"The monkeys start to squeal, lie and create conspiracy plots" - Scottish Football 2012/13

Oh, and David Robertson getting his leg broken after five minutes on the park didn't help either.

And now an eight game ban for Lomas. I haven't seen it - what did he do?!

Kicked a water bottle in frustration after the penalty miss - Hasselbaink is not our penalty taker. Already had a suspended ban.

http://www.whoateallthepies.tv/fail/148886/fc-emmens-jeffrey-de-visscher-has-contract-terminated-for-pooping-in-the-woods-claims-to-be-innocent.html

Former Aberdeen played sacked from Dutch club for drunk driving and shitting at the roadside.

Fergie got a knighthood for similar iirc.

Don't let the door hit yer arse etc

http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/sport/football/football-news/james-traynor-why-this-is-my-last-ever-newspaper-1470416

lol

That is something, isn't it? Such a complete lack of self-awareness! I do like how he chunters on and on about the woeful inaccuracy of everyone that isn't him, while saying shit like "Rangers and their fans, who deserve enormous credit for having saved their club". Um, does anyone want to break it to him?

Clown. Now just get him off the radio an'all and I'll be happy.

KILMARNOCK v ROSS COUNTY OR INVERNESS CT
DUNDEE v TURIFF UTD or MORTON
DUNDEE UTD v RANGERS
FALKIRK v FORFAR
HIBERNIAN v ABERDEEN OR MOTHERWELL
DUNFERMLINE V DUMBARTON OR HAMILTON
ST MIRREN V COWDENBEATH OR ST JOHNSTONE
RAITH ROVERS v CELTIC OR ARBROATH

Is this is a giant wind-up by the timternet or is Traynor really away to be Rangers' PR chief?

I read last night that his farewell column was a job application. It certainly reads that way. Can't imagine why you'd make someone with no PR experience (other than being spoonfed it and regurgitating it) your PR. Maybe he's onto an editorial job at the Orangers News.

Interesting draw in the cup there.

Ooh, hello! Aye, I'm sure Arbroath will bring a decent support your way :-/

xpost, he's got excellent practice in spinning good PR for Rangers, years at the Record/on BBC Scotland will do that for you. But aye, it did read like one of the Record's favoured "come and get me" pleas that they're aye telling us potential Ibrox targets are so fond of issuing. Surely at the end of a long career of hackery you'd concentrate on the good times, maybe throw in a tinge of regret about bampots making the written press largely redundant, whatevs. But going down in a "poor The Rangers, you just didn't understand and I can't take it any more" blaze of stupidity and false bravado is a really odd way to sign off.

http://sport.stv.tv/football/clubs/hearts/204137-comparing-the-wage-bills-in-the-scottish-premier-league-for-season-201011/

Rangers had the most responsible wage to turnover ratio of any SPL club other than Hamilton in 10/11. Where did it all go wrong?

Maybe their wage+dodgy undeclared payments:turnover ratio wasn't quite so impressive.

NewGers refusing tickets for cup tie at Tannadice.

Gies ma baw ahm goan in.

Have you guys covered this already?
http://local.stv.tv/elgin/news/203973-elgin-dancing-queen-mortified-after-96000-watch-rangers-camera-clip/

Meant to put that on the rolling wtf thread, but forgot. tbf, she's from Nairn, probably just transfixed by working electricity etc.

I spent a night in Nairn once, with barely functioning electricity. Scotland were 2-0 up after an hour against the third best team in the world (aye right FIFA) and the picture kept disappearing on my hotel room telly so I had to escape to a nearby pub to see us lose 3-2.

Can't actually remember the end of that game, now that I think about it, maybe the pub didn't have it on or maybe I missed the end or maybe I've blotted it out idk. Classic Scotland all the same.

Nairn is a shithole. My dad used to play for their team though, several gazillion years ago just after his cup-winning* glory days** with Ross County.

* North of Scotland Cup or Highland League Cup or something similarly unimportant. There is a picture of him with it in the trophy room at Victoria Park Global Energy Stadium or whatever it's calling itself these days though.

** not much glory in Dingwall in the 1950s, it would seem.

after Celtic's magnificent achievement in the Champions League, today's Daily Record features an amazing EIGHT PAGE RANGERS PICTURE SPECIAL

and David Leggat thinks Peter Lawell is running the Record o_O

Haha I didn't believe you there, but here's the piece online. How weird.

Elgin fan has an American rival:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mOHkRk00iI8

Probably very late to this news, but jesus it wasn't a twitter joke after all: http://rangers.co.uk/news/headlines/item/2883-club-appointment

So in preparation for his new job in trying to manage the press, he decided to call the press a bunch of cunts? I'm sure all those dishonourable hacks he tore into last week will be desperate to help him wherever they can..

Actually given it's rangers, that sentence probably works better without any sarcastic inflection.

lol @ a guy who hates all forms of new media being in charge of it.

