Anyone Who's Good Enough For Middlesbrough Won't Be On Dis Ting: SPL 2010/11

http://images.football.co.uk/Dynamic/News/400x400/1215884415_spt_ai_aberdeenvmanutd_27.jpg

HE'S READY (to spend the year under the sunbed).

no better way to start the SPL topic than with cumbersome, third rate takes on its big brother's tricks.

http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/48017000/jpg/_48017945_lennon_snsb466.jpg

HE'S READY (to realise St Mirren's ambition to finish in round about the same place as last year)

http://news.bbcimg.co.uk/media/images/48357000/jpg/_48357259_juarez_282i.jpg

HE'S READY (subject to a medical)

http://celticfcminded.footballunited.com/files/2010/05/Neil-Lennon-001.jpg

THEY'RE NOT IN THE SLIGHTEST BIT READY (but at least they're laughing about it)

Morton are ready!

(im sure its only a matter of time before they're in the spl lol)

Celtic got Braga of Portugal in their first CL qualifier - away on 27/28 July then home on 3/4 August.

Great stadium iirc

http://www.mimoa.eu/images/2518_l.jpg

Dressing rooms out of shot on the right, players abseil onto the pitch.

that is awesome, although I wouldn't like to be the ballboy.

Braga seems pretty tough. Who else could they have drawn?

Spurs played Braga two or three years ago, they weren't very good, although I accept they may have improved.

Celtic, having fallen spectacularly from their last 16 adventures of a few years ago, were unseeded and could have faced Ajax, Braga, Fenerbahce, Dynamo Kiev or Zenit St Petersburg.

Braga looks the best option out of that lot.

Spurs played Braga two or three years ago, they weren't very good, although I accept they may have improved.

They scored 4 goals though - Spurs won each leg 3-2.

Spurs played Braga two or three years ago, they weren't very good, although I accept they may have improved.

― Matt DC, 16 July 2010 10:50 (5 minutes ago) Bookmark

Aw, cmon, we've definitely improved

Stadium set up for headline: CELTIC EURO CAMPAIGN ON THE ROCKS

The fans of Braga are known as Arsenalistas due to their teams uniforms that resemble that of English club Arsenal.

You can never get enough Arsenalistas in the Champions League :(

Braga beat Portsmouth 3-0 in 'arry's last match.

if we get past braga do we face auxerre, sevilla, spurs, samp, or werder bremen? draws are ~confusing~

Spurs please

Haven't even looked at the next round, might not be worth bothering tbh.

Braga's home league record last season W14 D1 L0 - with 10 clean sheets - giving them their best ever league finish.

Have we got a CL/Europa 09/10 thread yet?

Would prefer Celtic to most of that lot as well.

Don't blame you

(If I understand it correctly) You don't get any of that lot - they're on Spurs' side of the draw. xpost

The Eagles Has Not Landed

Winners of
AFC Ajax (NED) v PAOK FC (GRE)
FC Dynamo Kyiv (UKR) v KAA Gent (BEL)
BSC Young Boys (SUI) v Fenerbahçe SK (TUR)
SC Braga (POR) v Celtic FC (SCO)
FC Unirea Urziceni (ROU) v FC Zenit St Petersburg (RUS)

go into a draw with AJ Auxerre, Sevilla FC, Tottenham Hotspur FC, UC Sampdoria and Werder Bremen into the play-off round. I assume the five teams already in that round are automatically seeded high than the teams in Celtic's round but I might be wrong.

next round draw

Celtic OR Braga
Fenerbache OR Young Boys
Kiev OR Gent
Unirea OR Zenit*
PAOK OR Ajax*
Sampdoria
Auxerre
Sevilla*
Werder Bermen*

*spurs can't play these

happy with missing out on those 3 tbh

Is it me or does the new ICT strip
http://www.ictfc.co.uk/javaImages/8d/4/0,,10447~8848525,00.jpg
look a hell of a lot like Sandy Jardine should be wearing it?
http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2723/4258421351_5b5b999616_m.jpg

Not just you. It hurts me in my heart that they still get to use the Thistle name :-/

Hibs to play Videotron, or, even better for Irvine Welsh fans, Maribor Stork Nightmares. http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/europe/8829217.stm

In other news, Celtic's underwhelming spending spree continues with the capture of Daryl Murphy. Lenny selling it to the fans big style "I think he'd do all right"

btw, there was a competition on the SPL's official facebook page to win two season tickets to a club of your choice by nominating the funniest moment in the history of the SPL (was coming here to alert peeps due to paucity of entries not of the "lol Celtic getting thumping off St Mirren/Huns/Caley Thistle" variety, but it closed five minutes ago, sorry).

