Hello Mudduh Hello Fadduh: ILX Rolling Parenting Thread

august and july. my fetus is so old.

Edith is so darn cute!!!!!

Ophelia's teething again. I'm a bit worried (hah!) as her gum is VERY swollen. Poor thing. :-(

Vicky, congratulations!

I'm counting the days: Thursday I'm off to Japan. Yikes, almost 12 hrs on a plane with Ophelia.

!!!! Not for a while I don't think, Teeny :)

(Oh noes, all my friends be having babies!)

I'm having a similar issue as Nathalie mentions above about having to start disciplining. Cyrus is getting into terrible 2 behavior now at 20 months and Rufus (4), who never did the terrible 2 thing, is regressing and copying Cyrus's tantrums. I know its a limits-testing, power-checking thing and I need to be disciplining Cyrus, but I haven't let go of Cyrus as a baby yet, and still just want to appease him and make him stop crying. I need to switch gears and be more of a Firm Parent with him. When Cyrus has tantrums, he bangs his head against the wall or me or the table. It's very disconcerting.

Soon, this thread shall rule the world...

I am entranced by that video of Edith - so delicate and focused.

I disagree with that.

I beg to differ...

It's great to see a sprout in the Cabbage family!

My parents were and continue to be very good and generous to my brother and I, but we were certainly never spoiled. We were spanked when we deserved it, went without when it was necessary (but never *deprived*), punished when naughty, but ALWAYS made to understand WHY these things were being done or not.

Beth, I can't believe you think the things you do to your kid in their formative years has no effect on the way they turn out as an adult. OF COURSE it does. I have a very strong sense of right or wrong, of morality and decency, and I'm pretty sure that this was instilled in me by my parents - you're saying it's just coincidence, and similarly the the little cow I went to school with that made my life hell for years wasn't a product of her childhood of being left to do pretty much as she pleased, for example? Being well-rounded is an accident of birth? Please.

"Ph34r" my HTML skills. Still only the one pic of him cos I've not got the others online yet.

(Gerry, Megan looks totally like her mum!)

I don't know exactly what I expected labor pains to feel like. Not like stomach cramps though!

My son was a week late, induced because the doc was going off on a golf holiday. They started the oxytocin drip at 8 am and he was borned at 10 am.

YMMV, but don't ph34r, it could go so fast you won't believe it.

I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH. ASK ME HOW I KNOW.

Also, just because, I'll repost here what I posted there.

[not for the squeamish]

I woke up one bright Saturday morning at around 11 am, went into the kitchen, bent over to get the cat food out of the cupboard and BAM, my water broke. Honestly, I wasn't sure if it had broken or if I'd peed all over the floor. I called my best friend, then my mom (though my mom swears I called her first, aww, isn't she cute?) and then my doctor. He said 'ohh, you should probably get to the hospital sometime soon,' 'well, can I take a shower first?' 'oh yeah sure, see you later sometime,' and I was off. I did indeed take a shower and then called everyone I knew, grabbed up my bag, and off we went.

One thing no one told me is that when you water breaks, it keeps leaking.

Anyway, got to the hospital, checked in, they sent me into triage, where I had to wait for about an hour because all the bed were full. Meanwhile, labor pains started - gently - felt like very very mild cramps. No biggie, she thinks, I can handle this! Easy peasy! They finally kicked someone else out and handed me a gown, asked me why I thought I was in labor ("um, my water broke) and sent me into the bathrooom to change and pee in a cup. I did, handed it back to the nurse who saw pieces of the mucous plug in the cup (sometimes you lose it before, sometimes not) and said yup, your water broke. They put me in a bed in triage, hooked the monitor straps up around my ginormous belly and left me there for awhile. Eventually I had to get up to pee again, and I discovered the next thing no one ever told me:

When your water breaks, there is also some blood, do not be alarmed, it's normal. If you think it looks excessive, ask the nurse.

Eventually, they rolled me into a labor and delivery room (the hospital I was at has private rooms for each mother to be), a battle axe of a nurse stuck a needle in the side of my wrist for the IV (they want to keep you hydrated) and the wait was on. Luckily, my friend Victoria had given birth a few weeks before and came to visit me, so was able to read the fetal monitor and tell me when I was going to have another contraction. "Oh here it comes!" What? I don't feel anythi... OH THERE IT IS. They started off small, but began packing a punch after a couple hours, and I eventually gave in and asked for the epidural about 7 pm (which may have actually been too early).

Meanwhile, my husband went out to get food for himself and my mother and came back AND THEY ATE IT IN FRONT OF ME.

If they tell you can eat lightly when you first go into labor, do it. I was so hungry I would have chewed his arm off if he'd gotten close enough to me to realise his mistake. Asshole.

The next several hours were pretty slow - they told me to try to sleep, but I was too excited/scared/nervous and I couldn't, so my mom and I watched the Miss America pageant with the nurse and my husband slept.

Along about 1 or 2 am, they decided to speed up the process and gave me Pitocin to bring on more contractions, but in doing that, my heart rate apparently went down and they gave me oxygen and kept turning the pitocin off and on. It might have been irritating, but I was numb from just under the boobs down, what did I care?

