Tragic Football Stories - Let us Kick Around the misshapen Jabulani that is English football right here

fuck off gerrard

don't celebrate that you cunts

Carrick!

Jacques Houillecherre

Ça m'a fait glousser

Should be Huilechère, though so you retain the 'l' sounds (otherwise it we sound out wee-ye-sherr)

yeah, i was mixing him up with Dani Houellebecq in my head

ah, there's the shite Rooney chip. You can see them coming a mile away

http://i.minus.com/i3tRHKKvlRLyR.gif

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/2641675.stm

fucking poll that shit

Blackburn's Martin Taylor will be there to mop up when the siblings' rivalry causes them to lose concentration.

this is the worst sentence ever written

kinda reads like the most hamfisted of satire actually. not sure what it's trying to do

Gerrard as the lone centre mid in there is terrifying me even now, and it's not like i care

it's shit but it seems kind of tongue-in-cheek?

A bit weird writing that in 2003, when England actually could have won in 2004

How did they manage to miss Frank Lampard in 2003?

Also genuine lol at SWP at RB.

xp

is that a fat joek?

yeah i didn't really mean to point the accusing finger of outrage or anything, all fun and games reading the tea leaves

swp actually did start out as wing back under keegan, not much 'back' to it but still

Imagine strauss booming out withine the confines of keggys ears, the sliver of light becoming a ray becoming a beam becoming a continent-enveloping solar bath in his mind's eye, as he considers the exponentialities of the concept that a player can play in two positions at once

http://imageshack.us/a/img201/6896/i6eg.jpg

wot

"Someone leaked it and I bet 100 per cent confident that no player was offended, not one," Collymore wrote on Twitter. "If they are, do explain why. Racism is hard enough to keep on the agenda as it is without making everyone think a legitimate space tale should be a cause for offence."

@StanCollymore
Thought I'd read Roy ''story''. Biggest load of bollocks I've ever wasted 10 seconds reading. He gave a context laden tale for fucks sake.

Are England still allowed in the World Cup?

"legitimate space tale"

pretty much my fave phrase ever now

It's a pretty bizarre motivational tactic but this is such a dumb non-story. Suspect Lampard told his Uncle Harry who went and told The Sun. You can see the big stirring stick a mile off.

you have 15 mins at half time with 11 players you spend 12 of them trying to remember the punchline to a nasa parable and end up pointing at andros townsend and calling him an overworked monkey smdh

pretty much my fave phrase ever now

otm

shit too slow

the sands shift quickly on the modern internet

"nasa parable" almost as good but not quite

it is easier for carrick to pass through the eye of the needle than it is for richard lambert to be enter the team at 11.

the feeding of the Frank Lampard

The Burning of the Midnight Lampard surely?

the Burning of the Midnight Özil is what did for Gareth Barry

the good-but-not-great-samarasitan

The scholars of the Jesus Seminar gave the parable of the assassin a "pink" rating, indicating that it is in their opinion probably, but not certainly, an authentic saying of Jesus. They were influenced by parallels with the parables of the warring king [2] and of the tower builder[3] found in the Gospel of Luke (see Counting the cost), and by the "scandalous nature of the image."[4] According to Robert Funk, "[a]ttributing a parable to Jesus not attested in the canonical gospels and known only for a few years was an act of courage that demanded careful deliberation".[5] This decision by the Seminar has been criticized for inconsistency, since the parallel parable of the warring king in Luke was not given a pink rating.[6] The authenticity of this parable has been attacked on the grounds that Jesus would not use a parable that glorifies murder, and because of its use of the phrase "the kingdom of the father" which is not found in the canonical gospels.

these fuckin post match analysts are killing the parable game

"The kingdom of the father is like a certain woman who was carrying a jar full of meal. While she was walking on the road, still some distance from home, the handle of the jar broke and the meal emptied out behind her on the road. She did not realize it; she had noticed no accident. When she reached her house, she set the jar down and found it empty."

that's it?

THAT'S IT?

no wonder ppl think gods a cunt

"English football is like a certain woman who was carrying a jar full of meal. While she was walking on the road, still some distance from home, the handle of the jar broke and the meal emptied out behind her on the road. She did not realize it; she had noticed no accident. When she reached her house, she set the jar down and found it empty."

this one could run and run!

Dan Walker ‏@mrdanwalker 5m

I am unable to relay the whole story but the 'truth', although not damning, is apparently different to what we are being told.

Dan Walker ‏@mrdanwalker 15m

Now this will annoy a lot of you but... it has become clear that there is more to this Hodgson story than meets the eye.

Hearing this from elsewhere, too

lj how would you describe your patriotic sensibilities wrt TEAM ENGLAND and how does this relate to your affection for and judgment of the country itself, also do you feel differently with our kricket kulaks?

cuz evidently i don't think i could really feel in any way sympathetic to TEAM ENGLAND unless they somehow turned into ajax 74, whereas it seems you would probably be happy if they could just not be totally execrable and hateful, so retain more of an optimism for our young pups

I would like to see England play fluid & effective football, which usually means winning. The England team has a cultural cachet around it that influences the sporting discourse in this country and I think a strong & tactically well-constructed team would improve that discourse, or at least palliate some of the more histrionic tendencies of fans/media. This doesn't mean I don't enjoy laughing at their baser failures now & then, or that I privilege them unduly above other national teams. My loyalty to England is a very, very distant second to my loyalty to Charlton - the more diffuse the community, the less investment I feel it's possible to harbour while still retaining one's integrity (obviously any support involves a certain sacrifice of integrity unless you literally only follow football for that team).

I do feel optimistic about certain young players & I hope they are coached to maximise their skillset intelligently or such guff

While I am probably a (slightly) bigger cricket fan than football fan I am not an England cricket supporter at all (especially with the dull cunts that make up the majority of the team rn). I very frequently favour the opposition. Ultimately in cricket I enjoy watching individual battles, fluctuations in pressure & ripples of fear/excitement spreading. It's a beautiful sport but I feel Test cricket is too rich to approach from a purely supporter perspective.

that's a very good answer, i even agree with your 'palliative' argument there and would extend it from the style of play to external factors, so the conduct of hodgson and his lack of chauvinism or hypemanship is laudable

and naturally the second paragraph is something like how i view fitba

I mean, I'd blather on about Tendulkar on ILX but a) not many people care and b) there is literally nothing more to say about him

except that he's slightly overrated ;-)

but then how could he not be given the absurd manner of Indian cricket fans. It would be churlish to put his achievements down to longevity alone as he's clearly a brilliant batsman with every shot in the game and a calm temperament. From a purely selfish point of view, Lara was a more exciting watch & a batsman who relished propelling his team against a strong bowling-attack. Everyone hates Ponting but at his peak he was about as good as Tendulkar at his

blah