Hello Mudduh Hello Fadduh: ILX Rolling Parenting Thread

My son was a week late, induced because the doc was going off on a golf holiday. They started the oxytocin drip at 8 am and he was borned at 10 am.

YMMV, but don't ph34r, it could go so fast you won't believe it.

I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH. ASK ME HOW I KNOW.

Also, just because, I'll repost here what I posted there.

[not for the squeamish]

I woke up one bright Saturday morning at around 11 am, went into the kitchen, bent over to get the cat food out of the cupboard and BAM, my water broke. Honestly, I wasn't sure if it had broken or if I'd peed all over the floor. I called my best friend, then my mom (though my mom swears I called her first, aww, isn't she cute?) and then my doctor. He said 'ohh, you should probably get to the hospital sometime soon,' 'well, can I take a shower first?' 'oh yeah sure, see you later sometime,' and I was off. I did indeed take a shower and then called everyone I knew, grabbed up my bag, and off we went.

One thing no one told me is that when you water breaks, it keeps leaking.

Anyway, got to the hospital, checked in, they sent me into triage, where I had to wait for about an hour because all the bed were full. Meanwhile, labor pains started - gently - felt like very very mild cramps. No biggie, she thinks, I can handle this! Easy peasy! They finally kicked someone else out and handed me a gown, asked me why I thought I was in labor ("um, my water broke) and sent me into the bathrooom to change and pee in a cup. I did, handed it back to the nurse who saw pieces of the mucous plug in the cup (sometimes you lose it before, sometimes not) and said yup, your water broke. They put me in a bed in triage, hooked the monitor straps up around my ginormous belly and left me there for awhile. Eventually I had to get up to pee again, and I discovered the next thing no one ever told me:

When your water breaks, there is also some blood, do not be alarmed, it's normal. If you think it looks excessive, ask the nurse.

Eventually, they rolled me into a labor and delivery room (the hospital I was at has private rooms for each mother to be), a battle axe of a nurse stuck a needle in the side of my wrist for the IV (they want to keep you hydrated) and the wait was on. Luckily, my friend Victoria had given birth a few weeks before and came to visit me, so was able to read the fetal monitor and tell me when I was going to have another contraction. "Oh here it comes!" What? I don't feel anythi... OH THERE IT IS. They started off small, but began packing a punch after a couple hours, and I eventually gave in and asked for the epidural about 7 pm (which may have actually been too early).

Meanwhile, my husband went out to get food for himself and my mother and came back AND THEY ATE IT IN FRONT OF ME.

If they tell you can eat lightly when you first go into labor, do it. I was so hungry I would have chewed his arm off if he'd gotten close enough to me to realise his mistake. Asshole.

The next several hours were pretty slow - they told me to try to sleep, but I was too excited/scared/nervous and I couldn't, so my mom and I watched the Miss America pageant with the nurse and my husband slept.

Along about 1 or 2 am, they decided to speed up the process and gave me Pitocin to bring on more contractions, but in doing that, my heart rate apparently went down and they gave me oxygen and kept turning the pitocin off and on. It might have been irritating, but I was numb from just under the boobs down, what did I care?

FINALLY, at about 4 am they decided I was dilated enough to start pushing. This is where the next, and most important I feel, piece of information NO ONE EVER TOLD ME comes in:

THEY HAVE TO LET THE EPIDURAL WEAR OFF SO THAT YOU CAN PUSH.

YES.

WEAR OFF.

NO MORE DRUGS.

So basically, I'd been pain free for about 9 hours, and ALL OF A SUDDEN I WAS IN HARD LABOR.

Not my favorite moment ever, let me tell you. They eventually relented and gave me what they called a 'pushing dose', but I don't think it did a whole lot of good, to be honest.

I was pushing and yelling and cussing and my mom was helping the nurse hold my legs up and man... it was unpleasant. It hurt, but it was mostly the contractions. I couldn't really feel anything *down there* - there's so much pressure that I think it sort of goes numb. (I know this because I tore slightly and didn't feel a thing). It was messy and ugly and sweaty, but I got there. Meanwhile my husband stood over to the side and did nothing. All that lamaze went to waste. Asshole.

They brought in a full length mirror because the nurse said "it helps some mothers see thet they're making progress." It didn't help me. Seeing my crotch 7 feet high didn't help so much as it made me collapse into giggles because while I could see the top of his little head, it looked like a wet St. Bernard trying to push it's way in through the cat door (thank you Jeff Foxworthy). I made them take it away.

