ILX Parenting 5: I'm a big kid now

Congrats on the boy M Bi. :D

Anyone have any tips on dealing with a baby being way more used to one of you than the other you wrt stuff like eating and bedtime? I'm working and my wife is home, and probably 9/10 days I don't get home til after bedtime, so the most I'm able to do outside of weekends is morning diaper changes/playtime and maybe some solid foods or a bottle.

This morning I woke up early and told my stir crazy wife to just go for a swim and I'd take care of K (now 6 months old) something that frankly I should have done a lot more often by now. We had fun for a while but then when she got fussy I tried feeding her and she wouldn't eat, then I tried putting her down and she screamed her head off, and not in the typical "I don't want to go to bed" way but in the "ok, cut this shit out, where the FUCK is mommy" way. When H finally came home, K was clearly tired and hungry, but I was unable to make her sleep or eat. K hasn't had problems with me feeding her or putting her down when mom was there, but this was different.

To be clear, this is not the first time I've ever watched K for a few hours while H had a break, it's just that K changes all the time and it's the first time I've done it in a while, and K seems much more aware now than the last time I did it.

i think at that age the mommy is seen as the protector and comforter. I know Beatrice did that until maybe 4 y/o and Henry still does it. Boo-hoo time means mom time. On the other hand, when they want to go crazy and play like wild things they go to daddy and its like i don't even exist.

Beatrice actually went through a stage of wanting to be with one of us while completely freezing the other one out and this would go on for days at a time. When the periods of this lessened to a 12 hour period PP and I realized that she would like the person she saw first after waking in the morning and freeze out the other. As soon as we heard a peep from her we'd be racing up the stairs pulling each other back or pushing the other out of the way so we could be the favored parent for the day.

So I guess what i'm saying is, even though it sucks you don't get to see K during the week, this sort of stuff, as painful as it feels, changes so rapidly so I wouldn't stress too much.

"We had fun for a while but then when she got fussy I tried feeding her and she wouldn't eat, then I tried putting her down and she screamed her head off, and not in the typical "I don't want to go to bed" way but in the "ok, cut this shit out, where the FUCK is mommy" way."

Unfortunately my only advice is keep going at it and eventually it gets better (esp. the eating once she's able to feed herself). Your wife'll probably be #1 for a good long time, but eventually you'll be seen as an acceptable alternative. :)

first day of preschool today! it went pretty well, she seemed fine when we dropped her off. but when my wife went to pick her up, sylvie burst into tears. not because she desperately wanted to stay at preschool, I think because she was just sort of overwhelmed.
hilarious that we think this is like THE BIGGEST DEAL EVER when it is 2 1/2 hours twice a week, but oh well

Oh man, Hurting 2. My wife works weekends, but typically on the night-shift. This weekend she had to pick up some morning shifts. When our daughter woke up without mommy there, she was out-of-sorts all day. She doesn't talk yet, but she nods, and I asked her "do you want kisses?" she shook her head no. then I asked her "do you want mommy kisses" and she paused, looked at me, then shook her head yes. broke my heart.

at this point i'm very used to be a distant second in the affection sweepstakes. not necessarily something i'm freaking out about, but sometimes it can be tough. actually she's fine when mom's not around, but if mom IS there, there's no contest.

we sort of have the opposite problem, L decided about 10 months ago that i'm his favorite and he has variously said he wants to go away with me to live in another house, that he want my wife and his little brother to "die", and that he "only likes boys" (which doesn't exactly square with saying he wants to abandon his bro but.... w/e) - most of these things come out when he's upset about something and trying to push my wife's buttons though

I accepted very early on that my lack of sustenance producing boobies and full time job was going to force me into a second place in the favorite parent sweepstakes.

That said when he was picked up from his first day of daycare, he saw my wife and said "dad dad dad" over and over.

Smells described to me by Beeps in the past week:

Her new scented stuffed puppy doll = her grandmother's sister's house in the tony section of a Little Rock suburb. We go over there in the summertime to swim when the sister and her family are out of town.

Her Kroger brand gummies = the scary ride at the fair.

Argh, baby safety scares. Anyone have opinions on crib bumpers? We bought a carter one recently with cute animals on it, because (1) she constantly wedges her arms and legs into the bars and then complains/cries (2) she rolls a lot and tends to bang herself and (3) we were hoping having cute animals to look at would help her like going to sleep better.

But now I'm reading all this stuff about suffocation risk. Although it's hard for me to imagine K suffocating herself against this thing, because she's so physically able that she'd probably just push herself off. But then there's also this stale air/decreased airflow thing. Gah.

