Nult satis nisi optimum: Phil McNulty 2011/12

Ferguson will have been well aware that they might not have been so lucky next season.
Ferguson will have been well aware that they might not have been so lucky next season.
Ferguson will have been well aware that they might not have been so lucky next season.
Ferguson will have been well aware that they might not have been so lucky next season.

<3

haha i wanted to post this, so fucking shameful that nult puts his own dirty mark even on an interview. i read it and knew from the first line it'd say nult had done the interview.

like all the great auteurs, nult does his best work with other people's scripts

sometimes on a day so warm yr laptop has died, all you can think of is a cool glass of chablis and a fresh nultblog on the iphone

― tipper gore (nakhchivan), Monday, 27 June 2011 14:24 (1 hour ago) Bookmark

irl lol

only one direction for my thought to go when, reading W.G. Sebald's 'The Emigrants', I come across the phrase 'one thing is certain'. Damn you Nult.

Wonder what Nult thinks of Austerlitz and its long multi-clause sentences, can he read German do you suppose.

No matter how often I tell myself that chance happenings of this kind occur far more often than we suspect, since we all move, one after the other, along the same roads mapped out for us by our origins and our hopes, my rational mind is nonetheless unable to lay the ghosts of repetition that haunt me with ever greater frequency. One thing is certain: Sir Alex will be delighted.

very much enjoying wg sebald but he does have a habit for slightly nult via thomas mann lengthy future perfect sentences in his reimaginings of past lives

― kid 606: the nultness (nakhchivan), Tuesday, March 29, 2011 7:47 PM (3 months ago)

@chrisbevan have a read of wg sebald, excellent prose. @jonathanstevo #themagicmountainmate #alliteration sir alex will have cogitated

By Mark Ashenden

1055: England's Paul Casey will have had better starts to a major championship. Four pars and three bogeys leave him struggling on +3.

I like how in its simplest form that construction just reads as "I can't be bothered to verify whether this assertion is true." Has Casey had better starts in majors? He will have had, I should think.

By Phil McNulty

Manchester City are moving to finalise the signing of Atletico Madrid's Sergio Aguero despite the collapse of Carlos Tevez's move to Corinthians.

City boss Roberto Mancini has decided to press on with a deal for Aguero even without finance from the sale of Tevez.

The two sides are moving towards agreement on the £39m buy-out clause in the 23-year-old's contract.

can someone tell nult that buy-out clauses are legally binding and no agreement is necessary if they are fulfilled

I seem to remember reading (maybe on here?) that the buyout clauses in Spain only apply to deals with other Spanish clubs. Could be bullshit i dunno

was just thinking i was missing pasting nult's every awful sentence on ilx.

think he's had a few weeks off

nult

Cesc Fabregas' future, or lack of it, has once again dominated the summer

The weaknesses that cost Arsenal last season, vulnerability in central defence and a physical presence in midfield, have not yet been addressed.

They may well arrive once the saga of Fabregas' seemingly inevitable move to Barcelona is concluded. And their success will shape Arsenal and Wenger's season.
If they are, Arsenal may cling on to fourth place - if they are not then there is the real possibility of the Gunners dropping out of the select quartet at the top of the Premier League.

IF WHAT ARE YOU CUNT

Dalglish has problems to solve at left-back and in central defence, but if he does that successfully I expect Liverpool to seriously threaten Arsenal and Spurs for fourth place - and well worth a few pounds of anyone's money to win a cup without the added fixture congestion of the Europa League.

and well worth

I love that this article was trailed as Nult making "some bold predictions"

Nult clicking submit then sitting back in his chair, steepling his fingers and going "truly, the cat will have have been set amongst the pigeons. Game on."

Also not entirely sure what Phil is saying "may well arrive", but it seems to be some weakness in central defence and some physical presence in midfield?

Nult clearly making predictions that only he understands so he can't get called out on them

This has created unrest among the fanbase and led to Kenwright's rendezvous with "The Blue Union" in his London office and the frank admissions that confirmed the worst fears of Everton's following regarding finances and the lack of interest from any potential purchasers.

