Footballers who really don't need to be on Twitter

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1. http://twitter.com/#!/GavStrach

Inspector Anthony Slade, Friday, 29 October 2010 08:17 (eight years ago) link

http://twitter.com/jack_wilshere/statuses/29173399598

James Mitchell, Saturday, 30 October 2010 11:30 (eight years ago) link

http://twitter.com/henri_lansbury/status/29264884394

James Mitchell, Sunday, 31 October 2010 11:35 (eight years ago) link

two weeks pass...

http://twitter.com/jaetofficial/status/5071456434130945

James Mitchell, Thursday, 18 November 2010 13:25 (eight years ago) link

Is that real?? Yeah Jet, the famously smug Iniesta and Xavi?!!

epically swindled (pandemic), Thursday, 18 November 2010 16:54 (eight years ago) link

I think if I had a pocket full of La Liga, Champs League, Euro Champs and World Cup medals I'd be pretty fucking smug.

Lindsey Lohan is the new Extreme Noise Terror (onimo), Friday, 19 November 2010 13:31 (eight years ago) link

http://twitter.com/jaetofficial/status/5071456434130945

― James Mitchell, Thursday, 18 November 2010 13:25 (Yesterday)

Sorry, that page doesn’t exist!

nakhchivan, Friday, 19 November 2010 17:00 (eight years ago) link

It was a fake Jay Emmanuel-Thomas slagging off Barca.

James Mitchell, Friday, 19 November 2010 17:31 (eight years ago) link

Footballers really don't need to be on Twitter

nakhchivan, Saturday, 20 November 2010 03:09 (eight years ago) link

nah they all do just for the occasional darren bent moment or if any turn out to be as mental as arshavin's website

hoy orbison (a hoy hoy), Saturday, 20 November 2010 07:54 (eight years ago) link

http://imgur.com/B3aKG.png

James Mitchell, Saturday, 27 November 2010 16:19 (eight years ago) link

one month passes...

Aldershot's Marvin Morgan was today suspended, fined two weeks' wages and placed on the transfer list for comments he made on social networking website Twitter.

The League Two club issued a statement after meeting with the striker who was booed when substituted during the club's 2-1 defeat to Hereford on Monday.

Morgan responded to the crowd's reaction by later posting a Twitter message saying: "Like to thank the fans who booed me off the pitch. Where's that going to get you! I hope you all die.''

mizzell, Wednesday, 5 January 2011 17:13 (eight years ago) link

I am so glad I googled to see what he said after BBC apparently aren't allowed to tell the best bit of the entire story.

I see what this is (Local Garda), Wednesday, 5 January 2011 18:15 (eight years ago) link

http://twitter.com/P_J_Roberts/status/22918252032172032

James Mitchell, Thursday, 6 January 2011 10:25 (eight years ago) link

Is http://twitter.com/thuddz/ real?

James Mitchell, Thursday, 6 January 2011 14:21 (eight years ago) link

This is better:

http://twitter.com/AaronLennonpsl

Bad game, bad result tired legs took its toll,,, roll on sunday get bak to winning ways asap,, in nandos wid the bruvas chilling!!!

Matt DC, Thursday, 6 January 2011 14:41 (eight years ago) link

ok im back!!! need to fix up my page cher lloyd big by the way smashed it!!!!

Matt DC, Thursday, 6 January 2011 14:41 (eight years ago) link

It is really him, isn't it?

James Mitchell, Thursday, 6 January 2011 14:45 (eight years ago) link

I like how Thudd and Lennon get over bad results by going to Nandos.

Matt DC, Thursday, 6 January 2011 14:52 (eight years ago) link

And go to the same tattooist as Wilshire and Lansbury.