We didn't use 'em mostly because of the scare stuff, but isn't your daughter past the crib-death nexus or whatever?

I think so. It looks like there are about a HANDFUL of reported crib-bumper-related deaths of infants over a few months of age from the past TWO DECADES, so it may not be a meaningful risk. The whole slightly decreased airflow thing made me uncomfortable, but otoh it only blocks like 6-8 inches of the bars. Anyway it's nice-looking and makes her like being in the crib more (pics of animals) and keeps her from constantly getting her hands/feet stuck in the bars. Supposedly once she stands up easily we might need to remove it as she can use it as a climbing aid. I hate this about baby products - so many things you wind up using for only a few months and then discarding.

our daughter used to sleep right up against the side of the crib and stick her arms and legs through and we got a bumper that wasn't all that padded and was like a mesh so there was no suffocation threat. no pics of anything on it though; it's just white.

Hurting, i got the same crying jag from my girl when my wife went back to work (and worked late one night a week so i was the only one home with her). she'd just cry uncontrollably when i tried to put her to bed for the night and absolutely nothing helped. she got over it after a few weeks/months, but those tuesday nights felt like the worst nights of my life. only advice i have is to explain what you're doing and where mom is/why she's not there and be as comforting as possible.

Man, babies are basically sociopathic monsters. Every time K is on her math and she sees me, she gives me this big wide-eyed grin and waves her little arms and legs for me to come down and *play* with her. Then when I get close she tries to claw my eyes out and rip my mouth off. I'm all scratched up all the time.

Breathable crib bumper:

http://www.onestepahead.com/catalog/product.jsp?productId=534464&cmSource=Search

hey this kid is three now!
https://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash4/426756_4504776497997_1773463446_n.jpg
crazy. preschool is going ok so far, she is generally pretty excited about it.

The backpack looks anxious, tho'.

I can't believe she's so big. Man, if I think your kids are all growing up fast it must be nuts for you guys.

it feels much, much slower

lol

haw

"it feels much, much slower"

When does this happen? First nearly two years have flown by for me.

for me it's slowed down now that we've gotten to the "why?" stage. a five minute car ride can seem like an eternity.

Veronica's variation of the "why?" stage is "what would Superman say/do if..."

I have no one but myself to blame, I suppose

haha.
you should get this bumper sticker
http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRiu41TDm877P1j0ga8MrKIRiGyG99K5kpmgaF4CKPt_gnccvmLmA&t=1

So I (and my wife?!?!) have suddenly started getting emails about au pair services (from the same service)? How did they get our email addresses? It's very creepy.

baby's first day of montessori today! she seemed fine when we left her -- i'm all emotional tho!

Veronica's variation of the "why?" stage is "what would Superman say/do if..."

― chicago rap twitter luminary (Shakey Mo Collier), Wednesday, August 29, 2012 5:02 PM (1 week ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

evie does this:
evie: "what are you doing?"
me: "[explanation of what i'm doing]"
evie: "what are you doing?"
me: "[reworded explanation of what i'm doing]"
evie: "what are you doing?"

haha! sylvie has this annoying thing where if you say "oops!" for whatever reason she comes running in and is like "WHAT DID YOU DO!!!!? WHAT DID YOU DOOOOOOO!?"

Cute! Abby's still not talking a lot, but this past weekend really started saying "Owwwwwww" whenever she hurt herself.

Hello ILP. My child is a neurotic adult now, so this is all I got to offer:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=339oBGDPWPg

K now

- is very good at picking up and holding things
- eats solid foods (mostly pureed, but also the occasional bagel to gnaw on)
- doesn't exactly crawl, but rolls like a gymnast and can kind of scooch backwards
- kind of almost sits
- makes a wide variety of sounds including "ba" "da" "ma" "juh" "rrr" and "chhhh" (she's a jew, what can I say)
- has the cutest laugh ever

Top 5 phrases said by Hambone:

5. "Sorry!" - said after he falls or trips.
4. "My turn!"/"Bea's turn!"
3. "Watch out!"
2. Something that sounds like "It's Saturday?" but that's definitely not what it means.
1. "What ARE you dooing?"

Beeps has a new friend with a long Indian name. Each time she says it, she offers some back-up explanation of it. You can tell she's a bit fascinated by someone who's name isn't "Beeps".

"Yesterday, I went out to recess and played on the swings with my friend Pushpanlatidood….. [pause] Yes, I'm aware her name is really long."

