it will have been speculated that he is the perfect man for mike ashley, a self-confident chancer with some charisma and an understanding of the sort of brainless attacking football that every newcastle fan craves & would feel deeply lost without
but also a loose cannon of surprising recidivism, absolutely raped hims and wanton headbutts multiplying into what's not quite a bartonian gallery of sin but certainly a copybook sufficiently blotted that much of the hagiography is elided
this of course increases, rather than decreases, his suitability as newcastle united manager, as does his actual management, which is built upon an almost preternatural, infraliminal sense of momentum - it is doubtful whether he intends his side to embark upon strange 6-match winning runs out of seemingly interminable ineptitude, but it happens, and then as soon as it happens it evaporates, as if he never quite knew what it was he was doing right. the result is a very newcastle sort of stasis, where contentment and its inverse mingle to extremes, leaving only the sunderland derby as a true bellwether of local pride
it has not been ever thus. his career before newcastle was a macrocosm of this dialectic. heroics at reading and west ham, including being a steven gerrard narrative locus away from fa cup glory (paul konchesky would have had the winner - a more apt goalscorer for pards i cannot name) and southampton contrasting with a major and almost unforgivable part in bluffing charlton from premiership to league one - arguably the damage had been done regarding the first relegation and form under pardew was not terrible, but his lackadaisical approach to stringing together results was never going to be enough. beat west ham 4-0 one week, lose to sheffield united the next (or whatever it was). he hadn't quite developed the instinct for the newcastle revenance then - or perhaps he hadn't assembled his francophone swarm of fitful attacking talent which could under the right heady & headless circumstances take other sides by surprise. of course, charlton's second relegation was pardew's exposure as charlatan and poseur - all his signings failed lamentably and he was left to watch hopelessly as the team responded abysmally to his essential lack of direction in a league far harder than he had clearly assumed it would be. he has been rather fortunate that this is the only such revelation
he is a good-looking man and a known philanderer. he has a stratospheric opinion of himself. curiously i ascribe his success, such as what it is, to these qualities (insofar as they can be separated)
― imago, Monday, 3 November 2014 22:09 (nine years ago) link
he drives admittedly awful human beings to write moronic, affectatiously piqued articles like the following: http://www.themag.co.uk/the-mag-articles/importance-pardewed/
but that is part of pards - he is as i described lately a 'hilarious troll weasel', unintentionally so perhaps but coded a certain way so as to enrage & frustrate by inaction the fans of his clubs, before somehow getting himself out of it without seeming to change his methods much, which must bring its own confusions
newcastle fans should recognise that his bolshy cocksureness & behavioural unpredictability is the better part of his skill as a manager & a sign of his kindredness with the city
― imago, Monday, 3 November 2014 22:49 (nine years ago) link
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BsLLZOrCYAAgzNd.jpg:large
― Chetniks in Šumadija kill a Partisan through heart extraction.jpg (nakhchivan), Monday, 3 November 2014 22:50 (nine years ago) link
perhaps the only glaring omission from my starter post was the relegation of west ham - the other such revelation - which definitely occurred in 98% of all parallel universes where his tenure ended when it did
saint curbs and the miracles of carlos were virtual proof of divine intervention & prevented pards' ghastly 2/3 of season from registering on my consciousness
nonetheless it represents another nadir & one which presumably the newcastle fans fear, although are yet to experience
― imago, Monday, 3 November 2014 22:54 (nine years ago) link
a certain former poster has drawn my attention to the following important analysis
is it time to discuss pardew's beard yeti mean he's clearly not a ~beard man~, one to take pride in the clean-shaven jawlines of straight talking management "professionalism", so this mutation into philbrownism is of psychological interestis he feeling less in control and more like a babysitter for the french lads now you have to wonder― r|t|c, Monday, March 18, 2013 12:30 PM (1 year ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalinkor indeed has he caught sight of how age is softening his features to that of a kindly old granny and this is his failing bid to re-alpha― r|t|c, Monday, March 18, 2013 12:33 PM (1 year ago) Bookmark Flag Post PermalinkYeah re-alph, i would maybe burrow deeper and see if any of the francaises have geographical links or similar to the cité of limoux and the surrounding mountains, perhaps pardieu googled in a chummy getting to connaitre les lads fashion and happened upon yr cave drawings, sparking a crisis of intricate but catastrophic synaptic flares that can only lead to a startling regression from alan pardieu, smooth chinned and suited head of marketing and strategy at le tûne thru bearded alan pardew the coach (villa) to scruffy al what helps the kids (notts county) to neanderth-al in a loincloth (tactics at stoke obv)― mister borges (darraghmac), Monday, March 18, 2013 1:06 PM (1 year ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