James Mitchell, Thursday, 6 January 2011 14:55 (eight years ago) link

Kyle Lafferty's was taking TONS of abuse at the weekend (lafferty27, iirc, can't access twitter at the moment), I suspect he's now classifying himself as a footballer who really doesn't need to be on Twitter.

xpost, Nandos is definitely a thing, Michel Duberry seems to be quite the fan as well when he's not moaning about other people having the audacity to be driving at the same time as he is (don't ask why I follow Michel Duberry, I have no idea, but him and Jody Morris seem to be doing quite a lot of taking the piss out of former Chelsea colleagues who are way more successful than they are)

ailsa, Thursday, 6 January 2011 14:56 (eight years ago) link

I suspect he's now classifying himself as a footballer

steady on!

onimo, Thursday, 6 January 2011 14:58 (eight years ago) link

tbf, I don't think anyone else is though :-)

ailsa, Thursday, 6 January 2011 14:59 (eight years ago) link

I should also say that I really like Dominic Cervi's profile description: #47 in your programmes, #1 in your hearts. <3

Except he spells it programs, the daft big American.

ailsa, Thursday, 6 January 2011 23:53 (eight years ago) link

unfortunately, he never tweets anything interesting. The only Celtic players on twitter are the ones who don't get games and are all mates with each other, all tweeting about not getting games and about being mates with each other.

ailsa, Thursday, 6 January 2011 23:55 (eight years ago) link

Ledley tweets,ki as well.

À la recherche du temps Pardew (jim in glasgow), Friday, 7 January 2011 00:04 (eight years ago) link

Tho not very often.

À la recherche du temps Pardew (jim in glasgow), Friday, 7 January 2011 00:04 (eight years ago) link

Ki tweets in Korean and posts a zillion pictures of his kids. Ledley seems to be one of the matey bunch though he does still get a game, tbf.

YES I FOLLOW ALL CELTIC PLAYERS ON TWITTER (except Niall McGinn, because he wants requests to follow him, so fuck that, tbh, I don't care that mch)

ailsa, Friday, 7 January 2011 00:20 (eight years ago) link

who is this elegant french libero michel duberry?

r|t|c, Friday, 7 January 2011 01:54 (eight years ago) link

Ha, I have no idea why I did that. Twice.

ailsa, Friday, 7 January 2011 06:23 (eight years ago) link

And I've done it before as well! I know that's not his name! I know how to spell Michael! What is WRONG with me?

(answer: I think I hear his name in my head and confuse him with Michelle Dewberry that won the Apprentice a couple of years ago)

ailsa, Friday, 7 January 2011 10:11 (eight years ago) link

unfortunately, he never tweets anything interesting.

Not true - he posted a pic of his shiny new Nike boots recently! Boots that will remain shiny and new, given that he's as likely to get a game as me.
(cue Lennie throwing him into the Berwick tie)

onimo, Friday, 7 January 2011 10:21 (eight years ago) link

Is he not still in America? (I could check on twitter, I guess)

ailsa, Friday, 7 January 2011 10:34 (eight years ago) link

Wiki says he's at Dundee. I couldn't give one shit tbh.

onimo, Friday, 7 January 2011 10:37 (eight years ago) link

Twitter says he's in America. Ah well, looks like I'm between the sticks for the big game.

onimo, Friday, 7 January 2011 10:40 (eight years ago) link

I think it was a short-term loan and he's back again because he wasn't getting a game there either (though I might be thinking of someone else come to think of it), so he seems to have gone on a long holiday to America*. I don't particularly give much of a shit (since he's not even our second-choice keeper) either, tbh.

* google tells me it's actually a USA USA USA squad month-long training thing, but I suspect he's probably not getting a game there either

xpost while I was looking this up. and yes, would rate you over Lucas Zaluska any day. But can you play centre half :-)

ailsa, Friday, 7 January 2011 10:47 (eight years ago) link

I can play right back. Well, I have more functioning knees than Mark Wilson.

onimo, Friday, 7 January 2011 10:48 (eight years ago) link

Heather Mills McCartney has more functioning knees than Mark Wilson.

ailsa, Friday, 7 January 2011 10:51 (eight years ago) link

http://www.goal.com/en-gb/news/2896/premier-league/2011/01/08/2295741/glen-johnson-launches-astonishing-twitter-attack-on-paul

Liverpool full-back Glen Johnson has hit out at former Arsenal player Paul Merson, calling him an "alcoholic drug abuser" on Twitter.

