ILX Parenting 5: I'm a big kid now

i'll just say that if there was one thing that was surprisingly difficult for us about having a newborn, it was breastfeeding. sarah did a TON of research and so was very prepared but all the literature basically implies that breastfeeding is super-easy and natural, and we had a really hard time getting evie to latch right, had to hire a lactation consultant because she wasn't gaining weight fast enough, eventually had to supplement with formula for her entire infancy. we felt like crap about it because she wasn't getting 100% breast milk and so wasn't going to be a genius who was immune from all diseases, but it turned it not to be that big of a deal and she is a genius and has only gotten sick a few times so whatever

xp Awesome! And thanks to that link I now see I have been doing hummus all wrong - I always drop everything on top of the chickpeas then blend. NExt time I'll blend the tahini first!

we also had a really rough time with nursing in the beginning and got a lactation consultant and lots of tears and worrying but char persevered and really we were lucky that we never had to supplement with formula. i partially blame stigmas around nursing. most of us have never seen a baby latch + nurse and have no idea what it is supposed to look at. you really need models for this biological stuff, which having a consultant can only partially alleviate. and obv not everyone can do it and i don't ever mean to stigmatize anyone who choses or is unable to nurse exclusively in the beginning.

we felt like crap about it because she wasn't getting 100% breast milk and so wasn't going to be a genius who was immune from all diseases, but it turned it not to be that big of a deal and she is a genius and has only gotten sick a few times so whatever

While I think it's great that there is sort of a renewed interest in breast feeding (wasn't actually a thing or even encouraged around the time I was born) I HATE that it can wind up making women who have trouble and need to supplement with formula (or use only formula or choose to use only formula for whatever reason they gd please) feel guilty for doing so. That is so counterproductive and I think it happens quite a lot these days.

xxp cool! i don't know what any of that means! but i'll tell my wife it helped.
and yeah, we know some people who felt super-guilty about not being successful w/ breastfeeding. and obviously there are emotions tied up in it -- but whatever, i firmly believe that it doesn't make *that* much of a diff. my mom breastfed me for about 3 months and then gave up. and look at me! i'm a person!

I wasn't breastfed at all and I'm fucking awesome.

breastfeeding is the ideal for the baby but isn't always possible. there has got to be a way of emphasizing its importance without demeaning ppl who are unable to do it. i can't help but feel like trying to deemphasize it so that ppl don't feel bad is the wrong way to go...

Breastfeeding is awesome and wonderful and ideal for the baby but I honestly don't think formula is as evil as it's sort of seen as by a lot of people. If for any reason the mom can't or chooses not to breastfeed then that's her choice and it's OK. Being a new parent must be so damn tough. I can't imagine going through that with added and unnecessary guilt, you know?

yeah i mean, i think mothers should give it a go, but if it doesn't work, hey that's ok too.

Right.

people just need to chill out

if that kid doesn't turn out right, you can always pop out another one and try again

lol totally

absolutely and i agree. i don't think formula is evil, but i do think that there's a lot of economic investment is making sure that it is widespread. when we were in the hospital they pushed formula really hard on us despite us requesting that they not give the baby formula. they pressed and pressed and neither of us had slept and there were all kinds of emotions and being worried about baby's eating and being just burnt out in general from the experience and ultimately we gave in and they gave the baby formula. we never gave her formula again, even tho they sent us home with tons of freebie formula party gifts. so i'm kinda sensitive about the formula industry trying to involve themselves in what i think are personal choices. xxxp

Yeah, no question. It's definitely problematic and I think that there are a lot of factors that play into a decision to bfeed including how much the new mom knows about breastfeeding and where she gives birth and how hard they push either nursing or formula. Something interesting I noticed, and I don't really know why this is, but, when I worked with young women a lot of them were either preg or had small babies and only one of them even tried to breastfeed. The rest went straight to formula as if without question. I don't think anyone at all really told them about it and am pretty sure formula was pushed hard at the hospital and I'm certain they never really thought about how expensive formula is.

A friend of ours had her baby naturally, but when he was born he had low red blood cells due to the stress of delivery. They fed him formula in the hospital and then afterwards refused to breast feed, which broke the Mom's heart. I'm beginning the think no one gets exactly what they want, and you just work around and with what you are given. It works out in the end but birthing and parenting seems to have lots of painful missteps and detours.

depends on where you are i guess -- our hospital had lactation consultants on call.

in some cultures if a mother is unable to nurse they will get a relative or wet nurse to help out. obv this is "super weird" and gross in 2012 in American society, but i think we've lost something by not having things like this.

So apparently my friends super rich boss's wife paid someone to nurse her kid. Like, she actually hired a wet nurse because she didn't want her boobs to sag. :/ I didn't know you could even do that these days. I did know, however, that women who do produce milk will sell it to those who don't (or who adopt whatever) so that their babies can have breast milk. I think that's great. The actually hiring someone to nurse your kids because of vanity? Pretty messed up.

had an ultrasound and we saw the heartbeat!!!