i mean he's clearly not a ~beard man~, one to take pride in the clean-shaven jawlines of straight talking management "professionalism", so this mutation into philbrownism is of psychological interest
is he feeling less in control and more like a babysitter for the french lads now you have to wonder
― r|t|c, Monday, March 18, 2013 12:30 PM (1 year ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
or indeed has he caught sight of how age is softening his features to that of a kindly old granny and this is his failing bid to re-alpha
― r|t|c, Monday, March 18, 2013 12:33 PM (1 year ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
Yeah re-alph, i would maybe burrow deeper and see if any of the francaises have geographical links or similar to the cité of limoux and the surrounding mountains, perhaps pardieu googled in a chummy getting to connaitre les lads fashion and happened upon yr cave drawings, sparking a crisis of intricate but catastrophic synaptic flares that can only lead to a startling regression from alan pardieu, smooth chinned and suited head of marketing and strategy at le tûne thru bearded alan pardew the coach (villa) to scruffy al what helps the kids (notts county) to neanderth-al in a loincloth (tactics at stoke obv)
― mister borges (darraghmac), Monday, March 18, 2013 1:06 PM (1 year ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
― imago, Monday, 3 November 2014 22:58 (nine years ago) link
does pards have any inherent dignity or is this merely an effect of the precious, entitled, vituperative loathing and resentment of the idiot nufc fans
― the final twilight of all evaluative standpoints (nakhchivan), Tuesday, 4 November 2014 16:17 (nine years ago) link
Pardew, whose side have the third highest attendance in the Premier League behind Manchester United and Arsenal, added: "Of course, there's also the fact he would be playing in front of 50,000 Geordies every week at the third best-supported club in the country, or whatever it is we are.
― milord z (nakhchivan), Sunday, 9 November 2014 19:48 (nine years ago) link
No, he does not have any inherent dignity. Baying Geordie hordes OTM on this occasion.
He is probably the worst manager in the top flight at the moment, give or take a Warnock or a Lambo here and there. Even when Newcastle do string runs of wins together it feels like it's in spite of Pardew rather than because of him.
― Matt DC, Sunday, 9 November 2014 19:58 (nine years ago) link
oh lord that isnt remotely true, so many worse managers than pards
― milord z (nakhchivan), Sunday, 9 November 2014 20:00 (nine years ago) link
pards lacks any sort of system but he generally gets a group of average to just above average epl players to play at that level
― milord z (nakhchivan), Sunday, 9 November 2014 20:01 (nine years ago) link
I dunno, Newcastle should really have been doing better over the past year or so, even allowing for injury crises. I'd even stoop to defending shitkickers like Allardyce and Hughes over Pards.
― Matt DC, Sunday, 9 November 2014 20:11 (nine years ago) link
would be interesting to rank EPL managers by dignity
wenger quite obviously wins, but after that it gets interesting
― imago, Sunday, 9 November 2014 20:18 (nine years ago) link
Martinez over Wenger.
― Matt DC, Sunday, 9 November 2014 20:20 (nine years ago) link
martinez needs to cross 60 first, then we'll talk
― imago, Sunday, 9 November 2014 20:20 (nine years ago) link
You have to remember his time at Wigan, losing week in week out and remaining composed and self-assured. Wenger is a terrible loser.
― Matt DC, Sunday, 9 November 2014 20:22 (nine years ago) link
wenger deals with exceptional weight of expectation and has a certain dignity even in his outbursts. point taken, though - martinez is certainly a contender. his mettle is, i'd argue, yet to be truly tested
― imago, Sunday, 9 November 2014 20:30 (nine years ago) link
there's more to dignity than taking defeat well, of course - indeed, take it too well and you run the risk of sycophancy & acquiescence, which should be anathema to any dignity maven
― imago, Sunday, 9 November 2014 20:32 (nine years ago) link
koeman was so bad at valencia that its difficult to see him as too dignified but he has that ineffable confidence of the formerly great player like various other ex-barcelona managers without being quite so complacent as laudrup who has been quite open about how unimportant his second career is
― milord z (nakhchivan), Sunday, 9 November 2014 20:36 (nine years ago) link
pellegrini is probably the most dignified in an intrinsic sense, he won the league in his first season playing excellent football (first south american to win the epl) so the gradual entropic collapse of his second and most likely final season won't matter too much
― milord z (nakhchivan), Sunday, 9 November 2014 20:38 (nine years ago) link
Ancelotti is, I think, the most dignified of all managers, there's this constant sense that his paymasters don't quite rate him, despite his manifest successes, and are always on the lookout for something 'better', which he faces off admirably.