The outburst, which has since been deleted from Johnson's Twitter page, was in response to criticism from Merson on Sky Sports show 'Soccer Saturday', as pundits analysed the dismissal of Roy Hodgson as Liverpool manager.

Merson said: "He (Hodgson) didn't have the luxury of a budget to spend £18 million on Glen Johnson, who can't defend for toffee, he's had to buy players from Fulham that he knew before.

"I don't think it's the players hanging their head in shame - I don't think they're good enough. Who would take their players if they were to go on sale tomorrow? Glen Johnson wouldn't go anywhere for 18 million quid."

Johnson responded on the social networking site Twitter, writing: "Comments from alcoholic drug abusers are not going to upset me and who is Paul Merson to judge players. He was average at the best of times, the only reason he is on that show is coz (sic) he gambled all his money away. The clown!"

Prince wouldn't ‘woa’ (onimo), Saturday, 8 January 2011 16:35 (eight years ago) link

Paul Merson probably asking his PA to google "toilet seat theft jokes" right now.

Inspector Anthony Slade, Saturday, 8 January 2011 16:44 (eight years ago) link

http://img148.imageshack.us/img148/6959/picture1nam.png

Know one noes,, KNOW ONE!!

James Mitchell, Saturday, 8 January 2011 17:06 (eight years ago) link

If only Glen's tackling was as hard and his passing as accurate as his assessment of Merson.

howie was a rock, buddy couldn't handle it (pandemic), Saturday, 8 January 2011 19:22 (eight years ago) link

Why doesn't he tell twitter about the press gagging order he's got that we're not supposed to no about?

James Mitchell, Sunday, 9 January 2011 06:20 (eight years ago) link

http://www.metro.co.uk/sport/football/852573-neil-warnock-issues-qpr-twitter-ban-after-el-hadji-diouf-abuse

QPR manager Neil Warnock has banned his players from using Twitter to discuss club matters after members of the squad used the micro-blogging site to criticise Blackburn’s El Hadji Diouf.

onimotopoeic (onimo), Friday, 14 January 2011 12:49 (eight years ago) link

fucking hypocrite

nakhchivan, Friday, 14 January 2011 13:26 (eight years ago) link

From some interview with the guy who runs the Empire of the Kop fan site:

Can you name some one-of-a-kind Twitter accounts that you follow?
@kennethdalglish @pauldalglish @kellycates @marinadalglish @laurendalglish @lyndseydalglish The entire Dalglish family.
All he needs is four or five more followers.

James Mitchell, Tuesday, 18 January 2011 22:05 (eight years ago) link

New favourite, better than Big Sam imho - http://twitter.com/chrisdawdle

James Mitchell, Wednesday, 2 February 2011 10:15 (eight years ago) link

Nev absolutely needs to be on twitter tho tbf

pissbaby nobody in the corner (DJ Mencap), Saturday, 28 March 2015 13:20 (four years ago) link

Aldridge opened a Twitter account in March 2011. However he was soon involved in angry exchanges with Manchester United supporters after referring to them as "scum",[25] and eventually closed his account. A year later he revealed that he had returned to the site.[26]

nakhchivan, Sunday, 29 March 2015 19:59 (four years ago) link

one month passes...

Lenny Pidgeley @pidge40

That goal was mucky #Ballin #Madrid

three weeks pass...

https://twitter.com/terryphelan

乒gl乓 (nakhchivan), Sunday, 14 June 2015 19:43 (four years ago) link

three months pass...

https://mobile.twitter.com/LMarkec50/status/652169424661688322

Keeping the flame burning.