The catalyst, however, is Suarez. The credits were rolling for Arsenal as soon as he appeared. Full of movement - not movement for movement's sake but going into areas defenders do not appreciate - and menace, he unsettled Arsenal's makeshift defence instantly.

"movement for movements sake". WTF?

If Spurs fail to clear the clouds in Modric's mind then they are left with a major dilemma and little time to find a solution.

No such worries for Ferguson as he strode off towards the Stretford End at the final whistle with a paternal smile of satisfaction after watching a youthful United see off Spurs, robust for an hour, to win in style.

this tendency to splice in nonsequitur subclauses - thought by many to rhyme with 'cub pauses' - is quite the new thing for the embattled web scribe nult

There are still as many questions as answers surrounding Torres. When he chose to square for Ramires in the first half Old Trafford's panel of judges was divided. Did he pass up an opportunity to shoot that a striker in full flow, and sure in his powers, would have grasped at, or is he still so clear-headed in his struggles that he calculated Ramires was obviously better placed?

who is this panel of judges he speaks of?

When the list of great managers is compiled, Ferguson's name will be near the top of some lists and at the top of others, alongside the founding father of United, Sir Matt Busby, Liverpool's Bill Shankly and Bob Paisley, the maverick Brian Clough at Derby and Nottingham Forest and his own inspiration, former Celtic and Scotland manager Jock Stein.

good to know there are no good foreign managers.

When the list of great managers is compiled, they will be on some lists and on some other lists.

When the list of great managers is compiled, Ferguson's name will be near the top of some lists and at the top of others

this is a new low. i think he might be reading wikipedia articles i "unsub-edit" and copying the style.

John Terry's meeting with the media started with a bouquet before barbed wire was placed around the elephant standing in the room with England's besieged captain.

Couple of very interesting shouts here this morning that Man Utd should have signed Friedel to allow De Gea to develop. Makes sense that.

not v nulty

With Terry stripped of the captaincy for a second time, the prospect of him ever regaining it will surely be gone forever.

brilliant analysis.

why does he court controversy like this???

ugh grammar

Capello is now handed the dilemma of whether he should even take Terry to Euro 2012 - as well as the possibility that his former captain may not wish to go.

let me hand you this possibility

fucking hell, the whole article is vintage nult doggerel

Capello clearly felt Terry's credibility as captain had been damaged and his ability to lead - and perhaps more importantly unify - England's squad was beyond him.

As the Football Association removes the captain's armband for a second time with Terry scheduled to stand trial in July for alleged racist abuse directed at QPR's Anton Ferdinand - and for which he has entered a not guilty plea - the discussions and conclusions will have been much more complex.

When FA chairman David Bernstein canvassed opinion from his other board members, the legal and footballing implications of such a move will have weighed heavily on their minds, as well as the reaction of their coach.

xhnnntthh ffffffvvvv - pointless subclause - gjtdhkkgrr jecbbjjrr

The FA will feel it has moved to clear away a cloud that could have been the England squad's constant companion up to and including Euro 2012. Terry's presence as captain will have ensured constant questioning about the very obvious sub-plot to this tournament - but it will not go away if he is still a member of the squad.

hating him more than ever now, picturing him having a post-work fosters in salford with "stevo".

kinda imagine them saying 'quaffing'

bevies will have been quaffed by the bbc football men

"stevo it's nult. will have been in the bbc bar at 7 tonight for an hour at 8. you'll want to come?"

