I SCORED A GOAL FFS

this thread is not representative, tho imo i do alright lashing them in for a fat lad, to look at me like.

assume all of yours are feverish fantasy inventions fwiw

been trying out some stepovers recently, highly effective addition to the arsenal as they're so slow the defender is invariably reduced to giving up laughing

i kinda just do them for the fans now tbh

every entry in here is legit

tho i admit i probably under-report to the 'I MISSED A GOAL FFS' thread

and it's lucky we don't have 'I TOOK A SHIT TOUCH AND FELL OVER' or 'I COLLAPSED COMPLETELY FUCKED' threads

the stepover followed by nutmeg is surprisingly effective, and easy to execute. best employed with old friends to ensure maximum bantz.

no joke, michael owen saying "... entice the leg to come out..." has haunted me every game i've played since

dribbling is p much like autumnwatch now

did the opposite of score a goal tonight

fell on my own fist & cracked a rib. sooooooore

Ouch

gonna feel even worse when rtc rolls up and claimed you made it up tho

surely the opposite of scoring a goal is

well, now...

is it:

a) missing a goal
b) scoring an own-goal
c) saving a goal

tuesday night philosophy 4u

the opposite of a goal is when a goalkeeper makes a big save, thereby "making amends for his mistake earlier"

d) driving to qpr

e) picking up the ball and running with it instead

f) passing it to another arsenal player

g) you can't fault his workrate

Ouch

gonna feel even worse when rtc rolls up and claimed you made it up tho

― ben foster five (darraghmac), Tuesday, 5 February 2013 22:15 (Yesterday) Bookmark

lol why do i feel you've been legit harbouring this resentment

cos i've avoided the thread since, chris armstrong style

SOME REAL FUCKIN BEAUTIES TOO, UR LOSS IMO

i actually scored probably the best 5as goal of my miserable life the other week, breaking from midfield after winning a challenge and then sort of flicking it outside of the boot from an improbable distance/angle papiss cisse style across the keeper and crashing in off the far post. don't really know what i was thinking but it turned out fkn badass

erm like i say i don't score too many

dont believe a fuckin word of it, jog on son

:D

haha

cmon deems i yearn for your heroic whoppers, let's be having them

fwiw tonight i done naff all except rather disgrace myself by totally chopping down a newcomer neymar wannabe trying out his lollipop collection

usually fouls are fouls but this was a regrettable "you know what-" moment

sorry guy, hope this contrite admission before some interweb randoms makes up for it

xp ashley cole vibe off that one tbh

imo the srs answer actual opposite of scoring is probably somewhat mundanely giving away possession in a stupid area leading to oppo goal

the shaming act of capitalisation is far more painful than whatever the outre comedy pratfall is that would result in an og

it's only rly the exact opposite if the concession of possession is from a goalscoring chance itself i'd say

don't remember anything particularly good lately tbrr, the odd punt from distance*

*as measured along five-a-side standards obv

ehh if you fuck up a tap-in and it comes down the other way no one's really gonna have a go at you tho, that's everyone's fault

the blame spotlight needs to be comparable to the goalscorer's glory

There's the shame spotlight too, which is a more private affair - it's late in the game; you've strayed a little too far upfield, gloryhunting; you can't be arsed tracking back; they get the ball and, somewhat ineptly, capitalise with ease. Particularly bad if you've just hauled yourselves back almost on terms, at great effort. Nobody slates you in these circumstances, but you know what you've done.

i smashed in a screamer (5 a side) a few weeks back, i kicked it and it flew straight as an arrow to the top corner (of the tiny goal). Looked amazing

now whenever i get the ball i just try to cunt it the same way. think this is how gareth bale/gerrard/ronaldo etc got started with their irresponsible cunting.

bad willed cunting

night of the cunter

lol at faux-cunt

night of the cunter

― Ballboy to Afghanistan (LocalGarda), Wednesday, 6 February 2013 16:07 (2 hours ago) Bookmark

lord, save the little goalies. they abide... they abide and they endure

fuxing ankle got me srsly considering retirement :/

scored goals since but you wont want to hear about them like

Scored a hat trick the other day for the first time in months :)

Should hat-trick be hyphenated or is it two words?

Hat trick
Hat-trick
Hattrick

One word imo. You can slip an extra 't' in there without being too conspicuous.

like di canio volley, but from like five yards out, but still

famous goals i have emulated in my five-a-side career

rooney newcastle volley cunt
larsson diving header cunt
zola instep volley backheel flick (slight cunt)
letiss faux cunt
di canio jumped and used the other leg volley technical cunt
romario flick-around-defender slide-cunt finish
bull-toe proper cunted that one x 10000

no head-height rule in your 5 a side game?

Joy of Six: Unique Goals, or just another week for dmac

Fuckin head height rule, pshaw

Off now to ucd no doubt i'll not return without anothef tale of derring do, nominate an iconic effort for me

Is it blaes? The Vialli one.

Nothin more flash than a nutmeg left foot winner in off the post soz

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0UPNgiTXTRE

Oh yeah I've scored one of those once. iirc met with raised eyebrows in response, along the lines of 'Really? You?'

http://i500.listal.com/image/2122277/500full.jpg

IK, pictured after scoring.