Decent wee display at Rugby Park today - now can we just sort home league form?

Fuckin refs. Denied around 124 penalties today. Best home performance in the league for some time and should have put the game away before half time.

St Mirren showed about as much ambition as Dundee earlier this season i.e. none. They gave the ball away in the their own half non stop - it's ok saying you want to play it out from the back but not much good if your players can't pass a football.

This will be the first season in over 40 years that the Hoops have gone beyond Christmas and still been involved in all four major competitions that they entered at the start of the season.

so Jock Stein > Neil Lennon > everyone else :)

Someone's had too much brandy butter

http://www.rangersfc.co.uk/news/headlines/item/2983-a-christmas-message

Ha, it's nice that the lower leagues have their own Vlad.

Fuck me, Only An Excuse was terrible.

(I'm not talking about football any more. I don't like it).

Jamie Murphy, Keith Lasley, Tom Hateley, Stuart McCall: fuck you all very much!

So long Ibrahim Rabiu. We hardly knew ye. At all. Gone to Killie, probably good for him as Sheils isn't the type of manager to knock the football out of him - though he strikes me as more of a St Mirren type.

Defender Rami Gershon in talks with Celtic. I know nothing about him.

He's quite good looking and he thinks we're called Celtics. That's all I got, based on a minute's viewing of STV news.

oh aye, also said he's a mate of Beram Kayal's but he hasn't actually spoken to him about Celtic. Hmmmm.

Hibs player if ever I saw one

http://nfs.stvfiles.com/imagebase/174/410x230/174094-celtic-signing-target-rami-gershon-arrives-at-glasgow-airport.jpg

Hugh Adam's obituary, casting aspersions over his state of mind, suggesting his accusations of unfair play and predictions of meltdown were the ramblings of a senile old man, and using Adam's obit as a platform to shift some blame off of Murray. Quality journalism at its highest, oh yes:

By the time of the slide into administration in February 2012 Sir David had sold the club – disastrously – to Craig Whyte. Mr Adam later gace [sic] a newspaper interview in which he accused Sir David of operating a dual contracts system in regard to employee benefit trust (EBT) payments to players and other employees.

Mr Adam offered no proof over his accusations – his opening comment to his interviewers of "my memory's not what it used to be" perhaps saying it all

http://www.heraldscotland.com/comment/obituaries/hugh-adam.19831988

The blame shifted off Murray and onto the banking crisis (not his fault, poor wee lamb) is next-level delusion, not to mention completely inappropriate in an obituary for someone else.

Elgin's equaliser at Ibrox means that TAFKAR can't beat Gretna's record points total for Division 3. Shame, they're all about the records these days, aren't they?

Christ that obit is outrageous.

And xxxxxxxxp only an excuse was truly awful. Half the characters haven't even been involved in the scottish game for like a decade. Just having them do gangnam style in and of itself isn't very funny.

It used to be better, didn't it? Or was I just young?

Didn't watch it but got the impression from a colleague it was just the usual suspects.

It used to be better when Tony Roper was involved, and I remember they briefly got Alistair McGowan involved so at least the impressions were better, even if the material was a bit pish. It at least stayed about football (that Alex Salmond/square sausage pish, give me strength...), and poked fun at things relevant and current to Scottish football.

Now there's no attempt whatsoever to remain relevant to what's actually happening in football. I mean, jesus, ANYONE with half a brain could have done *something* with Craig Whyte's googly-eyed declarations at the doors of Ibrox, but, naw, why do that when you can make jokes about, eh, the naked rambler and Jimmy fucking Calderwood.

I mean, honestly. Prince Albert of Monaco. Joanna Lumley. Godspeed Rangers. Giving money to Mr Custard the Clown by mistake. Her Maj's Revenue & Customs shutting down the club that sing about how much they love her every week. Surely there's some material in there? Nah, let's have Neil Lennon dancing gangnam style instead.

hahaha, hadn't seen the equaliser at Ibrox until now. Keeper lolz of the season right here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R9pS8w8H09U

Ouch. That's the kind of goal I give away regularly at fives.

Classic!

Various internet bampots linking Celtic with a loan move for Samir Nasri o_O

Ally Mc Oist lol

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BABk4PdCAAAd3f4.jpg

he seems to be swallowing a rain of small pimples

kind of lol but mostly o_O

Saw that on KDS yesterday - I laughed. It's surely the only reaction. I wonder if he's the guy who made the legned banner as well, or the oversees payments one, or does being stupid help you come to the decision to support Rangers or a successor thereof?

It's weird that tattooists don't routinely check spelling before decorating people for life.

I think they just do as they are told. Not their fault if their client is a moron. I have the same issue with registrars who christen babies with stupid misspelled names, but apparently it's not their job to go "no, ffs, you don't spell it Stayyceeee" or whatever