Anyway, was quietly confident with my entry of "Michael Stewart falling over in the tunnel", but think I have been pwned by "Billy Reid swinging on the dugout and falling over" :-(

Also won't be saddened to be beaten by Jim McLean's square go with John Barnes (BBC reporter version).

I think I prefer this manager vs reporter spat to the McLean vs Barnes one
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=naOTHAAIb4c

Never seen this one before. I'm no fan of Smith but I'm loving the complete disdain he has for wee Chick.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vtMl_X4n7FA

Thing is though, how many hacks have criticised Gordon Strachan's habit of treating stupid questions with contempt while praising Walter's quiet dignity?

Aye, more people should get it right up Chick, the self-important wee bawbag. I can't imagine that wouldn't be splashed all over the back of the chip wrappers to a huge fuckwit-driven outcry if it was MON/Gogs/Lenny giving Chico grief.

Usual places have the Celtic v Man Utd friendly up, if anyone's still awake and fancies watching Mark Wilson being shit.

Charlie Mulgrew = fearbringer.

btw, Shaun Maloney exists. 21 minutes in and his legs are still intact.

(see also: Thomas Rogne)

Looking not bad so far but I can't really be arsed watching it all.

two huge chances for Man U after I posted that :)

looks like they've got quite the good crowd there. This has been pretty decent but gosh I'm tired.

Aye. Crosas looking useful. Also <3 Shaun Maloney.

Oh, here's a good idea. Let's leave Berbatov standing on his own.

ah that was nice, probably a mistake to not bother marking Berbatov though.

Good goal from Berb. Giggs & Scholes, with a combined aged of Davie Weir, are bossing this.

OK, the dude whose stream I'm watching on Justin is about to lose his copy of the Man Utd POTY Awards 09/10 off his Sky+ box.

Decent shot by Mulgrew. now learn to defend please...

Hey Fortune we've signed a bigger non-scoring forward than you, time you looked half-interested!

It's surely near enough the end of the season for the "biggest load of guff printed in the name of journalism" to be handed out then, eh?

http://www.express.co.uk/posts/view/247017/McInnes-on-Monday-column

^ warning, may cause apoplexy, or possible injury to sides through consistent laughing, or a breakdown of neural synapses as you try to work out how many milk tokens you would need to mastermind the signing of Jellyfish and "maverick" Kyle Lafferty, while also working out how the hell you come up with the idea that Dan Majstorovic and Freddie Ljungberg are on £30k a week.

Seriously considering a wee email regarding the scare quotes round the word victims when referring to Neil Lennon et al, fuckwit. Also, don't they proofread columns, I assume they certainly don't vet them for content?

lol @ Tony Hamilton

polishturnstile
#Celtic will be without Shaun Maloney at Hampden - he's out with a calf strain, but you probably know that already #Beatleshavesplitup

I very nearly tweeted 'lol' back at him for that one.

Stokesy's dad's pub was on Have I Got News For You tonight.

Hearing rumours that the recent producers of a program on Scottish football bigotry, BBC Scotland, have brought in Hugh Dallas as a pundit for the cup final today.

^turned out to be bullshit :)

Don't need Dallas when he have idiots like Jim Delahunt (Clyde sport - accused Ki of being racist for cupping his ears and copying Neil Lennon, like what the Rangers players did without comment last week) and Rob McLean (BBC - accused Celtic of sectarian singing - I didn't hear a single sectarian song, unless "Stokesy's Dad hates the queen" counts, and that was sung after the accusation).

Great day yesterday only marred by pishing rain and being stuck in it for 45 minutes at Mount Florida. Game finished at 4.50 and it was 6.40 before we made it to a city centre pub.

Going to have a day of rest and watch the English relegation battle.

Is it worth having a Scottish off-season thread or shall we just all stick to the same one once the English leagues & Champs League are done?

Dunno, maybe just stick with the generic off-season one, then start a new thread when the season kicks off again?

Staggered that McLean and Nevin felt the need to have a go at the Celtic support. Must have missed the bit where they gave it to the Rangers party tunes at the last cup final. Oh no, wait, that was a gala occasion. My bad.

Apparently Rod Stewart was behind the 'In Lennon We Trust' plane.

Delighted with the cup win, not so much with SPT. I feel sick, and am blaming the soaking I got on the way to the pub rather than the gallons of overpriced Guinness consumed when I got there.

Kudos to the dude who tried to start a 'Something Inside So Strong' chant on the train (didn't work), and also the dudes in the pub with the "Commentator's Eye" tshirts. "he's got tae go, he's got to get tae fuck". Quality. I want one.

