"The monkeys start to squeal, lie and create conspiracy plots" - Scottish Football 2012/13

It used to be better when Tony Roper was involved, and I remember they briefly got Alistair McGowan involved so at least the impressions were better, even if the material was a bit pish. It at least stayed about football (that Alex Salmond/square sausage pish, give me strength...), and poked fun at things relevant and current to Scottish football.

Now there's no attempt whatsoever to remain relevant to what's actually happening in football. I mean, jesus, ANYONE with half a brain could have done *something* with Craig Whyte's googly-eyed declarations at the doors of Ibrox, but, naw, why do that when you can make jokes about, eh, the naked rambler and Jimmy fucking Calderwood.

I mean, honestly. Prince Albert of Monaco. Joanna Lumley. Godspeed Rangers. Giving money to Mr Custard the Clown by mistake. Her Maj's Revenue & Customs shutting down the club that sing about how much they love her every week. Surely there's some material in there? Nah, let's have Neil Lennon dancing gangnam style instead.

hahaha, hadn't seen the equaliser at Ibrox until now. Keeper lolz of the season right here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R9pS8w8H09U

Ouch. That's the kind of goal I give away regularly at fives.

Classic!

Various internet bampots linking Celtic with a loan move for Samir Nasri o_O

Ally Mc Oist lol

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BABk4PdCAAAd3f4.jpg

he seems to be swallowing a rain of small pimples

kind of lol but mostly o_O

Saw that on KDS yesterday - I laughed. It's surely the only reaction. I wonder if he's the guy who made the legned banner as well, or the oversees payments one, or does being stupid help you come to the decision to support Rangers or a successor thereof?

It's weird that tattooists don't routinely check spelling before decorating people for life.

I think they just do as they are told. Not their fault if their client is a moron. I have the same issue with registrars who christen babies with stupid misspelled names, but apparently it's not their job to go "no, ffs, you don't spell it Stayyceeee" or whatever

I've not had a tattoo so I don't know how it works, but there surely must be a contract in which the client writes down exactly want they want. Otherwise tattoo people would be getting sued all over the world.

The sheer volume of photos displayed with pride of these things on the internet (maybe over half of the things on tattoo fail?) might suggest that the client either does get exactly what they want or at least thinks they do.

I'd like to think the name's just on that one to convince the owner he hasn't just got a tattoo of Derek Johnstone awaiting his next pie delivery.

Have we all seen Traynor's astonishing puff piece on the Rangers' website ("don't mess with us, we are the people" seems to be the gist), was doing the rounds on twitter yesterday?

Here's Scotzine's take on it.

http://www.scotzine.com/2013/01/jim-traynor-sporting-integrity-what-about-journalistic-integrity/

I find Scotzine almost unreadable but I suppose he's half a notch above Traynor.

What Traynor said about Green's failure to get a CVA agreed, something that should be flung in his face on a daily basis:

http://www.thecelticnetwork.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/JABBA.png

Yeah, the link was mostly just a way to link to Traynor's without having to link to the Rangers site, and save me adding the "grrr arrgh, load of pish" comments myself, I'm sure I could have found it somewhere if I wasn't half-arsedly skiving at work. I'm half a notch below Traynor, probably.

Oh good, Chuckles is off on one again.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/20963963

Rangers 'should quit Scotland' if league changes go ahead

So there is an upside to this ridiculous rearranging of deck chairs!

"Hand on heart, there isn't an option but that doesn't mean we shouldn't start looking for an option."

http://i3.ytimg.com/vi/s1tAYmMjLdY/hqdefault.jpg

"In what league do you win a division and then end up playing the same teams again the following season? There is no meaning to it, in reality"

Um, in the same league where Falkirk were denied promotion - three times - because their stadium wasn't big enough for a couple of home games against the Old Firm each season. Acting like this would be some new unprecedented turn of events. I know, I know; saying "Green's talking utter pish" is becoming pretty redundant pretty rapidly.

Admittedly that case was a known quantity, where this is more like the goalposts being moved.

pretty sure you play most of the same teams next season if you win the SPL too

I can see his point that in terms of promotion the league is rendered meaningless for them but that's the case for most teams most seasons in most leagues regardless of the structures. Is he saying East Stirlingshire and their fans may as well not have turned up all season (or in most previous seasons for that matter)?

Reconstructing into three leagues rather than four means they'll a step nearer the top league (where I thought they didn't want to be anyway, I can't keep up!) without having to worry about their shonky away form :)

Also, they might have a shiny first trophy in their cabinet and their fans will get to have a "yay, we won something" day. It would be churlish in the extreme to not want to win trophies, surely?

Rangers 'should quit Scotland' if league changes go ahead

And where would they go exactly? Nazi Germany is long gone, as is apartheid-era South Africa. As a friend of mine texted last night on hearing this news: "Bankrupt, violent bigots seek similar for fights"

Interesting to see how Celtic's share price has changed recently. Presumably reacting to a) the The Rangers flotation b) relative CL success c) new sponsorship deal and d) lots of speculation about the value of our saleable assets.

http://i46.tinypic.com/2vmsppy.jpg

Market capitalisation now at >£62m - double what it was a year ago.

Armageddon oh noes etc.

Another day, another chuckle from Chuck. This guy doesn't have an off switch, does he?

http://sport.stv.tv/football/clubs/rangers/209386-charles-green-no-to-cross-border-league-would-be-sex-discrimination/

An odd a man as he is, he's kinda got a point about welsh teams being OK in the english leagues, while scots aren't. I must admit I've always been confused by that one myself. What the the reasons behind this? Historical quirk?

Conspiracy theories ahoy - Leigh Griffith's racist tweet a tactic to keep him? Wolves press statement says he's now "likely to stay at Hibs for the rest of the season", which wasn't what they were saying last month.

(And yes, the more sane answer is that Wolves are waiting for the new manager to decide whether he wants him, but this is the sort of shit that makes Scottish football fun.)

Scottish football's fun?

RIP Sean Fallon

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/21077765

Bloke at my work just told me about that. RIP.

RIP Sean

Cracking return to action today with a comprehensive demolition of a Hearts team who could barely be bothered kicking us.

:(

Lovely bit of showing off from Gary Mackay-Steven, bringing the foul it deserved :)

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/scotland/21114412

totally fuckin shambolic in every department

Yep. We are fucking disastrous at regrouping when things don't go our way from the start.

Peter Houston's away.

He truly managed to maintain a decent level of mediocrity despite the talent at his disposal.

Probably away before he coaches them into getting dumped out of the cup by a team in the 3rd divison next week :(

Replacement suggestions I've seen bandied about include Steven Pressley, Jackie Macnamara, Derek McInnes and (hilariously) the return of Craig Levein.

Avril was good when he was at United tbf

Jackie McNamara gets the Arabs gig. Hopefully our former captain will sell us Johnny Russell for cheap.

Because Celtic are the one team in Scotland needing cut price deals from other clubs (i expect you were being facetious).

of course

TBH I reckon Russell's just running down his contract and planning a wee trip down the Tay on a free.

lol

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