Terry's presence as captain will have ensured constant questioning about the very obvious sub-plot to this tournament

feel that 'will have' entering the future tense marks a giant leap for nultianism.

difficult to imagine alphanult's mumbly evasions fitting easily with stevos contrived beta banter

Adwaidh Rajan
BBC Sport journalist
Published
4 hours ago
Pep Guardiola says his players will have remained "incredibly disciplined" during the Christmas break to meet the standards Manchester City have set.

a new challenger has entered the arena

https://www.bbc.com/sport/football/articles/cx2xe6lg1r7o

Nult in comparatively iconoclastic mode here, skewering the phenomenon of ex-players of big clubs reflexively waffling on about DNA in a way that incrementally traps them in a prison of their own unrealistic expectations

he manages to wheel out the Most Important Football Currency though

Thomas Frank's appointment as Tottenham head coach was a gamble by both parties. It was a gamble that failed - ending in a storm of toxicity.

Nult's recent writing on the Frank saga has an acocalyptic edge that suggests the venerable scribe may have been writing the columns while listening to early Cure in a darkened and badly-kept bedroom

Tuchel, if he was not before, will at least know this could end up being a dress rehearsal for more important competitive challenges ahead at the World Cup.

If he was not before at least knowing he will last night know now.

Nult sitting awake Harry Kane all night worrying about Harry Kane, Harry Kane, writing a Harry Kane article with twelve different Harry paragraphs Kane about how England need Harry Kane, Harry Kane.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/articles/c070185ygpno

On the evidence of this grim spectacle, the presence of the 32-year-old captain and record goalscorer will be the difference between failure and any chance of English success at this summer's World Cup...

For now, the words "minor issue" are enough to send shudders through England and their followers. Kane's importance simply cannot be overestimated...

But the evidence of these 90 minutes tells us that to lose Kane for a game of greater consequence would be a major issue...

Should any misfortune befall England's only world-class striker - perhaps their only high-class striker - in the 78 days between this game and their World Cup opener against Croatia in Arlington on 17 June, that could spell serious trouble...

Without him, England lacked punch, creativity and cutting edge...

Even head coach Tuchel appears to be struggling to find a solution should Kane be unavailable during the World Cup. Quite simply, it is not even worth contemplating from England's viewpoint...

England's threat, without Kane, falls off a cliff...

Do England really have a chance without Harry Kane? He is irreplaceable, the drop-off after him alarming...

The World Cup represents the short-term future, the most important matter on the horizon, but with Kane turning 33 in July, the long term looks bleak, with few serious contenders as a successor on the horizon...

Kane's potential absence is an immediate concern, leaving Tuchel short of viable alternatives when he needs them most, especially given these two toothless performances without him...

The cupboard is bare, underscoring just how indispensable Kane is...

This was a sobering night for England and Tuchel. This performance demonstrated that they simple cannot live without Harry Kane...

feels like discovering a series of increasingly concerning audio logs in a deservedly cancelled Bioshock sequel

lol there's a Ben Marcus short story that consists of a man replaying scenarios in his head which involve his mother dying, while trying to distract himself from the worry. It genuinely reminds me of that, like someone's strategy for dealing with deeply held fears played out in prose.

England have no chance without serial big game flop Harry Kane

Maybe it's too early to say or I'll be proved wrong but I eel like, somehow, yet again, everything is aligning once more for the usual flat, bleak England performance and the exact same discourse about keeping the ball etc etc.

feel like*

i don't pay much attention because, y'know, England. but hasn't Tuchel got a couple of good and exciting performances out of a Kaneless team playing more expansive football in earlier friendlies this season? i mean of course that will fly out of the window and they'll return to their grim level come tournament time

Friendlies, who cares anyway?

but what about the importance of Harry Kane, which simply cannot be overestimated?

someone had to be sent to poke Nult with a broom this morning because he was in bed waving his arms and shouting "come back Kane!" again

Guardian Angel figure, chuckling: but there is no That Most Important Footballing Currency, Phil. You said you wanted to live in a world where England will not have been able to rely on their talisman's undoubted class in front of goal at the highest level.

Muttering "I will have known" to himself as he Googles "Kane injury latest" for the hundredth time since last night.

"Guardiola's legacy of genius will echo through all ages for years to come"

they've had to turn the comments off

They will have prevented many comments from being posted.