Al Ain Delon (ShariVari), Thursday, 8 October 2015 18:51 (three years ago) link

ten months pass...

https://twitter.com/wilfriedbony/status/764537392606879746

r|t|c, Sunday, 14 August 2016 12:31 (three years ago) link

one month passes...

andyeye77: I fucking told ya, dont make allerdyce coach of England! #udontfuckinglistening

https://twitter.com/andyeye77/status/780718811230138368

the tightening is plateauing (Le Bateau Ivre), Tuesday, 27 September 2016 11:30 (two years ago) link

On 24 May 2014, Van der Meyde refereed the Lingerie World Cup, which the Netherlands won on home soil.[20]

(SNIFFING AND INDISTINCT SOBBING) (Tom D.), Tuesday, 27 September 2016 11:46 (two years ago) link

Why are the spectators all men?

(SNIFFING AND INDISTINCT SOBBING) (Tom D.), Tuesday, 27 September 2016 12:07 (two years ago) link

two months pass...

special guest appearance

https://twitter.com/ericbristow

Number None, Monday, 28 November 2016 21:18 (two years ago) link

oh wait, he's apologised

http://i.imgur.com/ecs4YGj.png

Number None, Monday, 28 November 2016 23:22 (two years ago) link

http://i.imgur.com/69goUWB.png

r|t|c, Tuesday, 6 December 2016 10:36 (two years ago) link

https://twitter.com/Carra23/status/808293510407405569

Number None, Monday, 12 December 2016 17:57 (two years ago) link

cutty's ilx comeback is already getting out of hand

r|t|c, Friday, 23 December 2016 10:59 (two years ago) link

Samir Nasri

ailsa, Wednesday, 28 December 2016 00:40 (two years ago) link

eight months pass...

https://twitter.com/CEO4TAG/with_replies

Le Bateau Ivre, Monday, 11 September 2017 08:50 (one year ago) link

one month passes...

Thanks
It should be part of education though so people understand and can be more honest
Kids should not have to hide feelings

— Neville Southall (@NevilleSouthall) October 11, 2017

Alternate, much shorter, thread for footballers who are and should be on Twitter.

Wag1 Shree Rajneesh (ShariVari), Wednesday, 11 October 2017 17:02 (one year ago) link

^ Neville Southall learning about gender identity issues from Left Twitter.

Wag1 Shree Rajneesh (ShariVari), Wednesday, 11 October 2017 17:03 (one year ago) link

he also posts lots of animal welfare and anti-trophy hunting stuff. he's great.

-_- (jim in vancouver), Wednesday, 11 October 2017 17:08 (one year ago) link

and has a cool obsession with skeletons

nxd, Wednesday, 11 October 2017 18:11 (one year ago) link

this pleases me

pulled pork state of mind (Noodle Vague), Wednesday, 11 October 2017 19:19 (one year ago) link

oh yeah the skeleton thing is hilarious too

-_- (jim in vancouver), Wednesday, 11 October 2017 19:22 (one year ago) link

there is something so warming about Southall's twitter. He genuinely hates the Tories and loves dogs, and his legitimate concerns are mainly missing people + missing pets. Obviously when Lineker + co have been gulagged after the revolution, Nev will be be the new MOTD presenter.

calzino, Wednesday, 11 October 2017 19:40 (one year ago) link

<3

this is the true meaning of Halloween pic.twitter.com/dHJ73TnVRD

— bobby shawarma (@hummusandpizza) October 12, 2017

nxd, Friday, 13 October 2017 09:42 (one year ago) link

:D

imago, Friday, 13 October 2017 10:00 (one year ago) link

someone I follow on twitter has deleted all of his tweets except one neville southall retweet, a pro-labour rallying cry

imago, Friday, 13 October 2017 10:01 (one year ago) link

FYI - one for the Showboat here, @SoccerAM 💥#PartOfThePride #AVFC pic.twitter.com/M10as7R1u4

— Aston Villa FC (@AVFCOfficial) October 23, 2017

Le Bateau Ivre, Wednesday, 25 October 2017 12:10 (one year ago) link

david dunn rabona dot gif

imago, Wednesday, 25 October 2017 12:21 (one year ago) link

i quite enjoy the simon ferry interviews with scottish football players on youtube. most of them come across quite well, even barry ferguson seemed alright to me, and i even maybe changed my mind about him a wee bit. charlie adam comes across like a total dead-eyed dullard

-_- (jim in vancouver), Wednesday, 25 October 2017 18:14 (one year ago) link

one month passes...

