ILX Parenting 5: I'm a big kid now

ha god no, it was a "plenty of bumps coming" joek

wow, I literally got it 24 hours later

- at this point i think sleeping is a way bigger priority than changing a diaper at night, she can live w/that and so can you

- sorry to keep hammering on this but what of the daytime napping? i know i sound one-note but imo you take care of the daytime and night time takes care of itself. this is easier said than done but at least in the daytime you're actually, like, awake and not hating being awake

(i realize this sounds a little bit like looking for the lost diamond ring under the streetlight because it's brighter there, even though you lost it under a car, but ime there is a pretty strong... synergy? between daytime sleeping and nighttime sleeping, and kickstarting that during the day when you're actually somewhat functional and not hating the entire planet is marginally easier)

Today the midwife almost kept it to herself that maybe there could be two babies instead of one. Talk about momentary freak out. Her vibe as she checked things out was alarming me so I insisted she tell me what was on her mind. However, after we spoke about it she felt more certain that there was just one baby. Had several ultrasounds and didn't quite fit the typical criteria for multiples through the pregnancy. Took me a few hours to get over it but I feel there is just one baby...now. Our baby is just a real mover and shaker.

This little scare has made me really want to deliver though. I have been really comfy in my pregnancy. It's time to meet her.

I had a dream last night that I was in some tourist-attraction historic house with K and there was this "baby bed" that was there for public use, so I put K on it. Then this group of hipsters showed up and also had a baby, and they were like "dude, we wanna put our baby on the baby bed." And I was like, "well my baby is already there," and they said "well yeah but it's actually more healthy and natural for the baby to be UNDER the bed." And I was like "what the fuck? You're just saying that because you want to put YOUR baby on the bed." Then I got into a physical fight with them.

Haha! and I could see that sort of thing happening, actually.

I have had very, very few pregnant/baby dreams. Insomnia had something to do with it. J. has had all the textbook pregnancy dreams.

Yeah I've had experiences with passive aggressive hipsters that are not entirely unlike that.

that's funny, i had a dream about this doofus who insisted on putting his baby to sleep on TOP of the bed

tomorrow is our due date, so we are cleaning, listening to ez records, bags packed, and ready. did you guys have a feeling like you knew when it was coming or did it surprise you?

well we were three weeks early, so no

i feel like chain smoking but i am quitting, its very hard but worth it

We were two days early for my wife's scheduled c-section, which was a week or so before her due date. She spent much of the night on her hands and knees in the bathtub with the shower running, not sure why she had been in so much pain for the past few days. Finally, she woke me up at 4 in the morning, telling me that something was wrong and we needed to go the hospital. She got on her hands and knees in the passenger seat and I was like "I'm going to drive the speed limit unless you sit in the proper position and put your seatbelt on. I'm not risking your life and the life of my unborn child." She cussed me out so I just stepped on the gas.

We got there and they were like "Yeah, so you're in labor. You're ___ dialated. By the sound of things you probably could have come in here three days ago. We're just gonna roll you down the hall to the OR." And they rolled her in there on her hands and knees in a wheel chair. I don't know why she didn't recognize the labor signs, because this wasn't her first child. But yeah, it was sort of surprising.

we were pretty much on schedule, went in for a routine check and they said it looked like things were starting and we should just stay at the hospital. so it was a surprise but not in a scary/traumatic way. fortunately we had thought to throw the overnight bag in the car before leaving, just in case.

and the life of my unborn child.

If I'd been up until 4am in excruciating pain for days because of this goddamned baby-having, I'd have cussed you out for that too. WHOSE child is this again??

whoops, that was a total slip. "our" obviously.

Which sort of reminds me of a good tip for parents of a newborn -- depending on your respective personalities, there's a good chance that the utter exhaustion and anxieties of the early days of the babies life may lead you to some abnormal bickering or fighting. You get no sleep and you constantly worry that something might be wrong, and if you're not careful there are all kinds of traps to fall into -- getting sanctimonious about your respective opinions of what should be done, paranoia, blame, etc. It's always a good idea to be self-aware and to step back from moments where you catch yourself doing stuff like that -- getting defense, blaming the other person, getting stricken with terror that the fact that the baby didn't take a nap will mean his health is at risk, etc.

sorry "getting defensive"

I think you can start doing that after the L&D but I don't really suggest bringing it up with a woman who's been having back labor for several days.

cosign, but just to clear things up, I'm sure I didn't exactly say "my child" or "our child" but was probably like "the baby". She yelled at me because no damn way was she turning around and putting on the seatbelt and that's just the way that went.

hurting otm about being able to "catch yourself" when it comes to getting defensive or blaming your partner for things. i was telling a soon-to-be-new-dad recently my only real piece of parenting advice recently: if you catch yourself thinking "well, i did [specific parenting task] last time, wife should do it this time" you should probably do that specific task again (and again!). There are probably a dozen things you haven't done.

yeah I mean it's good relationship advice in general, but something about the craziness of the first weeks of parenting amplifies these things 1000x

Not recognizing I am having contractions until it is almost too late is my fear. We have an hour drive to the center and the midwife has said one minute long at five minutes apart is when we should head out.

i keep reading this thread to see if your baby is here yet, best wishes!