FINALLY, at about 4 am they decided I was dilated enough to start pushing. This is where the next, and most important I feel, piece of information NO ONE EVER TOLD ME comes in:

THEY HAVE TO LET THE EPIDURAL WEAR OFF SO THAT YOU CAN PUSH.

YES.

WEAR OFF.

NO MORE DRUGS.

So basically, I'd been pain free for about 9 hours, and ALL OF A SUDDEN I WAS IN HARD LABOR.

Not my favorite moment ever, let me tell you. They eventually relented and gave me what they called a 'pushing dose', but I don't think it did a whole lot of good, to be honest.

I was pushing and yelling and cussing and my mom was helping the nurse hold my legs up and man... it was unpleasant. It hurt, but it was mostly the contractions. I couldn't really feel anything *down there* - there's so much pressure that I think it sort of goes numb. (I know this because I tore slightly and didn't feel a thing). It was messy and ugly and sweaty, but I got there. Meanwhile my husband stood over to the side and did nothing. All that lamaze went to waste. Asshole.

They brought in a full length mirror because the nurse said "it helps some mothers see thet they're making progress." It didn't help me. Seeing my crotch 7 feet high didn't help so much as it made me collapse into giggles because while I could see the top of his little head, it looked like a wet St. Bernard trying to push it's way in through the cat door (thank you Jeff Foxworthy). I made them take it away.

I pushed and they pulled and at around 5:40, he was finally born. However, when he came out finally, one of his arms was up by his face (like he'd been resting his face on his fist saying COME ON, MOM) and so they whisked him off to the baby incubator and yelled "CALL PEDIATRICS!" because they thought his arm might be broken. No one told me why, though, so I was a little freaked out, but it turns out he was prefectly fine (if really swollen and ugly.. man, I know people say babies are beautiful, but first thing when they're born vaginally, yuck).

Next couple things no one told me: Once the baby is born, everyone forgets about you. Sorry, but there is it. You are no longer interesting, a spent vessel, if you will.

Also: Once you have the baby, your contractions CONTINUE because they're trying to push the placenta out.

Now in my case, a very nice young man (whom I had never seen before and don't think I have seen since) appeared while all the hullabaloo was going on at the baby incubator, and without so much as a how do you do, he shoved his entire hand up there to get the placenta out. I have no idea if this is common practice or if he just had a fetish, but DAMN if it wasn;t a surprise to me. He showed it to me and it looked sort of gross, but also kind of fascinating and I wanted to poke it, but he whisked it away to wherever they take them when they're produced.

Next thing I didn't know: Your contractions continue after that, because they're trying to shrink your uterus back down to size. Not as painful, but damn by then you wish they'd go away.

They eventually whisked me away to my hospital room where they made me get up and pee into a collection ... thing to see how much fluid I was passing I suppose, then put me back to bed, where I drank about 10 cups of orange juice. My family went home about that time to get some sleep (it was about 8 am by now) and I tried to sleep but couldn't really and just stayed awake and stared at my baby boy.

More things I didn't know: If you breastfeed, they will come around within about 3 hours and start trying to get you set up for it. I assumed babies were born knowing how, they are not. The nurses will come around EVERY THREE HOURS and wake your ass up. Sometimes they grab your boobs to position them right (I hope that's why...) and the whole thing is uncomfortable, but you get used to it.

- The first two weeks of breast feeding are hell, but after that, it's like buttah. Your nipples will be sore and cracked, but it goes away. Persevere.

- The third day after your baby is born will be the worst day of your life - that's when your milk comes in. Your boobs will be the biggest things you've ever seen and they'll be hot to the touch and hurt like a motherfucker. You will want to keep cabbage leaves handy (no really) and put them in your bra - they help draw the milk out and also to reduce swelling. Also icepacks are good for this. Keep them handy and stuff them in your bra.

- The baby's first poop is almost black and gross. But whatever. The poops aren't bad until they start eating solids.

- Buy a donut pillow to sit on. Your woo-woo will be sore and BLACK with bruising. You'll want this, trust me.

- When you get up for middle of the night feedings, do not turn the tv on. Keeps the little sucker awake. I R dumb.

- SLEEP AS MUCH AS YOU CAN NOW. You won't save it up, but you will not sleep this well again for YEARS. Yup, YEARS.

- When the doctors tell you to wait 6 weeks to have sex, wait the 6 weeks. Don't ask me how I know.

- After the baby, you'll have your period for a couple weeks - it's just the sloughing off of the uterine lining that's been stored up for 9 months - and there will be stuff in it. Also more lining. Nothing to worry about. After that stops, you won't get your period for a couple months. It's cool.

- When you pack your bag, bring stuff to entertain yourself (books, cds, whatever). I needed it because all my lame ass friends and family came half an hour before visiting hours were over, so I was alone all day.

- Keep the baby with you in your room - BUT, let them take him/her to the nursery so you can have a shower.

I can't think of anything else right now, but if you have any questions or want to talk about it further - email me!

The final thing I'll say is that it IS scary, it IS weird and horrifying and THE BIG UNKNOWN, but much like anything else, it's probably not as bad as you think it's going to be, so do your best to relax and you'll get through it just fine.

Good luck!!!!

-- luna (lunace...), November 18th, 2004 9:36 AM.

Assholes.