― he bit me (it felt like a diss) (m bison), Thursday, May 17, 2012 3:00 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

The first ultrasound was magical for me!!

― JacobSanders, Thursday, May 17, 2012 3:03 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

My reaction was, "How in the hell did that get in there?"

I'm beginning the think no one gets exactly what they want, and you just work around and with what you are given

^^^welcome to parenting. people who have "plans" and agendas and whatnot are usually deluding themselves. rule #1 is just do whatever works for you and the baby. and when things stop working, stop doing them and try something else.

I try to restrain my parent-judginess to instances where the parents are clearly sticking with things that aren't working

out of either force of habit, or denial, or refusal to let go of preconceived notions etc

had an ultrasound and we saw the heartbeat!!!

― he bit me (it felt like a diss) (m bison), Thursday, May 17, 2012 3:00 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

The first ultrasound was magical for me!!

― JacobSanders, Thursday, May 17, 2012 3:03 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

My reaction was, "How in the hell did that get in there?"

― pplains, Thursday, May 17, 2012 3:46 PM (13 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I think mines was 'Holy shit! I can create people! There is a god and that god is ME!'

'mines' now i just write like my creations speak

whenever I see a parent, I think, "they fucked" & I giggle

& I love awkward convos with other parents, esp. when there's a big age gap b/w us, in which the baby-making comes up, even obliquely, e.g. "well, it turns out breast feeding isn't a totally reliable means of birth control!" b/c those people are telling you about their fucking & I dunno, I love it

btw we breastfed our youngest until she was four, hate on haters

Again, no hatin', but if a kid can figure out how to find a movie on Netflix though the Apple TV box, he can drink 2% with the rest of us.

When I was first pregs I decided to nurse mostly because of all the you're a bad mom if you don't vibes and some mom-in-law hippie pressure but I really really didn't want to. Finally I fessed up to my OBGYN (who also majored in chemistry at one point) my feelings on the matter and his response was that formula is so chemically close to breast milk these days that it was more a financial decision than anything. Is it better? yes. Is it going to make a difference in the health of your child? no. Then he said that in his experience moms who want to breastfeed more often than not have a super stressful time with it so moms who aren't into it are most likely to fail completely and subsequently feel even worse. That was enough for me to ditch the whole idea.

Shit my husband says (xpost <3)

kids reported to us after the fact that breast milk tastes like sweetened condensed milk which makes it sound tasty! never really got into it myself.

Oh also best part of not nursing - yr baby daddy gets some serious one on one bonding moments they might have otherwise completely missed.

at 4 am. Good times.

haha good for me

<3 aw

yeah, the purported benefits (genius children who never get fat or sick!) are overstated at best, misleading at worst.

http://www.neefusa.org/assets/images/health/NEEF-CNI-Infographic.jpg

kinda think it's awesome that someone coined the phrase "Nature Deficit Disorder"

haha, yeah.
in my parenting news of the day: what's that sound? someone being tortured within an inch of her life? no, it's a two-and-a-half-year-old having her hair brushed.

lol. my mom literally chases beats around with a hair brush just like she did with me. my grandmother, me and beats are def dont touch my hair or ill scream bloody murder no matter what age i am types for sure.

Ha! We gave August her first bath last night and I was expecting tears and arms in the air. Instead she had this wide eyed look for confusion and almost delight, that I could swear she was telling us, "I'm gonna trust you guys that this is ok" Afterwards Tera gave her a baby massage which she really seem to love and then she was out for hours.

Beeps screamed bloody murder during her first bath. Hammer tried to go snorkeling.

nice, Jacob. Cant ask for better than that!

Hammer was trying to climb into our giganto jacuzzi tub from the time he could crawl. Now he screams bloody murder getting in and then once hes in, floods the bathroom trying to get all the water out of the tub

Hammer!

I really like the name Beats! Is it short for Beatrice?

Beatnik

Beatrice & Henry. We're big Beverly Cleary fans.

biz's beat of the day

yeah, we're definitely deep into the tantrummy stage. wrong cup for her milk? tantrum. can't find the shoes she wants? tantrum. look at her funny? tantrum!
"tantrum" might actually be a strong word for what she's doing -- she's usually over it in about 30 seconds, but there is SHRIEKING. just have to dig deep for those vast stores of patience.

case in point, a minute ago she was shrieking "I NEEEEEED MORRRRRRRRE MANGOOOOOHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" and now she is quietly humming to herself.

How old is she?

Hammer will turn himself beet red, place his forehead directly onto the hardwood and curdle blood with his screaming while banging on the floor with both palms.

Then you offer him a banana and he instantly laughs, takes the banana and says "thank you!" with leftover tears on his cheeks.