Major League Soccer

So proud of our Lion

https://www.mlssoccer.com/post/2021/02/24/watch-daryl-dike-scores-first-goal-barnsley-loan-orlando-city

this is some accurately funny shit

Generic MLS starting XI Attack:

LW: 3 caps for a bottom-half CONMEBOL national team, Young DP
ST: Big $ DP signing, still scores less than Gyasi Zardes
RW: Signed from a random lower European league, announcer always mispronounces their name

— Scruffy Jack (@BeardedJack) March 8, 2021

Generic MLS starting XI Midfield:

CAM: ~Classic~ Late-prime Argentinian No. 10, DP
CM: mid-20s Homegrown, fringe January Camp material, probably a fan favorite/cult hero
CDM: Forever-underrated MLS-Lifer, Max salary hit

— Scruffy Jack (@BeardedJack) March 8, 2021

Generic MLS starting XI Defense:

LB: Top Caribbean player, low key your best player
LCB: Central American you hate to see in WCQ
RCB: Jan Camp Stud, Chad Marshall Wannabe
RB: Former USL player or Superdraft pick, very affordable
GK: "Would love to see him get a USMNT callup"

— Scruffy Jack (@BeardedJack) March 8, 2021

Generic MLS Subs off the bench:

1: Youth national teamer already linked to Europe
2: MLS-Lifer who's more of a "locker room guy", former draft pick
3: Someone you traded $400K in GAM for
4: Re-entry Draft signing
5: Old player who isn't 90 mins fit anymore

— Scruffy Jack (@BeardedJack) March 8, 2021

like if I took an average of the last 3-4 years of Fire lineups every single one of those would have at least one applicable player, and some 2 or 3 deep

hahahaha that is perfect

weirdly though our LWs/RWs have had more SuperDraft players over time, as opposed to the beginning, when we were signing players from lower level Columbian squads hoping we struck gold

*Colombian

Fire preview from the Athletic:

Chicago Fire

Most important player: Gaston Gimenez

Season in a word: “Resignation” -@barker_cm

In my estimation, the most interesting thing about the Chicago Fire is that they have two separate players named “Jhon” on the roster. This team hasn’t qualified for the playoffs since 2017 and haven’t made it out of the first round since 2009. The war heroes that constitute the Chicago Fire fanbase deserve better. It doesn’t matter how good manager Raphael Wicky looks in glasses. It’s time for the Chicago Fire to give everyone reasons to care again. Maybe that’s going to come down to Gimenez at the base of their midfield, or maybe that’s going to be teenager Jhon Jader Duran, “one of the best talents in world football”. I don’t know. But if Chicago can’t compete this year, it might be time for them to reset. Again.

This is damning enough on its own, but the author omits that Duran is too young for an international transfer so he won't actually be able to play this year. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

i feel like with all of the regional focus this year is going to be another weird one.

hoping Pato kicks ass for us.

Xp yeah, and to add to that, Fire and MN don't even play each other once

we had some weird blind spots like that last year too, I think with DC United, and the Revs (until the playoffs).

IT'S PATO TIME

The opening Fire goal was quite nice, and it seems like they will have quite the offense this year, along with a shambles of a defense. Four goals a game will not be out of the ordinary, I'm sure.

Four one-touch passes 🥵 pic.twitter.com/hhnwR3yxOx

— Chicago Fire FC (@ChicagoFire) April 18, 2021

^^^ the only nice moment from the Fire all year

also did the Cbus management not get the memo on dumbass pointless rebrands from last year's Fire? wtf

In Columbus, we forge paths for others to follow.

𝐖𝐞 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐦𝐩𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬. 𝐖𝐞 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐂𝐨𝐥𝐮𝐦𝐛𝐮𝐬. 𝐖𝐞 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐂𝐫𝐞𝐰.#Crew96 pic.twitter.com/oN2sOWrBS9

— The Crew (@ColumbusCrew) May 10, 2021

They should have ditched the Columbus part and kept the Crew

very good commentary/analysis imo

https://www.si.com/soccer/2021/05/10/columbus-sc-crew-team-name-mls-rebrand

I cackled loud enough at this to wake the dog

MLS absolutely bangs because every week, a 17 year old named Cayden Brayden-Grayden will pull some world class shit out of nowhere and then literally Gonzalo Higuain will miss a sitter

— Tyler (@WhiskeyTy) May 13, 2021

Also salaries were released today:

https://mlsplayers.org/resources/salary-guide

Time to see who the most ridiculous disappointments are… Beric and Gimenez this means u

Nani making way less than I thought

Pato surprisingly low. Sebas Mendez, a good but not necessarily excellent midfielder, getting 550,000.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rjGLa5dDfAQ

at 1:23, watch a professional goalie pathetically get punked off the ball by a winger.

lol

Got to see Dike score one live. Woo

fire are currently crashing back to earth, down 3-0 and a man short in nashville 16 minutes into the game

OCSC about to draw Toronto.

Phil Neville surely can’t have long left at Miami.

sky just played his post match presser. " there's no 'I' in team". with insight like that he'll be there 5 years.

NYCFC should be contracted if they don't get a real field

I hate ATL so much. this win was delicious.

god, some of this MLS SB Nation bloggers. from my team's own Mane Land site:

Dike also needs to dust off the rust and get a goal. We talk about how strikers are judged on scoring goals, but it’s been too long since the big guy did so in purple.

that would be because he's played in 4 matches all year, only 3 of which he played more than 45 minutes, only 2 in which he started, and he scored two goals in the first match he started.

he's played a whopping 45 minutes in the last 2 months due to injuries and the Gold Cup.

I'd take that over the Fire SB Nation guy, who is an extension of the team's PR department and only puts out stories they feed him.

meh. all teams should have quality SB Nation blogs, not the....crap I see.

A quick recap of what happened in Cincinnati last night. pic.twitter.com/vNVaxbYkOv

— Pharmaceutical Soccer (@PharmaSoccer) October 28, 2021

nothing will ever convince me that Dike committed a foul and our win became a draw. it's been that kind of year. at least when Tesho's got scrubbed off the board, I understood why (offside).

having a game winner taken away dramatically is just gutting. VAR not my friend rn.

I'm a Nashville fan and that wasn't a foul. Both going for the bad and colliding. Goal should have stood.

ball not bad

Congrats on your season btw. Helluva transformation from debut season to second and you'll be a tough out in the playoffs

Chance to tie for the most draws ever!

lol we're not far behind sadly

that was a fun game. Nashville has a good crowd

Congrats. Sad for my boys but you all earned it

That was not the way I hoped Nashville would end their season.

This is such a vibe. pic.twitter.com/0lTLX5tc07

— Jeff Rueter (@jeffrueter) December 11, 2021

Mehhhhhhh

I have a few friends on the Portland side, feel bad for them. Like to see Sean Johnson winning it all after the Fire ditched him.

haha wow, Fire actually went and signed Shaqiri

lmao

News: NYCFC secured a multiyear tie-up with Chicago-based men's grooming brand DUDE Wipes, which will have branding featured on the team's right jersey sleeve starting in '22.https://t.co/QTA2Qdt6R7 pic.twitter.com/KFu30bKqxB

— Mark J. Burns (@markjburns88) February 10, 2022

my friends and I have been laughing about that all morning

nervously excited about Facundo Torres. first mega million star in their youth that we've signed, every other one was a 30-something retirement league signing

lmao at Quioto's red card today. peak level idiocy