Nult satis nisi optimum: Phil McNulty 2011/12

Throwing shadows and avoiding the EPL treadmill is very Leighton Baines despite his extraordinary track record that includes assists in excess of 50 not to mention his massive contributions in the area of art, fashion, style, blog exploitation and social commentary. It goes without saying that he has enthralled stadiums and encouraged ticket records throughout the world during this most influential of careers.

not nult, but from bbc's live blog today:

West Brom keeper Ben Foster thinks it is "unthinkable" that Aston Villa could be relegated, ahead of the Midlands derby at the Hawthorns on Saturday.

hall of mirrors

His influence is spreading,

But Modric is still not the number 10. Mesut Ozil is and how Real missed the keen, outsized eyes of the suspended Germany international. Ozil's nickname at Real is a kind of fish, but Modric increasingly looks like the player out of water and questions must surely be asked of Mourinho's stubborn resistance to Kaka's inclusion in the side. The Brazilian was not even among the substitutes at Los Carmenes, but his input could have been invaluable in a team utterly devoid of attacking ideas.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/21679869

this is full of awful shit.

Jose Mourinho, like the great opportunistic coach that he is, sensed the shift in momentum and introduced Luka Modric, who scored the equaliser while Cristiano Ronaldo finished off the job and ended United's interest in the Champions League at the last-16 stage.

With the possibility of favourites and recent nemesis Barcelona going out to AC Milan and the opportunity to eliminate the dangerous Real a realistic possibility, Ferguson will know a door could have opened here.

Old Trafford, with flamboyant encouragement from an enraged and literally hopping mad Ferguson, raised the volume but United were unnerved, unsettled and world-class players and coaches prey on opponents in those vital moments of weakness.

The Scot could, however, have been weighing up the potential for financial as well as emotional and footballing loss as there was the possibility for fines to run up faster than a taxi's meter had he revealed his true feelings about a night of pure but painful sporting theatre

With the possibility of favourites and recent nemesis Barcelona going out to AC Milan and the opportunity to eliminate the dangerous Real a realistic possibility

it's like some kind of dementedly broken palindrome.

Earlier this week Noel Gallagher criticised Muse and this year's Brit Awards, saying that music is full of careerists at the moment. He also told NME that David Bowie's video for 'Where Are We Now?' "looks like his fucking cat's directed it", suggesting the High Flying Birds man is developing an obsession with all things feline. Could his next album be titled 'Be Here Meow'?

that might be the first use of the 'the <team> man' construction applied to music

controversial former high flying birds man kilbane

What about the rebel groups?

They have proven their capacity to strike at the capital Khartoum and may decide irrespective of the ICC to relaunch the war. Peace in Darfur and with the South has relied on their involvement. The current negotiations on Darfur led by South Africa's former president Thabo Mbeki - tarnished by his failed "quiet diplomacy" with Zimbabwe – hinge on Mr al-Bashir remaining engaged. A genocide charge arguably weakens the already embattled former military man and could leave him with little option but to remain in power by any means necessary.

the already embattled former military man

arguably

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/22446853
Following his aborted first retirement in 2002, there was never going to be the uncertainty of a long goodbye but the speed with which whispers about his retirement turned to a scream painted a picture of a stunning series of events.

lol

http://i.imgur.com/fvlnF5Y.gif

Everton were facing a rebellion from within their own support after revealing a new club crest. The new design does not feature Everton's motto 'nil satis nisi optimum'.

Last week I read The Unfortunates by B.S. Johnson, which is from 1969 and contains an early and somewhat prescient lampooning of Nultism:

"City will have to pull out all the stops today to beat United, with their star-studded forward line containing no less than three internationals, but provided City's Furse has his shooting boots on it may well be that the local lads will show last year's League runners-up a thing or two before their own loyal crowd at Home Park this afternoon.

Yes indeed. Thank Christ I don't have to write that sort of preliminary speculative meaningless crap. Just my own kind of crap."

that's perfect

i have been meaning to read the unfortunates for ages

He does appear to have perfected that mix of fence-sitting banality, ponderous syntax and inane phrases that no one ever really uses ("provided he has his shooting boots on" etc).

Are any of his proper Observer match reports available somewhere? Would like to see how they compare.

"we will have checked your card in a few seconds" - euston lloyds tsb cash machine

http://languagelog.ldc.upenn.edu/nll/?p=5112

Takes a special kind of interest, admittedly.