I pushed and they pulled and at around 5:40, he was finally born. However, when he came out finally, one of his arms was up by his face (like he'd been resting his face on his fist saying COME ON, MOM) and so they whisked him off to the baby incubator and yelled "CALL PEDIATRICS!" because they thought his arm might be broken. No one told me why, though, so I was a little freaked out, but it turns out he was prefectly fine (if really swollen and ugly.. man, I know people say babies are beautiful, but first thing when they're born vaginally, yuck).

Next couple things no one told me: Once the baby is born, everyone forgets about you. Sorry, but there is it. You are no longer interesting, a spent vessel, if you will.

Also: Once you have the baby, your contractions CONTINUE because they're trying to push the placenta out.

Now in my case, a very nice young man (whom I had never seen before and don't think I have seen since) appeared while all the hullabaloo was going on at the baby incubator, and without so much as a how do you do, he shoved his entire hand up there to get the placenta out. I have no idea if this is common practice or if he just had a fetish, but DAMN if it wasn;t a surprise to me. He showed it to me and it looked sort of gross, but also kind of fascinating and I wanted to poke it, but he whisked it away to wherever they take them when they're produced.

Next thing I didn't know: Your contractions continue after that, because they're trying to shrink your uterus back down to size. Not as painful, but damn by then you wish they'd go away.

They eventually whisked me away to my hospital room where they made me get up and pee into a collection ... thing to see how much fluid I was passing I suppose, then put me back to bed, where I drank about 10 cups of orange juice. My family went home about that time to get some sleep (it was about 8 am by now) and I tried to sleep but couldn't really and just stayed awake and stared at my baby boy.

More things I didn't know: If you breastfeed, they will come around within about 3 hours and start trying to get you set up for it. I assumed babies were born knowing how, they are not. The nurses will come around EVERY THREE HOURS and wake your ass up. Sometimes they grab your boobs to position them right (I hope that's why...) and the whole thing is uncomfortable, but you get used to it.

- The first two weeks of breast feeding are hell, but after that, it's like buttah. Your nipples will be sore and cracked, but it goes away. Persevere.

- The third day after your baby is born will be the worst day of your life - that's when your milk comes in. Your boobs will be the biggest things you've ever seen and they'll be hot to the touch and hurt like a motherfucker. You will want to keep cabbage leaves handy (no really) and put them in your bra - they help draw the milk out and also to reduce swelling. Also icepacks are good for this. Keep them handy and stuff them in your bra.

- The baby's first poop is almost black and gross. But whatever. The poops aren't bad until they start eating solids.

- Buy a donut pillow to sit on. Your woo-woo will be sore and BLACK with bruising. You'll want this, trust me.

- When you get up for middle of the night feedings, do not turn the tv on. Keeps the little sucker awake. I R dumb.

- SLEEP AS MUCH AS YOU CAN NOW. You won't save it up, but you will not sleep this well again for YEARS. Yup, YEARS.

- When the doctors tell you to wait 6 weeks to have sex, wait the 6 weeks. Don't ask me how I know.

- After the baby, you'll have your period for a couple weeks - it's just the sloughing off of the uterine lining that's been stored up for 9 months - and there will be stuff in it. Also more lining. Nothing to worry about. After that stops, you won't get your period for a couple months. It's cool.

- When you pack your bag, bring stuff to entertain yourself (books, cds, whatever). I needed it because all my lame ass friends and family came half an hour before visiting hours were over, so I was alone all day.

- Keep the baby with you in your room - BUT, let them take him/her to the nursery so you can have a shower.

I can't think of anything else right now, but if you have any questions or want to talk about it further - email me!

The final thing I'll say is that it IS scary, it IS weird and horrifying and THE BIG UNKNOWN, but much like anything else, it's probably not as bad as you think it's going to be, so do your best to relax and you'll get through it just fine.

Good luck!!!!

-- luna (lunace...), November 18th, 2004 9:36 AM.

Assholes.

So the bringing in the bucket of KFC should be a no-no?

BTW, my wife has the last line in this story, which is a different take on the whole "parenting is the hardest job you'll ever have" meme.

i cant believe all of that stuff noone tells you. its such a big secret.

Has anyone here given birth without an epidural? Can't get 'em at my birthing unit, so would be good to know quite how hardcore it's gonna be.

It's totally a scary thing - mostly because of the unknown - but I promise you, it will be okay. Email me if you want, I'm always around.

They never quit my epidural, as far as I know.