I got into central at 5.50. Got train fae queens park,as is my wont after games at hampden. Sorry to rub it in,haha.

These things even out over the course of a season.

http://img163.imageshack.us/img163/4415/spl2011.jpg

:)

I see Alastair Johnston has been removed from the board of directors at Ibrox.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/13518277.stm

Also, buried halfway down the article, Martin Bain and Donald McIntyre (financial director, hmmmm) have been suspended. That's more interesting to me at any rate, more interesting than "Whyte gets shot of the blokes who didn't want him". What's the enquiry into then, eh? EH? Enquiring minds want to know (and I bet the Celtic research dude on Twitter will be on it).

What's the enquiry into then, eh? EH? Enquiring minds want to know

Except Martin Bain doesn't want us to. So I'm sure we'll find out via Twitter in due course.

There's a Scotland game on tonight, btw. Are we all excited? Did we even remember?

Well done Scotland in looking very good in defeat half a Wales team in a meaningless tie in an empty Irish stadium. Press reaction not far away from pre 78 World Cup confidence.

Yesterday was the 44th Birthday of the Lisbon Lions. Just saw this on twitter:
FRONT
http://i54.tinypic.com/2qa4hle.jpg
BACK
http://i53.tinypic.com/2e5pqvr.jpg

There's a Scotland game on tonight, btw. Are we all excited? Did we even remember?

Listened to it on the radio... and actually got quite into it! Bring on the Irishes!!!!!!!!

I quite enjoyed the second half. Scotland brought on someone I really genuinely have never actually heard of (Grant Hanley). Not much of a test against half a Welsh team, but will be interesting-ish to see how we do against Ireland.

That postcard is awesome.

Half a Welsh team featuring Celtic's new right back (how many's that now?) Adam Matthews for a bit.

COME ON LADS YOU CAN DO IT.

(i feel the need to work up a bit of excitement before football disappears for the summer. it's not going very well.)

Changes afoot at Hampden:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/scotland/13673776.stm

(spot the deliberate mistake in the reporting of the refereeing situation last season, also the mention of Shug's indiscretions being listed in the middle of a catalogue of Celtic's tiresome moanings, rather than being an entirely separate disciplinary issue, with a wee "oh aye, and Rangers appealed some decisions" tagged on the end for "balance")

Glad to see the back of Peat and his stupid dinosaur and his general idiocy. Not convinced Ogilvie will be any better, mind...

I assume that article's been updated since then as none of that stuff is there now.

Hopefully Hugh Keevins was talking out of his arse this morning with "McFadden to Celtic" and "Kayal to Bolton". Those two transfers would imo make us worse than we were when Lennon took over.

Yeah, totally different article. Old one said that the Craven/MacDonald incident arose after a penalty award to Dundee United, then listed several incidents of Celtic being uppity (with a wee mention of Hugh Dallas's email scandal contained in that section which was otherwise about Celtic) and causing the refereeing strike by questioning integrity (no mention of anyone else questioning integrity, or the fact that, y'know, some referees had told big fibs and anyone could justifiably have a moan about their integrity as a result). Brief cursory "btw, Rangers also employed a QC to appeal the punishments to two of their players during the Shame Game" tagged on the end, with no mention of the actual punishments, crimes, or results of appeal. Still, balance innit.

James McFadden to Celtic is so ten years ago. Do. Not. Want. Also, seriously, I might cry if Kayal goes. Hopefully Keevins is talking pish. Won't be the first time - still remember his shameful exclusive about Scott Brown leaving based on, well, absolutely nothing.

(might be slightly misremembering the article, but there was definitely more emphasis on Celtic's supposed misdemeanours, and they did say that it was a penalty award to Dundee United that started the fibbing. I wouldn't be surprised if the accompanying picture wasn't Lenny snarling at McCoist, but I'm not claiming that it was)

Bobba "he was shite but now he's better" Petta considering coming out of retirement to play for Alloa.

http://sport.scotsman.com/football/Petta-considers-return-with-Alloa.6784056.jp

He's four years younger than David Weir so he might still do a job...

Blimey. Glad he mentions that his fitness is fine, not much of an advert for his personal training business otherwise, is it?

Nearly brought up my lunch today when reading part of the serialisation of Walter Smith: Legned's book today in the Herald.

Radio reports Scott Brown being tied up to a new deal to fend off a £6m bid from Newcastle (whose manager thinks the SPL is shit and doesn't test players).

Kayal apparently giving it "th£y have to $how th£y r£ally want m£" over his new deal.

I think I'd be happy to punt Brown and show Kayal the money.