"I had such a good day! I made paper cutouts and Pushpanlatidood gave one that looked like a kitten!… [pause] Yes, the first part of her name sounds like 'Poo'."

lol

We have this new thing where when one of us leaves the house we try to make sure K watches the person go out the door and say goodbye -- something that apparently helps deal with separation anxiety (I guess the idea being that they gradually come to conceptualize you leaving and coming back instead of the fear that at random moments you will suddenly not be there).

Anyway, this morning I asked H to face K (now 7 months) toward the door as I left for work, and I said "Bye K" and waved, and for the first time I've ever seen - she extended her little hand toward me. It was so cute and heartbreaking. Still can't get over it.

dunno if any of you parents out there have encountered this, but there seems to be this cute lil period after kids discover the apparent connection between "bye-bye" and the person you said that to actually leaving, going away. and once they've gotten over the fact that saying bye to mom or dad in the morning isn't the end of the world, their fiendish branes figure they can actually ~make things go away~ by saying goodbye. or at least it seemed that way when a kid I saw in the hospital eventually started saying "bye bye" as soon me and my attending (or anyone with a stethoscope) walked in to check on his ears (kids hate ear exams). He always seemed a little desperate and confused, saying it over and over, all "why isnt this working? I ~said~ bye bye, why are you still here??"

my bffs son used to emulate bus windshield wipers with his forearms to do that. wipe em away.

Recently August has woken up instantly crying, and not just a wiper but a real I'm scared the whole is ending crying.And I can't stress how instantly upon waking she starts crying, without anything provoking her. We've been unsure what causes this, but I've been staying awake after they have fallen asleep and I hear August making noises while sleeping that to me sound similar to noises people make while dreaming. Could August wake up crying from a nightmare? Are Infants already dreaming at 5 months? Why would she have nightmares as oppose to nice happy dreams? Has anyone had this experience?

It may be teething related. (The waking up crying, not the dreaming.)

K has done it for the last few weeks or so (6-7 months). We think it may partly be teething, but the onset really came when we moved, and to a one-bedroom at that. We kind of got into the habit of picking her up again but we're thinking we may have to stop, because it seems to just get worse and worse the more often we pick her up.

It IS scary, but I think it's just something that happens. Keren has also developed occasional random screaming fits while awake, which has been disconcerting, but seems to perhaps be a separation anxiety issue. And we think the sleep could be related to that too.

"Why would she have nightmares as oppose to nice happy dreams?"

Probably because it's terrifying being a baby.

Big fan of the "pick up/put down" method advocated by the ghastly-named Baby Whisperer over here

link?

there's this - http://www.babywhispererforums.com/index.php?PHPSESSID=45d29643a3a23789b9ff4af0767bd016&board=31.0

which looks.... insane, i have not read it. but i have read the book and don't have a use for large chunks of it, which has been my experience w/most baby books, but the pick up/put down thing has really worked with P (though he was never to fussy to begin with, which i'm sure helps)

in some ways it's the opposite of cry-it-out. in a nutshell you pick them up when they cry, murmur comforting things to them, and the minute they calm down and stop crying you put them back down in the bed. you don't rock back and forth, you don't pat them on the back, you just hold them gently until they settle down and put them down within a minute of them calming down. if they struggle against you, arching their back, it means they want to be put down and go to sleep! so put them down. see what happens. you might have to pick them back up again. it can take a little bit of time doing this to suss out what's working, what a good rhythm is, what they need. the key thing is that they're crying cause they're tired and want to sleep and they're frustrated that for whatever reason they're not sleeping. so your comforting voice and touch helps that. the goal is that after a couple of nights doing this you don't need to pick up any more, you can just put a hand on them - not patting, just there - and talk gently and that'll do the trick. and after a couple of nights of that, your voice alone will work. and after a couple of nights of that they learn to chill the fuck out. of course we all know things never work out that ideally in practice..

yeah I've become very aware of the "crying because she's trying to sleep and can't" thing -- in fact comforting methods that are too disruptive (talking, patting, singing) make the crying worse. In most cases it's either (1) leave her alone and she'll fall asleep after a few minutes tops (sometimes within seconds) or (2) crying gets louder and louder at which point the only thing that helps is taking her into the bed and/or giving her to mom.

Pick up/put down is an interesting idea. I think part of the difficulty of these "methods" is that there is so much variation among babies and even within an individual baby over time with change.

yeah imo WHICH method you use is much less important than HAVING one, even if it's one you made up. i really believe that kids can sense the lack of a plan.