- The first two weeks of breast feeding are hell, but after that, it's like buttah. Your nipples will be sore and cracked, but it goes away. Persevere.

Three weeks and after that it was so nice! The thing that helped me: realizing I was not alone. If you can, do what my friend advised, and PREPARE your nipples. She only had a couple of days of pain! Imagine that! But PERSIST, it's worth it! :-)

I was in the odd position of knowing exactly when I was going to go into labour - saw consultant on the Tuesday afternoon and he booked me in to be induced at 11am the next morning (Alice was small and not looking like she was going to get any bigger). So the next day I just turned up with my bag, my husband and my mum, ready to hang around and wait for something to happen. I was given a prostin pessary to stimulate contractions, and spent the rest of the day walking up and down stairs, rolling around on a gym ball, eating, and being strapped to a monitor at intervals. Second dose of prostin 6 hours after the first, still nothing.

At 8pm Matt and mum were sent home for the night as I was only having very mild contractions. I don't think the midwives thought anything would happen until the next day, but around 1am I suddenly started really feeling the pains. At about 3am I was finally moved to my own delivery room (had been sharing a random room until then) and we called Matt and mum back in.

The pains were really bad by now - hard to describe them but it's a bit like someone squeezing the life out of you while also stabbing you in the guts with a spoon - a powerful ache rather than sharp pain. I tried gas and air but at first it didn't seem to make any difference. Mum and Matt hung around mopping my brow and giving me water - those were the only things that I was able to appreciate by that point. Was incapable of talking, listening properly, or making decisions too, so birth partners - don't try to chat and don't ASK 'shall I wipe your face/rub your back/give you a glucose tablet?', just do it. If it's wrong she WILL tell you.

I hadn't laid down on the bed at all and was getting through most of the contractions standing up and leaning on it. The student midwife had to monitor Alice's heartbeat every 15 mins which was highly distracting wen it coincided with a contraction. After a while she suggested I try the gas and air again, and that combined with rotating on the birth ball proved the most successful way of managing the pain. The whole time I was on the ball I could feel what I thought were my waters leaking but which was actually blood (what they call a 'show' but there was much more of it than I ever expected).

Began asking for more pain relief at about 5.30 I think, and the midwife said I could have pethidine (what no epidural??) but I was doing so well that she thought I should persevere with the gas and air. 'Doing well' is a bit of a meaningless term in labour - all I wanted was for them to tell me EXACTLY how much longer I would have to do this and of course they couldn't.

At about 6am I asked the midwives if I might poo (seems a dumb question now) as I felt like I was going to. They said I might, but it might also mean I was nearly ready to push. When the urge became uncontrollable they got me to move onto the bed and I knelt leaning over the back of it. I'd gone from 4cm dilated at 4am to fully dilated two hours later - pretty fast! But I had absolutely NO concept of time passing, it could have been weeks, or minutes.

The pushing was wayyyy worse than the contractions alone had been - I just felt exhausted and like I was being ripped open. At some point I turned round into a sitting position. Eventually I could feel Alice's head staring to come out but as far as I was concerned she was going to be jammed in there forever, there was no way I could push any harder. Obviously, I did, and at 6.25 she was born - once the head was out the rest of her shot out at great velocity.

IF ONLY that had been it. First I had to deliver the placenta and I opted for physiological delivery (ie without a syntometrine injection to help it out). I pushed a bit feebly for a while and then waddled to the toilet holding a cardboard bowl between my legs to try getting it out while sitting down - the least dignified I felt the whole time and that's saying something. It was quite easy then, fortunately.

Finally, I was checked for tears and found to have a small tear and some grazes so stitches were in order - how bad could that be? I thought. Surely I didn't have any feeling down there any more anyway and it wouldn't take long. OH HOW WRONG I WAS. My legs were hoisted up in stirrups and I chowed down for dear life on the gas and air while a trainee (!!) gave me several local anaesthetic jabs - that was agony enough, for all the good it did. The stitches themselves seemed to take forever and I COULD feel them - not the needle going in but the pulling and stretching. It was hellish. So anything you can do to stretch the perineum and maybe avoid tearing, massage with oil or whatever, DO IT.

(Also, you will bleed like buggery afterwards and if all hospitals are as stingy with the maternity pads as mine was, take a HUGE supply of your own.)

After this (or it may have been before the stitches, I can't remember) we were all given tea and toast. Then I had a bath, which as I was covered in blood was much appreciated. And finally I was wheeled down to the post-natal ward with Alice in my arms. Hurrah!