Pellegrini a good shout in the EPL though. Mourinho and Redknapp both have less dignity than Pards though. Maybe Hughes as well.
― Matt DC, Sunday, 9 November 2014 20:51 (nine years ago) link
shd be able to check Pellegrini's dignity when they sack him next month
― Stim McRaw (Noodle Vague), Sunday, 9 November 2014 20:53 (nine years ago) link
he had an entire career prior to coming to the epl and he didnt react too badly when he was fired after getting the records point total at madrid in his only season there
in all likelihood he will be replaced at the end of the season; simeone will be invited to write his own contract
ancelotti is the most dignified, that goes without saying, supposedly sorting out a second contract at madrid which is a rare achievement in itself
― milord z (nakhchivan), Sunday, 9 November 2014 21:01 (nine years ago) link
Newcastle go fourth in Premier League
― disconnected externalized and unrecognizable signifying structure (nakhchivan), Saturday, 22 November 2014 17:45 (nine years ago) link
pards da god
― نكبة (nakhchivan), Saturday, 6 December 2014 18:26 (nine years ago) link
http://www.dolbyhome.co.uk/sammy-ameobi/
― Chairman Feinstein (nakhchivan), Friday, 19 December 2014 22:56 (nine years ago) link
Ex-Sunderland striker and chairman Niall Quinn has already lamented the loss of Colback, explaining that the club did not nurture the 25-year-old to then see him star for their rivals.
But with so many local players in with a chance of representing Newcastle in what, for many supporters, is the biggest home match of the season, it fits in perfectly with the club's 'Black and White Derby' idea.
Posters have been displayed, emails sent out to fans and messages posted on the club website advertising the initiative and encouraging supporters to wear their replica shirts, bring along their Newcastle scarves and other attire to cover St James' Park in a 'sea of black and white.'
― Chairman Feinstein (nakhchivan), Saturday, 20 December 2014 02:54 (nine years ago) link
real talk tho v happy to see this awful fucker at palace
― imago, Monday, 29 December 2014 17:52 (nine years ago) link
http://www.theguardian.com/football/blog/2014/dec/29/alan-pardew-crystal-palace-return-newcastle-united
― Enterprise Lesotho (nakhchivan), Tuesday, 30 December 2014 03:31 (nine years ago) link
not reading anything under fifield's new byline pic
― r|t|c, Tuesday, 30 December 2014 08:40 (nine years ago) link
http://i.imgur.com/Do6VWZH.gif
― tone pulising (nakhchivan), Saturday, 3 January 2015 02:01 (nine years ago) link
http://i4.mirror.co.uk/incoming/article4956600.ece/alternates/s1227b/PAY-Crystal-Palace-v-Tottenham.jpg
― r|t|c, Monday, 12 January 2015 10:08 (nine years ago) link
http://i.imgur.com/1NHNhVY.jpg
― pom /via/ chi (nakhchivan), Sunday, 15 March 2015 00:50 (nine years ago) link
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CB7_RDKW0AA_RcK.jpg
― there can be only (onimo), Tuesday, 7 April 2015 10:57 (nine years ago) link
isn't that the dude from Too Many Cooks?
― week of 'puter action (Noodle Vague), Tuesday, 7 April 2015 11:08 (nine years ago) link
Crystal Palace manager Alan Pardew says "it was like watching Brazil" at times during his side's 4-1 victory at Sunderland.
― nakhchivan, Saturday, 11 April 2015 17:53 (nine years ago) link
lol yeah he meant Sunderland
― 'come around to your house and fuck your ho' (paraphrase) (Bananaman Begins), Monday, 13 April 2015 09:43 (nine years ago) link
pards
― This comment was removed by a moderator because it didn't abide by (nakhchivan), Sunday, 17 May 2015 16:15 (eight years ago) link
Pards v Pulis would be an interesting ILF thought experiment of a poll.
― Matt DC, Sunday, 17 May 2015 16:29 (eight years ago) link
my previous post to this thread is one I regret
― an absolute feast of hardcore fanboy LOLs surrounding (imago), Sunday, 17 May 2015 19:12 (eight years ago) link
stoked now 4 summer of transfer inaction and pardew leaving under a cloud the day before next season starts.
― 'come around to your house and fuck your ho' (paraphrase) (Bananaman Begins), Monday, 18 May 2015 11:32 (eight years ago) link
Nah you'll be in contention for the Champions League spots by Christmas, after which you will fail to win a game for the next three months.