Heh, there's even a 'sports journalism' comment at 8:33, sadly missing the point that will have been noted by nult

David Moyes announced that he had slept soundly the night before his first Premier League match as Manchester United manager. The weight of expectation accompanying the succession to Sir Alex Ferguson had not kept him awake.

And if Moyes had any dreams, they would have mirrored the events that unfolded at The Liberty Stadium in a manner that had business as usual stamped straight through it as United beat Swansea City 4-1.

a fearful metaphysics - dreams mirroring events (not foretelling or reviewing), the product of which terrifying and rarified concept is resolved from its abstract and vaporous conception into a Blackpool Rock-like fabric of concrete reality. The gnostic, or mirror-dream created inner message of which is known only when consumed. It thus exists S. cat like in a paradoxical status of fatalistic indeterminacy, but is always (to the tolling of a bell):

BUSINESS AS USUAL.

Starring David Moyes as

The Ascetic Seer of BAU.

i'd love to see his face writing that drivel. "ooh look at me, I'm salvador dali. check it oout!"

Yeah, peculiar. Not sure he really thinks that though, seems more like a fairly effortless expression of unpunctuated thought. The effect is great tho. Man's reach exceeding his grasp or something.

Phil McNulty, BBC Sport Chief Football Writer at Goodison ParkFULL-TIME ANALYSIS - Everton 1-0 Chelsea

"Everton showed resilience as well a determination to pass the ball in the manner demanded by new manager Roberto Martinez - and this is a win of huge significance for the Spaniard.

senile fitba hacks will be the last people saying 'spaniard' 400 years after the armada has sailed

In the dark days of summer discontent as Wayne Rooney once again glanced towards Old Trafford's exit, David Moyes made his opening pitch as Manchester United manager.

Manchester City ensured David Moyes' first derby as Manchester United manager ended in abject humiliation with a crushing victory at the Etihad Stadium

not especially classic Nult but I enjoy it because I'm not sure the phrase 'abject humiliation' had ever been used before by anyone but Jafar in Aladdin.

Also Nult really sticks the fucking knife in in that report, what did Moyesy do to him?

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/24330700

this is fuckin deranged

Nult will have methodically assembled a colossal suite of opinions on everything related to Manchester United, Sir Alex Ferguson and David Moyes over the past ten years, and today will doubtlessly have been seen to have been the optimal occasion to just absolutely fucking haemorrhage them everywhere for far longer than any sane person could withstand reading

how'd they manage a table of "Utd's Midfield Flops" without mentioning Verón?

He surely knew a joint bid of £28m for Fellaini and England defender Leighton Baines would only antagonise his former club Everton - and made the lone signing of Fellaini for £500,000 less on deadline day appear faintly ridiculous.

...

To succeed such a significant figure as Ferguson while at the same time making key changes to a successful squad made it arguably the hardest job at elite level in world football.

This actually seems like its his life's work but half of the sentences don't even make sense

These are not crisis times for Moyes but troubled times. United have shown their faith with a six-year deal and will not be panicked in any way - but Moyes will know answers must be found quickly.

9.3 triple Nult for the finish and relax/black out for three days

Every new manager almost always brings his old backroom staff with him.

this is my favourite

Fortune wasn't a flop. Quintessential Utd squad player

Made the mistake of scrolling all the way down while still on the first paragraph, there's just no way. I will feel like I've wasted my bedtime reading slot if I try and wade through all that

http://news.bbcimg.co.uk/media/images/70185000/jpg/_70185898_meulensteen-phelan.jpg

ill-judged "does anybody else really miss Mike Phelan" detour in the middle, I for one am gagging to see the ingracious cunt back on TV joylessly toeing the party line to the MOTD cameras

he was on setanta last saturday

he has the demeanour of a 75 year old widower

biscuits you are a saint for resurrecting nultroast

haha, god. that piece must be about 5,000 words.

http://i.imgur.com/F5lznYr.png

ah yes that old quote

But this is a manager, despite his lack of silverware and Champions League experiences, who knows his way around the Premier League.

usually you can only call yourself a manager once you win something

Always thought it was "Attack, attack: attack ; attack - attack. (Attack.)"

time was the worst that he would say about a tier 1 england regular was that he will have wanted to have done better but nult is giving joe hart a kicking in the liveblog today

between this and shitting on moyes' doorsteps it's quite a turnaround for the once quiescent scribe

not even just in the liveblog and his columns either, he's going in hard in the normally aseptically factual match reports. nult's gone rogue.