80’s Party 🏀🤣 pic.twitter.com/TtIVlCkrfd

— Antoine Griezmann (@AntoGriezmann) December 17, 2017

Number None, Sunday, 17 December 2017 20:48 (one year ago) link

(replies are good, but we all know footballers don't read replies)

♫ very clever with maracas.jpg ♫ (Le Bateau Ivre), Sunday, 17 December 2017 20:51 (one year ago) link

one month passes...

friend of mine is currently having a Twitter convo about feminism with Woke Nev apparently

drugs don't kill people, poppers do (Noodle Vague), Sunday, 4 February 2018 18:41 (one year ago) link

two months pass...

woke nev has given his twitter account over to sex workers advocates (for the day I think, not sure)

here's a really good critique of the nordic model being tweeted from nev's account:

Some people think that a legal model which criminalises clients & managers would be helpful for sex workers. This legal model is often called the Swedish model or ‘sex buyer law’.
- @SexWorkHive

— Neville Southall (@NevilleSouthall) April 9, 2018

Louis Jägermeister (jim in vancouver), Monday, 9 April 2018 19:11 (one year ago) link

today's woke nev twitter takeover is user @CorbynistaTeen

Louis Jägermeister (jim in vancouver), Tuesday, 10 April 2018 18:10 (one year ago) link

two months pass...

3 months ago we have ordered 60 pairs of @HavaianasEurope for the wedding of my daughter. The order has been fully paid, but until now not received. According to @havaianas the package is lost and they don't provide any further information. Very disappointing & a lack of service!

— Ronald Koeman (@RonaldKoeman) June 25, 2018

lbi's life of limitless european glamour (Le Bateau Ivre), Monday, 25 June 2018 17:18 (one year ago) link

Amazing.

Wag1 Shree Rajneesh (ShariVari), Monday, 25 June 2018 17:19 (one year ago) link

Devvoed Ron. Mind you, you spent £140m on just flops last summer. Give Ajax a tweet and ask them where the Davy Klaassen order went, because that never fucking turned up either.

— Nick Killip (@Marsantial) June 25, 2018

Non, je ned raggette rien (onimo), Tuesday, 26 June 2018 16:25 (one year ago) link

seven months pass...

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Dx7h6A6UYAApt9G.jpg:large

football teams who etc

Terry Major-Ball Will Tell You (DJ Mencap), Sunday, 27 January 2019 18:53 (six months ago) link

one month passes...

... or Instagram.

The England and West Ham midfielder, 20, was an Ireland youth player in 2015 when he wrote '#UPTHERA' on Instagram.

Amusingly, this was pronounced as "Up the R.A." on Sky News.

Carmel Sprout (Tom D.), Thursday, 21 March 2019 18:33 (four months ago) link

soup-taking turncoat

( ͡☉ ͜ʖ ͡☉) (jim in vancouver), Thursday, 21 March 2019 18:47 (four months ago) link

jackeen gombeen man

( ͡☉ ͜ʖ ͡☉) (jim in vancouver), Thursday, 21 March 2019 18:47 (four months ago) link

two weeks pass...

Watching sky Scott brown what is going on in our game never been a bloke look in the mirror when you wake up to your children 🤚

— Dean Windass (@DWindass10) April 4, 2019

( ͡☉ ͜ʖ ͡☉) (jim in vancouver), Thursday, 4 April 2019 22:06 (four months ago) link

make u think

Angry Question Time Man's Flute Club Band (Tom D.), Thursday, 4 April 2019 22:11 (four months ago) link

you have to give it him, he's intelligent enough to breath. I love it when normal-blokeism crosses into crypto-paed territory!

calzino, Thursday, 4 April 2019 22:16 (four months ago) link

Since deleted and "someone else got my phone"

Non, je ned raggette rien (onimo), Friday, 5 April 2019 20:09 (four months ago) link


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