The Wisdom of Gaffers

In the second half, the quality that we've got in the team went into overdrive.

David Flitcroft, Bury, February 2014.

(My browser's spellcheck refuses to recognise Flitcroft. It will learn.)

sounds like a Deighton novel. The Flitcroft Algorithm.

My job is to make sure people concentrate on things that are important.

John Still, Luton Town, February 2014.

I've seen it so many times - teams in this position can drift away. Listen to my words: they can drift away.

If I'm lying on the beach in the summer and we haven't played in the play-offs and given ourselves a chance of promotion I am not going to be a happy man.

Richard Money, Cambridge United, February 2014.

I need 11 players to pick themselves and I've said that to the squad. Otherwise you're juggling balls or spinning plates.

Chris Hargreaves, Torquay United, February 2014.

I'm hard on them on the sidelines because I expect high standards. At 4-0 Tope Obadeyi gave the ball away three times in the last few minutes and I'm trying to tell him 'don't do it because I don't like it'.

John Sheridan, Plymouth Argyle, February 2014.

I tried to push him away with my head

Alan Pardew, Newcastle United, February 2014.

The big danger is that you get side-tracked into losing focus on what we are able to do ourselves.

Nigel Pearson, Leicester City, March 2014.

I worked with Liam Hatch at Gravesend. I should have kicked him in the tunnel beforehand, shouldn't I?

Adrian Pennock, Forest Green Rovers, March 2014.

I'm not really worried about the table. I'm worried about winning games.

Graham Westley, Stevenage, March 2014.

I can't say that there wasn't enough contact because Danny (Shittu) is built like a proverbial.

Ian Holloway, Millwall, March 2014.

In the box it is very important to have physical qualities, but sometimes we need more agility in other games.

But don't only watch how tall a player is, but what is in their heart.

Beppe Sannino, Watford, March 2014.

We are disappointed with the two goals we have conceded. My criticism of the side is that we have conceded two goals and the manner of the two goals.

People will probably write us off, but that is not the right thing to do.

Gary Bowyer, Blackburn Rovers, March 2014.

We're not virtually there

Nigel Pearson, Leicester City, March 2014.

You look at the decisions that they make in terms of how consistent they were in making their decisions and how inconsistent we are and that's why we are where we are.

Shaun Derry, Notts County, March 2014.

it's totally different to the other games where we've thrown away a two goal lead.

Russ Wilcox, Scunthorpe United, March 2014.

You know what's coming when you play Mansfield, it's coming in the box no matter where it is

Nigel Worthington, York City, March 2014.

I can't deny it's not a big three points for us.

Chris Wilder, Northampton Town, March 2014.

I asked our 'wrigglers' as I call them, and by that I mean the players who can get the ball out of their feet and sneak a shot away, to test their keeper.

Colin Cooper, Hartlepool United, March 2014.

everyone has given me a positive yes.

Gareth Ainsworth, Wycombe Wanderers, March 2014.

Scoring goals is the hardest job in football, it wins games and at the moment we haven't got enough people who want to do that. I look and I think 'who really wants to be the one that scores a goal?'. Who wants to go and score the goal and be the hero in front of the fans at home and score the winning goal?

Richie Barker, Portsmouth, March 2014.

Tremendous credit to the boys - it's their hard work and perseverance, and them believing in what I'm saying.

James Beattie, Accrington Stanley, March 2014.

We've been the course and distance before

We looked to nullify them as they looked to nullify us.

Nigel Adkins, Reading, March 2014.

But the good thing about the Championship is that we have a fantastic game coming up next weekend at Derby.

David 'Ned' Kelly, Nottingham Forest (assistant), March 2014.

There are so many adjectives to describe how I'm feeling

Lee Clark, Birmingham City, March 2014.

It's not necessarily an easy situation to continually keep winning.

Kenny Jackett, Wolverhampton Wanderers, March 2014.

The second goal, just before half time was absolute comedy for me. Our corner, and then they score from our corner. You work that one out.

Gareth Ainsworth, Wycombe Wanderers, March 2014.

We would love to do that for the course of 90 minutes but you know at some stage the opposition's going to try and stop you or help you in some way.

Nigel Worthington, York City, March 2014.

I'm a winner. I want to win so bad.

i'm a airplane. i want to fly so bad.

I need three or four Sam Stantons in the team and I haven't got that.

I need three or four Duncan Watmores in the team and I haven't got that.

Terry Butcher, Hibernian, March 2014

We've slightly forgotten how to win a game

Justin Edinburgh, Newport County, March 2014.

I've had a chance to see Munich a few times, I watched them at Arsenal and they are a good team

David Moyes, Manchester United, March 2014

http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b03yfqjb/Some_People_with_Jokes_Series_2_Some_Football_Managers_with_Jokes/

Extraordinary television.

Our chef is fantastic - he's open to new ideas

Sean Dyche, Burnley, March 2014

Bryan Robson making me laugh for the first time since he left management

yh the robson one is beautiful

jesus christ you can't get iPlayer within the Pale????

ban iain dowie

yeah for a second there i was hoping it'd be the joek with the punchline "that's easy, Joist wrote Ulysses and Girder wrote Faust"

but no such joy

mcleish fascination with large mammals understandable given some of his teams' football

interesting to see who can actually tell a joke, McLeish is none too shabby, Pleat was fucken painful

first iteration i ever heard of that camel joke was the racist one my dad told me when i was a kid

permaban bobby gould

i gave up before Bobby Gould, figured it wasnae gonna get any better than Robson's

robson's 2nd joke is almost transcendentally lame <3

SHAUN DERRY OUT OF NOWHERE

dowiiiiieeeee noooooo

that's londonderry, son

Gerry Francis you've let yrself down