

The other day, H was reading K a book, and when she read the word "Lo!", K reached up and grabbed her face. Apparently she thinks "Lo" is the word for "grab my face."

haha...woah

She also says "O's" (cheerios), and no matter when you ask her, the answer to "what do you want?" is "O's"

Henry's answer to 'What do you want for dinner, Henry?' is invariably 'Dinner.'