Agree. Think Scott Brown's looked good this year, but think Kayal makes the midfield he's looked good in.

Fat Gaz back at Hibs.

It'll be a bit weird seeing O'Connor line up with Sproule and Riordan - so much for that old adage about never going back.

Oh, Ian Murray as well - Hibs team full of former Hibs players :/

Wait, did Deek leave? He's not listed in Hibs squad on wiki.

Good wee "where did it all nearly go right?" thing on Hibs' starlets on 2004 - Stephen Dobbie, Garry O’Connor, Derek Riordan and Tam McManus.

http://www.heraldscotland.com/sport/spl/hibernian/old-enough-to-know-better-but-still-young-enough-to-succeed-1.1107168

Fixtures out. No New Year derby game, instead it's on the Wednesday night between Christmas and New Year. Brilliant :/

Still, wee result as I've got a couple of things I can't get out of later in the year and we're away for both of them.

How come our visit to Ibrox is still at a weekend? Wasn't the Summit supposed to have recommended moving all 'Old Firm' games to weekends? Or is it only when it inconveniences Celtic fans?

By visit I mean visits, both of them currently scheduled for Saturdays.

I was so drunk last night I think I convinced myself this morning that I'd made this whole Gordon Smith thing up to wind up pub Huns. It's a thing though. Ex-head-Hun in charge of the SFA, ex-head-SFA in charge of the Huns. Magic.

How come our visit to Ibrox is still at a weekend? Wasn't the Summit supposed to have recommended moving all 'Old Firm' games to weekends? Or is it only when it inconveniences Celtic fans?

CQN running with the allegation that the New Year game was switched to avoid paying the polis double time on a public holiday (see also Easter Sunday rather than Easter Monday last time out).

Vlad's back in some style:

http://www.heartsfc.co.uk/articles/20110624/hearts-statement_2241384_2381659

The Hearts Board of Directors has issued the following statement in relation to outside influences on players and the club.
"What's happening with the club today is not a new thing. For almost 7 years we have been fighting to shield the club from crooks, criminals and thieves. Many of the top players at the club have felt the bitter results of the swindles that have been carried out with them on their own skin. Skacel and Webster have returned to the club after realising where these 'football patriots' have led them.

"Over a short space of time 4 players at our club have been on the wrong end of the law. We note that 3 of them are represented by the same agent - Gary Mackay - who has been so vicious in his attacks against Mr Romanov.

"Taking into account the facts that have been omitted by the media it can be presumed that each of these cases is not a coincidence, but the result of targeted actions of a mafia that wants to manipulate the club and the results.
"Every year Hearts fights to be in the top 3, but even last season in the last 12 games of the season it was almost like someone replaced the team with a different one. Whose fault is that? Players? Manager's? Or it is mafia.
"Stealing players, bad games, problems with the law - all of that on top of record SFA fines. Problems are just shifted to another level.
"Mafia are dragging kids into the crime, in order to blackmail and profit on them. It is not possible to separate these people from pedophiles, and you don't need to do that. Each year we are forced to fight against these maniacs harder and harder. We are standing in their way not letting them manipulate the game of football in the way they want. As such they undermine us in every possible way they can.
"The task of the club is to tear these kids out of hands of criminals."

i posted it in rolling wtf thread because i didn't think it should languish in our provincial thread, but i don't think that gets much traffic either. it's really a must read for anyone who likes laughing.

Was toying with the idea of a separate Vlad thread years ago, around the time of the monkeys stuff. Guy needs a wider audience than the SPL thread, def.

Getting near time for a new thread with the season kicking off in less than two weeks. Title suggestions anyone? Will we make it a generic Scottish football thread now rather than SPL?

Was toying with "Summits, Sex Offenders and Shite Football" but figured no-one would want that open in a tab at their work.

"There's no grass on it - Scottish football in 2011"

Scottish football 2010 - Oh god not another year of this rubbish...

2011, even

"tearing our kids out of hands of criminals" - Scottish Football 2011

Celtic B v the jags at fir hill 3pm,tenner at the gate. Apparently going to feature 45 minutes of EMILIO. Going solo like roald dahl.

Half thinking about that. Still in close-season mode though, can't believe we kick off next week.

Aye it's ridiculous. Not complaining too much tho,my life is p empty without it!

"tearing our kids out of hands of criminals" - Scottish Football 2011

― ailsa, Tuesday, 12 July 2011 21:22 Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

^seconding this.

Hi thread. I've been away. Have we signed or sold a left back?

no.

izaguirre looked like he'd gained a few during the off-season today.

"Tearing our kids out of hands of criminals" - rolling Scottish football 2011/12 thread

Have at it.