What's possibly more worrying is that the idea of scrubbing my nipples with a flannel currently seems more painful than all the descriptions of birth.

short version, water broke at home, went to hosp, waited until it really really hurt to get the epidural (and I think this helped because it didn't slow things down and I knew how to push better), took a nap, woke up and felt THE PRESSURE, doc comes in and tells me to start pushing, I pushed for half an hour or so? and then got a baby about 8 hrs after water breakage. Remarkably easy. Small tear, good recovery. Drugs made me very loopy though, was totally lost for a day or so afterward. It's like rollercoasters or something, I guess, you just get on and know at some point it's going to end and you are lost in the experience until it does, there's no sense dreading it, just know your options and have someone to argue for you in case you can't. Trust yourself.

Re: the mirror. Some nurse was trying to be all helpful about getting my glasses on me and a mirror set up - NO THANK YOU I DO NOT WANT!

I had forgotten (willfully no doubt) about the stitching up. Also, when I finally got up enough courage to look at the stitches - not recommended.

Unfortunately, I had some retained placenta and lost a lot of blood and wound up having an emergency D & C and then being given 2 units of blood. I was still pretty anemic for a few weeks and felt horrible. (Much more sore, too, than with my first, who was born early and therefore was smaller).

Lots of other related dramas, but I loved the epidural with my first (and they did turn it off and give me Pitocin, but Alex emerged quickly enough that I never felt anything). I remember thinking pushing really HURT with Julia, but only 3 contractions and she was out.

My advice is this: you don't know what is going to happen or how it is going to feel or what you are going to want. So be prepared for anything, and don't set yourself up for feeling bad by thinking you'll never want an epidural or you'll never have to have a C section. You just don't know.

God I'm glad I never plan to do it again. But it is quite an experience and I'm not sorry I did it twice. (Plus, I LOVE my kids!)

They had to stitch me up *inside* as well. This worried me a little if I want to have a second one: will it affect the delivery?

I went from 5 cm to Julia's birth in 12 minutes!

WTF! I did the delivery in about ten minutes but the labour lasted quite a long time.

I think the breastfeeding is (maybe) harder because you're also dealing with tiredness and emotional turbulence (?). The days (and sometimes weeks) after delivery you have to learn so much and you realize that your world is turned upside down. A baby demands you give up being the center of attention, the baby is that center and that's a lot to deal with. I mean, shit, I'm not complaining at all, but having a baby is not all roses and petals. You have to give up a lot. And if you're tired, that can sometimes be difficult to deal with. Your body is also still recovering from the pregnancy as well. It is still the greatest experience ever. You can't describe it, seeing your baby grow in front of you. (Especially if you're breastfeeding. Numerous times I thought: I AM GIVING LIFE TO MY BABY! And it's selfish to say, but she only wanted me to comfort her when she cried, which is so flattering!)

As for the superfast birth, yeah, everyone was a bit shocked, espcially the nurses who were like, "don't push!" Uh, yeah, can't really stop, sorry. I remember thinking that if I could get my breath, I'd tell my husband to get his @ss to the end of the bed and catch the baby. It was a little unnerving to know how fast things were going and to not have anyone standing there to catch Julia! (ER doctor made it upstairs from the ER on time, though.)

-- ailsa (ailsa.watso...), January 31st, 2007 7:48 PM. (later)

YES. WHAT SHE SAID.

The cleft nurse came to see us this morning but just advised us to persevere and she will get used to it. So a few more days of no sleep for us I think.

I would also say that it helps to have a great support person. My husband was awesome both times, through some awfully dramatic moments (including the ambulance ride with Alex when I was in sudden hard labor). With Julia he was trying so hard to get me an epidural and I was having trouble communicating that there probably wasn't time. I did manage to get him to understand that I wanted him to push hard on the bottom of my spine, which he did so much that I had a bruise there for weeks afterward. (It felt great during labor!)

Archel, I hope Alice adjusts to her plate soon so that you can get some extra rest!

This is the thing I found most amazing. I had never experienced that complete primal body-taking-over-now-brain-shut-up sensation. The other shocker was the mama mountain lion scale raging fierce protectiveness that come over me every so often, when I thought my baby might be threatened.

Yeah, I remember my mum telling me that yes it's horrible and sore, but if it was *that* bad, no-one in the world would have younger siblings.

Still doesn't make me want to find out for myself, thank you very much.

That's it. I'm just going to sit in the van with a pack of smokes and a bucket of chicken, and wait until ss calls me on the cellphone to tell I can come back in now.