― Matt DC, Tuesday, 19 May 2015 11:43 (eight years ago) link
no, they will amalgamate all other SE London league clubs into Crystal Palace United and then nuke Greenwich to quell dissent
― an absolute feast of hardcore fanboy LOLs surrounding (imago), Tuesday, 19 May 2015 12:21 (eight years ago) link
top half lol
― 'come around to your house and fuck your ho' (paraphrase) (Bananaman Begins), Sunday, 24 May 2015 16:14 (eight years ago) link
Pards.
― Matt DC, Saturday, 23 April 2016 10:24 (eight years ago) link
what's he done now?
― japanese mage (LocalGarda), Saturday, 23 April 2016 10:44 (eight years ago) link
Front page of the Sun. Definitely him right?
― Matt DC, Saturday, 23 April 2016 11:07 (eight years ago) link
“Naturally dominant, of course, but can switch seamlessly to a more giving role.”
― Romeo Daltrey (Tom D.), Saturday, 23 April 2016 11:12 (eight years ago) link
OTOH "knickers off if we win away" would be pretty audacious given Palace's form this year.
― Matt DC, Saturday, 23 April 2016 11:27 (eight years ago) link
maybe it was before a trip to everton
― japanese mage (LocalGarda), Saturday, 23 April 2016 11:41 (eight years ago) link
https://vine.co/v/iEg7AWVtDTL
― japanese mage (LocalGarda), Sunday, 22 May 2016 09:00 (seven years ago) link
Cringe
― Neptune Bingo (Michael B), Sunday, 22 May 2016 10:39 (seven years ago) link
for that brief moment nous étions all Pards
― Noodle Vague, Sunday, 22 May 2016 10:42 (seven years ago) link
All pards will burn out
― Daithi Bowsie (darraghmac), Sunday, 22 May 2016 12:48 (seven years ago) link
excuse me noodle vague
― And the cry rang out all o'er the town / Good Heavens! Tay is down (imago), Sunday, 22 May 2016 13:06 (seven years ago) link
https://youtu.be/dGLTi9lKIpY
― Lionel Richie the Wardrobe (Nasty, Brutish & Short), Sunday, 22 May 2016 22:09 (seven years ago) link
lol
― japanese mage (LocalGarda), Sunday, 22 May 2016 22:11 (seven years ago) link
https://www.theguardian.com/football/2016/oct/21/alan-pardew-england-crystal-palace
Cracking Pards interview here. My favourite bit is where he starts talking about himself in relation to the England job, without having been asked about it. Slightly ahead of where he takes credit for Southampton's success.
― Matt DC, Friday, 21 October 2016 13:31 (seven years ago) link
‘We’re close to a tie-in with a team in Spain who produce good young players with a view to setting up a cultural and coaching exchange
big deal son we're Champo and we get to loan all the Benfica kids we want
― nom de grrrrr (Noodle Vague), Friday, 21 October 2016 13:33 (seven years ago) link
“When people ask me about England ... well, if I was still at Newcastle, I’d be pretty keen on that England job. But, with all this here, I’m left thinking: ‘Why would I really want to leave this club now?’ Obviously I’d like to win trophies, and that’s very difficult even if we did come ever so close last season. But that isn’t the only way to measure success. Success can be a legacy. Maybe I can create one here so that, one day, people look back and say: ‘When Pardew was there that was a great period for the club.’ I remember the chief executive at Southampton after Nicola Cortese thanking me for the platform I left them. That recognition is always nice. That’s like winning a trophy for me.”
― Matt DC, Friday, 21 October 2016 13:35 (seven years ago) link
a phonecall with Tony Pulis offered reassurance. “He’d walked away, but told me: ‘Pards, there’s a lot of growing that club could do. You can definitely take them forward.’
― Matt DC, Friday, 21 October 2016 13:38 (seven years ago) link
"And it wasn’t as much of a gamble as people thought. If I could keep Palace up, we’d be the only London-based Premier League team south of the river.”
https://66.media.tumblr.com/409a839ece0f3807d23861fc6e744568/tumblr_n6zdmspPiE1skh0gdo1_400.gif
― r|t|c, Friday, 21 October 2016 13:46 (seven years ago) link
hope he dies tbh
― imago, Friday, 21 October 2016 13:49 (seven years ago) link
patience you must have my young pardewan
― r|t|c, Friday, 21 October 2016 13:50 (seven years ago) link
a phonecall covert meeting in an underground car park with Tony Pulis offered reassurance. “He’d walked away, but told me: ‘Pards, there’s a lot of growing that club could do. You can definitely take them forward.’
― Bein' Sean Bean (LocalGarda), Friday, 21 October 2016 13:51 (seven years ago) link