Thank you, estela. Not yet and it doesn't feel like I am even close. She is due today, my birthday is Saturday and it is a new moon and a few people have commented that the moon could draw her out.

I got to hang out in the newborn nursery the other day, watched a new father meet his babby for the first time and make a teary phone call to his parents, I got a little verklempt

btw testing all the newborn reflexes is a slightly guilty source of lolz, mea culpa

evie is being supercranky and picky and stubborn this week and we're totally at a loss as to whether she's sick, teething, or just suddenly a toddler. she was being lethargic on monday but no fever or any other indication of sickness, but now is refusing most foods, yelling "no" a lot, way fussier than usual. hoping it goes away soon, whatever it is.

we always just say "growth spurt" to ourselves, whatever it is, and then put them back in their cages

growth spurt, teething, need to assert themselves. it'll go away in 17 or 20 years.

"evie is being supercranky and picky and stubborn this week"

We had two weeks of this a couple of weeks back (with Dalton it usually results in an hour+ wake in the middle of the night and poor naps). We always tear our hair out thinking OH NO what if it stays like this and then it goes away thankfully.

Dalton! That was my Great-Uncle's name.. I've always adored it :)

It's also the name of the guy who knocked up Cady in The Sound and the Fury!

K is 96th percentile height and weight. 13lbs 7 oz and 24 inches at 2 months.

That's a ginormous baby.

Yup. My back has already told me as much.

so big change, we have to have a home birth due to new texas regulations put into action yesterday on all birth centers. we have not been planning for this at all, so all new birth plan was created tonight. massive cleaning underway and now dealing with my mother since we are having in the guest house. it's going to be ok though, i can deal with this.

weird that this happened the day on our due date.

Anyone have any tips or advice for a comfy and cozy home birth? Just such a sudden and abrupt change and have to totally refocus my way of thinking.

Should our baby decide to enter the world after April 30th we can deliver at the center if we want. But the center is closed until then.

wow! what and indeed the fuck!

home birth is better anyway imo.

- several towels
- a plastic shower curtain can be handy to put down on the bed for the birth. seems a little weird but worth it.
- a partner willing to make cups of tea
- some relaxing music can be nice
- some people say a hot bath can be good for contraction pains (or as our midwife called them, "surges"

i mean, the whole thing IS a bit scary, but just remember this is the way people get born! it's cool!

we are still having a water birth if all goes as planned but oddly enough before we knew this, we bought a vinyl bed cover.

We almost had a home birth with #3, accidentally. I guess they're right when they say that subsequent children just kinda fall out when they're ready. We BARELY made it to the hospital; her water broke in the hospital lobby & #3's head was popping out by the time she sat (not even laying) on the delivery table.

WOW

yeah I'd been asleep & my wife was sitting with the doula in our living room just kinda waiting until things felt urgent & then they got reallly urgent really fast.

#s 1 & 2 were not like that; lonnnnnnng (though not horrible) labors in both cases

Blimey Tera and JS! What a weird situation!

We needed far less stuff for a HB than I expected. We had a pool, which meant there was little 'mess' (well, it was contained and went in the bin with the pool liner) and we didn't use that many towels. Nothing needed to be thrown out, we just bought some disposable maternity 'sheets' (might have to look at the incontinence section to find them) which saved the sofa once we got out of the pool and the bed afterwards. We had music on for the first part but when things got going and I was in the pool I wasn't fussed about music.

A's birth was late evening so I appreciated subdued lighting, M came in the middle of the day so wasn't an issue.

For both, until I woke up with contractions I had no perception of imminence of labour.

www.homebirth.org.uk is worth a look

So, I've come to the conclusion that people who write on parent message boards are scumbags. Specifically a certain kind of poster that writes hysterical responses to other people about how whatever they're doing is probably screwing up their child.

People (e.g. me) turn to these boards in moments of desperation, and the last thing you need is confirmation of your worst fears.

(not talking about ILP, obv)

"specialty" messageboards always attract the most dramatic members of whatever particular topic.

Also see Apple boards, boards about Hondas, political boards and cooking boards.

K screamed for half an hour during mom's 'rest period' (we try to let mom sleep from 9ish to the next time K wakes up, at which point I give her a bottle, and then mom takes the next feeding after that). Nothing I tried worked. Turning to message boards, I became convinced I was emotionally scarring my child for life by letting her mom sleep a bit. Then later that night K threw up and ran mild fever we realized it was all probably a reaction to her vaccines.