Tragic Football Stories - Let us Kick Around the misshapen Jabulani that is English football right here

surely you would prefer to die gloriously than live (and then die in the quarter-finals) like game mice, or is that condescending towards chile's chances of actually beating top, top teams (c.f. completely outplaying spain for 30 mins and then falling apart hilariously last time around)

Podcast cru sed ingerland lost to chile coz no andros no welbz and b glendenning showef admirable restraint in only snorting ten or fifteen times

Tbf any team missing its talismen is going to struggle. I didn't actually see the game btw, was it as you'd expect?

Who are England's talismans? Or talismen, if you prefer?

I don't think you can have more than one talisman

Usually whoever gets injured from March onwards xp

You need a team full of talismans imo, or is it captains - yes, a team full of captains. Talismanic captains.

First captain, second captain.....whatever

the twelfth captain is the best fans in the world

Usually whoever gets injured from March onwards xp

lol

Expectations for England are considerably lower – and in some cases, bordering on the hostile.
After the England manager Roy Hodgson said he would like to avoid Manaus because of the humid conditions in the middle of the Amazon, the mayor of that city, Arthur Virgílio Neto, said he would also not welcome the England team.
"We Amazonians would also prefer it if England did not come here," he said in a statement. " We will be hoping for a better draw of a team with more sensitive, cultured and educated technicians."

Arthur Virgílio Neto otm

us too arthur, us too

propose we rename the thread "Andy Carroll is a sensitive, cultured and educated technician"

http://uk.linkedin.com/pub/andrew-carroll/52/991/8

kind of at a loss as to why a foot injury's prevented him from playing

he's at a loss too.

http://www1.pictures.zimbio.com/gi/Andy+Carroll+England+v+Ghana+International+9LfXudagZsBl.jpg

GET INVOLVED - #bbcworldcup
Sahil: I reckon England's group will be South Korea, Ghana, Spain. Winners: Brazil. England: last 16.

GET INVOLVED - #bbcworldcup
Ben Yorke: Looking forward to the World Cup draw!

http://news.bbcimg.co.uk/media/images/71587000/jpg/_71587580_fcd26e9c-5588-43bf-9c28-3e3d81e05280.jpg

1631:
Here he is, fat Ronaldo on stage now. What a World Cup legend! 15 goals in World Cup finals. Five more than Gary Lineker.

I know it's common in bantzerland but should the BBC be using "fat Ronaldo"?

istr his tooth gap being bigger

#shanter

vs Italy 1 point
vs Uruguay savage humuiliation
vs Costa Rica 3 points

4 is probably enough for the group but

down to gd w/italy then, how much of a humiliation will matter

Uruguay were not exactly amazing in qualification.

I reckon England have a decent chance of getting through, they're good at groups and usually despatch minnows - Costa Rica are pretty shabby away from home and could well lose all three. Italy in the heat would be bad except its first up so Italy will probably show exaggerated respect and be happy with a draw. Uruguay have been improving but I can imagine a backs-to-the-wall 0-0. Which would leave the last round as Italy and Uruguay trying to eliminate each other while England sneak through.

easier to imagine a backs to the wal 0-0 against costa rica tbph

"In Ross Barkley I see bits of Michael Ballack, bits of Gazza," added Martinez, who was relegated as Wigan manager on his last visit to the Emirates Stadium.
"The manager of England needs to decide what role Ross has, if any, but we need to give him another 50 starts at least to see his full influence. He could give us something unique as a nation."

REFERS TO ENGLAND AS 'US', GIVE HIM THE JOB FFS

A SPAIN SHALL COME

a sprain shall fall

^ when the merest twinge of a rooney will signal the end to the hopes ye claimed but never had nor wanted

Mourinho also paid tribute to the efforts of Premier League players around the country for their performances throughout the busy festive period with their third game in seven days.

"Premier League players in this country deserve fantastic respect because what they do is amazing,' he said. "To play in this period is beautiful. I love it. I keep saying I love it. The players are monsters in a good sense of the word... It is fantastic propaganda for what football is.'

Did he always talk this much bollocks in the past or is it a recent development?

different strain of bollocks

annexing the redknappian tubthumping vacuum to stymie the meteoric threat of sherwood i'm sure

England manager Roy Hodgson's squad for the final friendly before he names his party for Brazil is expected to have an experimental feel to it when it is announced at Wembley on Thursday.

before he picks the same failed shitkickers as usual for the actual World Cup squad

only the most important threads have survived

When you see it written down it dawns just how shit the England defence is.

Defenders: Leighton Baines (Everton), Gary Cahill (Chelsea), Steven Caulker (Cardiff City), Ashley Cole (Chelsea), Glen Johnson (Liverpool), Luke Shaw (Southampton), Chris Smalling (Manchester United), Kyle Walker (Tottenham Hotspur).

I mean the best guy there barely gets a game anymore.

No Gibbs?

He was injured vs Bayern, don't know whether he's recovered yet or not. Did he play vs Sunderland?

Amazed that Defoe can still make an England squad. He's done what exactly this season?

maybe Drake had a word with Roy

didn't know he got injured, thanks pandemic

read that in a "thanks Obama" sense for a sec

It's 2014 and Ashley Cole is still England's best option at left-back. Thanks pandemic!

Fraser Forster (Celtic), Ben Foster (West Bromwich Albion), Joe Hart (Manchester City), John Ruddy (Norwich City)

^^^ Genuinely terrible.

I thought Ben Foster retired from not being picked for England? Thanks pandemic.

hey now

https://vine.co/v/MKe56h7OjTv

With Rooney operating in the role Luis Suárez takes for Liverpool, there is an option to recreate the dynamic that has helped Sturridge into such prolific form.

Liked this idea, seems totally obvious although I hadn't given it much thought http://www.telegraph.co.uk/sport/football/10693435/Sound-of-silence-speaks-volumes-about-bawling-parents.html

When I played organised football as a kid for the school there were never any parents there beyond 2 or 3 who organised lifts and even they kept their mouths shut. Would have hated playing in front of tens of adults shouting 'encouragement'.